White Dove

As I was awake in the night with great pain, Holy Spirit said: open your eyes and see Truth. Before that, He said words I cannot remember – but the meaning was that in reality, everything is beauty.
I touched an old pain in the shoulder area – there were green pastures wherever I looked. Happy playing children with happy happy voices

And the pain went away

I went to the lung-area, and there was a shining Presence inside a light filled grotto – reflexes from water filled and played on the walls…what an image to fill my lungs with – there was a sound of ten thousand happy babies laughing – Love said “ they are blessings. There are blessings everywhere you look. Remember these visions from now on – remember that anything else is unreal and in the past, and that you can choose to let it go and be done with it.”

After this, I listened to the  mediation on the last webcast  from Way of Mastery – so wonderful and potent –

Israel – this is so great to hear for me:

This body is the vehicle through which you explore your connection to yourself and to others, and to Mother Earth. You explore it THROUGH the body. You as consciousness is present here now, and knows the body is a thing to be cherished and honored, respected and loved. The vehicle through which we get to explore and experience this work – a little while. A vehicle through which the consciousness has learned to transform experience and relationships. 

And also so important – that we put our intention through our breathing to release the darkness.

I am gonna relax the perceptions I have about myself. I will relax my GRIP on consciousness – I don’t have a grip on it .
Relaxation is allowance.

This day I visited our little town nearby. And The Holy Spirit was there, on the bus station. One shiny flawless perfect little dove among the hundreds not so white pigeons. An old woman looked at it too, we looked at each other and smiled knowingly. Then it came to a young woman with a baby in a pram. I said I have never seen a white dove before – except in the Bible. She nodded. Then the dove flew right up in front of her face and almost flapped her with its wings. She startled – and then the dove repeated the maneuver.

A few second later, all the pigeons were gone, and the young woman too.

Then I saw a wonder of a movie: “About Body and Soul.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B4hCzq7H70

Image may contain: shoes, bird and outdoor

This is all I need

This is all I need

This silent space :
Air singing
The lace on her thigh
The bared teeth of bliss
The invisible line of her neck
The flimsy embellished sheet of nothing
Between her and
Her dancing prancing mover

 

The Rider - Marc Chagall, drypoint. 1929

The Rider – Marc Chagall, drypoint. 1929

To be or not to be – judgment or freedom

Yesterday I had the most beautiful session I ever have experienced – with David Youngblood.

And in the night, when I started to feel bad again, I did not realize that JUDGMENT had sneaked in and did it best to push me back in to the old identity  of agony and victimhood.

It has been very helpful for me that judgment did that: Now I truly see the power it has to warp my perception, to send me into hell and false identity

-as long as it goes unnoticed!

But here I am, sharing about it: all is well. I was nudged to go on Facebook. Judgment told me this was NOT good, I was wasting my life. And sometime I really waste a lot of time going there. But not so NOW:

My best friend at Facebook posted this:

What happens when, just for a moment, we stay with our pain, our fear, our doubt, our discomfort, our grief, our broken heart, even our numbness, without trying to change it, or fix it, or numb ourselves to it, or get rid of it in any way? What happens when, even when we feel like leaving, abandoning the moment for the promise of a future salvation, we stay, sitting with the raw, unfiltered, boundlessly alive life-energy that is simply trying to express right now? What happens when, just for a moment, despite all urges to the contrary, we don’t “do” anything about our discomfort or grief, we drop all tricks and tactics and clever manipulations, and instead, begin to deeply acknowledge what is here, honouring it, listening to its deeper call, sinking into the mystery of it? What happens when we make the radical commitment to never turn away from this moment, as it dances in emptiness?* Jeff Foster

And I immediately recognized the old habit of judgment.
I was instantly back in track and allowed my LOVE to transform all that strange energy NOW

It was just a simple reminder – and what a lesson about the effect on the mind judging, and how screwed up I felt!

The realization is:What I am feeling NOW is exactly what I am asked to bless, sit with forgive. Receive, so my LOVE can transform it FOR me and THROUGH me

Thank you God!

Crying out for Love

Yesterday a woman in my Way of the Heart-group shared that she used this sentence, suggested by Matt Kahn, when she was stuck:

“Thank you for helping me. Whenever you find the mind bracing against, irritated or troubled by a thought, person, circumstance, you remember to say ‘Thank you for helping me”

Because, indeed, it is all helping you. It’s the phenomenal display of what you haven’t found peace with yet.Thank you for helping me.Notice how in one holy instant, the resistance of mind drops away and the heart moves to connect and join with the grievance, a movement of gratitude, of appreciation, of true seeing. The whole experience softens and you no longer feel separate and in defiance of what is appearing. It’s a movement of consciousness, of heart – towards – rather than away from.”

It went marvelous for along while, and then in the night it just stopped. I asked for help. This “part of me” said, “MUCH better to end this life now. This will just get worse and worse. You know there is a voice in you that is stronger than Love and God.It will win.Just give it up!”

It listened to this for quite a while.

