Losing keys is a common dream for most of us. And the symbol means different things to different people.

This summer, I lost two keys hiking in the woods – to my entrance door and my bike. I returned several times, walking the same trail, searching.-

Then, later,I mislaid my keys repeatedly,but found them after a lot of stress.

The latest: I wanted to copy my main key and give it to a neighbor, in case I needed them to get in in case I needed help – I live alone and am 76 years, so good for me to know I can call somebody and they will be here pretty soon.

The key-man tried to copy it three times during three weeks. The copied key did not open the door for me. When I returned, he insisted it was because my original key was WRONG. He called out each time, when I left: THIS TIME IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY! But it really didn’t.

So I at last got that this was a “lesson” as A Course in Miracles calls it – something we have called to ourselves to heal and resolve with love.

I recognized an intense urge to smash the keys in the counter in front of him to prove that I was right and he was wrong. And remembered what Jesus says in the Course: Beware of perceiving yourself as unjustly treated. – He tells us that whatever we experience, after having decided that what we want most of all, is to fully wake up to our true identity – we experience it because we have called it to us in order to find a solution that is based on a loving response rather than the ego-solution of being right.

I stated my intention to SEE the key-man with loving perception – and I saw his terror of something going on that he could not control. Hm, where have I had those thoughts – and what do I want to control? Well, VERY MUCH still. My body and pain and aging for once …

So after the third time of wrong keys I went back to him and returned them and got my money back – 200 kroner.- In numerology, 2 is the number of separation. He called after me that it is because my original key is FALSE – needing the last word, and my heart opened wide.

Then the dreams started – the last one this morning – I had a new large house, but I could not lock the main door from inside, so everybody was free to just walk in and invade the space. Then I had a new dream, where I lost BOTH my glasses and my key and the bus stop to get home.

So this is the question, dear friends and readers – if these were your dreams, what would the key symbolize?

I can’t wait to read your suggestions in the commentary field 🙂


Immediately after this, when I was looking for an image with keys, this opened on my desktop:

Thank you for purchasing Richard Miller’s webinar, Deepening your Inner Resource:
Your Unbreakable Wholeness of Being
. Kindly follow the instructions below to access
the webinar.

Will share later ! 🙂


Here is BLUE – the sacred animal in the cover of my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.

Just today – more that 30 years since I wrote it – do I realize why the Holy came to me as an animal. I smile and smile as I realize that the animal carries no baggage – while Jesus and God carry more baggage than Chicago Airport.

The image also shows how the Holy is always present in every situation – even the very darkest ones

This is BLUE – the symbol of embodied LOVE

Here is a short snippet

“Allow me to present the Blue to you – The Presence of Love within the Myth. When I started to write this book, my idea was to explore the figures within the Image and the Myth, and find their stories and healing potential. But three years into the manuscript Blue made Her[1]* entrance.

It was during one of my agonized sleepless nights. I started to pray, and found myself talking into my little dream-recorder which stays in bed with me. I decided to pretend that I was God and knew the answers to my agony. I asked, and “God” answered. It comforted me.

This repeated itself for almost a week. Then the ego butted in and persuaded me to stop these conversations. It wanted me to take the credit for the book, not the Divine.

That stopped the process very effectively.

But then I sat down and wrote down the conversations – and saw the wisdom, humor and Light within The Answering Voice. The moment I knew, with a wave of gratefulness, that these dialogues were going to be an important part of the book, I also knew that The Voice belonged to the sacred-looking blue animal in The Image, under the root. In that revelatory moment, the structure and intent changed: before, I was trying to write a book to be accepted by the academic world, to “prove” my worth to them – a futile and impossible scheme of the ego – now it became clear to me that Blue had planned it all! So this book is written to remind us all of that Guiding Principle within, Who faithfully leads us toward our awakening.

Conversations with Blue are meandering throughout this book, and the text is also spiced with short examples of Divine play, through the form of synchronistic events and magic “coincidents.” With deep compassion and humor, She shows us how She leads us and plays with us, and how darkness can be seen as layers in an onion, opening to the radiant Light at the center.

The following dialogue is one of the very first:, from 1997. Blue’s voice is in italics:

Talking with Blue / 1997

I am here to remind you that you are a child of God – and that ALL your journeys, stories, poems and images point toward Me. I am your sunny garden, your golden haven, your sacred heart – your one and only Mother and Father. Come home to Me now – I AM LOVE. I am here to urge you to RECEIVE YOURSELF.

Who are you, Blue?

I am you. There is no separation.

