Solitaire or Self

Everything is coming to me to gift me

I’ve got an urinary infection – I bleed. I feel quite calm – this is not cancer – this is the past coming up to be given full awareness and compassion. I start sitting with it, breathing with it, blessing it, and it starts to talk like living thing – even a person. We become intimate, and I am a mother to it now, cradling in my arms, as strange as that sounds. I remember the way my body showed what could not be mentioned – the pain and agony in my lower body: not only abused by others, but abused and rejected by me – this is what we do when we are mishandled in any way –  blaming ourselves – the wrong person is feeling the shame.

Now, sitting with it tenderly – I breathe all the shame back to the ones who placed it on me – knowing that they too received this great inner pain from someone else – and that in the beginning, there is just confusion and ignorance, and we put a “me” on that – like it belongs to a somebody. It belongs to the thought system of fear – called ego – and now we can sort it out.

 

Another break with the past:

I want to feel the freedom and release I feel when I win a game of Patience ( that happens many times in a row these days ) WITHOUT depending on an electronic game – I want to find it while linking up with my Self.

With great resistance I decided to NOT play again, and intended to find the same peace without the Patience.

The energy is still reverberating through me as I write this – big waves, tensions slipping out, tears running.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: