Black Sheep

I need to share this-about trusting the process – only looking back at the last week can I see the exquisite order of all that has happened inside and outside –
I have been aware that I am going through a process of receiving a part of me that has been split off for maybe centuries – for sure in this life – I have been aware of her for at least 30 years, I am 73 now, this is how much work and willingness it has taken me to truly BE with that energy of being banished – driven away – this is the energy of the one who carries the guilt for all – that be in the family or in cases of people being cast out of the country, dying in the desert.
Thank God I had that role when I was a child in this life – that has made it possible to TRULY feel it now and let it go
Weeping writing this – but relieved
The two last weeks have night and days been filled with processing this child/archetype, always new parts of her, new nuances – always more love and compassion – than seemingly back to the same aches and pains everywhere, and complains “when will it stop” and “what am I doing wrong”
Last week the very archetype of the black sheep has been blooming and sharing and been heard and loved and processed in me. I was led to the exercises I posted by Prune Harris- joining breast /heart and womb – then  a teacher’s webcast last Sunday . And yesterday there was 2 new episodes of “Call the midwife” on TV- I missed them and agonized quite a bit – until I saw, last night, that I could replay them on the PC. So this morning I did – and this was an episode with strong metaphors for exactly where I am in the unraveling process of my life-story, and the archetypes constituting it!
This week “Midwife” presented a story about a sailor who seemed to have smallpox – but it turned out to be Leprosy! Again a symbol of the one being shunned and cast out. In this episode, English 60-ies, they were told that Leprosy is not contagious and that one can heal with the right treatment. And the leprous one met with a nun who told him ” we are never adrift when he have faith. It is our anchor.” And she gave him her bible, and he gave her the wooden cross he had clung to –
The other metaphor for me, that was the crucial one for me, was a woman who was terrified to give birth – she had a terrible memory of her last one, where the fetus was dragged out of her with metal pliers. She had locked herself in the bathroom to kill herself, when one of the midwife-nuns talked her SO lovingly out of the room and out of that locked and terrified state of mind – and just HELD the loving gaze.
It was here when at last what may seem as the final phase for me was healed – those minutes when the last fear leaves and the trust takes over for the one in panic of birthing, and the one who just HOLDS the loving glance and contact
There was a huge wave inside me of release and crying – the part that KNOWS at last : THIS IS IT – I am being SEEN and RECEIVED just as I am, just as I feel, just with my baggage – and there is ONLY LOVE
And then I hear Spirit:
And NOW can you truly appreciate the guidance and experiences last week_:) You needed to see this episode AFTER last nights processing – yes?
Absolutely so

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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