Can I call you God? Can I call you Christ?

You can touch whatever consciousness you want with your heart and intention. If you address Christ, His answer will be filtered through your consciousness and through your mind. And you will give My voice the voice you have been conditioned to use.

If you address Christ, it is from the Christ-source the answer will be given. How you hear it and receive it, is up to you, and will be refined through experience – much like an artist grows into her true form. –When you – and all humans – are communicating like this, you are doing yourself a huge favor: you are taking away control from the ego, and stepping outside its prison doors, into fresh air. I repeat, I AM YOU – there is no separation, except in your mind.

Dearest Blue – why have you taken the form of an animal in my image?

To show you my playfulness… I am Divine playfulness, cohabiting with the demons under the root – so you shall not take it so very seriously, my dear.


What is horrifying is to be trapped in the illusion that this Child is all you are. You need to have tremendous compassion for the Child – and at the same time recognize that you are also one with Me. The role of Child, this unhealed soul-fragment – “the one who suffers in hell” – is meant to be healed through the “Greater You.”

There is a GREATER REALITY (10) where you experience all as One. –You and I planned this drama – don’t get stuck in it! You are not the roles, you are not even the drama – but you are responsible for making the drama conscious, so you can step out of it. Yes – don’t get stuck in it, my love, PLAY WITH IT. As every actor knows, it is necessary to step out of the role. Child and Fuckeat are not YOU – it is something you explore to discover the dark places within you that you still haven’t loved and healed.

You cannot really choose love and light without knowing what darkness, denial and hatred is. When Adam and Eve were in Paradise, they did not know that it was good – before they seemed to fall from Grace.

So when you and your fellow-travelers experience and explore your root-hell, you will then have the necessary experience of torment-awareness to choose the opposite. But this choice becomes available only after having fully experienced and accepted your own tortured feelings.

Realizing the hellish drama as your own creation, [2]* will give you the impetus to choose love.

And please have fun doing it!

The essence in The Lesson of The Root is recognizing your error in identity – and then to choose again!



[1]*In the text, I may use ‘Her’ for Blue, our sacred Self, or Holy Spirit in Course-language. Blue is of course non-denominational – but in my experience, She has the quality of Divine Mother.


[2]* The Leelah-figure, according to the Course, creates absolutely nothing – the part of the mind that creates is outside time and space and has nothing to do with this body/personality we believe ourselves to be.

(10) At the time I was receiving this loving Voice, I was also deeply into Emmanuel’s Books: ‘Greater Reality’ is his term for Heaven.



Lucid Dreaming

I have for a while now intended to have lucid dreams – which means, becoming aware that I am the dreamer of the dream. That has happened some times, and the feeling is pretty  wonderful I think. And this morning I had one too – after having discussed lucid dreaming with my daughter yesterday.

The scene was very non-specular- a bunch of people, most of them with their back to me, waiting for something/someone -? ( Me of course!)

I saw them, and asked myself, “could this be a dream?” I got a YES, and in my hand I had a potato-peeler – like this one.

Professional Skreller Svart

I pushed it into the back of some of the persons, and it went right through, like air. The person did not react at all – but dream-Leelah did: I sensed an electric unpleasant feeling in my midsection!


Carl Gustav Jung ( whom I actually met once in a lucid dream LONG ago) said that all dream-persons are parts of our self.

So If I harm some of them, I also harm myself.

Sorry, dream-Leelah. Good learning.

And so to something quite different – or not-? Since we are all dreaming up this world ( says Jeshua/Jesus in A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery, and every Non Dualist ( there really is not such a title, but but.) Yesterday I visited with M a wonderful exhibition from 1960-1977 – a bit surrealist it seemed – and we found it by entering some stairs I never had noticed before in this huge museum. There was a ginormous chest of drawers, filling a whole room – and I photoed these two drawers:


This is the kind of silliness that is pure healing for me. I hope you have good giggle!

Helplessness and the Fixer

In the Corona journey we all are taking there are these days a collective bone-tiredness, a profoundly deep “ I can’t take this one more second.” The ones of us who are in an awakening process will notice this more acutely. I had one such day yesterday.

There is an old collective pattern: “I have to DO something about this. I, ME, the separate I, has to DO something or find out something -it must be something I have done wrong. There is a deep feeling of impotence and helplessness: I MUST do something – and nothing helps or works.

This is the very archetype of helplessness. In Non Duality (A Course in Miracles) I am helped to discover that this small I does not exist as a separate being – it is part of the collective mind that is convinced it has succeeded in separating itself from God /Source /Universe/Love.

