Self concept

Just a moment ago I saw a face in the paper that made my skin crawl. I realized that this is NOT the reaction and energy I feel good with – and prayed with all my heart to see him with Love.

Instantly I knew that I had seen him through the filters of my self-concept the made-up image of myself. BUT I WAS NOT THIS CONCEPT.I CANNOT BE A CONCEPT. Instantly a rush of energy poured out of me:  the forbidden, “bad” and “ugly” and “not-nice-girl” energies and feelings erupted.Lava-rivers of anger and disgust and hatred. My left eye felt like exploding, and I did not take any of the sensations seriously – they belonged to a made-up-role and concept that I unconsciously had consented to “be”, but that had nothing to do with my true identity as Gods Holy Son.

It was a true pleasure to allow all this venom and judgments and fears – and all the energies they had held in place, as long as I insisted they were “me” and therefore were seen as valuable and had to be protected.

I looked at that guy again in the paper, and now there were only a faint displeasure -I welcomed it fully, breathed with full awareness the whole time, and it dissipated.

How important words are for me-I have to find the exact word to be helped. See through the “me” did not change much for me – seeing the “me” as a self concept made all the difference.

How meticulously the child builds this treasured self concept: from parents’ expectations and things they tell us that we are, and how we should behave – and what is important as they see it – the praise and violence we receive to adjust to those expectations create always new filters in this marvelous ego formation we build up – this conglomerate of filters we look at our world through to make it inhabitable for us – and to make it make sense, due to our filters.

As I now rest happily in this huge release in my energy system, I give myself a warm hug and tell myself “I love and accept myself just as I am, this moment.”

And who might this “me” be, that I embrace?

The parts of me that choose to believe in certain thoughts and learned to maneuver through life through this maze of perceived rules – and that because of that, have valuable experiences of what makes us happy, and what does not – and also have found That which embraces it eternally.

My life has given me exquisite knowledge of the collective forces and archetypes that are humanity’s strongest influences – which I describe in my book, “When Fear Comes Home to Love”.

And from this limited concept of a “me”, i make up the concept of a punishing wrathful god- and as long as i don’t question the filters i see God with, the world will go its crazy ways,and the darkness in our soul will be seen acted out by “others.”

And as I see that God is Love – seen through the Heart we all share –

– and that I are created in ITS essence – not through the filters of conditioning –

– I can marvel at the process of softly and often not so softly unravel the process back to zero –

– and smiling at it all

*

I wrote this little poem yesterday:

Surprise

My soul burst out in butterflies today
and then delivered me from all those lies
I was cocooned in, holding me grotesquely sway
in bitterness and blame, and opening blue skies
instead, oh, breathing out the sweetest prayer –

dear Love, I see that beauty never dies

I flew and watched and found my wings so versatile
I had become the very substance of God’s smile

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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