The Inner Hunger

It is a place in my back that constantly itches. I feel it is directly outside the black mass that is visible inside the lungs ( nothing dangerous, says the doctor.) But a black mass is something that is very tightly repressed and judged, from my experience.
I zoomed into it as never before, and contacted a part that was never witnessed when small – and as a consequence, never got to learn how to express feelings – not even to herself. I felt great tenderness for her and she felt it.

I asked, “what is your own freedom?” “ To KNOW what I feel and feel safe to express it” she said. “ To trust that what I feel is Okay.” And now she felt seen and safe and not judged.
So I went into the very core of that desperation, validating her – “of course you would feel like that” again and again – until it was empty.

The itching went away.
I have recently set an intention to wake up inside a dream – lucid dreaming. It has not happened yet. This morning after the deep feelings, I had a dream that was very vivid – and I decided to move back afterwards, when I was awake – what Jung calls active imagination. It worked fine.

The dream: There is a powerful lady who knows how to catch huge fishes – man-size. There were three of them – pitch black and beautiful. Very sensuous – there was a cat-feeling around them. They were standing up, looking at me with eyes brimming with love.

She caught them to eat them – but I did not want to cut their throat and eat them, they were sentient beings, like angels even.
As soon as I made that decision, they turned snow-white. They told me they just wanted me to sit there with them and absorb their energy – the Christ within them. “You need do nothing.”
Ego needs to kill to eat. Spirit assimilates.

I saw how I had made those huge feelings black by judging them. I wonder if that mass may disappear now.

I do that with food: bless its original essence, calling it forth.

The usual crazy hunger is absent today

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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