HIGHLY VALUED SPECIMEN FOR SALE – OUTWORN PLEASING PENNY

HIGHLY VALUED SPECIMEN FOR SALE – OUTWORN PLEASING PENNY
( from Madame Tussaud’s secret Museum of Lost and Toxic Relationship-Specimens.)

So endearing in her dead-beat condition
Pale gray dress frayed at cuffs and hem
Buttons hanging by threads or missing
Sensible shoes downtrodden, black and bloodied,
Shoelaces frayed and exhausted
The old sweet “I will save you” necklace with engraved letters
Flashing, communicating subliminally in code.
Overstretched grin, parading as smile
Chained to gritting teeth
And a heart that needs to be right
Above all

This is a great specimen
Well preserved in her exhaustion
Which makes her truly convincing
When you push her belly button
You may get a whiff of very special
Guilt
She comes with her own black-lacquered cupboard
With well-preserved and polished skeletons from
Her noble ancestral line
Extra:
Ear muffs in skunk for when you can’t stand her
“I know what’s best for you”-tone

Everything Falls

Everything falls

Stones fall

Rumbling

Trees fall, slowly, creaking, crashing, moaning

Temperature sinks

Snow crystals sink and descend

Moods sink

Birds fall, but only if they are shot

Or attacked in air

Otherwise birds never fall

I never ascend in this body

Unless someone lifts me

Or I am in a metal machine that looks like a bird

I can’t even fly in dreams

Though it so happens that

Sometimes I just bend my knees

And lift my feet up

I fly forty centimeters above

The ground

And wave my hands rapidly

Just to tell you, you don’t

Need to fly to the moon and

Sing about it –

It is OK to fly low

With knees bent

Hide and Seek

For those who do not know about A Course in Miracles, this is a poetic and metaphoric  way of describing the metaphysics 🙂

 

Convincing

I challenge you to find me I said,
Behind whatever disguises I offer!
I will find you, he said, even if you hide
In the crack between centuries.

I turned myself into a deserted
Garden, rusty iron fence with croaking
Hinges, whining and complaining at
Human touch. Dry and brown spotted
Leaves on the ground, cracked flagstones
With tired yellow grass

I filled the sad house with mold and cold,
Dust and rust, and hid my heart in the cellar.
My disguise was so convincing that I
Disappeared into it, I became the deserted
House with coleoptera, spider webs as curtains,
I forgot it was a game

For eons I forgot
Then – one day the sky was filled with pink
Like a bed sheet of happiness drawn all up to one’s nose
And you sun-rained through the cracked roof
Into my creation!
You met me in the cellar stairs
And grinned
And I remembered that I thought I could be lost!

How did you recognize me, I asked
And you just shook your head at such
Silliness
What took you so long, I said
And you said: beloved, we just parted
My heart burst out in daffodils
We frolicked for quite a while
And then I wanted to play hide again
It feels so darn good to be

Found

And seen through

Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

*

 

Colorgobbling

How powerful words are – and images!

Kit talked today about two ways looking at things/situations:

1. The judging look –  aka the character ” The Colorgobbler” by Tor Åge Bringsværd,  in the drama ” The Country Where Everything was Different.” I have never heard a better way to describe what judgment really does – with people and their souls. I designed costumes to that play 35 years ago – and only today was I, with Kit’s playful help, able to expand my vision and see the color-gobbling/sucking aspect of judgment. And what a help that is, to stop this automatic inner judge most of us have.

2)The playful look: the clown, the poet, the fool.

If you want to play with sitting with both alternatives, you will sense the energetic effect I am sure

*******

This silly playful poem came through me yesterday:

On the beach

Would you be willing to be
a beach to me he said…
strewn with striped parasols and little huts
with yellow mats
and  azure blue water

I might, she said,if you are willing to
be the fresh towel and the lavender soap
in the hut
and the shower with freshwater
outside it

we looked at each other
we liked the answers
the sun shone in perfect strength
our bathing suits were new
the wind was perfectly gentle

and since we were in the tropics
the night just exploded on us

there were fireflies
but we were nowhere to be found

 

Poemcrazy

What is happening for me now –

Sometimes – maybe twice a week or more – I meet somebody’s eyes and we both are completely present and awake. “Foreigners”, that is. And they all feel like the oldest bestest friends. We never stop, I’ve noticed – just a 2-3-second eye-soul contact, deep peacefulness and joy, and then the habit takes our feet away.

But the imprint of love and joining is as strong NOW as it was when it happened – just fully remembering Who we are.

In the night, the dreams are chaotic and very very unpleasant and tiring. But when i get up and abide as Christ, I ask what belief lies under all of that. Then i realize that earlier,this belief was helping me stay “protected” from saying something and causing dangerous situations – so I thank that pattern, own it. and see that it is not valuable any longer.

Today I sat like this in the five-minutes abiding as Christ  – which turned into 3/4 hour – and at some point, a river of toxicity left my brain through my temples or ears in two streams.

Afterwards I felt I had lost about 20 pounds

*
Today I got a new book by Susan Wooldridge:  Poemcrazy. When I was sitting with it, the doorbell started co-cooing like crazy – 6 times, and then a seventh while I was looking at it through the window. THIS IS FOR YOU. DO IT!

Oh yes I will – funny thing is. I have done so many of this word-games she describes in earlier workshops. And now, I am back -and I will find somebody to play with 🙂

Recent poem:

Choices

Left road:

Rain on Monday evenings between 19-21
Military marches for small men with big dogs on Wednesdays
Digging holes for manure Fridays
Flag rising on Sundays, only on municipal buildings
No singing on Thursdays
Whistling: never
Red clothes only Saturday evening after 7pm
Weeping and gnashing of teeth 10 minutes after 5pm each day

Right road:

Moonlight serenades by small insects with lighted bottoms
Checkered dresses and flowered suits whenever
Pink bubbly and chocolate mousse whenever
Nothing matters
Ever
Nothing changes
Ever

Turn around.
Wait for the little red and yellow copter
*

Door-bell signals – from the wilderness

I have decided for decades  that I want the Universe to mirror to me where I go unconscious and where I need to heal and forgive. The Universe has been very very cooperative – including mirroring me via PC(freezing up,) cellphone : NO energy at aaaalllll – and can’t get charged! and also via my outdoor lamp that lightens up when it is dark outside – or, in my case, light goes out when it shouldn’t, and comes on again when I have found the places where I hold on to darkness( read:false beliefs of limitation  – and fear.) It comes on again by me just realizing where I have been in error, and being happy about being shown.

Lately, the door-bell has sounded several times when nobody has been there.

The first times I freaked out, there was a ghostly energy about it. So I sat down and asked for help, and was told that this was a part of me that I had violently dismissed and judged and feared and hated –  old incarnation. The energy imprint of it is still there in my soul – could I just sit with the part of me who I had judged so intensely, and just listen to it, and find out why it had behaved in this way?

It showed me the acts were done from  intense fear, and needing to protecting itself, out of the beliefs it had at that time – which were that it was guilty and sinful and completely separated from God’s Love. Or so it believed, at that time – that separation IS possible.

I know better now – and I chose to be with that part. When it noticed that it was not alone, and not judged, things happened very fast – in just five minutes or so, warm clouds of love arose to embrace us.

I thought that was it – but since then, it has happened again. The spooky feeling has abated a little – and I have sat with that new aspect too.

Today it happened again – This time, there were no spooky energies –  and I sat down and was guided to pick up a new book I have bought: Circle of Grace by Jan Richardson. Wanton Gospeller Press.

I opened it on this verse:

Blessing that meets you in the Wilderness.

Last verse, that my first finger pointed at:

“Let this blessing be

the road that

returns you.

let it be

the strength to carry

the wilderness

home.”

©Jan Richardson. janrichardson.com

This happened the first time in 2014.

It’s moves me to read now the insight I got at that time:

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings.

This was a thought I got – and the door-bell signal came the second i had thought it: PAY ATTENTION!
That’s how strong that energy was, in that sentence – in that truth:

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings

*

So now I am the place where I truly let that belief go – that I need to accept blame for others’ wrongdoings. And instead be returned to my Self, and carry my (be)wilderness Home.

Late Summer

Late Summer

Waiting for the bus,gazing softly at the row
of small trees at the other side of the street
birch,aspen,maple
the wind plays with them, I notice
how different they dance, in rhythm and manners
In another world I might hear it as music
here I am satisfied with the color-show:
the lime and ocher, the flashy burgundy and crimson
the dark brown ones with black spots
like old old hands
I look at the dancing leaves
leaving summer

suddenly, there’s the sun
shining right through the leaves –
the yellow ones now
gold gold gold

I stop breathing
I want to be found
and shone through like that
before winter comes

The Trauma Body

Those who have followed this blog for a time, will know that I have talked about the Pain Body – an Eckhart Tolle-term.

For me, a free space opened in my mind this morning, when I saw so clearly that what I feel each morning – and frequently in the day – has nothing to do with who I am: it is just the trauma-body,

I have experienced deep traumas and told myself ” this are MY traumas, MINE, they belong to ME – separating me from others, giving me an identity –  ” just like my patients and clients. It is a false identity:) – thank God – I/we have have seen it falsely: what you are, is the Observer – the part that still is like God created us, the part that can NOT be harmed.

That still sacred place is still found in the Heart.

This morning, suddenly calling the stories that glue all those traumatic moments together to “me” and “mine” for the TRAUMA-BODY. created a LOT of space inside – a clear separation from that pain-creation.

Suddenly, I was in the Observer, embracing it with Love – looking at it just as energy-imprints that I still had not forgiven and released. I have worked with this in a zillion ways – and each time it seems it is on a slightly more loving and spacious ring on the upward spiral of evolution.

*

I wrote this yesterday, to Robin Williams – thinking of him and his ability to go so high and so deep – feeling we have this SMILE in common. And it does not belong to “us” 🙂  so I want to pass it on:)

Oh Captain my Captain

The waves of your lives in your roles
Break on the shores of my heart
Like the pulse of the heart of the Goddess
Who spat you out here to play

I find the eternal love for Dead Poets’ Society
and for the Muse who cannot die
I see her in your achingly tender smile as you
leave your classroom that last time:
some standing on the desks, having found the
freedom of truth
and those still sitting, bent and scared
You lent yourself to all your roles
The smile is in most of them

As you, as Parry in Fisher King
Longed for the grail and flied
From the red dragon –
In the end, you put your head in its mouth
But this is what I will remember:
Your play with chopsticks and meatballs
With your Queen of Clumsy
Your trouser legs stapled shorter
And the wild and tender smile
When you looked at her
And joined her

O Robin my Robin

 

This is all I need

This is all I need

This silent space :
Air singing
The lace on her thigh
The bared teeth of bliss
The invisible line of her neck
The flimsy embellished sheet of nothing
Between her and
Her dancing prancing mover

 

The Rider – Marc Chagall, drypoint. 1929