Messiah and messiness

There has been much working and transformation in the night lately. The good news for me is that I have passed the place where I think I am a victim of this, and that “I am doing something wrong.” Nope. I am sharing this to check if these may be themes for many of us – working within the “insanity-spectrum.”

I have a friend who had a murderer as grandfather…he was also a very famous writer, enormously creative. This woman and I really hit it together with this spectrum of energies – and it so happens that she might play out something that I need to relate to in a new and forgiving way. So she did, it seemed completely insane. and I used some days to sniff myself into it slowly, and found out that it was my insane filters and judgment of the creation object that felt so horrid. So coming that far, it transformed, but the body feels like crap a lot of the time. And also there is bliss in everyday living – people I meet, people who stop the bus from driving on when I am a little late – smiles everywhere – and the joy of just walking around.

And still, the states of mind where i feel completely crap – frequently – but they are seen through so much easier.

So I had a dream where I dreamed about a former client messing up a room for therapy – and me being extremely irritated – and in another part of the dream, another woman, who happened to be my daughter, demonstrated a model she had made for a musical expression – it was beyond beautiful and light.

What is new is the insight coming when i wake up – realizing that the mess-part is allowed to exists “down here”. and that it is necessary “down here” to show me what I do not want, but with no judgment. My friend pointed out to me that the mess-ness points to Messiah for her – Who turns away from rigidity, seeing it as a possibility for transformation – and we were in awe when we again realized the miracle of interested curiosity and playfulness.

Exploration does not have rigidity as its polarity – since rigidity can be playfully explored in all its levels of fear and resistance. For me, it looks like a polarity may simply be death.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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