The Sacred Prostitute

I did my morning meditation – imagining to be, to fully embody, the truth of Who I am – the Light of the World. Connecting my roots to the earth, until feeling a grounding energy so vast that nothing can rock me. Drawing it up into my heart. Imagining the Christ Light pouring down through my crown chakra, filling my body, merging with the energy of my heart.

There was block in the Solar Plexus area, and I asked that my LOVE, my Self, tended to that for me – embracing it. Then She was there: The Goddess – in the form of The Sacred Prostitute. Vast, ALL LOVE. Addressing me and all of humanity

 “There IS only LOVE.

You have never sinned. You were never guilty. You just had allowed yourselves to forget Who you are. When I loved you, I saw right through the beast of you, the sinful one, the guilty shameful person, to your shining Presence of Love.

And I loved that Truth back in you.”

I cried rivers while she spoke, and felt a blessing so vast, there’s no word for it – like all past erased, only TRUTH remains: I am the Holy Child of God, as everyone who reads this is too – The truth is true ALWAYS.

I wanted to share this with you and asked her to speak to us all:

As a Sacred Prostitute in temples through many traditions and cultures, you and I joined in God – although many of you did not allow your awareness to go there, you just felt relieved for a timeless moment. That moment stayed with you, and helped you wake up – or not. You have all the only power there is to decide when that moment comes. That moment happened in the same split second when you decided to separate and experience and explore the world as separate beings. As long as you limit yourself to believe in time, it will come in time – it is set. But you who read this and may know that time is a construct you have made to hold separation in place, you can choose to remember NOW

There are no sinners. There is only One, dressed up as many, to play out separation – out of your own choice to forget who you really are. You have been experts of forgetting and creating deeper and darker violence and insanity, and I have joined with you in the most intimate way. I have seen through the beast in you, the agonized sinner, the tortured child –  to your shining Self who always is Home in God. In union with me, you have known this – and many of you covered it up. Some of you did not, and was transformed. Who I am, cannot be harmed, cannot be changed, cannot be tainted. I am as you are. Wake up!

In your ceaseless craving to be punished by a god that does not exist, you created lives after lives where your decision was fulfilled – perpetrated by your friends in LOVE that consented to take on these roles of perpetrator to experience yet  one way to be separate.  You have all done it all, been it all, and it is all a dream that YOU have chosen – since it is impossible to be separate from your Source, which is God. You can believe that you can – and there you are, seemingly stuck in the world, made up of your own perception of guilt, projected onto others.

It is amazing to me how many times I think it is necessary to be shown this – how deep-seated the “me” seem to be – how all my choices to BE the me I am conditioned to be, through the parents, friends, teachers, authorities, and time-frames I have chosen. Gradually I learn that all these experiences are given to my Soul – so I can truly know that the beast/terrorist/whatever you choose to call it, truly is a cover up – just a role being thoroughly explored – so I can see through “your”  beast to the  shining TRUTH that you are, and recognizing myself.

A Course in Miracles has been my true guide through over 30 years – and the last two years I am following Jesus’ Course nr 2: the one He taught after The Course, intended for all of us who wants to deeper into feeling, and embodying them. It is called “The Way of the Heart.”

When I read the Way of the Heart, I was completely confused about how Jeshua – who his name really is  J could contradict himself so completely! And other students did too, so he answered them, through his channel Jayem, who has taken down Jeshua’s five Core texts – The Way of Mastery PathWays: the Jeshua Letters, The Way of the Heart, The Way of Transformation, The Way of Knowing and The Way of the Servant.