The Corona virus has made these old fear patterns visible for us all. “I can’t breathe fully and freely” is one such pattern – and most of humanity has not been raised to breathe fully and freely, since that would allow us to be in touch with painful overwhelming emotions.

Personally, I have been caught in the belief that “this is something I must cope with – tackle – fix.” Then I try more and more and more to fix it – and that strengthens the feelings of powerlessness. I now give power to the belief that I, small mind,Leelah, has to do this.

I noticed that anything I did within this pattern, strengthened it. As long as I saw myself as a separate struggler and victim, I tangled myself deeper into the very archetype of helplessness.

I noticed that for me, the solution was: OH there I go again. ( smile.) I choose to drop these thoughts and rest in Love.

Now helpless-thoughts are not mine anymore – they just are humanity’s  thoughts – and Love flows into my mind. I notice I am willing to receive help from Love – and I am available for Love-thoughts.

It is good to make space for these energy frequencies. I can just sit with this as a meditation – making myself available – but even better for me is taking a hike in the wood.


Holy place in the wood
Sacred peace


In my mailbox this morning:

Being Available
When I am fully available to the Moment
I receive exactly what I am ready for,
and I am likely to recognize it as such.

When I’m not available to the Moment
I receive what I’m ready for in that space,
and it may feel like
a confusing and frustrating detour.
These are ponderings from Educare Unlearning Institute

So – being available for healing and correction – is quite a rollercoaster for me.  For me, this white wonder poised on the cliff – and the human who saw the smile of it – is a mirror of the balancing out in a mind and soul like mine – dark and light.

Lately two strong symptoms seemed to be overwhelming : One of xerostomia – dryness inside the mouth and palate – and swollen legs. Google tells me this means I am an old woman and must be prepared of this bother. FFFt I say, this comes to set my mind on something I have overlooked because it is repressed and judged deeply – and it exists in the one mind we all share. So I looked at it, and saw myself in a situation ruled  by immense hatred – and I embraced the hateful me. Immediately water flowed back into my mouth and eyes.

Right away a strong ache in the right shoulder and arm comes up. OK, I include you too. Yes, I have repressed my Right Mind ( as A Course in Miracles names it) to a severe extent, since I have been very focused on symptoms of pain and trauma in this life – and I have not been so good at balancing it out with just sitting and  breathing and relaxing into the arms of Love. There has been an insistence to find out what it means, and then unravel and heal it. That is the way of the left brain.

That feels wonderful when I succeed – and very frustrated when I don’t, since small mind insists on being in control and get things.

But Queen Aurora does it differently.

AHHH 🙂 I just wanted to link you up to a very recent post about Queen Aurora – and look what Blue did -just what I needed to see right now


It only took eight years LOL –  very well spent they were, since I decided to befriend this ” ego” instead of judging it.


For new readers: BLUE is the name of a blue animal on the cover of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” S/He turned out to be the speaker of the Voice for Love.

Here is a small picture of Her/ Him:






She is so content with being right where she is, under root – knowing that it all will turn out perfectly

The Stamina of the Stamen

Here is a dying Amaryllis – and it’s one perky Stamen that defies death.

I love that little white one with three leaves – like a three-leaf clover. And the strange face of that flower –

Here is stage 2:


Death you say? Highly overrated
Now it is starting to be very interesting – and artistically exciting too
ooohhh close-up
Hm is it only me who – well –
The morning after – that is, today

For new followers, you may not know that I am a Course in Miracles student ( and even ordained Minister. Just mentioning it so that you will take what I write SERIOUSLY )  (clears her throat and scrapes her foot. )

ACIM holds that there is no death -Who we are, in our eternal Self, cannot die and has never been born

It is the sacred essence within all that is – and nothing is separate. Modern physics nods its head supportively.

 I happen to have a chronic lung condition which limits breath – and this night there seemed to be  almost nothing of it. It felt like death was one minute away. I got the thought that only fear creates illusions -and so it is the FEAR of not breathing I must look at. Immediately the lungs opened a bit more. I decided that this was not Corona – it was a “class-room”, as the Course calls it – a learning experience of how to recognize the shenanigans of the small mind, showing me that I had chosen THAT as my teacher , and thereby giving me this fear-filter to perceive the happening through. As soon as that insight came, I  breathed better – and now I knew that I was under the law of Love and not insanity.

“You cannot BE without ME – since I am Being through you” said Love. “The restriction in the lungs is just a mirror of your old resistance to me. And your fascination of that Stamen is your recognition that inside decay and death is this immensely alive Stamen, bursting out, bending upwards, against gravity  and toward the Light


Dissociation – or Going Trough the Ice

Going through my gallery and found a pic of when the pilot tip of our ice  auger made it through the ice, but the auger bottomed out before the drill  could punch
I found this on Google images -photo taken by SeeWhatEyeSee. This is a good image of how it FEELS to be in that ice cold spot where you are seen, but nobody cares about it

In non-dualism (A Course on Miracles) we are One mind – seemingly spread out as 7 billion humans and a zzzillion of others beings – the One wanting the experience Itself as all of creation. I have found the old adage “As within, so without” to be precise and workable for me in my daily life.

So this One – expressed as me / Leelah – takes much joy and giggles from playing with everything showing up for her growth. Today, as I randomly picked a page on one of my many small notebooks, I found this about BEARS:

“:But their hidden strength lies in the bear’s ability to travel between the psychical and spiritual worlds, a talent that is recognized all around the world by those who live in harmony with nature.

One way that bears access their inner world in during hibernation when they find a safe and womb-like environment to let their physical bodies rest while their spirit travels. They travel through time, mentally digesting and learning from their experience, but they also travel beyond the realm of mind and body into the dreamtime, where they are able to be rejuvenated by the source of all life. In this sacred space, they are connected to physical, mental and spiritual realms all at once and can find the balance that they need to re-enter the world.”

This capacity I have also found in the Essene tradition – the one Jesus grew up within. In books about that tradition, their mysteries and spiritual explorations, I read about the spiritual practice -meticulously trained through years – to revitalize their bodies as they lie inside holy structures, like pyramids, guarded by priests and priestesses. In the book, “Anna – grandmother of Jesus” by Claire Heartsong, you can read about this in detail.

SO in mu notebook, I saw that bears travel like this too – revitalizing themselves. Aint that something!

I looked at the Teddybear in my bed and smiled.

And thought about a split of / dissociated part of me – which I have described in When Fear Comes Home to Love – an image I have found in all my patients: A small child, living in a hole in the ice – the image of deep repression of needs and overwhelming pain and trauma.

To heal this inner archetypal part, takes tremendous love, loyalty, and time – and playfulness, I have noticed. So now I looked at my Teddy and wondered if s/he could be a surrogate for the inner child.

Being a surrogate for another is a well known method for those who work with healing and see ourselves as beings of spirit -knowing that we truly are ONE in spirit. I can intend to “embrace you ” spiritually and “ work” on you  within MY body I serve as your surrogate.

So I asked the inner ice-child if she would consider me working on her THROUGH Teddy. She said yes.

And so I took Teddy and did some energy procedures on her – and felt the results in MY body.


Some procedures were instantly success – warmth and peace enveloped us ( the inner girl.) Others that I /Leelah love, did nothing for her – demonstrating that the dissociated part’s nervous system is not the same as mine –  our disowned parts live under slightly different laws than our physical body.

I LOVE how life constantly amuses me and refreshes me.

The Place of I Do Not Know

My dreams are always guiding me to those feelings/energies inside that I have in some way judged and denied, and thus strengthened. This night I visited a beloved friend who is a psychiatrist, and  who has shared her  feelings of powerlessness encountering patients in psychosis and chaos. And I visited her in the role of “therapist” – the one who is “supposed to know better.”

Of course I made a mess out of it – even more confusion was made in my dream-efforts of “helping.”

I sensed into the vast space of “I don’t know what to do and I MUST know since I am a therapist” – and saw the chaos this belief holds and creates. I asked for help: open The Way of the Heart” page 56.

It was a BLANK PAGE.

This is the place within that I have abhorred the most – I simply do not know what to do in this situation.

The human solves this with pretending that she knows – giving advise ( which may help or not)

and now I am being shown what Love would do- just sharing what is true for me in that moment:

“I see your absolute terror and agony, I believe I know this feeling well – tell me if I am right: a vast feeling of no control, the fear of having no support from others, the wish to die immediately  – and then the thought that you would go right to hell, since God certainly can’t be trusted to help you – and so there must be something deeply wrong with you.”

Now she is being heard and not judged and preached to. Now she is lifted up – and the feelings have been accepted as normal and shared.

Now we have a shining opportunity: 

In this moment of truth – we don’t know what to do – we offer this state of not- knowing – the blank page –up to Love, God, Infinite Self, Universe or whatever is your term for it. We simply do not know, we stop our futile attempts of control – we surrender.

