About eating problems and sexual abuse

This is about some foods and sexual abuse.
*
I love ecological yogurt with granola from quinoa – but until now, I have felt tremendously tired after eating it. I see it like this: some part of my self is terrified – for whatever reason – and use a lot of energy to repress what she feels while eating it. I asked what it could be? Answer: Semen.
Of course! This very small inner girl has told herself 1) that yogurt has a kind of texture like semen has -and having been a receiver of intense sexual abuse as very small, semen meant being part of a torture that also made it very hard to breathe – meaning life-threatening trauma. 2) And then she did what we all did when traumatized in any way at all: we told stories about ourselves, what it meant about us – how despicable we must be, how absolutely wrong in any ways and form.
So for this inner girl, yogurt has meant “semen” and all the horror connected to that – and she has believed in the stories she made up about her despicable self – and she has repressed it as hard as she can while I eat.
Now – the later years, all kind of digital signals have come to my aid to assist me in awakening. Today, it was the fire-alarm in the kitchen that started up and made me think, “What is this inner alarm mirroring, that goes on full alert now, as I am preparing my breakfast?”
So I asked and immediately heard “semen.”
I talked to her with all my love and motherliness – how proud I was of her, how much I loved her, and told her very clearly that yogurt is OK and healthy – and that she will never taste semen again.
Never.
After quite a while I could sense a deep relaxation in my intestines. I asked her if she was up for a try? And that I would stop eat it the second she wanted.
Then I ate a healthy bowl with the yummy stuff.
And for the first time, I felt no tiredness after my yogurt meal. I felt an ice cold instead – and  I see that as frozen life-energy. I sat with it for about 45 minutes, and now it slowly seeps out.
This old imprint – “inner child” may also be the one who craves sweets and sugar. NO WONDER 🙂  she needs a lot of loving motherly talk and listening – with no judgment ever. And since she now receives that motherly sweetness – she just MAY let go of any cravings – we will see 🙂
PS. If this has meaning for you in a helpful way – you may benefit from looking into my books in the right menu.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Feb 24, 2020 @ 16:43:04

    So very real and so important to listen to the messages of our body. Thanks for this.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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