Then there was this clear, calm and truthful simple Voice who said: And exactly this is crying out to be loved by you.

There was an instant release – and it was instantly possible to say thank you to that doomsayer- voice: It showed me what I still haven’t included in Love, where love is still conditional.

The relief I felt was great: now I saw that this voice was NOT stronger than Love – and that I was NOT a victim of it. The love for it poured forth as a started to talk to it – “of COURSE you felt you needed to be right, no WONDER you have been fighting. You truly believe that your “reality” is real. You truly believe those stories that you are worthless and can not have love, ever. You truly are afraid of love, that it will betray you and trick you, much better to adapt to hell.”

The crazy body sensations tapered off as “it” knew it was not judged – and still, there was a fear of surrendering to Love and then hear a horrible laughter, “and you believed in that, moron? how stupid can you be!”

I can still sense the imprint after that shock in the mind.

“Of COURSE you don’t believe in Love then” I said, and it relaxed again.

And now the next stage:  I entered that resistance, and immediately hard the calm true Voice again: Remember – this is not being done TO you, but THROUGH you. The decision to explore this comes from Spirit – and the holy power given you by God is then twisted, hidden, denied and punished and made into this fearful identity, who truly believes in the thought of separation – that you and I are not One. – There is a thought – “It is unsafe to be Loved.” and you and only you charges  that thought  by choosing to believe in it. And by your consent this separate fear-driven “me” is being born – and is living out its hells, all deriving from that belief that it is unsafe to be Loved.

I SEE THIS NOW

 

No wonder this “me” feels safer in a place where suffering is predictable: at least it will not be tricked and shocked

I have made this. What a perfect strategy for keeping the ego going

This is a turnaround. There is no doubt any longer now that I DO choose – as Jeshua prompts us in Way of Mastery – to open to incarnate the Christ Consciousness through the body – to practicing desiring that. And of course that brings up everything I before have held as “me” and “valuable” to upheld that me.

When i read that yesterday, about being open to incarnate the Christ consciousness, I felt a great resistance. And so I met the resistance in the night and listened to it and felt love for it – and now I am willing.

As soon as I state my willingness to embody the Christ, I sense the resistance in solar plexus.  “Thank you for helping me see the place that still needs to be allow and included in Love.”

It is still there, as imprints – but no longer as sign of danger, signs of my “doing it all wrong.” Now its just energy that wants to be included. And the wonder is always that when i am truly willing, the unpleasantness transforms into bliss

*

I read the above into my little recorder and fell asleep. I dreamed that little girl about 4 years old came to me where I live now, and told me she just met a bunch of very drunk men in a wood. “One of them talked to me” she said, and I heard myself saying, “And he has SO  much respect for you!” “YES!” she says, knowing this is true – and so very pleased with this

Writing this now, I remember the group-rape in a wood when I was four

And I happily look at the dream and notice the different perception ♥

 

 

 

LOVE

This morning I had a webcast with a teacher who channels the Christ Council – Israel Ahn’ Asha.

We were invited into breathing and connecting with each other, and suddenly some words sprung out to me, like written with fire: whatever you think, you are loved

meaning – whatever you think, you are loved thinking that(in this moment)

acting like that – judging like that – talking like that

truly seeing that that LOVE that is my Source allows all my expressions

The God that I love allows all

and allows all to be embraced by love,

even my “bad memories” – actions – thoughts

*

At first this was just thought – and then I was prompted from inside to allow this to be true and FELT and bodily experienced

and that was when the fun started

It feels like a huge bottlebrush is working me inside – I almost throw up, yawn, hiccup,sweat,

then i lose contact with it and then another thought of should not-comes – self criticism, critic of others – and at exactly the same time, this new thought comes again:

you are loved WITH that thought – resistance – judgment

this is nothing I “need” to practice or remember –

it just is turned on 🙂

I am reminded of the Course, where Jesus tells us that  as soon as that first thought of separation from God happened, He at once introduced the correction –

Now I am experiencing that very correction each and every time my mind wanders into the familiar forests of separation

 

Ants

This is a biggie for me – on this path of awakening:  the energy of invasion/attack. My book, “When Fear Comes Home to Love” explores how to relate to, and deal with, our mind-imprints of being invaded/attacked and abused – which is just the other side of the coin of invading,attacking and abusing. The last months, the revelations and healing of this common pattern in the human mind has been the challenge of embracing the souls of the attackers – the willingness to see through the dark acts to the part of the soul that cries out to be loved and not judged.  Not loving the acts – but seeing through it to the very essence of the Soul.

So. Ants…

They have lived under my terrace for about 15 years or so. They swarm up from holes between the tiles in clouds so big that it is not fun to sit outside in the warm season – unless you love to breathe them in as they swarm. -I have long seen them as a mirror of a part of  my subconscious that I have learned to hate and judge and deny in myself – like expressions of rage, anger, jealousy, impulses of murder. The last year has been a deep dive into these areas, lifting them up in the Light of the Holy Spirit, and learning not to judge the impulses, seeing them as as a natural thing in the human mind – and embracing all of that. Simply embracing it.