And in this open space Love will pour in, as we have now made space for it .

Here is a link to Pierre Pradervand’s story about how a band of  Hutus came to an African healer’s house in Rwanda to murder his family – and how they were disarmed by LOVE.***

And below is how A Course in Miracles says it:

I desire this holy instant for myself, that I may share it with my brother/this situation/Name/ whom I love. It is not possible that I can have it without him, or he without me. Yet it is wholly possible for me to share it now. And so I choose this instant as the one to offer to the Holy Spirit, that His blessing may descend on us and keep us both in peace.

***I describe this in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Oh WOW this is amazing

After studying A Course in Miracles since 1984 and also Way of the Heart, Way of Transformation and Way of Knowing – oh am i not a  FABOLOUS stuudentt – I realize that I has not understood much of it. In fact, very little. But what is so AMAZING is that when I started to read it anew, i discover that Jeshua says the same in all paragraphs :  God is but Love, and therefore so are you.

So this morning dreams with huge spiders with thin thin LONG legs everywhere – and similar antics – arrived – like ghosts of unnamed nightmares in the deepest recesses of the One mind we all share. -In deep agony I woke up and remembered this is not who I am – and grabbed The Way of the Heart book at my night table:

(p31) The point is, there is nothing that you see that is not pervaded by the Perfect Radiance of God’s Holy Presence–nothing. The stone, a leaf, a piece of paper blown by the wind, even the shoutings of fear and anger from anyone yet contains within it–if you would receive it–the Perfect Love of God. For your Father does not ever recoil or withdraw from the unlimited and perfect Extension of Himself. And God is but Love. And if you did not abide wholly in that Love in this moment, you would immediately cease to exist. I don’t just mean die; I mean, literally, cease to exist. There would be no trace of thought, or memory in any mind, of you. It is only because Love Is that You Are.

This is so fun – so i got The Way of Mastery-book too and opened it:

 As the journey that you’re on begins to end, you will come to see that darkness is nothing more than a part of your own beingness which has been neglected and not loved. For when you love what you perceive as darkness, you reclaim it as a part of yourself. And by loving it, you transform it. And the power you had given it by separating it from you, returns to you where it truly abides.

And WITH this Truth inside me I can sit with those weird-feeling energies, feel them and breathe –

and i notice a giggle coming up


This blog is the place for me to share openly ( often with embarrassment) – to support myself in giving my self a voice, and share the insights and gift from my spiritual and creative process.

In my Course in Miracles blog, I share the lessons from the universe where I use what I have learned through the Course and the three books by Jayem; The Way of the Heart, the Way of Mastery and the Way of Knowing.

In the Way of the Heart, chapter three instructs us thoroughly through the forgiveness process, as Jeshua/ Jesus explains it and learned it.

1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)
“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to… see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)
2. “It is very, very important to let each day to be sufficient unto itself. When you end your day, always truly end it… As you take a deep breath as you rest your head upon the pillow, look upon of the whole day, embrace it with your consciousness, and as you let your breath go out, say silently to yourself: ‘I release and forgive this day. It has been perfect. And it is done.’” (page 38

I have studied this for many years – and it is amazing how many layers there has been for me to see the simplicity in it. Example: This night I found issues with betrayal from a brother – and looked for a situation within me where I had done the same. I could see it – and what was more important was, that I could see that at that time I thought I had no choice – I thought I HAD to stay with that man,since inside me was a terrified little girl who was raised to believe that she could NOT take care of herself – so I traded “safety” for “being supported.”

This time I embraced her – and also fully embraced my mother who also had that pattern – and my brother too – and saw how it all was splendidly set up for me for truly experience all flavors of it this life. Now waves of light flowed into me, and I gradually could see the sacred essence of them all – and recognize the “contracts” we set up before this incarnation – to play these roles in our family to make these energies available to be seen, known and transformed. Since it is not possible to forgive anything I haven’t first embraced.

To see Jekyll and Hyde-abuse as a valuable lesson for us who want to wake up is what my books are all about – how can I use it creatively – poetically – how can we create art out of it?

Since art and playfulness is the very essence of our true Self

Maybe that is good question for you too – “what has my experiences led me to believe / do/ think that is truly valuable?

IF not, I would not have been able to write ” When Fear Comes Home to Love” which has helped so many – students /patients/readers .

and the 108 creative exercises in “108 Ways to Transform Crises into Possibilities” –

and Hilaryon Stories – a novel

When you click at the images, you will be led to reviews

Christ coming toward m

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: