Spiritual ego

Sarita Premely offered this link recently on Facebook:

https://www.orindaben.com/pages/rooms/orin_meditation_room/
I remembered that I had all Orin’s books and read and practiced his meditations about 20 years ago. It faded out as A Course in Miracles came more in the foreground – and my spiritual ego – speego – judged ACIM to be more high-brow and Orin [I]so [/I]new-agey, so I let those books go

I hope the ones who have them  now truly will benefit from them, as I at last have

Two meditations above all have been powerful: “Clearing blockages” and “Opening to your true identity”. I was able to hold the situation I wanted cleared and allow light to come into it – and it worked!The situations were “deep depressions and suicidal thoughts in the morning” and “disaster-thoughts” – meaning the Amygdala going overboard.

No depression this morning – no disaster thoughts – and a dream where what can be called “vulnerability” – the complete exposedness of private functions like peeing and pooping, was done in a dream room with men. They were completely neutral about it – this was obviously a public toilet room (with only one toilet) and all were cool about it – like it was the most natural in the world. Which it of course is – we all do it:)

The clou came when “my” toilet appeared to be clogged up and poop was everywhere – and another man came and fixed the drain.

Oh my god there was no “me” anywhere – just witnessing that the shit was taken care of by someone who knew the drill to make it disappear in the way it was supposed to – through drains that were not clogged up – nay, open

At no time, there were judgments about this –  and no shame whatsoever
What a healing process I am in

Thanks to Rosie Maria who laid herself open recently in another thread -it was the way she described it that made the impact on me – the neutrality and shame-less-ness

In the meditations, we were asked to hold the situation we wanted healed in a certain way ( you gotta listen to the med. to see how that is :)) While it lasted, there were wild pains in the body, and so much tenderness  and innocence around it all –  I did them several times: most of them are short. And then came a biggy – so relevant for all of us here: the old memory of being abused and tricked by spiritual teachers. Oh yes that ugly one

– and oh yes, it is not entirely unthinkable that i have not been one of those teachers – I remembered being told in a reading that once I had used that position to have sex from the beautiful women who adored me –
oy vey

And then this thought quick as a lightening presented itself:
What about the teachers on the Jewel – promising to do the lessons and posting, like you all – DID THEY DO THAT, EH? EH? DID THEY? They did NOT, liars they are  hhrrmpphhs

So I sat with that theme – that situation -allowing the full impacts of believing in the thought that I can be tricked,abused,attacked – embracing it in Love – and the visuals were just perfect for me.  I sensed the whole of it being filled with light. And of course, in the middle of it it dawned on me – “Leelah – did you really go to their personal sites and look?”

Hm nooo…I thought I would get a message in my mail when they did – but – that will happen only with the threads I post in

Oh cringe

So I did go to Jayem  and John Mark – and will go the others too
and I read and cried of reading their thought and experiences that were my own thoughts and experiences, and was restored to alignement

There are no mistakes

LOVE TO ALL

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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