So when the ants entered my living room, I freaked out first, and tremendous fear arose -the energies and memories of being invaded in exceptionally ugly ways. And in Way of the Heart, Jeshua reminds us that the Soul chooses ALL kind of experiences – for then to transmute them in Love. So I trained myself to just sit with the old imprints of violence and terror -and asking for help to erase the charge of these memories in the soul. Gradually this became possible, and then I was reminded to do a connection with the ant-soul or Deva. I intended to join with their “Queen-part” – and the light that I felt was wonderful, and i felt nothing but love. Suddenly they were no longer “horrible” to me.

The morning after there were no more ants in my room

Today has also been free.

And – I am even OK with the thought that they may be back – and in that case. there is just more for me to include and embrace, and I will NOT be invaded 🙂

So the best of all is the feeling that the disgust and fear of them has simply disappeared – with the help of Holy Spirit.

And in less than a week too 🙂

A Miracle  to me!

On time and attack and puppets

A friend in  Facebook-group posted yesterday a guidance he received from inside about time:

“Time is but your fantasy. It is of your making. It is your monster. Yet, it is not real. For, just like love has no opposite, neither does eternity. Place your belief, your treasure in that which is Truth and the miscreation of time will simply cease to seem to be. For, in Truth, reality does not rest in time. It but rests in the eternal. Time is a child’s toy. That is all. Forgive that toy for the dreams you gave it. Yet, love it. You made it. Find the joy in your creation. To do otherwise is but to blame it, thus giving it the appearance of control. Simply love your creation. Say then, ‘This is good. This is perfect.’ And, have gratitude for your makings. For without them, the function of forgiveness would be incomplete. Time, therefore, is not a monster or ‘evil’ creation. When chosen to view it through the lens of love, you will but see it is merely a device for awakening the Christ. Truly, look upon it with love. Breathe into it. Play with it. It is but a toy.”*

It had a tremendous impact on me – it felt like I was de-structured, and I asked Jesus for help to explore this further.

Dream:

I see my daughter within a time-line – I see the time stretching out from her to me, and before and after – she is about ten-eleven, and I am my age now – 71 – she screams for help and is in panic – I pick up the total fear, I wake up. I sense the fear it in a lot of body parts and start to breathe LovesBreath, just being with the strong fear – sensations filling up the body. I ask for help to see what kind of fear this is, and fall asleep again.

Now I am in a wood. There is a black animal beside me,as high as my leg when it stands on its back legs. It is frantic, jumping at me, and i stretch a hand toward it to help it and it snaps at my hand, thinking it is being attacked and must protect itself by attacking back. It is locked into the belief that it is under deadly attack. I look at it and see that its whole black skin on its back is in cramps,and recognize in the dream that these are my cramps( I have a lot of those.)

My hand is now holding its skin on the neck, and its cramps are cramping the very neck-skin. I try to fight it, shake it away, bad choice – this can’t be shaken off.

I realize I must not fight, but love, and at this thought my hand is looser. I just stroke  the animal lovingly. I sense the tremendous cramps it is in, in the state of panic of being under a mortal attack.
As I stroke it a speak lovingly to it, it eases up a little – and then i see it.
It is a puppet

I animate it

it is my creation

I know that this animal is the same as what I saw dominating my daughter ,screaming out in fear

It is the very cry from the soul in its creation of attack and defense
It is locked in the cramp of these beliefs

I wake up, and immediately try to figure out what to do with this – that I MUST heal this – but HOW – and realize with a great smile that this struggle energy is upholding the puppet/false attack/defense-pattern.

I am trying to heal the cramp by cramping 🙂

How wonderful information: this is seemingly locked in TIME, and what is locked is a false identity, stuck in panic of believing it is under attack.
My puppet.

The comedy of it is also that I this life has worked in prof.Theater for 20 years, with stage and costume design – AND I have made LOTS of puppets.
so I am thoroughly trained in working with illusions -and also of seeing how excellent puppeteers always “become” the puppet they are talking for and animating –

*Posted with Eddie’s consent

I Choose Love

The Great Bell Chant with words from Thich Nhat Hanh

There is no pain – or: pain is subjective

No subject – no labels – no pain!

At least: that is my experience

When i woke with the usual raging pains, a thought arose: what if this isn’t really painful – what if you are just telling yourself it is…

I remembered lesson 193 in A Course in Miracles:

All things are lessons God would have me learn.

It says:

Forgive, and you will see this differently.

I sent awareness into the “pain” – was it really “painful” or was that just a label I had given it?

It was just sensations

Nothing else

Anything else would be labels that connected “me” to it, making a story about that “me”

Right now, what is happening in the body is what feels like huge energy movements – but “huge” is a label too,let me remove that –

and voila-

what is here is movement of energy

removing the label “heavy headache”

hmm – interesting

I truly see this differently

I must have been willing to forgive 🙂

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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