do you want a talisman?

So we are close to the end of the year, and I am having problems with my medication. Quetiapin it’s called, and quiet I am not. Dizzy, constipated and feeling in a daze..I think I will stop this pill and maybe find another.

It also has a huge impact on my dream life. Many nights I have been so happy – so much fun! Yesterday I dreamt in vivid detail that I was pointed out to do a big painting project – and all the teachers of the Academy were sure  only I could pull this off (whatever this was.) I woke up, feeling loved and appreciated and thinking maybe, just maybe I can go for my brushes again without throwing up. But the dreams this morning – (shudders)…I was in Indonesia somewhere, in a large house with no doors, everybody could just come in, and they did – a large assembly of “Witch Doctors”…or maybe alternative healers. Their costumes were fantastic and colorful – lots of feathers and painting – and they were offering the people living in the house “Amulets” against dark forces. These guys looked a lot like “dark magicians” themselves, and I declined and declined,I did not need amulets.

But there I was, I fell for one all the same – it looked so intricate and beautiful, made from carved bone, oh so delicate it felt in my hands…

Outside of the house I showed it to my daughter (she was 11, as she was when she lost her father  – hm) she was feeling lost, and I showed her my new Talisman – then it started to produce sounds, it was picking up radio-waves, since it was built almost like the snail-house inside the ear – and then I did not like it any longer: I am picking up far too much already, don’t need an extra gimmick for that…

Waking up, I still felt the atmosphere of a sort of frenzy from this group of “healers” who believe in dark and evil spirits – and this atmosphere, I realized, came from the medication – I realized that it opened up the lower astral level  very effectively – and if there is nothing I want, that’s it!

Now, there is only two things I can do: judge as an expression of fear, or forgive as an expression of love. Would I be willing to see the “witch-doctors” differently? Sure – if I felt myself anchored in Love …

I see how I have set this up: to validate I am a body who need talismans to defend itself from being swallowed by darkness and going to eternal hell – the story of my whole childhood and youth –

I can forgive it instead: allowing the feelings to be here – allowing the feelings of resistance to be here also. Doing it as a write, sensing how the feelings of dread melt away, when the fear and dread is not believed in – could I let it go, and allow the H.S?


would I be willing to?




Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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