This was posted on A Facebook Course-group – posted here with Deb’s permission – bolded by me:

Last week a phone call with more news about not having retirement sent me into a melt down. I knew that a solution would be to return to Alaska to teach another year. I couldn’t stop crying so I sat still with my journal and Jesus. An image popped in my mind with map pins in the events of my life where I felt like this. Each time I chose responsibility, money and safety as I saw it. Each time I felt my heart breaking. Then I saw the words from the text and heard the phrase “choose again”. This was it, my chance to choose again! Yes! So I chose my heart this time. Lol. And guess what? I have been guided in each step since and people pop up with just what I need to get my business going: free classes, a metal shop & mentor, a business name. My heart spills over with gratitude and trust. I just ask Holy Spirit to decide for me and go. Love is the way I walk in gratitude.

*

When i first read this i got the feeling, an epoch has played itself out for me. Where I am at right now, is noticing how often the old pattern comes up – the addiction to think like a victim, the ” fear is what makes me “safe” so I don’t take chances and become chocked again.”

But who is warning me? that old identity – that one who holds on to justifying being cautious  and NOT trusting the Love that I KNOW I Am.

So – I am just noticing – there i go again. And have an intention to at least not judge THAT about me – and asking for help from Jeshua to open up.

At least I dared to write this. That is good. It must take unbelievably resistance to still hang out with the fear as a “protector”- unbelievable resistance to  being Who I am.

I bless this situation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: