Sunbeam and Wave

Photo from Shutterstock


Yesterday I asked a question on my Way of Mastery-group. One woman gave an answer with a projection in it- I felt the sting and the instant resentment – and I remembered to ask myself where I had done that? Hm 😊
And what came out of that was life changing for me. I have lately wanted to know more deeply what Jeshua means with “your object of CREATION”*** since the forgiveness-exercise is all about working with that object.
I sensed that the OOC is the story I have made, where I seem to be separate from other beings, seems to be placed in a certain time and in a certain space where memories come from, and movements in my nervous system, all the characters involved in that story-object, my feelings and emotions and sensations in the body, how I breathed in that situation- everything physical and mental and emotional that happened that I called me and MINE – “this is about ME.”
And then, the judgments are the judging way I looked at the neutral acts in the story:  you/they/should/shouldn’t have – you are X ( stupid, wrong, the whole chalabang.)

I sensed the impact of this story of guilt and projection in the body, breathed and cried and released and forgave and embraced and blessed, and fell asleep and had a magnificent dream where I was FREE and related to various people in wheelchairs etc 😊 with lots of humor and freedom, and met wonderful people, and remembered I had a new and supersuper car somewhere – but I had currently forgotten where I have parked it!  LOL

And this insight-angel embraced me:

Truth is – I am the wave in the same big sea we all live, I am the sunbeam from the One same Sun we all share – and as long as I remember my connection with my Source – and recognize where my power and safety come from, acknowledging it – then I know where I belong.

And in the moments where I forget and believe am rootless and miserable and wrong – I need just lovingly correct myself and remind me of my origin. There, I can with clear eyes look past sin and guilt and fear and recognize that that comes from a choice of perception that creates fear. I can start with blessing all I see – including myself and my fearful perception. I can ask to see that the ones who stumble and do evil, have temporarily forgotten the Sun and the Sea. I can remember it for them, blessing them WITH that knowledge. I have noticed that it may be very simple – when I smile to someone who seems to be in a worry-place, they  MAY pick up where that smile comes from, and seemingly in front of my eyes, step out of a dark dream and smile back

Marcos Paolo Prado, from Unsplash

*** from his Way of Mastery-course



My friend Kit and I Skype each fourteenth day – since 14 years! – and we both shared about being in survival mode – and how we both, during the last 14 days, had started breathing practices whenever we found ourselves in survival mode. Something had shifted for us both – and Kit shared how breathing had stopped the instant identification with HELP!!! -and I shared that some of my most hilarious joy filled experiences had been when I was in the backseat of a BIG motorbike, and the driver started to WROOM it – wrrom wrooom wrooom, like a wild beast roaring. I remember how I have smiled when I have witnessed people wrroomming their pets cycles – and how fun it is to wroom myself and feel that particular power in my belly, allowing it to burst out in a deep resonant voice.

Good yoga! I have told myself – and just wrooming a little has such a power to instantly break the trance of overwhelm – it is a shift in perspective that is quite astounding. I need to remember that it is a CHOICE – and practice to drill it in.

If you have fun with this , let me know



Angry – and

Enough already!

I have not been able to to paint/draw for about 2 years now. All that comes is ANNGRRY pieces like this. And so I stopped resisting and gave it space – which felt glorious.

The today, when I watched it, I grabbed a pen and started writing. This is word for word that came:

A day in May

has much to say
about my way
to form and slay
 the SHALS and MUSTS
and eat and scream
and dive in stream
and dip and swim
and laugh and beam
and come alive
is bestest way
with giggles and
a form of pray
that whispers lightly:
It's just a dream.
Now come alive 
and have ice cream

I notice the turnaround into “dive in stream”, and enjoyed the change in energy in that shift.

I had just ended a session with a friend and  suggested creative means for her to deal with huge rage. So I thought I would do that too.

These poems – silly as they are, are so healing for me. They just come. Such blessings. I think one of the Divine’s attribute is playfulness and silliness. I also experience that any form of play is transformative – I will set the intension to allow what comes through me / patients  with curiosity and wonder – always trusting that what we have started, not knowing where it will go, WILL go into wonder and transformation, when we let it.