Here is a piece of what he answered – the full 2, 5- page answer is found in The Way of The Heart, Lesson Six – Question and Answer-section

“Beloved friend, A Course in Miracles were initially given to two people who had asked from the depths of their being (although they were not aware of it at that time) to be shown a way to perceive differently. A wise teacher first learns the language of the student. And the two that asked the question carried an orientation in which their primary mechanism for experience was through the level of the mind, or the intellect. Therefore, the teaching tool needed to be conveyed in a way that could be acceptable to them as a student. – – – Those who would hold that the Course in Miracles is a complete teaching device within itself are accurate, IF they understand that it was given to those who are deeply embedded within the intellectual processes, and that it has a specific goal that is self-contained. Those that would assert that viewing a Course in Miracles as a complete teaching tool in itself, if they take this to mean that there is nothing more to explore, nothing further to deepen and become, are inaccurate. View it then, as a teaching device with a specific goal, given in a way that is acceptable to those who have learned to abide primarily in the level of mind that is engaged in conceptualization.”*

*With kind permission to quote from Jayem Hammer, the channel of the series of teachings given by Jeshua through these books.

The Sacred Prostitute continues:

The perpetrator is your creation. The victim is your creation. Through countless incarnations you have played all the roles, so your souls have experienced it all – and so you have the possibility NOW to recognize the “sinners” and “terrorists” as part of your self, just caught in delusion and forgetfulness  – God’s shining children, forgetting who they are, playing in all the costumes available to them.

The world is a stage, as Shakespeare knew- my function and purpose is to share this Knowing through the most intimate sharing the human knows: sexuality.

There is no other time than NOW

Remember who you are

*

If you want to read more about this theme, you might google “Sacred Sexuality.”

 

To be or not to be – judgment or freedom

Yesterday I had the most beautiful session I ever have experienced – with David Youngblood.

And in the night, when I started to feel bad again, I did not realize that JUDGMENT had sneaked in and did it best to push me back in to the old identity  of agony and victimhood.

It has been very helpful for me that judgment did that: Now I truly see the power it has to warp my perception, to send me into hell and false identity

-as long as it goes unnoticed!

But here I am, sharing about it: all is well. I was nudged to go on Facebook. Judgment told me this was NOT good, I was wasting my life. And sometime I really waste a lot of time going there. But not so NOW:

My best friend at Facebook posted this:

What happens when, just for a moment, we stay with our pain, our fear, our doubt, our discomfort, our grief, our broken heart, even our numbness, without trying to change it, or fix it, or numb ourselves to it, or get rid of it in any way? What happens when, even when we feel like leaving, abandoning the moment for the promise of a future salvation, we stay, sitting with the raw, unfiltered, boundlessly alive life-energy that is simply trying to express right now? What happens when, just for a moment, despite all urges to the contrary, we don’t “do” anything about our discomfort or grief, we drop all tricks and tactics and clever manipulations, and instead, begin to deeply acknowledge what is here, honouring it, listening to its deeper call, sinking into the mystery of it? What happens when we make the radical commitment to never turn away from this moment, as it dances in emptiness?* Jeff Foster

And I immediately recognized the old habit of judgment.
I was instantly back in track and allowed my LOVE to transform all that strange energy NOW

It was just a simple reminder – and what a lesson about the effect on the mind judging, and how screwed up I felt!

The realization is:What I am feeling NOW is exactly what I am asked to bless, sit with forgive. Receive, so my LOVE can transform it FOR me and THROUGH me

Thank you God!

Blue is Playing

Blue is my inner guide on my journey to remembering my Self. He truly enjoys playing  – giving me hilarious synchronicities, as Jung names them.

I have my alarm clock set to nine am, and yesterday I turned the alarm off. Still, this morning it alarmed! It is a type that sounds the alarm 50 times before it stops. I  picked it up and looked at it – and it was set to OFF. I said, “now listen.You are not supposed to  sound the alarm when I have turned you to off.”

It stopped in the middle of two repetitive signals. If it had had a face, it would have blushed.

Now, how many of you will believe this? I wonder. Maybe the ones who have followed me for 6 years.  So maybe ONE 🙂 The rest of you may laugh as loud as you want. But I tell you, I would not have lasted as long as I have without “synchronicities” as this as long I worked on When Fear Come Home to Love – ca 25 years, without Blue dishing out these weird and wonderful syncs I have called Blue is Playing. You may write it in the search field to find more.

Now, the reason he does this is – to me – who is a sucker for symbols and looking at the world as a reflection of my mind – the reason is, that I have now understood that “setting the alarm” points to me continuously playing out disaster-thinking: I have black belt in it. I find myself continuously imagining new (or old ones), painting them out in details and feeling them in my body. And lately, I have watched me like a hawk and swooped down on them really fast – within a second or two – AND I have also told my mind that I now choose to turn that  old defense off.

Like last night.

That’s why it blushed, you know. The alarm clock.

OK, one more:

I read in A Course in Miracles: “I have created all I see.” I look out the window: there are two boys passing the window, and one of them has exactly the same clothes as the costume I made to a very famous marionette my husband made: Titten Tei.

Here he is with Julie Andrews, visiting Norway – terrible quality, but still…he is talking to JULIE ANDREWS, people.

So…the Titten Tei’s voice and puppet-player  died some years ago, so now he hangs on my wall with his little violin.

Ah. You see how clever I have been I hope. Not to mention my passed husband who in fact crafted the doll and his marvelous spunky spirit, together with Birgit Strøm.

Nough about that – here is another Blue is Playing:

I walk to the Culture Hall and tell myself inside:” I love myself  as I am now.”

The girl in the cafe has a white T- shirt with black writing: ” I love myself just as I am now.”

I know. Not very likely.

OK the last one – a notch more plausible:

I sit in the bus and pray silently ( aren’t you happy I do it silently):

“Lord, let me see with Your eyes, Your ears… and so on. I don’t think he has a body, though – but symbolically, he might see and hear, i have decided.” I look up, a big van is passing it has a logo with big black letters: “Thirst for the best.”

You have to admit that was a nice one.

Inner sculptures

Later yesterday I read more in my old journal in my Expressive Arts Therapy training –  29 years old – and found an exercise that used bodies/persons to sculpt inner feelings.

We were told to find an “inner sculpture” for “me.” I saw a person who knows “I am holy” and a dark being who point his tongue at that person – and a little child who sits close to them and want to be seen and held – an in front of this sits “Nirvana”.

She is present always. All is well. All is allowed.

And I saw that what that person in yesterday’s blog thought she needed, and that manifested as that “dark figure”, ridiculing the Holy – was that Boo-boo’er.

And that it all was all right – as it was

I am eternal Spirit – whole and complete and innocent. I have a bodily experience where my soul has chosen a scenario to explore – in order to learn to see through it to the shining Source at the center. Only when I have stopped judging the feelings can I see that what seems to happen happens in a dream – and that I, as Spirit, is the dreamer.

All I want is to wake up and truly KNOW myself as LOVE. As I get closer, all the old wounds open up for me to see them and see through them to the LOVE behind. In the night I could so lovingly see through the huge amount of self-hatred in  my soul – for not being perfect, for not being as “others” wanted me. And I saw that behind any dark  and violent feeling and act, there was an innocent yearning and need to be loved. Just held.

My daughter has played out all what I needed. She has been my greatest teacher. When she was small, and I was taking all my trainings and learning a lot, I remember I wanted to demonstrate EFT on her. She vehemently protested.

This night I saw why: she wanted me, not a “method.” She wanted nothing between her mother’s love and herself. She wanted to be held, and to be told that she was perfect the way she was, and that I loved her exactly as she was. And that I saw the truth in her and about her. She wanted me to express this with all of me, so she could believe this about herself.

And so I saw that the hatred we both had – to our parents and ourselves – came from innocence: we made a wrong conclusion that we were wrong, at fault, when our parents were crazy. We judged ourselves for needing comfort and love. We told ourselves that it was wrong and not possible, and that the only way out – that our parents demonstrated so perfectly – was to be hard on ourselves and trying to “better” ourselves and never complain – or need anything. Any inner need had to be met with hatred to kill it, anesthetized it.

I sat with this energy that I have judged for eons until it lightened – and asked Holy Spirit to replace my wrong-minded perception with His .

The dark boo-booer tried to intervene. I discovered that I didn’t want to be hard on myself any longer – no value in it. The silence that came was beautiful.

I recognize it is a habit, and that I need to be vigilant when “he” is there again to “save me” from hoping and open to love and being tricked and crushed. That is the old story – and I am free to choose again: each time he comes, is a new opportunity to choose LOVE instead

 

The Blue Hole

The deep chest pain and cough was particularly nasty this morning. I prayed deeply and sincerely for help to see this differently. I got up, and found myself looking at a book in the shelf above my head. I got the message, pulled it out. It was a journal, 29 years old, from my first training in Sweden in Expressive Arts Therapy.

I had no idea I had done that. And that I had not seen it before! I opened the first page, and read about an exercise we did the second day: “Who am I now?” Paint it.

This “I” had the day before been initiated into a shamanic journey through 4 years, and the opening into all this “new” exercises ( but not new to my Soul 🙂 felt like an earthquake. Maybe cataclysm is a better word.

In that image, there were two parts – a childlike playful colorful one, and a chaotic threatening one.

And then, there was an opening. Kind of a “hole.” That hole was the only thing I liked – 29 years ago. We were told to enlarge the one detail we loved the most, and I happily painted it again. I needed to have it clean. It was filled with BLUE. I wrote under the sketch in the journal:

I need my hole. It sits in the chest region. It has to do with the throat chakra

THIS is what I am shown: what I have seen as something I hate and want to get rid of – for about 30 years – is something I have told myself I needed when I grew up.

It is not something bad to get rid of – it is a huge gift, to be unwrapped delicately!

The moment I withdraw all my judgments of the wound – and the ways I have “protected it” and built shells around it – tears flowed like Niagara.

I sit with it, and the familiar almost-fainting state appears. For the first time I truly realize that it is not something “wrong” with me, health wise – it is a unraveling of old tight holdings around my heart. It was something I needed then– in order to feel safe.

I do not know more for the time being – other than that this is such a wonderful process – and i let myself off the hook for not having discovered it until now: things had to happen first, to prepare the way.

*

A poem today – this way of writing has been deeply healing for me

 

Easter and Wester

 

Easter is a town in the land of Tobble

It is to the right.

There is a sweet wind there

and a special sunrise

with magenta and lemon-yellow,

and white and pink Praising Birds

who sing hymns in Bird language.

 

Wester is to the left

of Easter

and has sharper wind and broad lanes

for expensive cars.

Easter has eggs in the grass in the ditches

Not all of them are fresh though.

Wester has Weeping Willows with Wlackbirds

and multitudes of Taxidermists

and rather foul air quality on Friday afternoons

 

I much prefer Easter for picnics I must say

Wester is more for nitpicks

but nice if you are rich

and own a limo.

The asphalt is smooth and black

in Wester,

while in Easter there is more walking

on gravel and many places on grass

And there’s the Ocean of course

That counts a lot

*

 

 

 

The Space for New Creation

I am writing the last part of a novel. Part of that novel describes a young girl at 11 years old stitching a quilt of the Egyptian plagues ( don’t ask) – and as I was working with this stitching ( I mean literally embroidering it )I got stuck. For a LONG while.

Until a couple of days ago: I realized I had somehow had the impossible idea of presenting an image symbolizing the healing of the relationship between Moses and what may have been Thutmose II. And suddenly my hand rejected to take the next stitch – and I was shown  that I need to make space for God in the quilt – literally allowing part of the stitching to have this empty space.

Today I had lunch with my nephew. He works in a huge complex of buildings of a State-company – and there is a roof over an entrance-part that is partly digital. The decoration are made of squares – just as my stitching – and at the corner of it is a live digital movie.

As I watched that part change, I sensed the shudders up my spine as a sign to pay attention: and in the video you can  see what that square consisted of, while I was watching it.

I have posted about this Tree before in the blog: It’s called Acer Palmatum – and the spiritual meaning for me is found in the book The Red Tree. The red leaves flickering across the digital space symbolize for me our Christed Self – our True Nature.

If you would like to know how I came to that meaning of the red leaves, here is a link :

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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