DOG

The last 3 years or more, whenever I have met a dog, there is a furious barking at me. My neighbor’s two dogs go crazy when they see me. It is not fun at all. I get that there is a furious “dog-energy” inside me that I still haven’t made peace with.

Two days ago, a dog barked wildly on my lawn under my bedroom, 2 am – running frantic to and fro.I went out and yelled at it to go home, a huge rage was in me, and it felt like it was actually acting that out FOR me, making me aware of the energy within me that i until then had judged.

Same morning, my neighbor came out to walk her two dogs the very second I was opening my door.The dogs were in a leach, and  barked and charged  at me like crazy.

This  anger-mirroring became even more clear when yesterday, a visiting dog next to my neighbor ran out of their door and stood peeping at me through my fence. It was orange and its look was fierce. Then it too started its wild barking and came charging at me. I pretended I was trained by Cesar Millan and radiated calm assertive energy ( or intended to!) It charged in a bow around me and ran to my door – and then stood on its hind legs, barked wildly and begged to be let in.

Then its owner came running. She did not look at me at all! But she yelled at the dog: this is not your house! you do not live here! and reluctantly, the dog turned around and followed her. Not once did she look at me – like I was invisible.

Later I had two friends visiting for Christmas. Late evening we started to talk about anger, I shared the dog-incidents and that I thought they were mirroring old anger in me. Something deep in me relaxed – having been shared and not kept inside a cloak of shame.

I could not sleep. The body felt like filled with angry ants, eaten alive from inside – and I started to realize that this happened FOR me, not TO me. I wanted to do Spontaneous Transformation on the aspect that carried this tremendous inner irritation. For almost 2 hours I focused on the chest, where I found the aspect, and told it “I see you, I am here for you, I am not leaving.” I drifted in and out of spacing out, but suddenly, the connection was made – the aspect KNEW it was witnessed, not alone, not denied, not judged anymore. The next hour, the  intense itching/rash abated,and I got some hours sleep.

This morning I went up early to hike high in the mountain to see the sunrise – and to pray as Jeshua teaches us in Way of Mastery, as the closing ceremony of this year’s training. As I crossed the road to take the path up the mountain, I passed close to four sled-dogs living in a little shed of their own outside  a farm. And a concert started: no barking this time – just a wild howling for four voices. I was aware that my energy was changed – and I got he idea that this was a singing to my honor: I had truly owned that wild attack energy in the night, no more resistance to it, no fear or judgments – it felt like I was one of them.. a wolf-pup being accepted into the tribe.

I taped it on my little recorder. Tears were running, great release.

The howling continued until I had passed their house.

Then I climbed the hill, watched the sunrise, prayed and received the Light, It felt wonderful beyond description, and I was filled with joy and gratefulness.

At the path down again, I heard a click to my right, and it was my cellphone that had taken a photo. This one:

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This green heart…I looked into the ditch by the trail at right, it was a heart shaped stone covered with moss. I took a deliberate photo of it:

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I felt blessed. I met people with dogs coming toward me on the trail, the dogs did not notice me at all, and we humans  wished each other  a Joyous Christmas. There were lots of smiles.

Close to my house, my closest neighbor was out walking her 2 dogs. For the first time in years, no reactions at me at all – but a big smile and hug from her.

I am blessed

 

 

The Know-it-all

Or, should we call him/her the Besserwisser, the Lecturer.

Yesterday I had a serious case of being besserwissed.(Ha, the word-corrector suggested blessed!:)) And it sure has turned out to be a blessing.

I asked a question to a teacher, and for over ten minutes he lectured and besserwissed and droned on, with great power and conviction. I felt: invisible – dropped – powerless- crushed –  intimidated – a stupid klutz. And angry.

I  subconsciously called that response out of him, so to at last see the pattern and heal it.

So this morning I went into the Observer mode of  the Spontaneous Transformation Technique: *** see below

Neutral, emphatic,patient, no agenda – just wanting to BE with this part that was lectured to. I told it I saw it ( it sat in my solar plexus): I am here. I am not going anywhere.I am in support of you.

There was a substantial relaxing response, showing me that this “part” had made the connection. It was no longer isolated and separated. And there is the first shift: awareness comes into this old pattern of victimhood: the one with no power, no voice.

So what was the advantage of that position? was my question – (I know that I can’t let go of anything that I think I am the victim of -) why did I need others to lecture me?

Simple. So that I could be the nonthreatening powerless one. The one who was not noticed, had no responsibility. The one who did not provoke status quo, the belief system/religion on the rulers – and who therefore was reasonable safe from being accused and burned at the stake or tortured by one of the zillion inventive was man has concocted.

I truly saw that this was  a CHOICE I had made: to shut down my true authentic voice and will. I have made that choice WITH the power that God has given us all – the one we have, being created in His/Her Image. So that choice to be powerless is mighty powerful!

So I had made my Universe, as Jennifer McLean teaches: we all made it from 1)the beliefs we made when small when we were hurt and traumatized – in my case: ” Life is dangerous if you talk back,if you say no. You are here to make others feel better.You do not count at all as YOU – you are a “wrong copy.”

And then life works like this: 2) we make our coping mechanisms to survive – based on these beliefs – and voila, this is our Universe now: I think/believe that I will not be respected – this is a “Universal Law” for me now, based on my beliefs based on my early experiences. And I will perceive the world THROUGH the filters that I put up – and people who enters my Universe will have no choice, they will turn up to disrespect me – until I  can forgive myself for these creations, and deeply honor and love the aspect of me who started this Universe.

When I encouraged that aspect of me to feel it all, there was tremendous fear from all the times this soul experienced torture – and most of all, all the times it spoke up and loved ones suffered the consequences of that. It’s all there, in the One Mind we all share – and what we all heal, seemingly on our own, we make available for us all to tap into and share.

These times, huge waves of awakening sweep over the planet – what was before tucked under, now comes up to confront us – (a reluctant thank you, Mr Trump!) – We can only heal what we allow ourselves to see, to forgive, to release. And my deep experience is that when I allow these old defense and protection-mechanisms to come up – to be seen, and HONORED for their way of protecting us from harm – then  my Universe mirrors THIS new view of me/my life/ back to me.

*** The Spontaneous Transformation Technique is a unique, therapeutic system of healing. You can read more under “Services.”

This is a healing way to deal with the energy that get trapped in our stories and traumas, and help it to unravel and transform, when it at last is looked at with love. This opens a space of great healing and allowing of what is – and from this space you can play and explore how you want your future to look – free from the old patterns.

1.session is free!

Trusting the Process

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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