Warm and happy feedback for Hilaryon Stories

Second review of Hilaryon Stories:

Hi dear one, I finished the book – and miss it dearly! I wish, I could read on every night from now on!

The sense of it all still escapes my mind, yet it left me feeling uplifted and joyful, playful and very grateful!
When I did a little grounding meditation yesterday, I decided to visit my belly from the inside. ( My belly has been like seven months pregnant for years, feeling uncomfortable. I believe, I shut it down in many ways.) So I let my awareness travel down there and found only darkness and barren land. Then, suddenly it started to transform! I saw grass growing, and streams meandering – looked like Ireland. A change again and it was a kind of Hobbitton ! Flowers, little houses and JOY! Abundance everywhere! Little people dancing, singing, eating, creating! Perhaps not so dissimilar to Hilaryon…
My life force energy was moving as a strong tingling in my lower belly! I just loved it!

Thank you so much from my Heart of Hearts!!!

If any reader of this blog may want to have look, here’s a link. My muse told me from the start it would be healing – and now I hear it is true.

here is a link to the Amazon US page. European may go to Amazon UK.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B00DZ3EID4

 

How Hilaryon Stories happened

About 11 years ago I participated in a writer group on a Harper Collins digital platform for budding authors, called Authonomy. We wrote Flash Fiction ( max 1000 words)each week, and voted for the one we liked best.

As soon as I wrote  what is now the first chapter in Hilaryon Stories, I felt deeply hooked into the material. A door had opened, there was playfulness and freedom and JOY inside, and my voice was intimately joined with the text.

Later I wrote more chapters from Hilaryon, and recognized that I would write a novel.

I was deeply in love with my main character, Croc, who turned out to be a reincarnation of the old Egyptian Master Imhotep – physician, architect and spiritual master.

I ended what is now the first part of the book 4 years ago.  I missed the characters very much – and after 2 years I could not stand it, and asked Spirit, “what would be a great theme for part 2?” “Would you consider to explore the energies of the Old Testament  – ha, the word correction gnome wrote the old Statesman! 🙂 the feud of power and hatred between Ramses and Moses? and that old version of God, of course –

YES, I would like to do that – I wanted to find out how  that God could accept murdered babies as a way to prove his power over Ramses. The idea was to just write and TRUST that the chapters somehow would work all of this out. And the Part Two opened with Johan Sebastian Bach ( who entered the book in the middle of Part One) being thrown out in the cold by his third wife.

When I had said a clear YES, magic  and synchronicities started to happen – which made me sure I was on the right track.

 

If you click on the book in the right menu, you may find out if this is for you. No way Spirit has planned this for me, Leelah, alone 🙂

 

*Hilaryon Stories* is published today

-and I am happy and so very relieved. MY FIRST NOVEL!

Many years ago I  was part of a writer group where we wrote flash fiction – short stories, top 1000 words, each week. Each member took turns  giving the weekly prompt. The start of  the world Hilaryon – and my discovery of it – was a story I wrote to the prompt: The 12 Commandments. That’s where I first met the wonderful CROC – the wise and gentle  wizard of Hilaryon. As I wrote more stories from that Universe, it became clear that Hilaryon is a state of existence adjacent to our world Gaia – and that one ends up there if the longing is very very strong – a longing to be received in the highest expression of oneself – both as artist and as  Being.

Our group died ( we were part of an experiment by Harper Collins to find new and exciting writers, and HC found new ways and deleted our platform.) But I wrote on my own, knowing it would be a book. Wonderful synchronicities and magic moments happened frequently, giving me the necessary stamina to go on. The end of first part was written ca 6 years ago, and I was very pleased with it – but after two years pause from the Hilaryoners I was overtaken by longing, I had to go on with a part two. I asked my Muse – who later showed up to be Master Hilaryon – and he suggested I chose a theme that had to do with strong polarities. I immediately  thought about the Old Testament feud between Pharaoh Ramses( it is not known which one) and Moses. I had big trouble with that version of god who ordered babies to be killed to teach Ramses a lesson ( I did not particularly like Ramses either) – and my Muse told me this would be a very healthy endeavor to bring light into the One mind we all share – and heal my own perceptions!

Johann Sebastian Bach showed up on Hilaryon in the first part -he turned out to be one of Croc’s oldest friends from Egypt in olden days, where they both had played and sung the Sakkara-pyramid into being. It also turned out that Croc was the reincarnation of the Great Imhotep: – vizier,  chief physician and architect 5000 years ago.

Johann Sebastian became a model for anyone with great loss  and longing in his soul (  In reality, he lost ten of twenty children, both parents before he was 11 and his first wife.) Now, in Part Two, both he and Croc had children, Leaf and Mo, both 11, who were crazy about each other – and  the old hatred entered Hilaryon  through a long and spooky staff.

So I started Part Two, where Johann Sebastian Bach was in big trouble – his 3.wife had thrown him out and the weather was spooked.

I received the chapters randomly, and my Muse insisted that I had to trust and write whatever as it came – and it would find its place in the puzzle. Johann Sebastian’s music turned out to be very important, I placed musical interludes within the text, so the reader could hear the music that mirrored Bach’s emotions there and then, on YouTube.

In between were months were nothing seemed to happen,and then suddenly I could, f. ex, get an idea crochet a woolen white egg and fill it with ten minuscule babies – and place it into the text. I could not plan ANYTHING – just TRUST and TRUST some more that all would turn out perfectly.

It did. I even stitched the cover you see above. It turned out that Hilaryoners love to sew and stitch.

If you click on any book in the right menu you will get to the book’s site and read more.

If you want to buy, here is place where you don’t have to pay shipping: The Book Depository Just search for Leelah Saachi and the book that you want.

 

 

The Final Bite

Dream: Something goes on between my daughter and me, and I feel a hatred and a RAGE that is larger than the world. In the dream, there is something she prevents me me do or express, and I sense I will implode from it. I bend and bite her in her hip- and as I see it now, I bite right into her very skeleton – her bone-structure.

Awake, I know that M is just a projection of my own anger at my parents – that I internalized – and that this judged and repressed energy went right into my bone structure and may well be the innermost cause of  “my” Osteoporosis,

This came after the second time I have done the bladder/kidney/water-poses in Donna Eden and Lauren Walker’s online course *** The first time my body screamed with pain, but  I  am determined to do this in a non-harmful way. The second time it went much better – I must do it in the morning and not evening, I notice, the body is not so sluggish then.

I talked with the Leelah –part who received all that anger and hatred and acknowledged that it would have been dangerous to express it when small- and I admitted that she/ my child self/ had received that bite. For a long time I was WITH her, embracing her, letting her express and rant. I truly SAW the power of denied and judged emotions, and the huge work the Triple Warmer does do keep us “safe.”

I have worked since 1988 in my private practice as an Expressive Arts Therapist ( background as an artist), and my patients have all had the same intensely forbidden and repressed anger. It has been a gradual unraveling through 31 years to get to the point of clarity this late night.

Now there is still work to be done – owning the energy instead of the old habit of pushing it back, allowing it to move with the structures given me in this course. The great healing is, that NOW the judgment of it has gone – not me or mine anymore, just neutral energy that can be given outlets and being played with and expressed the way I love to do.

Thank you Donna and Lauren from all my heart. Thank myself for hanging in there for all these years, vowing to heal myself this life, thank you to all my patients to also hung in there for years until our common patterns were lovingly given space and form – in storytelling, movement, dance, music, painting and drawing. Through it all, Love was present and showed us that we could trust the process, and that play and forgiveness was the main ingredients in our journeys.

After having worked in my practice for 4 years, I started to see a common thread in all my patients – and I found 10 archetypes of fear. I started to explore the very essence of them, and found out what healed our relationship to these fear-and-violence-forces in us all – and finding what healed them. After 25 years worked, I wrote two books about our work – one of the gradual process of working through the darkest forces, giving them space ( yoga was always a modality that I loved) and one very playful one which uses creativity and play – and LOVE –  to deal with crises and transform them into possibilities.

The two books are placed in the right menu. My Amazon pages has many reviews  for you to read if you are interested in what others found helpful.

***If interested in the Course, google “EnergyMedicineYoga with Donna Eden and Lauren Walker” and you will find links and videos.

