Transformation

I write this blog because I am certain that what I explore and examine may benefit others. The root of pain – and how to relate to it with LOVE so it transforms – that is good stuff I think:) And today I want to share how old pain from generations back can be transferred to others. Us.

This night I again wanted to relate to the long-time source of pain in the chest-lung-area. When I cough now, it sounds like there is a huge echo-hall inside there.

So I thought – innocence! It needs innocence! And I “put” innocence in there – and it was not received. Super-strong resistance. And sitting with that, it became clear for me that of course GUILT cannot stand INNOCENCE.

Guilt calls for punishment – for perfection – CONTROL and clever pleasing behaviour. A Course in Miracles teaches that original guilt comes from the moment in the One Mind where the Son of God decided enter  the  experiment of separation – and arose in that indescribably horrible moment where we thought that God was now our adversary.

But God has not changed Her way on being unconditional eternal love, and I am still in my true nature as  He has created me

So -is it true that I am guilty?

I have certainly done a lot of hurtful thoughtless  behaviour in the separated state of mind. But am I guilty?

No – I still am as I always was and am – eternal, unharmed, all-loving. Aligning with this, I know I am innocent

So – The Course also teaches that I /my soul have chosen to experience everything I experience – included the pain in the chest.

How can I look at that differently now – with love and curiosity, instead of judgment?

I put a loving hand on my heart and close my eyes.

“Do you need something?”

It is Mother’s face I see there -( she died 40 years ago) right in the middle of the pain. And it is HER guilt I picked up, and it still nests there – begging me find all my grievances and let them go.

Now, with the Course practices, that relationship would have been quite different

And I saw that I needed to forgive myself for my creation of  all the stories of the world where love seems to be excluded. I chose to experience all of it, as soul, to find out how far away from God’s love I could come and STILL find Love.

Writing that now, I start to giggle – cause finding that out, from an extremely dark place, is what my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” is all about.

Blue nudges me to open the book at random now.

Page 91: ( this is a description from a session with a man who just had got gout – and we found that it originated in my client’s grandfather, and his strong and fearful experience at his grandfather’s deathbed, when my client sensed that something “dark” was transferred from his grandfather to him. In the book, we explored how LOVE healed it all.)

“How did the pain come into being?”

“It started yesterday… it swelled, it is kind of an inflammation…. I have had this once before, and the doctor said it was gout… it is a bit embarrassing, gout is what older men may get In this moment I recognize and connect the energy to Eric’s grandfather. He died thirty years ago, but in Eric’s’ mind and soul his memory has still a strong effect, and carries with it a sense of horror that makes Eric split off a part of himself.

“Eric – when you speak about the pain in the foot, I get in touch with the energy from your grandfather. Could this pain have something to do with him?”

“I feel cold shivers down my spine!”

Shall we look closer into this?”

“Yes. I want that.”

*

Blue also points me to another place in my book – a reminder: ( this is written in 1992:)

The fact that my therapist and supervisor, aside from being a specialist in psychology also is a practicing Buddhist and a wise and loving man with a big heart, made it possible to explore the karmic pattern which became visible during therapy. Three years into therapy he insisted that I must have given a Bodhisattvic Vow in a former incarnation.

Small mind flatly refused the idea at first – why would I want to take on other people’s suffering? I have more than enough with my own, thank you! Then my ego blew up like a balloon: “Wow – I must be really good and special.” But since the favorite game of my ego is to degrade itself, it did not let me keep the nice feeling of being more special than others. So, I put it out of my mind: “Omar, you are really far out there.” But Omar didn’t budge. Time and time again he pointed out: “There. That is part of the vow.” And slowly it crept into my consciousness that it was VAST MIND Who had made that decision – not my ego. Something in me relaxed tremendously and recognized it.

Some days later, I sat meditating in the morning. The air was clear and bright outside the window. A vast space opened within me and around me. I asked: “Is it really true that I have consented to use myself in this way, to the benefit of all?”

In this moment, a great expansion happened within. In tremendous speed did I expand and become Light. I hear my Heart answer: “YES. At last you know.” This YES floats through me and relaxes all tension. In this moment, as I accept my choice, there are no tensions and no resistance.

The Heart continues: “As long as you see yourself as a container, a vessel for darkness, it lightens. It is sacred work!”

The Conveyor belt

Kit and I, both as therapists and “persons”, experience that just being with whatever in the body – bringing clear awareness to it – is transformational. When we Skype, we take 20 minutes each to be either the “explorer” or “witness.” We can talk about it, or just go directly to the body and ask “what is most alive right now for me, what needs attention inside? “ And examine, with innocence and curiosity, how this feels in our muscles, tissues, bones, intestines. Any images coming up are welcome – and saying YES to it, as it is, and just allowing ourselves to have that sensation – and emotion – will set it free, as long as it is done with wonder and curiosity and wonder – that is, no judgment.

And no judgment means LOVE

When we primarily talk about, we can compare it with being in a field of flowers – the sight and smell may be so overwhelming that we become sedated. The mind simply lures us into talking, discussing, analyzing – but what brings healing is to just sink into the sensation/emotion and BE with it – without all those me-identifying stories.

*

The session put me right into the place where I could see how vehemently I had refused my child-eyes to see something obnoxious and scary brutal. As I stated my willingness to see, I was shown four wolves who served as guardians of the wound – placed there by my wish and decision of course, to protect me when I was small. And now something wonderful happened: I saw those wolves’ faithfulness and absolute loyalty to me, their creator – there was nothing they wouldn’t have done for me. So instead of being angry at the defense-system, my heart melted and I went to them and told them to “lay down.” They obeyed immediately. Then I sat down and opened my arms to them, and they came, all four of them, to receive cuddles. It felt completely real – smell and sounds and all.

It is vital for us to recognize that we all have chosen our defense-systems – only then will it be possible to let go of them, or rather, to have them let go of us – and they will, if we see no value in them any longer, since our perception has been healed.

Blue then told me that there is no point in me continuing seeing details from trauma – “re-living things” – but to allow H.S to show me just the essence of the wound, which in this case is an archetypal wound – the one with perpetrators violating babies and even killing them for their own relief. The relief consists of projecting their own vulnerability outside and attacking it there – now seemingly having killed it off. What a kick that becomes for them – but then it has to be repeated, and becomes an addiction. Blue reminded me that now, that I truly saw this without identifying the perpetrators with their acts –  and seeing how severely their minds were disturbed, for them to be able to act like this –  that now, when images like that comes up for me, i.e. in the media, I can and choose to immediately look beyond the acts to the light behind – or also, look for the light space that the acts are floating in – or, look at the screen the acts are projected on. Remember Plato’s Cave? In all cases will I remember that I am within a dream that the One Son of God(we all) made when we choose to experiment with separating or Self from Source/God – and when I recognize the complete impossibility of that, I am joined with my Self again and all is well.

I find that when I have that intention to notice the “invisible” screen we project on unconscious guilt on, the seemingly constant iron-band around my lungs/chest immediately lightens, and a deep relaxation entering the heart.

What we do when we do this work, is to diffuse the appearances, the illusions. And since we truly are One mind, “the perpetrator’s” soul and the “baby’s” soul will somehow pick up that evil is not almighty: there is a light surrounding it. When just one person is willing to look for the light and truth, therefore the One mind is affected- and then, it is of course each and every one’s choice to notice this- or wait.

But it is unavoidable that we get there – since it is Who we are. And of course Blue reminds me that since time is also just a joint construct in our mind, we already ARE Home – looking back and believing the dream is real.

I remember many stories where people report about being the “victim” in a rape-situation – and that something in them shifted, and suddenly they stopped resisting and looked at their rapist with Christ’s vision – and that the “rapist” recoiled with a look of terror on their face and ran away.

These persons saw right through the illusion of “assailant” to their true Self.

Next step – to truly recognize, as the One mind, that I/we have collective invited this darkness into existence when we decided to believe in a world without God as our One and ONLY Source of life and love.

And then we became mesmerized by what we had created, and forgot that it was just a big show of projections in a holographic universe – and Our very decision to separate became the projector.

I talked to my inner child with Kit as a witness on Skype – telling her that it was safe now, and something deep inside abated, as I just sat with all the strong sensations in the body, without making stories about them. I saw that it was important for the baby that both Kit and I were there – Kit’s kind voice supporting what I told happened in the body, and helping me to stay with it instead of talking about it.

And in the last minute of the session, Kit laughed out loud and told me: “Just now, right outside my window, two ladies stopped. One of them has a baby in a harness on her chest – and right now, they both stopped walking and looked at the baby.

*

Two days after this, I was sitting on the sofa and watching a movie about a young man with Asperger’s syndrome – when, suddenly, I was aware that I was completely inside my body.

OH Simplicity.

Complete absence of drama

Just HERE, with all of me, no “parts” outside, not me outside body either.

It lasted ca an hour. And in the night, when  some heavy stuff came to the surface, I was given a perfect image for me to just let it go:

I am at a conveyor-belt on an airport – there are two tracks of belts, I am in the middle. I place the two bundles of heavy-murkiness on the belts, and watch them travel toward the little door in the wall – and instead of a door, there is only LIGHT that receives the released stuff.

Feel free to try it out – and please comment here if it works well for you

 

 

 

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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