The iceberg

What I share, I own. So I will share the dream that played out this early morning – that my daughter really would prefer me to be dead, except for Christmas…

This is MY perception of my daughter. Thank God it is not a true perception. It is the role I have projected on her – reflecting a false belief I have been clinging to as “me” :” It is dangerous to receive Love, I am not worthy.”

I woke up with this atomic strong urge – “YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME- YOU MUST LOVE ME’ “and it was easy to see that the very center of pain  came from the lungs and  the shield around the heart – with the chronic painful cough and the breath that is so constricted. The pain  felt like a full-blown heart attack  – a mammoth stepped on my chest, and I knew that if  I succumbed to that feeling, believing I was this body, I would be dead within 10 seconds.

But all parts of me did not accept that this was true: I am not a body, there is no death in Christ. I recognized the agonized crushed feeling was just a replay of the tremendous fear during the attack in the wood,* where I certainly knew that I was close to death -and I had made it mean that I was guilty and sinful and deserved it, when my mother did not comfort me and  listen to what I had experienced when I returned home from the wood. This is what the Holy Son of God believed at the perceived separation from God: I have sinned! I am guilty beyond any measure – and now He hates me – I am out of His favor and His love – for ever

Now, when the catastrophic feeling at last was allowed in its full measure, Life poured into the iron armor of holdings around the heart –  seeping into those muscle tensions that were created, when I projected my unwillingness to love myself, on my family – and later have projected outside on “enemies” to attack me

And so it is, in this world: attack, or be attacked

I thank Jesus for his Course in Miracles that allowed me to gradually change my mind and perception with its 365 lessons

I believe that the one reason that heart attack did not kill me, is that I recognized it as coming from a false thought: I am not worthy of love. Parts of me believed that strong enough to project a dream where my main mother projection, my daughter, said what I have projected her to say – so I could recognize my error in perception when I woke up and allow the armor around the heart to melt.

There is One Mind, and we are all it

The pains can have no effect on me if I stop believing in the false stories of the ego. Right now, the energies are working through my body as sunrays shining on an iceberg. The frozen structure answers with sensations – and if I believed in the stories about a separated me and guilt, the pain would be atrocious – as the first experience of heart pain when I awoke from my dream. As just witnessing right now in gratitude and wonder, pain is seen as springtime: the buds may be afraid of opening, but they will anyway

Again and again I notice that I stop breathing – and again and again Spirit gently prompts me to breathe into these old holdings in the body mind, allowing Love to penetrate them gently. He reminds me of Shem – the Love within the breath, the Life that breathes everything. I cannot exist without that life force: when I believe it, I am dreaming my dream.

Gentle breath after gentle breath, breathing itself into welcoming body mind.

The ego does its best to convince me to demonstrate complete awakening here and now – oh, hilarious

The ego further wants me to believe that I must be completely pain free to prove that I am  healed – but the ego IS the very thought system that things take time and “pains” should not be there.

Without the judgment, and the resistance it creates, I am just here – being lived with. And the parts of me that have believed in, and identified with those ego thoughts- those are the one coming up to the surface of the iceberg, asking to be gently looked at and released

Allowing healing is a choice – allowing the sun to melt it – is a choice. I choose to share this process because it is true and real, demonstrating what simply exists at the bottom of the iceberg -and allow it to be as it is*

(PS-I had to delete the photo of the Iceberg  for copyright reasons. Here’s a link to its site: notice the proportions –

https://www.google.no/search?q=ralph+clevenger+iceberg&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&gws_rd=cr&ei=Pl7wVe6_FMWfsAGIrKeoBg

What is Real was always here and will never change. My body will respond to the in-pouring of Love, and every second of the healing process is precious.

I write this down for ME: I need to remember this place I am right now – when the spell of the ego seems to be stronger than truth, where I still prefer, as the collective unconscious, to dream up impossible dreams of separation.

Blue is playing ( long time ago)

Lesson today in A Course in Miracles: “I am not a body. I am free.”

In the evening, I am looking at “Joan of Arcadia” on TV. Joan’s class is performing a play. Their finale-song goes: “We are not flesh and blood. We are love!”

*This episode has a whole chapter in “When Fear Comes Home to Love – a chapter that also demonstrates that the Divine, in whatever form we can accept, is present always – and can be called upon later – like NOW – to transform the dark energies in the cell memory.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: HUNGER | Leaving the womb: entering life fully

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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