Supersensitive
06 Mar 2019 Leave a comment
in Healing Tags: attack, electronical sensitivity, love, Spirit, supersensitive
The false foundation
14 Apr 2016 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing Tags: A Course in Miracles, addiction, attack, bless, confusion, fear, forgiven, forgiveness, Jeshua, judgment, Kit, psychotic episodes, Self, transformation, Way of Mastery
Jeshua, in Way of Mastery, points out to his students, that everyone of us has “signed up for this(whatever happens)” – and that the steps we are to take are already lined up for us. Meaning – I can trust that I am supported in whatever I seem to go through.
Now, I frequently seem to forget this – I am lost in an addiction to earlier insanity. That sounds insane, doesn’t it 🙂 But listen – here it is: there were some 20-25 years with psychotic episodes in my early life.
Disclaimer:And this is in no way meant as an instruction for others – this is just MY perception of what is healing for me. If you resonate, good, if not, please chuck it out the window.
In WOM, Jeshua’s deepening Course after A Course in Miracles, we are trained to befriend earlier energy fields that we before have identified with and denied/condemned – to open our arms to them, and recognize that we created them out of confusion and fear – and then believing that those levels of consciousness constituted our true identity. Opening up to them, we discover that the “rules” we have lived by and have identified with “me” and “mine”, all rest on false ideas – for ex. the one I found today with Kit: the belief that what we feel is “too small” to be worthy of attention. When that belief is given validity, the effects from it spread outwards and often turn into attack on others, some kind of violence – all signs of that original false belief that what I have perceived as hurt is not “enough” to deserve comfort.
What a brutal attack this is on our Self. And yet, how innocent: it builds on a false idea, that society supports us in adopting i: that we are not really worthy – that we need to be “reformed” in some way.
The energy from those psychotic episodes is now calling to arise and be forgiven – for me to simply BE with, bless, learning to see as neutral.
Last night I had forgotten that the energies coming up were a gift to be embraced – I thought I was under psychic attack again, and tried for my bare life to find something to do – “the right thing” that would heal the energies. But today I recognize, with Kit, that this is the addiction Jeshua is talking about: the addiction to this old identity as the insane/psychotic child and youth. And: that to be addicted to something means that we try to support it and help it to stay the way it is – since we think this is US: this sufferer with this story is who I am.
Then of course our psyche does its very best to confirm this false belief – which is nothing else than a belief in a story built of false perception, built on what we told ourselves at that time of hurt.
THAT story forms our life – NOT the behavior from others, but what WE think it means about us -and therefore all the rules about what we deserve or not.
Talking to Kit now, my eyes and mind are opened and I recognize the insanity-energies as just earlier intensely condemned stuff now coming up to be allowed and released. And a vital element is added: in order to be able to NOT be sucked into the old story again, and feed the energy with thoughts about how dreadful this is – I simply can, as Kit is suggesting, say: “What can I give myself now, when it hurts so much?”
Well – I can sit up in bed. Change my perception and position. I can drink water. I can pull a soft shawl around me. And so the situation that before was seen as “solution-searching from a frantic mind” now turns into simply being with: – witnessing, listening to the old story from the child, and staying in truth. This calls for TRUST in the situation: this is just a part of the path to awakening – and I decide if it will be horrible or healing.
So very simple. And how truly complicated we make it by believing in the thoughts we told ourselves – the thoughts that were the foundation of the story of us.
Ants
17 Mar 2016 Leave a comment
in Blog Awards Tags: ants, attack, essence, heart, invasion, Jeshua, memories, miracle, soul, Way of the Heart, When fear comes home to Love
This is a biggie for me – on this path of awakening: the energy of invasion/attack. My book, “When Fear Comes Home to Love” explores how to relate to, and deal with, our mind-imprints of being invaded/attacked and abused – which is just the other side of the coin of invading,attacking and abusing. The last months, the revelations and healing of this common pattern in the human mind has been the challenge of embracing the souls of the attackers – the willingness to see through the dark acts to the part of the soul that cries out to be loved and not judged. Not loving the acts – but seeing through it to the very essence of the Soul.
So. Ants…
They have lived under my terrace for about 15 years or so. They swarm up from holes between the tiles in clouds so big that it is not fun to sit outside in the warm season – unless you love to breathe them in as they swarm. -I have long seen them as a mirror of a part of my subconscious that I have learned to hate and judge and deny in myself – like expressions of rage, anger, jealousy, impulses of murder. The last year has been a deep dive into these areas, lifting them up in the Light of the Holy Spirit, and learning not to judge the impulses, seeing them as as a natural thing in the human mind – and embracing all of that. Simply embracing it.
So when the ants entered my living room, I freaked out first, and tremendous fear arose -the energies and memories of being invaded in exceptionally ugly ways. And in Way of the Heart, Jeshua reminds us that the Soul chooses ALL kind of experiences – for then to transmute them in Love. So I trained myself to just sit with the old imprints of violence and terror -and asking for help to erase the charge of these memories in the soul. Gradually this became possible, and then I was reminded to do a connection with the ant-soul or Deva. I intended to join with their “Queen-part” – and the light that I felt was wonderful, and i felt nothing but love. Suddenly they were no longer “horrible” to me.
The morning after there were no more ants in my room
Today has also been free.
And – I am even OK with the thought that they may be back – and in that case. there is just more for me to include and embrace, and I will NOT be invaded 🙂
So the best of all is the feeling that the disgust and fear of them has simply disappeared – with the help of Holy Spirit.
And in less than a week too 🙂
A Miracle to me!
On time and attack and puppets
27 Feb 2016 3 Comments
in Blog Awards Tags: animal, animating, attack, Christ, control, costumedesign, cramp, creation, defense, dream, forgiveness, illusion, miscreation, puppet, theater
A friend in Facebook-group posted yesterday a guidance he received from inside about time:
“Time is but your fantasy. It is of your making. It is your monster. Yet, it is not real. For, just like love has no opposite, neither does eternity. Place your belief, your treasure in that which is Truth and the miscreation of time will simply cease to seem to be. For, in Truth, reality does not rest in time. It but rests in the eternal. Time is a child’s toy. That is all. Forgive that toy for the dreams you gave it. Yet, love it. You made it. Find the joy in your creation. To do otherwise is but to blame it, thus giving it the appearance of control. Simply love your creation. Say then, ‘This is good. This is perfect.’ And, have gratitude for your makings. For without them, the function of forgiveness would be incomplete. Time, therefore, is not a monster or ‘evil’ creation. When chosen to view it through the lens of love, you will but see it is merely a device for awakening the Christ. Truly, look upon it with love. Breathe into it. Play with it. It is but a toy.”*
It had a tremendous impact on me – it felt like I was de-structured, and I asked Jesus for help to explore this further.
Dream:
I see my daughter within a time-line – I see the time stretching out from her to me, and before and after – she is about ten-eleven, and I am my age now – 71 – she screams for help and is in panic – I pick up the total fear, I wake up. I sense the fear it in a lot of body parts and start to breathe LovesBreath, just being with the strong fear – sensations filling up the body. I ask for help to see what kind of fear this is, and fall asleep again.
Now I am in a wood. There is a black animal beside me,as high as my leg when it stands on its back legs. It is frantic, jumping at me, and i stretch a hand toward it to help it and it snaps at my hand, thinking it is being attacked and must protect itself by attacking back. It is locked into the belief that it is under deadly attack. I look at it and see that its whole black skin on its back is in cramps,and recognize in the dream that these are my cramps( I have a lot of those.)
My hand is now holding its skin on the neck, and its cramps are cramping the very neck-skin. I try to fight it, shake it away, bad choice – this can’t be shaken off.
I realize I must not fight, but love, and at this thought my hand is looser. I just stroke the animal lovingly. I sense the tremendous cramps it is in, in the state of panic of being under a mortal attack.
