Taking Nourishment

Dream:

I participate in a HUGE  Writer Convention with HUGE  amounts of food and flowers a people from all over the world. This is clearly a celebration of sorts, and I have brought my most beautiful clothes – light, blue,veil-ish, Goddesslike.

It’s lunchtime at the end of our convention, I am walking around for some reason, not sitting down to enjoy the marvellous food. Maybe I do some packing on my room – and when I return to the dining room, all food has gone – I have not been nourished – everyone else are full and happy.

I make a big ruckus to the butler, and he says it is too late – and I explode in the unfairness of it –I have PAID FOR THIS-  he can’t get me just a little food from all the rest that has been sent back to the kitchen? No, that would be a misuse of the waiters, he said – I’d had to push them – and I say, with loud voice: then push them! He looks at me abhorred, how self-centred and abominable I am – and recognize inside: he is me.

I walk to my room, and there is a friend writer I really like – she admires a white feather hanging on a mirror and tells me how much she admires my husband’s work ( he and I have obviously stayed here before, and his feather is still here.)  Now the correction gnome says that feather should be FATHER.

 

I am taken under the arms  by Anna, my guide, and sat up in the bed.” Now look at these old pattern: I am being unjustly treated – I am not able to be nourished – there must be something wrong with ME –  the father/husband will always take all the glory – this will never change, IT IS HOPELESS and I give up.”

I forgive myself for choosing to create this, to experience this. How easy it has been to be entrenched in this through thousands of years – and now it has come up to be released.

I hold the separated me in my arms and love her and breathe with her. For the first time I do this, there is a CLEAR shift in energy between us: I am “the Fairy Godmother ” and she is the human child, left out, deeply undernourished, nobody truly SEES here gifts and her tremendous beauty, and so she tells herself she is wrong – and unworthy.

 

As the Holder and Embracer, I sense the human agony-deep grief in not been seen in one’s Self, of being constantly compared and pushed. I have also been the pusher and non-seer, and also the Judge of the ones who push others – it’s all food on the egos convention-table.

It is sweet beyond words to cry it and feel it all through – this longing to be seen as Self.

I shift between being the Self – so VERY different from the human child in energy and frequency – and the child who at last is being heard and held.

I forgive my creation

I have learned so much

Now I desire to be Who I am

I am currently reading “Anna, Grandmother of Jesus” by Claire Heartsong for the second time, and  am being drawn deeply into all the descriptions from that time – and all of Anna’s initiations and experiences from 600 continued years life as that Self– both spiritually and as a human Essee. She is my guide now, and very close.

Deep insight-  This comes NOW, because I am on a ten-day cleanse in eating habits – and it has taken me way out of my comfort zone, and deep into purification of toxicity. I truly see how enormously much our eating habits and ways of “comforting ourselves”  contribute to our attachment to the small self. Only when I at least took the choice to let go of bread and  all the conventional and artificial sweeteners, did this energetic shift happen. And first now could I truly love the little one who needs so much to be loved, just as she is – the dis-identification was over, and the Wise Grandmother Me came forth fully. There was just tremendous eternal PEACE.

To all bread lovers: I realize it’s nothing wrong with eating bread – or anything – as long as it is done with love and not as a substitute for love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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