If you are interesting in case-stories from my 30 year practice as therapist, you might read some reviews of When Fear Comes Home to Love

Turn Your Longing around

40 years ago I found this quote by St.Francis of Assisi: What you are looking for, is what is looking.
I knew – by the reaction in my body – a kind of a shock of remembering – that it was true. I have known it fully many times – and somehow dropped out of it again.
Here it is now for anyone who may need to hear the truth again from Rupert Spira – myself included – giving ourselves tons of compassion for the parts that still try to find it anywhere else than this HERE and NOW:  this Heart that we all share

Helplessness and the Fixer

In the Corona journey we all are taking there are these days a collective bone-tiredness, a profoundly deep “ I can’t take this one more second.” The ones of us who are in an awakening process will notice this more acutely. I had one such day yesterday.

There is an old collective pattern: “I have to DO something about this. I, ME, the separate I, has to DO something or find out something -it must be something I have done wrong. There is a deep feeling of impotence and helplessness: I MUST do something – and nothing helps or works.

This is the very archetype of helplessness. In Non Duality (A Course in Miracles) I am helped to discover that this small I does not exist as a separate being – it is part of the collective mind that is convinced it has succeeded in separating itself from God /Source /Universe/Love.

The Corona virus has made these old fear patterns visible for us all. “I can’t breathe fully and freely” is one such pattern – and most of humanity has not been raised to breathe fully and freely, since that would allow us to be in touch with painful overwhelming emotions.

Personally, I have been caught in the belief that “this is something I must cope with – tackle – fix.” Then I try more and more and more to fix it – and that strengthens the feelings of powerlessness. I now give power to the belief that I, small mind,Leelah, has to do this.

I noticed that anything I did within this pattern, strengthened it. As long as I saw myself as a separate struggler and victim, I tangled myself deeper into the very archetype of helplessness.

I noticed that for me, the solution was: OH there I go again. ( smile.) I choose to drop these thoughts and rest in Love.

Now helpless-thoughts are not mine anymore – they just are humanity’s  thoughts – and Love flows into my mind. I notice I am willing to receive help from Love – and I am available for Love-thoughts.

It is good to make space for these energy frequencies. I can just sit with this as a meditation – making myself available – but even better for me is taking a hike in the wood.


Holy place in the wood
Sacred peace

Lost Keys and Vengeance

The ego goes amuck – it is dying and knowing it.

I went for a long hike in the wood yesterday, took many photos, and lost my keys to my house and my bike -which is my vehicle for traveling fast.

Since I now hike without the old fear and victim-identity, I don’t get tired. I went up very steep trails and did not breathe heavy -what a miracle!

After 1,5 hours, when I was almost home, I noticed the keys were lost.

I might have lost them when i took this photo

I grabbed a bite and an orange and decided to take the hike from the other direction. I was certain I would find the keys! I asked the people coming toward me if they had discovered the keys, and some of them offered to call me if they found them. They were all compassionate and beautiful. And then I met the most radiant of them all – shivers up my spine when I share this. He seemed ageless, wore clothes that were well worn and loved, he had a sack from the stone ages. When I asked if he had found the keys, he was all ears. I noticed that his eyes were remarkable – such warmth and love and kindness! He offered to look for the keys and give me a call – but he had no cell phone. “I could take your phone number-“ he said  while searching for a pen. He smiled and said “ I have everything I need with me. – ” and took out a ball pen and a crumbled paper with a list. “ Ah, there is my grocery list” he smiled – but he used such a quaint word that I was taken aback – he called it “ the  colonial” – which is a word we used for the grocer shop in the fifties. And he certainly did not look like he was in his 70ies!

So I did not find the keys. At home, I opened the key safe outside my door and found the spare one – had a soup and went out again to search again, to no avail.

or here

More nightmarish dreams in the night – deep guilt for having malnourished my daughter (which is what my ego dished out) – and gradually it dawned on me that it was my perception of it all that needed healing. I gradually remembered that all happens FOR me and not against me- to help me forgive my perceptions – and I realized that my deepest interpretation of all of this was “ I have lost my keys to the Kingdom and this is a well deserved punishment for being so – so  RECKLESS and CLUMSY and WRONG!

Leelah,What was it with that man on the trail that you loved? Who WAS love?

He knew who he was, he was completely peaceful. He was filled with Presence. He trusted LIFE in all its flavors.

Ah. This is it: I choose to trust all of this. My keys will return to me or not, I will trust anyway. I will trust to park my 40 year old gear less bike without locking it – knowing that it is part of my undoing the old way of fearful thinking that NO DIVINITY takes care of me.

Trusting the process.

All the beautiful synchronicities tell me otherwise. Thy will be done:)


Some years ago I gave an online course in storytelling as a way to transform our inner dragons. I called it Rosebush. I took the role of Grandma Pumpkin and invited them into my garden to play and explore. Here is the garden:

Just up the stairs – the gate is open – welcome

I am a firm believer in The Story’s ability to heal – and that it comes through us to be told and shared. In my 33 year long practice as Expressive arts therapist and healer, this will fail only when some part inside us is shitty scared of the freedom that is available – and that the story will not come from truth, but from that dark place in us that wants to destroy the truth. This belief IS a dragon in itself.

Let me first share this Rilke-quote that I used as an opener in the group


Here is the simple structure I used to find a way to transform our main dragon:

1) Imagine your fear/dragon/ illness/ problem (X) as a creature ( It may also be just a
challenging “energy-pattern.”)
If this X had a form – how would it look? Size? In what landscape is its habitat? Does it have clothes
or fur or shells-? Colors? How does this “dragon” smell? What kind of smells are its favorite?
Favorite food? Habits? (nasty and/or nice.) Be wild – listen to it: – “Foods:black coal and grubs with
timian.” Does it have children? How do they look? How does it raise its babies? What is its PET when
it is young? What are the NO-NO’S in its family? Feel free to pick all or just 2-3 .
Be outrageous, silly, over the top, incorrect. This is just playing.

What music or sounds does it enjoy – if any?
Favorite weather?
How is its mating ritual to attract a partner?
What is the main thing it never has shared?
If I had only one sentence it said…what would it be?
What is its greatest fear? Maybe it is a Who, not a What

Now the story begins
1)Once upon a time, in a (describe x’s surroundings) there lived a creature… (start to list the
descriptions, allowing us to get to know it/her/him.)

2) Now, you see – a wicked witch (name!) has put a spell on this landscape and/or the hero/the
creature. Now the creature is her slave – what has the hero/ine have to do for the witch? ( go in detail,
be to the point – like scrub her toenails, polish her buttons, fetch worms for supper.

3)Then one day – something wonderful happens! A wondrous Being appears ( how does it look?)
and says she has three magical objects that the Creature can have to free itself from the spell. After
having used all three, the landscape changes into something wonderful – describe. What are the three
objects?Make it really simple – this is not about writing great literature, just describing short and in
detail how these objects and “persons” are your short text.

NB: There are no RIGHT answers – what came to you may sound nuts, but please note them
down!Now, put the descriptions of the Creature and the trouble and the Magical Intervention from the
Being, into a story.VERY short please – less than one Word page is OK(unless the story insists of
having more space.)
Tip: if you feel stuck, pretend that someone else is writing it. F.ex yourself as 9 year old. The
language may belong to a very young child – or maybe a wise wizard is telling the story. Remember,
we are not looking for essays. We do not mind that the language may be clumsy. Just get it out there.


This night,  when the mind was repeating its favorite doubts “ you are not doing it right” I was reminded of the wonderful synchronicities when I presented my own story in our group.

Here is the beginning:

Once upon a time there lived a Gruffly in a black valley. The sky was black, black ragged mountains cradled it like a cauldron, black angry sharp shards on the ground, and dozens of black rivers. They were slow, viscous, sticky and thick like tar, and they smelled like burned rubber and boiling asphalt.

There was no sun in The Tar Valley – only Grufflies and little smooth round black “pet-stones” in the rivers, but the stones were few and rare, and the Grufflies had to remove their boxing gloves to pick them. When they did, and found a cherished stone, it took them ages to get the tar away – in fact, the best way to get the tar off was to lick the hands. And we all know how dreadful tar tastes, don’t we.

Here is my first sketch of my Gruffly – and the Wicked Witch: ( for some reasons, the black/white scetch will not be posted HERE but below.)

And here are the two first synchronicities.