As I stroke it a speak lovingly to it, it eases up a little – and then i see it.
It is a puppet
I animate it
it is my creation
I know that this animal is the same as what I saw dominating my daughter ,screaming out in fear
It is the very cry from the soul in its creation of attack and defense
It is locked in the cramp of these beliefs
I wake up, and immediately try to figure out what to do with this – that I MUST heal this – but HOW – and realize with a great smile that this struggle energy is upholding the puppet/false attack/defense-pattern.
I am trying to heal the cramp by cramping 🙂
How wonderful information: this is seemingly locked in TIME, and what is locked is a false identity, stuck in panic of believing it is under attack.
My puppet.
The comedy of it is also that I this life has worked in prof.Theater for 20 years, with stage and costume design – AND I have made LOTS of puppets.
so I am thoroughly trained in working with illusions -and also of seeing how excellent puppeteers always “become” the puppet they are talking for and animating –
*Posted with Eddie’s consent
Not alone
09 Feb 2016 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing Tags: attack, Christed Self, darkness, entrance light, fear, heart palpitations, separation, struggling, suffering, symptoms
Old parts visiting
Lately, I have been doing TAT on coming into this body – and inviting dissociated parts to come back. I did not take into consideration that the energies/frequencies that these parts held would seem to create havoc in the nervous system And I share this here because of the many of us who found it necessary to dissociate parts of ourselves -and the wonder and beauty – and also maybe havoc – it will create to take them back. Just writing about it now makes the energetic havoc from this night and day return – and I have to write this fast, so the illusion will not run away with me.
There were strong heart palpitations – and the shock-waves they made were felt in the midsection – like a big hand down there were hitting the stomach hard. There was nausea, hard to breathe, cold sweating . and a strong belief: “ I am dying. I must get to the hospital NOW.”
Still – something kept me back.
Returning home later in the day, the inner message was clear: you are re-living the bodily echoes of the times you/small child/ was visited by these sensations in situations where you could not in any way process what went on in the nervous system, and what you told itself that it all meant, that you were experiencing this. I opened one of my many wise-quote notebooks, and found this: “ …I realized that my belief of having to fight through life on my own was creating the (…) and that that belief is just an illusion…once I realized that my belief of having to fight through this situation ON MY OWN -was creating this situation ( …), and that this belief IS just an illusion, everything changed in the most miraculous way….”
I am sorry I have lost the name of the sister/brother who wrote this – thank you!
The strong physical symptoms almost instantly stopped. Instead, there came a violent sobbing and calling for Mom, and a part who screamed I am scared I am so scared. I “held it” and listened to it and let it express itself. It repeated itself some times, and then abated – and I knew that what worked, was the realization that this was a great gift of healing – now all these palpitations and symptoms were nothing more than an old tape, being played back in consciousness, and this time listened to and embraced in love.
When I sat down to write this, the symptoms started to repeat itself. I understood that there was something going on now and did not realize that I again had been sucked into the old belief of having to struggle/suffer through this alone. I went into the living room to get a pen, and saw that the entrance light had gone out. The ones who have followed this blog for a while will know that the divine uses this lamp to correct my beliefs. I stood before it, acknowledged that I was stuck in temporary darkness, and said, “ I call on the Light that I am – to center myself in that, while I write about these symptoms. The lamp answered instantly, and the symptoms disappeared again.
Reminder: Help me to remember always that it is my belief in separation that CREATES this situation/these symptoms. This is the only thing that needs correction: my belief in separation – which is an attack on my own Christed Self.
Thank you thank you thank you, Jesus, for healing my perception – and thank you, dear sister who wrote those insights in a Forum I visited.
You Are Eternal
20 Dec 2015 Leave a comment
in My three books Tags: A Course in Miracles, ancestral lines, angst, attack, body-mind, body-mindpattern, Christ, eternal, evil, healings, lineages, pineal, root-memory, Self, session, Tapas Fleming, trauma, victim, When fear comes home to Love
I have just lived through what will be an added last chapter to “When Fear Comes Home To Love” – see the right menu.