 

 

For anyone with dissociation and fragmentation

I had quite a miracle happening to me this morning –
 
The last 40 years or so I have been haunted by what doctors have seen on x-rays as a malignant mass in the lungs on the right side – but not malignant enough to operate – since I still can breathe enough to live 🙂 I am a healer and teacher and artist and I have vowed to do my best to free my bodymind from the effects of grave sexual abuse from I was very small and until ca 20 years old. I know I have used a muscle panzer to prevent myself to breathe, since the breath would have put me in contact with memories that would have been devastating for my bodymind and sanity – before NOW.
 
This morning – I am 74 years old now -I at last had arrived at the point where that part of me who had made the decision to stop breathing, now was willing to LISTEN to me. And what has helped me immensely to come to this point, is the old teaching about the five Elements ( I am Earth.) I have a long running with Yoga in many forms – what had such a miraculous effect on me now was the whole thing coming together: the SOUNDS and the MOVEMENTS and the intent and the sacredness of it all.
 
As an artist and an expressive Arts Therapist, I teach the processes that has helped me the most – dancing/moving the energies while holding an intention, and a willingness to let go of control and ask for help from the Soul/Self instead. The 5-element process brought me back to what must have been many lifetimes practicing the old old structures – in a way that makes it all one cohesive surrender-love-dance.
 
My little girl understood that she had to accept what had happened in order to be able to let it go – I had at last succeeded breaching the abyss of isolation. It is my firm belief that it was the YOGI SOUNDS that opened the space for her to accept my presence – and for her lungs to start accepting air into them more fully.
 
So we breathed and sounded into that old isolated space, and suddenly the ice melted – and the most horrendous burning pain flowed through the right upper part of my body. I saw how immensely my muscles have worked in creating that panser – and how it hurt to let freedom into those muscles now. – I allowed and embraced the hurt, and suddenly it were gone.
 
And I feel present
 
How fortunate we are, we who live NOW and have decided to become free – then the right teachers pop up everywhere. Thank you Lauren and Donna and bless your work, I am so grateful

The Inner Attacker

I have for some years now been guided to work/play through old patterns of self-attack in the mind, that is mirrored in f.ex cataracts. I was in terror of those 2 cataract-operations but was clearly guided to have them, and through them I was led to deep and dark places that I believe i could have seen had it not been for these operations. I walked through those traumas while the doctor operated, and shared them loud, he listened deeply and i came out of it tremendously grateful. And he beamed with joy too!

Now I recently had an urinary infection. It bled. I am 74. I gave a urine test to my doctor, she said “you got full pot” and told me I ***had to*** take antibiotics.

So I did – but I asked archangel Michael’s rays to go into those pills. The bleeding stopped instantly – but my right eye started to bleed instead.

And I heard: “it s OK to take the antibiotics- but the bleeding / the inner alarm/ will show up again until you are willing to practice with full intention.And YOU have chose to come to this point of no return, Leelah.”

I asked inside what this wanted to tell me, and I heard “old self attack.” I have had so many attacks from “outside” this life – really obnoxious ones – and have known that they have their origin in my thinking. This time I felt/sensed the energy of hatred and attack and wanting to kill in the left brain ( that governs the right eye.)

This is it, folk. No doctor for this eye – I – only the divine Self.

I was told to post this here – because we as humans all have this pattern of self attack – otherwise we would not be here. I invite you to play with me here: to set a clear intention of forgiving ourselves for these thoughts, these perceptions – and so sit with it in the way you are guided to: my way is embracing my wrong minded age old choice, forgiving it completely, embracing it, blessing the wound inside my mind and heart in whatever way it has manifested for me, and important: forgiving all the ways I have judged and condemned myself for being so “worthy of attack and punishment.”

There is a place in most of us that think it is simply “wrong” and deserves punishment. I have seen this part in all my art therapy patients/clients/students through 30 years, and gathered our healing paths and case stories in the books in the right menu: 25 years of experiences how God plays with us and smiles us through it all.

For now, I thank those who feel invited to participate in this glorious celebration of Who we are – when we willingly receive our inner attacker and bless him and forgive ourself for creating this pattern – this belief in separation, sin, fear and guilt.

I was also asked to ask personally for help – which I really need to learn if you feel so guided, I am sitting here meditating. I want this healed through the heart and not antibiotics this time.

With great love to all my readers here –

Blessings and big thanks for reading this-

I would love comments!

Resisting Love

Anybody who has been abused/molested or has been on the perpetrator side,this is for you. You may just be helped a lot by “When Fear Comes Hoe to Love” in the right menu.