A couple of days after writing this, I was biking down to the mall, and a little boy, I think max 2 years old, and his parents walked toward us. The boy was running toward me, he was stretchering out his palm, there were something black in it: a small stone.

A black pet stone.

He cried out: Look! look! and his face was beaming at me.

And this was not all: my guides know I need many reminders – a couple of days after, I was biking down to another store – and there he was again, running towards me, again wanting me to LOOK – LOOK – and this time, his hand held many of them.


In my book ” When Fear Comes Home to Love, “you will find many of these stories and synchronicities. What I love about them is the strong impact they have on patients who never has believed in Something Greater’s love and care for us – and now, for the first time, do not doubt this eternal companionship.

Main character – the Gruffly with his protections suit and his beloved Pet Stone


In this old pattern of agony coming up – there seems to be a change of perception here.

This morning a clear voice suggested ,” Instead of going into the heavy stuff why not expect the Joy underneath it to come up?” And a soft warmth started to embrace me from inside.

It would seem that the Love and Joy I am looking for, and consciously expecting, is much more valuable to focus on for now -so, not to judge the dark stuff in any way – acknowledging it, but choosing to focus on allowing JOY to merge with me.

The photo below is me and my two must influential teachers this life – Paolo Knill and his wife, Margo Fuchs.They started the Expressive Arts Therapy education, and I started in 1988, the first group in Norway.Their work helped me find my soul –

Nature Creatures Comes Alive

My daughter and I took a long hike around an island/islet nearby – Calf’s islet. Hundreds of people out hiking – many families – it was wonderful to see so many mask-free people enjoying life together. Lots of space there 🙂

Suddenly I saw that M would look marvelous with those long stiff yellowish straws – so we found a place outside of the path, she laid down and I placed the straws on her – and started to take pictures. She looked like she was in heaven, so incredibly peaceful.

Here as some photos, with her permission.

deep happiness and rest
and then the straw creature came alive

Then I found a strange mossy cap-like thing and decided I wanted to see how it fitted me. I felt the same deep intense peace and happiness

I felt like new born for hours after. Intimate experience -like we dipped into a level that felt familiar in an unexpected way. Now the body KNOWS how to feel deep peace, just beingness.

When we walked back, we found shrubberies and tall stiff grass  where we could play another time.



In my mailbox this morning:

Being Available
When I am fully available to the Moment
I receive exactly what I am ready for,
and I am likely to recognize it as such.

When I’m not available to the Moment
I receive what I’m ready for in that space,
and it may feel like
a confusing and frustrating detour.
These are ponderings from Educare Unlearning Institute

So – being available for healing and correction – is quite a rollercoaster for me.  For me, this white wonder poised on the cliff – and the human who saw the smile of it – is a mirror of the balancing out in a mind and soul like mine – dark and light.

Lately two strong symptoms seemed to be overwhelming : One of xerostomia – dryness inside the mouth and palate – and swollen legs. Google tells me this means I am an old woman and must be prepared of this bother. FFFt I say, this comes to set my mind on something I have overlooked because it is repressed and judged deeply – and it exists in the one mind we all share. So I looked at it, and saw myself in a situation ruled  by immense hatred – and I embraced the hateful me. Immediately water flowed back into my mouth and eyes.

Right away a strong ache in the right shoulder and arm comes up. OK, I include you too. Yes, I have repressed my Right Mind ( as A Course in Miracles names it) to a severe extent, since I have been very focused on symptoms of pain and trauma in this life – and I have not been so good at balancing it out with just sitting and  breathing and relaxing into the arms of Love. There has been an insistence to find out what it means, and then unravel and heal it. That is the way of the left brain.

That feels wonderful when I succeed – and very frustrated when I don’t, since small mind insists on being in control and get things.

But Queen Aurora does it differently.

AHHH 🙂 I just wanted to link you up to a very recent post about Queen Aurora – and look what Blue did -just what I needed to see right now


It only took eight years LOL –  very well spent they were, since I decided to befriend this ” ego” instead of judging it.


For new readers: BLUE is the name of a blue animal on the cover of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” S/He turned out to be the speaker of the Voice for Love.

Here is a small picture of Her/ Him:






She is so content with being right where she is, under root – knowing that it all will turn out perfectly

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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