Solitaire resolved

 I just now experienced something sweet. I was playing patience on the PC for umpteenth time, and for the first time became aware of a child part that was afraid. I asked that part that was obsessive with the Solitaire what she was really afraid of. Then I knew: she was terrified of father coming to her in the night and becoming a demon. I told her that COULD not happen again, since I was here now with her. She was very surprised, but we talked for a while and then she could notice me. I told her he COULD not come close anymore since my presence prevented him – I would shine him away.
 
Then she came close to me and the crying broke loose. She cried while I invited her up on my lap while I ended the patience /Solitaire (-which of course now was “resolved.”)
 
This is very sweet to me – since the last month has been filled with overeating, biting nails and more sleeplessness than ever, and all the time the old” false identity” has been here – and only NOW do I realize that this was not just a pattern I should deny and choose something else ( God knows I have tried it umpteen times) . No, I was asked to choose to truly embrace HER – that part of my soul that obviously has been split into many soul parts. I have had shamans – excellent ones – fetch soul parts through the last 40 years – and this seems like the main one, which still was frozen in that moment when he came the first time and transformed into demon.
 
Ah. It is SHE who has had all that freeze inside her at night – not “me”
false identity
It feels true and beautiful to write this.
 
A very good friend recently gifted me with a strange virtual playroom where I can do a lot of things – playing Chinese intricate games AND Patience. I thought I was addicted – and it was she who was addicted. She simply would not go to sleep.

Mood changer

This is written in a forum where we learn to eat intuitively – based on the teachings in A Course in Miracles.

I wanted to share a bit from my process in the third week – like many others, the feelings/energies have been truly overwhelming and strong to just be with for me. I have had three days and nights now with practically no sleep, and strong shifts between a complete meaninglessness and emptiness – all I wanted was to eat something sweet and sleep and i could not rest at all. So I asked myself ” well, you might as well feel rotten outside in the nice spring weather as inside here -” so I went for a short walk and I realized that what I had done was remove myself from the environment where I seemed to feel trapped.

It was spring and the first flowers peeped out:
it was an immediate mood changer. I got a sms from a close friend, asking me how I was feeling- and I described the emptiness and the meaninglessness.

When I was almost home, I remembered to ask my Self/ Aurora how to deal with it. (I had not been able to speak to her before getting out.) She said: “What if through thousands of lives you now have arrived at these feelings/energies – why not just accept them and savor them?”
And I immediately saw that they were a GIFT – and that what had been so terrible was that I had simply judged the energies and myself, and that THAT made all the difference.
That judgment was SO invisible to me before she said that – and now they were exciting, just to sit with them and breathe love into them.

I do trust this Course – and also that these enormous feelings/energies are OLD and collective, and that meeting them with curiosity and Love makes all the difference – from hell to heaven

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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