A wave of fresh truth

Today I got a strong prompt to do something.

In the bus, four young girls and one young boy entered the bus. They were completely without stress and malice – just like a fresh wave of truth washing over me when they entered and passed my seat.

I got the prompt to go back in the bus and tell them this. So I did – they sat all beside each other in the very back, the only 5-seat there is.

“Hi you gang” I said, and they looked at me. And I let them know of the wave of love and truth that embraced them all, and that I felt so strongly and sweetly, and in one instant their faces exploded in smiles. I bathed in those smiles! Then I found myself saying, “When you may feel afraid or sad, remember that I told you this. It can not go away ever. It belongs to you.”

Afterwards, I felt a joy that almost lifted me off my feet.

Last lessons

LESSONS 361 to 365.

This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would follow You,certain that Your direction gives me peace.

W-pII.361-5.1. And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. 2 If I need a thought, that will He also give. 3 And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. 4 He is in charge by my request. 5 And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.

I am very happy this morning – after a wonderful peaceful night. In the four years I have written this blog, that sentence has never been written before.

And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me.

He has always given me the exact books and teachers that I could learn from at the perfect time for learning exactly what they offer. Now here comes Matt Kahn in his book “Whatever arises, love that.”

Matt Kahn's mantra

…with some of my added mantras 🙂

His last sentences: ” By acknowledging that I don’t know how to love, I release each conflict,burden and hardship by entering the heart of surrender.”

When I voiced out loud all these mantras, as he calls them, a strong voice arose in  me as a background voice: “And because you stop trying to do this on your own, I can take it over and do it for you.

I was entering the heart of surrender. It is my Christed Self that spoke – which is Who I am in reality.  I was aware I was not giving it over to an outside God.

Isn’t it sweet that the Holy Spirit – Blue, as I call him/her in “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – sends me this book and these mantras which I guess some Course in Miracles-teachers would not accept as a true Course teaching – but He also tells us in the text that The Course is one of many pointers to the Truth — and that it is all about learning to follow the Voice for truth inside, and recognize the voice for separation as just a voice for suffering,sickness,death and illusion.

I can’t really tell you how great and truthful it felt to speak out those sentences:

I don’t know how to love those who tortured me

I don’t know how to love that inner hateful voice –

and then, Love’s addition: “But I do, and with your little willingness I will love them for you.

There and then I gave up that super-strong spiritual ego who  has denied “bad” feelings and thoughts because they are not real.

Now they are allowed  to stay as they are – and there is an instantaneous surrender of “personal responsibility/spiritual ego.”

And when I don’t mess with it, interpret them, start the storytelling about them, the energy of them just arises into the Light that I Am.

Happy New Year, dear reader – thank you for all the comments, reviews on my two books, and personal stories about how they have helped you let go of  trauma and stress in a playful way. I am so grateful for my life and all it has brought me – it is a beautiful gift to be able to see the shining Self Who has embraced it all, each and every second.

See you in 2016 – may it be the year we all find the inner peace and joy that is our birthright

Leelah Saachi

 

 

 

“Whatever suffers is not part of me “- Acim

Usually, in December about solstice I use to get panic attacks and depressions of a disintegrating order. Very scary: No grounding. It started yesterday, and after two-three hours I remembered – “Whatever suffers is not part of Me.” Me meaning Who I really AM: Christed Self.

That’s all it took. Stories dropped, only raw energy remained – and I just lay in bed welcoming it, and knowing that this may not be what I thought it was – something that was a sign that I had done something wrong.

Without any stories and “small me” attached to it, it was just energy. It felt like atomic strong, but there was this knowing that whatever happened, the real me could not be harmed. And so, resistance fell.

You Are Eternal

I have just lived through what will be an added last chapter to “When Fear Comes Home To Love” – see the right menu.

