Leaving the Womb – Entering Life Fully

Is the title of this blog, starting 11 years ago.

Womb meaning a place of gestation – not yet living one’s life- but preparing for it. In my way of looking at it, you also swim in the mind of your mother – and all the ancestors, I’d say.

I am in awe of the beauty and rationality of the path I have chosen – or the path choosing me. The last month or so my throat has become gradually sorer and more constricted, and this morning I took it seriously:  this is an energy/creation coming up for healing.

As soon as I sat down for it, deep crying came, it felt wonderful. The inner crying part told me it was terrified of SPEAKING OUT – being heard – “having a voice” – as NOT having one was in childhood a must for keeping silent, keeping the family secret.

As soon as the part felt and sensed that I now allowed it and listened, I could separate out “my creation” as Jeshua calls it. A creation is what the Son of God = US ALL – create when something “bad” happens and we judge it. The energy contracts, and there is a magnetism around it now – and as soon as we judge it, we have told ourselves it has something to do with US. And since we have chosen to believe it, it HAS – says Jeshua- that is the power of our decision.

He then teaches us – in A Course in Miracles and in his Way of Mastery- trilogy – how to forgive our creations and allow them to be dissolved in the Light of Christ – which is our birth right. Just like the Buddha field is for Buddhists – the Atman is for Hindus – etc.

So I did the forgiveness process, and there were deep waves of release and gratefulness as I went through it. The “chronic” pain and soreness in the chest and throat is abating.

And funnily – something in my left ear is clearing up too – it had not been willing to HEAR this before, and now it has.

And here is a strange thing:

In my twenties, I started to have a feeling / knowing I was actually two persons – there was another physical “me” out there – a body.

I sang in a big choir from I was 16 to 23 or so- when I lost my soprano from one day to another. I sang first soprano and stood in the first row of singers, and my conductor stood on the podium 3 meter away from me. So he knew my face very well – wouldn’t you agree? And one rehearsal he took me apart after rehearsal and chastised me: “ I saw you this night down by the docks, in a horrible state of mind hanging between two drunk sailors.”

Well – that was quite a shock – since I was sleeping in my bed and never out in town at all. Others tell me they have seen me other places too.

Now, as I have studied creation for the last 40 years, I believe there are parallel dimensions – and I believe that this other “me” that Oscar Raum saw, could actually be me in this parallel dimension.

From one day to the next I lost my singing voice and had to leave my beautiful grand choir. Devastated – but something inside relaxed, knowing that she did not have to press through tensions to be a first soprano anymore.

So now I spoke to that duplicate, and felt release and even deeper crying – and then I saw that what I had subjected to abuse was my true VOICE – I had cramped it and judged it and squeezed it into contraction, rejecting it.

And OH how I want to have the fullness of it back now – without any more cramps and abuse.

We’ll see 🙂

Below is the FREE VOICE of the Heart we all share. And all the imprisoned ones remember the Voice and listens.

And here is a video with PURE VOICE – no talk – can anything more beautiful than this exist?

Metal and Grief

Hi all – I have been in a state of energetic hold lately that is simply hellish. After many hours I remembered  to open my own book at the night table – When Fear Comes Home to Love( see right column) and found the answer – which for the thousandth time or more tells me that it is not the emotions/feelings/pain/energy  that is the problem – it is the way I identify with /relate  to all of it.  The words in italics come from Blue, my inner guide.


This is not YOURS – it is mind stuff. It is a force field generated by the collective unconscious. Within this force-field is your denied protest and forbidden anger from your childhood and youth – completely cut off from your awareness. Please note that you carry insane anger from your father and your other tormentors too. Your denial of the energy – “this does not happen” – demonizes it and attracts negative entities and thought-forms. This is nothing special about you: all humans unwittingly add to the demonic fields by judging and repressing their negative feelings, instead of just feeling them. Just start to notice the sensation of “me” and “my” in connection to feelings: this structure, this identifying with the “someone” you think you are – the ego – creates the darkness .The ego thrives on this. Just notice the energy of the anger now, without telling yourself it is YOURS – just forgive all that drama. You don’t have to DO anything – just notice it as it is in the body: ”ah – anger “– and see “the demonic” fall away like dirty old snow. It will have nothing to stick to any longer, as soon as you give up identification with it

After reading this, I was led to Eden Energy Medicine website – a group where we can share what needs to be healed/transformed and helped by Eden Practitioners. There were two videos there that helped me move out of that horrible vortex of hopelessness, and so I wanted to share it with my readers.

here is Prune Harris:

and here is Melanie Smith:

Much love!