I am working with Tapas Fleming on a root memory/trauma in my mind: that of trusting somebody in power completely – and then, when trusting, open and vulnerable, to be attacked viciously. What did I tell myself when that happened? “I must never let up my guard again – always expect the worst.”
Tapas tell me to speak to those parts of my mind who believe this – and in that second, I SEE them: great crowds of people with that bodymind-pattern. I see and sense them surrounding me, and everything in my mind focuses on THIS moment and the opening for healing – on a personal and collective level.
“What I would like those parts to notice” says Tapas, talking to the parts on my behalf, “is that even though you were tricked and shocked, and even though you decided never to let up your guard again – what would be good for you to notice about yourself, is that actually you are eternal. – Even though all of that happened, it is not happening NOW – and you were not what you were involved in.”
While she speaks, I SEE the crowd instantly realizing – knowing that they ARE eternal. The energy in the crowd is vastly changed – like it was just a dream and they have awakened.
And – I needed to be seen as eternal. It is beyond beautiful to BE SEEN in that identity.
I have been dreaming and I am awake now
The shift from the victim identity to Christ/Self
Under my navel, where there was a demonic wolf-like being, is now a LOVE-sun, radiating its light into this body. The crowd is conveying, “Although we were shocked, shocked is not what we are – and what we are, can not be shocked.”
The shift is utterly complete – in that one second when we heard and believed, “I am eternal.”
I sense all the stories and false identities that they/we/were temporal and not eternal, melt away. I sense their overflowing gratitude to Tapas for the reminder, and for me to holding all of that so we all could benefit in this way.
Just writing this down, I feel the sun in my belly again. It is much more than warmth. It is wordless all -encompassing love.
All the feelings I have had of being distrusted and disrespected by everybody have disappeared. It all came from inside my mind, through this link to the persons sharing the imprint of never to fully trust again.
I am as God created me. I am created in His image.
“And now we come together to bless – what we judged and hated, we are now here to bless it all” the crowd conveys.
“It’s so beautiful. It’s a blessing for me to be with you” says Tapas.
I watch ancestral lines wake up and hooraying – not yelling, just pure relief of not being caught in dream-hell anymore. No need to go into bodies to hide from a vengeful god anymore – unless we want to. We just need to be Who we are – and extend that Love.
*
What Tapas did first in our session was to “scan” me – and she noticed that my pineal gland had some attacking energy right around it. It was tired and worn out. When she mentioned it, I sensed the old old presence of “evil” and “dangerous” and weird. We included the pineal and “the attacker” in our invitation to parts that were offered ways to heal.
This morning, I went to the Pineal and checked – is the craziness there still?
IT HAS GONE.
The thing is – I have always checked after all my other sessions and healings – and this has always been left. Now I know why: I had hooked into our common angst. Now this healing has touched the collective, and the ones involved who were attached to me, aren’t any longer.
The story has played itself out
The energy of the Pineal is still tired – but not awaiting attack anymore. It just needs rest.
So I will rest
Blessings to you all
Leelah
The stone of anger and justified attack
26 Jan 2015 1 Comment
in A Course in Miracles blog Tags: anger, attack, Pierre Pradervand, Swiss Alps, The gentle Art of Blessing
In Pierre Pradervand’s beautiful book, “The Gentle Art of Blessing,” he describes an exercise he gave a group – to find a heavy stone and a steep trail (a simple task in the Swiss Alps) and to carry it up that trail as “your burden” – and then let go of it.
I did that yesterday. It was big and weighed 22 pounds. I put it in my rucksack and I trudged up the trail in deep snow. What was the burden: my attack-thoughts. The deep old anger, still justified.
It was so heavy! I first thought I could not manage more than 150 feet – but I made frequent stops and leaned forward, supporting myself on two ski poles.
Suddenly it felt much lighter.