Last night in bed, I wanted to link up with Love again – realizing this is a habit that needs reinforcing to build new neural pathways. Big hiccupping started in the solar plexus, and I saw an intense dark resistance there: I will NOT have any connection with Light!

“What do you need?” I asked – remembering my old work with the demonic 25 years ago. I told it “ I am here for you, I am not going anywhere..”

At once I saw the image of myself in the old garden four years old, that I describe in the Chapter BIRD in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” BIRD is the archetype of the one who sees her SOLE worth as being there for everybody else – and not herself, whom she judges wrong and guilty.

It is the archetype that resists the light – as it is anchored and springs from the very belief that it is the opposite of love, and so would be annihilated by it.

I hold the child who identified with the archetype: now: I got you! This is just a memory – what you feel are just coming from your conviction that you are NOT what you are: Pure Light made in God’s Image. And when you put an “I” behind those thoughts, they become your identity.

I see the energy gestalt squirming and fighting, and ask my beloved female illumines Quan Yin, Aurora, Shekinah and Anna to stand around what I called me, and I ask the Legions Of Light to stand at the very entrance of the Solar Plexus Chakra in the spine – and from there shine their light through the Solar Plexus out of the navel. They tell me it will take some time, and that I need to remember to breathe it all out when I notice the discomfort.

The little one that I split off completely sits on my lap and witnesses it, no longer identified with it – like waking up from a thousand years old nightmare

 

 

Armour

There is an armour around my heart and lungs – experienced consciously for at least 30 years. Physically, I have sensed it as a steel band, or a coat of cement – x-rays show it as a dark mass – malignant, say doctors, but not so malignant that they have to operate it out

I recently bought the book ” It did not start with you” by Mark Wolynn, and on this welcome-page he has several short videos. I looked at nr 8 – “She pulled out her hair.” In 6 minutes he gives us the very essence of healing;

the breath – the holding – and the awareness.

When I held my heart/lung area, I sensed the huge longing to be held – without being “comforted away” from the feeling, not being fixed – just held and loved WITH the longing.

My mother passes over years ago, but the last days I have been able to sit with her and communicate – and today I gave her back all the guilt I have held for her – that she again had held for others. I breathed it back to her, and left was just this immense longing to be HELD without expectations of ANY kind – just held like I was, feeling what I was. Not fixed.

That longing – it is in us all, I believe. To be witnessed as that, held as that, embraced with that

 

The little girl in the sunspot

In these days I am working with – playing with – the old persona: the one who is simply “wrong”, the one who has accepted this, because it gives her an opportunity to ” better” herself, to adapt into what the others want her to be – and so  be SAFE.

When I talk to her in the morning, and ask her if she is willing to let go of that belief and idea that she is wrong – she says yes! and then – ” but who will I be when I am not HER??” and she shares her panic of losing herSELF and be eaten by demons.

In this moment a clear image comes to mind – my brother told me this, many years ago:

I am 2 years old – sitting on the floor, playing with something – stones maybe – and I am sitting in the center of a bright and shining sunspot. My brother shared the radiant peace and joy in that image –

and now I share it with my little girl:

THIS is who you are. – is THIS you in danger? is there anything wrong with her?

Nothing.

And she sees that everything else she has thought about herself, how she “is”, is simply the costumes she has taken on through life – the costumes that belongs to her role that is part of the play this family has played out this life.

I am that girl in that circle – and the truth is that  this Light comes out of Who I am – who we all are, when we are willing to see the Godfilledness in all, as the  very fabrics of the Universe that is us

I invite my readers to take a peek into the two books in the right menu – they contain experiences, insights and playful methods to use our pain and transform it into gold. The loving Voice who guides me is the loving voice inside us all – always ready at our choice to receive it.

Right now – this child is YOU, outside time and space, forever safe in the arms of LOVE

 

Hilaryon Stories – the Botany of Loss,Longing and White hares

For six years I have worked on a novel – guidance told me it had to somehow touch on the feud between Pharaoh and Moses in the Old Testament. I have never been able to digest that image of God, so I thought is was a good idea to do it like it happened in this book- giving it all over to my Muse, who turned out to be Master Hilaryon of the 5th Ray -! –

Now the book is almost formatted completely – and I want to present the Cover here. I stitched/embroidered it myself 🙂

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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