WATER – science, art and consciousness

I have lately mentioned my mouth-and -eye-dryness-thingy – and working/playing with it, the Universe flushes these wondrous news on me. I have noticed how certain kind and loving thoughts of Truth instantly bring water back in my mouth and eyes – and this night I dreamt I had to leave my bike a place where there was almost a flood. Something exciting is happening!

This morning my FB friend Gloria posted this video about water’s ability to remember / take into itself / the images of the objects it flows over and through. A woman artist and photographer – Veda Austin – has stunning videos and photos at her website, where scientists like Rupert Sheldrake admits their willingness to open their mind to incredible stuff like this.

If you ever had the chance to see dr.Masaru Emoto’s photoes of frozen crystals of water – who had been subjected to either blessings or curses – this is taking it FAR deeper/higher.

I have noticed the last two days – before I saw this video – that my drinkwater suddenly stepped up a notch – it tastes WONDERFUL. So what I will do from now on. is to actively imbue it with love before I use it to drink or in food – or water my plants with it. Mmmm – how would it feel to go out in pouring rain and burst into blessings, I wonder? Would the blessings evaporate into clouds and rain down on somebody far away, giving them a moment of happiness?


As I opened my mail right after posting this, there was a message there:

You sent an automatic payment to charity: water

The whirling chaos

Just when I think “this is impossible” – the whirling chaotic energies, from divine bliss to utter overwhelm – I receive this from my teacher Prune Harris.

It brought me from desperation to deep gratitude.

Let me know how it affected you – feel free to share in the comments

Let Love Decide

Here is my brilliant teacher and friend Carrie Triffet with a simple and very effective exercize –

And how fun it is to notice that in my Novel, Hilaryon Stories, where J.S Bach has made a ritual to transform his grief over the deaths of his first wife and TEN of his 20 children – what happened when I wrote that chapter was that I found the tapestry Carrie is describing here – and at that time, had no idea that it was a collective image of the One Mind we all share.

Simple and powerful self-healing techniques for stress


A Grateful Day

I got this this morning, and want to share…the images makes me feel so warm and welcomed in the world – i wish this for you all too –

I will later today post an invitation to a healing 7-week seminar – about how we can relate to illness and stuck problems in a playful and creative way that may transform them. Our common presence in a Closed Facebook group will also be of great importance.

But first –  Brother David 🙂

Martha Beck in all her beauty and wisdom

people pleasing – and being genuine


<script>(function(d, s, id) {  var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];  if (d.getElementById(id)) return;  js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;  js.src = “//connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.3”;  fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, ‘script’, ‘facebook-jssdk’));

This video and practice is a life-changer for me – provided I “remember” to practice it. I have practiced a lot today, and like a miracle, the “thing” I “greeted” became sacred. I  did both the inner practice and the actual practice a LOT.

What it did – was helping me see everything that happened as a vital, integral ingredient for a good result.

I was stitching a work with intricate details – and while doing this, a lot went “wrong.” But as soon as I started to see the perfection and sacredness of absolutely all – included knots on the thread – I saw that each seeming fault was in fact a mirror of what needed my heart-felt acceptance of “faults.” I ended up resisting nothing – with no agendas, no firm expectations – and after a while of this, the whole work flowed with an ease and joy that was remarkable. There was a lot of laughing in that process. Irritation was absent.

Just by doing this “silly” exercise ( as spiritual ego would call it)  I experienced so clearly how there CAN BE no true artistic expression when there is control and expectations of a certain outcome – and  without this control, the needle just did its thing, playfully.


Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: