Being “interesting”

In the West, we are obsessed with individuality – our “me” and how special we are. The Course points this out to us again and again – how much we think our “specialness” is Who we are, and how terrified we are of losing it. In the East,they are – still – so much more oriented toward community.

Interesting. Westerners place big value on being interesting. Something that defines me apart from the rest – and that this definition by others is what I live for.

I sense the shame and helplessness underlying this belief – that I have to be interesting? There is truly no insight here that my value is given: I AM as God created me.

The truly great artists disappear in what they do and create, allowing it to express through them – and do not claim it as solely theirs. Still – the way they paint/play/compose couldn’t have been expressed exactly like THAT by anybody else – and here is the place where what the Course calls “specialness” may enter: the insidious belief that the separate you-personality is the creator, instead of the “receiver” and the “expressor” – attentively listening to What wants to come through you – and the strange belief that what you create,  should be compared in value to what another creates.

“I cant’ find the words…I don’t know what to say… I am boring ” – can you sense the shame underlying this, the performance pressure – and underlying all of it, is a false thought that we collectively have bought into:

“Stillness/non-doing is  boring.And dangerous.”

Of course I believe it is dangerous: the ego wants me securely planted in the belief that ONLY when I am “interesting” and perform in ways it/the collective/ applauds – which frequently has to do with fame and glory – can I relax and accept myself.And as long as I, identifying with the ego-thought system, am convinced that my value rests on performance and others’ judgments.

Lately, when I have found  myself in Stillness  much more often, the sense of restlessness – that I need to DO SOMETHING has been completely overwhelming.

Now I realize with a big breath that this irritated fear energy just comes from this basic premise and false thought: Stillness is dangerous. Only when you create art for others can you be allowed to be one of us.

Love is the state of consciousness that accepts and embraces it all. There is no judgment in divine love – while the very interesting-specter is built upon evaluation and judgment.

As Spirit, made in God’s Image, we chose which thoughts we believe in and therefore make our reality from.

The old collective thought “ I have to be special/outstanding/interesting/ in order to feel valuable and receive love” I now declare as false –

I remember the huge aura of Stillness around Eckhart Tolle on the retreat I recently attended – and how much old stuff it brought up in all of us, being saturated in that field. No wonder there is great fear in the ego mind about re-entering our true origin – but is a false alarm:)

Here is my new choice:)

I choose to rest in Silence.Right here. Right now

All comes from this origin. It is Home.

Reminding myself as soon as I recognize one of the many insidious thoughts that I am not as God has created me – and choosing again, until I truly know who I am

Ha:) Recognizing that I wrote my post before this from Silence

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Poem for today:

Lalala

Phineas von Foggerty and Agonus von Due
are two little fellas who live within you
When Phineas is laughing and stroking your hair
is Agonus just busy and cooking up fear

He simmers it slowly and sweetly, that liar
my god and my god look your hair is on fire
It hurts and it HURTS but van Foggerty’s present
he gives you a hug and a star and a pheasant

But Agonus von Due goes ballistic with spite
and your hair is now burning as bright as a fight
made in hell, and you scream and you fall to the floor
and Agonus is yelling and hollering “MORE!”

And then in a POOF he is caught by a spark
of red fire, explodes and ascends like a lark
Well, not like a lark, like a fire bird brightly
He lightens up hell with a pyre so mightly

that all one can see is sky filled with suns
and Phineas says, now let’s have us some funs
honey, let us tell stories of beach balls and fairies
and firework crackers with Peters and Marys

and polkas and Pelicans, lovebirds and larks
-look, there’s a sparkrain of fire and sharks!
VonDue is exploding in all kinds of spectacles
he’s screaming in rage and in all kind of dachtylos

-now step to the right, and just watch the big show
we have the best seats in the orchestra row!
Oh there goes poor Agonus, or what is just left of him!

…you shiver and pity the schmuck, or the rest of him

“ Oh maybe I’ll be bored with just nothing but peace-“
But OH, there is Agonus von Due back, all cheese
and this time he certainly comes as Fondue
there is nothing to do but to eat him – yahoo!

Moral:
Eat your Fondue with red Wine and some cherries
Spice it with giggles and shrugs and no worries

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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