“Whatever suffers is not part of me “- Acim

Usually, in December about solstice I use to get panic attacks and depressions of a disintegrating order. Very scary: No grounding. It started yesterday, and after two-three hours I remembered – “Whatever suffers is not part of Me.” Me meaning Who I really AM: Christed Self.

That’s all it took. Stories dropped, only raw energy remained – and I just lay in bed welcoming it, and knowing that this may not be what I thought it was – something that was a sign that I had done something wrong.

Without any stories and “small me” attached to it, it was just energy. It felt like atomic strong, but there was this knowing that whatever happened, the real me could not be harmed. And so, resistance fell.

White horses in the night

Dream

Dark night in the snowy wood. No flashlight, but feeling confident. Not cold. Suddenly, there is a glowing bowl of fire under the snow. It rolls! It knows where it goes, it knows it purpose! A wind of freedom soars through the wood, and there are horses – all shining white in the darkness – , they run 3 feet OVER the snow, oh, their manes – alive  – they know their purpose too –

Then I am out of the wood, and it is seven to nine -still light, no snow here – is it day or night, i don’t know –

right behind me are soldiers, and they seem more like freedom fighters, not serving the government – they have blown up something, and the building beside me is the Police Department, or is it the Ministry of Defense 🙂 I see windows blown up, but the damage seems “civil” to me – done with consideration 🙂

The  white horses are surely in team with the disruptors

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Last night I followed a teleclass with Zach Rehder –

this is a wonderful demonstration of how his work dismantles old defense patterns. Afterwards, I felt completely overwhelmed, and very close to panic. So I sat myself down and asked for help – breathed into the feelings/sensations, and heard: ” Fill your heart with Love for this scared little part of you.” As I did, it became so clear that I AM this Love and not the scared part. The scared part had come to life because of belief  in separation in my mind – and seen from this loving ME, it was a thought I forgave – it seemed silly.

I remembered my Identity in God, and I forgave my fear-creations and my identification with them all – look where it has brought me – to this sacred moment 🙂

The sensations in the body-mind, that before always have led to psychotic episodes or months of panic and anxiety, this time was seen as an unreal creation with no power except the one I had given it by believing in it

I went to bed, I rested in God

and then the dream happened

Now, the further work – to truly embrace the fear-energies when they come – and forgiving myself if I start to believe in their stories again

The time-bound consciousness

Just found this quote:

Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunctions of the time bound state of consciousness E. Tolle The New Earth 2005

Time-bound state -consciousness:  identification with the ME-label.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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