I am working with Tapas Fleming on a root memory/trauma in my mind: that of trusting somebody in power completely – and then, when trusting, open and vulnerable, to be attacked viciously. What did I tell myself when that happened? “I must never let up my guard again – always expect the worst.”

Tapas tell me to speak to those parts of my mind who believe this – and in that second, I SEE them: great crowds of people with that bodymind-pattern. I see and sense them surrounding me, and everything in my mind focuses on THIS moment and the opening for healing – on a personal and collective level.

“What I would like those parts to notice” says Tapas, talking to the parts on my behalf, “is that even though you were tricked and shocked, and even though you decided never to let up your guard again – what would be good for you to notice about yourself, is that actually you are eternal. – Even though all of that happened, it is not happening NOW – and you were not what you were involved in.”

While she speaks, I SEE the crowd instantly realizing – knowing that they ARE eternal. The energy in the crowd is vastly changed – like it was just a dream and they have awakened.

And – I needed to be seen as eternal. It is beyond beautiful to BE SEEN in that identity.

I have been dreaming and I am awake now

The shift from the victim identity to Christ/Self

Under my navel, where there was a demonic wolf-like being, is now a LOVE-sun, radiating its light into this body. The crowd is conveying, “Although we were shocked, shocked is not what we are and what we are, can not be shocked.”

The shift is utterly complete – in that one second when we heard and believed, “I am eternal.”

I sense all the stories and false identities that they/we/were temporal and not eternal, melt away. I sense their overflowing gratitude to Tapas for the reminder, and for me to holding all of that so we all could benefit in this way.

Just writing this down, I feel the sun in my belly again. It is much more than warmth. It is wordless all -encompassing love.

All the feelings I have had of being distrusted and disrespected by everybody have disappeared. It all came from inside my mind, through this link to the persons sharing the imprint of never to fully trust again.

I am as God created me. I am created in His image.

“And now we come together to bless – what we judged and hated, we are now here to bless it all” the crowd conveys.

“It’s so beautiful. It’s a blessing for me to be with you” says Tapas.

I watch ancestral lines wake up and hooraying – not yelling, just pure relief of not being caught in dream-hell anymore. No need to go into bodies to hide from a vengeful god anymore – unless we want to. We just need to be Who we are – and extend that Love.

*

What Tapas did first in our session was to “scan” me – and she noticed that my pineal gland  had some attacking energy right around it. It was tired and worn out. When she mentioned it, I sensed the old old presence of “evil” and “dangerous” and weird. We included the pineal and “the attacker” in our invitation to parts that were offered ways to heal.

This morning, I went to the Pineal and checked – is the craziness there still?

IT HAS GONE.

The thing is – I have always checked after all my other sessions and healings – and this has always been left. Now I know why: I had hooked into our common angst. Now this healing has touched the collective, and the ones involved who were attached to me, aren’t any longer.

The story has played itself out

The energy of the Pineal is still tired – but not awaiting attack anymore. It just needs rest.

So I will rest

 

Blessings to you all

 

Leelah

 

 

 

Demasked

I have had several days with hateful inner voices – whose pattern is completely known and predictable, it’s like a tape going – gone through this uncountable times before, and each time I am aware that this cannot be “me” – and still it sucks me in, and I end up feeling identified with it – which truly hurts.

So this night I felt a decision to truly dive into that which underlies and causes that shitstorm. The focus was in my butt, which felt made of ice – and the deeper I came, the more resistance it seemed to create. I prayed for help.

Then, at one point, there was a shift – the identification went, and suddenly it felt very helpful and effective, healing-wise. Then I saw a group of elephants, and  I knew that I was working within the root chakra, where the earliest imprints are made about survival, feeling safe and nurtured. There were some primal feelings there that I allowed to come through me, they were all about feeling lonely and isolated. I was guided to do a practice that John Mark Stroud has taught us, that Jeshua taught him: to place the awareness at first inside the body – and then become aware of the space that surrounds us, HOLDS us in Love – and rest there, and then shift between this and body-awareness. I did not manage to get into the space outside of me – but suddenly I was certain that that space was infusing me and everything – so I chose to intend going into one of those “gaps” between matter and rest there – and instantly I felt peace and safety.

Now, from here I could turn to the very center of the hatred and anger at me for “doing it wrong” and I found myself blessing it. Or rather – I discovered Blessing and Grace as the very field embracing the core of hatred and anger. And now came the shift: I KNEW, beyond any doubt, that what the voices were hurling at me and threatening me, was not true: It was not true that I was alone and lonely – it was not true that God hated me and was out to get me. Intellectually, I had known this for years – but still, parts of me had felt completely driven and controlled by these false thoughts.

Now, this knowing that God/Love and I was One was felt kinesthetically . I saw blessing being everywhere and with everybody, no exceptions – only our imagination and perception may cloud it, if we choose to hang onto false thoughts.

To stop hating and fearing these hate-and-fear-thoughts – to just look through them with tenderness – can you imagine how wonderful it feels?

I hope you can

The Space where I Am

Many years ago, in a session with a student, I found myself speaking about “God being in the spaces  between everything.” It resonated strongly for both of us – and recently, about 25 years later, John Mark Stroud lead a webinar where he led us into this incredibly simple and clear journey from body mind-identification, to fully dissolving our self into this Space.

We were invited to sense into this Space. Within a minute, it was clear that it had always been here –  had no end or borders – was completely loving, allowing and embracing of everything. Timeless, deathless.

And one could lean back and rest profoundly in it – and at the same time be aware of the turmoil and pain in the world.

We were asked to train in going from body-awareness and out into this Space/Self – and back again, to truly experiencing the different states of mind

And after just a few minutes it was clear how we all, as “bodies” have exactly that selfsame space inside up – just think about the spaces within each atom: it looks like a Universe.

The bliss that came from that

oh –

Now – where do I choose to rest my awareness?

I am practicing 🙂

Good Morning

Woke up early  and was met by this beauty in the kitchen:

Up.Amaryllis!

Amaryllis!

Its four magnificent flowers turned toward the four directions, blessing life everywhere.

I took this photo and sent an mms to my daughter: Good morning!

The phone told me: placed in queue.

??

So I meditated for 20 minutes, and got the idea that I would send that flowermorninggreeting to myself of course. The very second i had that thought, the mms reached my daughter.

I had given it to myself first – the love, the wish for a good day

I remember what stewardesses tell the passengers: always put the oxygen mask on yourself first

that goes for love too – just remembering that does me so much GOOD

Have good morning and day  all

A favorite Website: Stephen and Ondrea Levine

The Levines site is now FREE

Here is a Christmas gift from Stephen and Ondrea Levine – masters of the heart. There is now free access to their website with videos and teachings from the 70ies  – included some with Ram Dass. Invaluable treasures for humanity. Don’t miss this!

“On death and dying” – their deep experience of working with dying people through 30 years as a free service – often by phone in the night – these two walk their talk. Or rather, dance it. Look up Stephen Levine on The Book Depository.* I have all his books, and still remember the awakening when i first read his suggestion to “soften around the pain” – like a fist opening, slowly and gently. Here are videos:

http://levinetalks.com/Videos

Their books are full of lived life in service of Spirit. And Stephens meditations. Their website is a treasure trove. It is so typical of them that they have opened the website for FREE

You might also enjoy the “apologies-page.” Go there and see. I experience healing each time i read one of those – I might pretend I have written it, or I may pretend I have received it – in both cases, deep release – how could it not be, we are all truly ONE

http://levinetalks.com/Videos

  • Web bookshop with free shipping!

My Father’s House by Alan Dolit

I love to include this great parable of separation and illusion as A Course in Miracles sees it. With lots of smiles, as Alan always does it
I’ve always lived at Home with my father. I am always in a state of bliss and rapture. It feels as if it is always now, as I don’t experience time passing. I have a thought that I am missing something. It is only a thought. I ask dad about it. He laughs and says :”Son, you have everything. How could anything be missing? You can’t have more than everything? There can’t be everything and something else.” While this makes perfect sense, the thought returns. Rather than mention it again to dad, I decide to leave home. My father is the most wonderful loving father. He has never as so much even criticized me in the slightest. He does nothing except extend perfect love, however he is so powerful, he could crush me like a bug. I don’t know what happened, but after I had the thought that something was missing, I experienced sheer terror and had to leave. I had a panic attack and an insane thought that my dad would actually destroy me. I couldn’t get that thought out of my mind. I don’t know what to do. I know the thought is totally preposterous, and yet for some reason I am unable to shake off these feelings of gloom and doom. Just when I think my mind is going to split I hear a voice telling me to hide where my dad could never find me. This makes sense.
As I continue on my journey I hear sounds coming from a theater. I go in and see there are a bunch of people standing around. One of them says: “Finally. We were wondering when you were going to show up.” Obviously they’ve mistaken me for someone else, but I decide to play along. This would be a good place as any to hide from dad. The same person says go to the wardrobe room and get your costume. I seem to know where it is and go there. Immediately I am fitted with a costume and given a script with instructions to read it immediately. I go back on stage and tell him that I can’t act. He tells me to fake it till I make it. I do so and join the play in progress.
Pretty soon I have faked it so well, I am lost in the part and really think I am this character. I forgot who I really am. After a while I tire of this character and remember this isn’t who I am. I start to take my costume off and everyone gets upset. I am strongly urged to go back to the wardrobe room and I will be given another part. It seems that I do this for many times, playing many roles both male and female. I play son, daughter, mother, father, doctor, lawyer, grandparent etc. Eventually I remember that I wandered in here because I was afraid that my father was going to destroy me. I now realize the absurdity of this and remove the present costume and start on my way home. I continue on my way trying to retrace my steps. It seems like I was gone so long I am having trouble finding my way home. However I notice some land marks and am about to follow one of them when I hear the voice that originally told me to hide in the theater. He tells me that my father is still mad and I need to follow his directions to avoid my dad.
Some how I lose the last land mark and see something up ahead that looks very interesting. I spend much time with this new activity and forget that I am on my way home. After being involved in the activity that seemed to be endless, I again realize I had been side tracked and leave the activity and again continue to head for home. I walk past a baseball diamond in which there are two teams playing. I stop to watch the game and one of the captains sees me and motions me to come down to the playing field. I do so and he says. “It’s about time you showed up. Now get into your uniform.” Deja vue strikes again. It feels as though I am in some sort of dream and have to follow his orders, even though I know nothing of the game. All of a sudden I find myself at home plate with a bat in my hands. The pitcher throws the ball at me and the captain says “swing”.
 I hit the ball into the outfield and the captain tells me to run around the bases. I run to first and then second and then third, and then start for home. All of a sudden there is a man in a iron mask trying to prevent me from getting home. Then I hear my father’s voice telling me how much he loves me and wants me to come home.He won’t let any one stop me from coming home. In fact , dad says, “you never left. You’ve been here all the time, dreaming the whole thing up. I slide in to home plate and when I open my eyes, I‘m right back at home and no time had elapsed. “Dad”, I say, “You won’t believe this really weird dream I had.” Dad says: “Just laugh and all the effects of your dream will disappear.” I laugh… And nothing is left of the dream. It is like taking my finger out of water. There is no hole to indicate where my finger had been. How simple is salvation.
Seriousness causes  reincarnation; guilt is an acronym for Godless Useless Insane Loveless Thought; sin is an acronym for Self Inflicted Neurosis; ego is an acronym for Exponential Guilt Orchestrator. Ego is also the master Travel agent for guilt trips.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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