It took some time…the snow was deep, but the weather was magnificent, 23 Fahrenheit, sunlight, and in 45 minutes I was high up, disposing the stone on a beautiful place with a great view over the Village
It was sweet to deeply recognize that I was the one who had been hurt, dragging it along all those years – and I am the only one who could choose to set it down. I realized that I actually had believed I kept someone on the hook as long as I kept the rage – like I had power over them – but it was really me who was poisoned –
It felt sweet to put it down and say enough, and I felt like making an angel in the snow, right at the precipice
Attack
01 Jan 2015 1 Comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing, Now Tags: abuse, ACourse in Miracles, anger, attack, demons, depression, dreams, God, Milarepa, One mind, psychic attacks, Self, tea, Teachers of God Foundation, threats, victim-story, violence, When fear comes home to Love
“You are the work of God, and his work is wholly lovable and wholly loving. This is how a man must think of himself in his heart, because this is what he is.” A Course in Miracles
I sent a mail to Lisa about my long and hard depression. She answered that I had to stop hiding – among other things 🙂 I have been afraid to serve at the Prayer Team at the Teachers of God-site – afraid of falling into the old role and pattern of believing I am responsible for other persons wellbeing. I have described this “helper”-archetype precisely and with love in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – but it still remained part of what I saw as “me.”
In the one mind is a deep belief that “I” can be attacked – that has been thoroughly been played out for me in this and countless other incarnations in thinkable and unthinkable versions – my holding on to that belief as real has truly manifested. About 20 years ago, where the physical attacks had stopped many years ago, but the psychic attacks at night still were ghastly, I started talking into my little recorder that I had in bed to talk dreams into. I pretended to talk to God and allowed my pretend-God to answered. After some nights with this, listening to all the recordings, I saw that this was not a pretend-God – it was Love, educating me, speaking to me where I thought I was – a tortured victim. I was taught how the demonic was only repressed feelings and needs, deeply judged and demonized – and that they could only be healed with Love.
In the chapter “Fuckeat – hatred of needs and vulnerability” in “When fear Come Home to Love”, I mention one of my most important teachers – the Tibetan saint Milarepa. There are many versions of the story of Milarepa and the demons – I like the one where Milarepa after offering them tea, sings sweetly to the demons, and all disappear but one grisly beast. And when Mila puts his head into its foul mouth to find out what it needs, it vanishes too.
Mila was just not eatable. And I have decided that I am not eatable anymore either.
*
This morning I saw that I was hiding from my Self as long as I was holding on to the belief that if I don’t please and satisfy the person sending a request for help on the Prayer Team with my answer to them, they may seek me up and kill me. I have been told that countless times from I was a baby, so it is firmly embedded in the structure I call “me.”
Writing this now, I realize with a shudder that the intense threats and vicious violent brutality that I experienced from I was small, was just a part of the very attacker/violator-archetype in my mind – in the One Mind. And that holding on to the thought that this is REAL – that is, created by God – keeps the separation going.
I/One Mind/ am the source of this. I judge it not. I extend forgiveness to myself for dreaming it up. It is a thought in the mind that I keep alive as long as I keep acting out that I am in constant danger of new attacks if I don’t give people what they think they want. I see that as long as I see it as valuable to protect myself – by not being part of the prayer-team – I am telling myself that I CAN be attacked.
And that keeps the fear and victim-story in place.
I am not willing to do that any longer.
I am the source of this story. Holy Spirit, here it is – simple: thoughts from confused mind, believed in. All of the incarnations as a victim I have created – and the insane anger and hatred that I have SO feared and experienced in this and other incarnations – is part of this belief pattern in my mind. Thank God, I have seen this now, and do not any longer need to project it on attackers outside of me.
Lisa – I am in 🙂
Shift
28 Oct 2014 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog Tags: A Course in Miracles, attack, chakras, Christ, fear, shift, source, Truth
Deep realization:
There is a knowing that below the frantic stressful energy, there is a stream of wellbeing, of welcome, embrace. I sense both at the same time.
I am blessed
Next day: this is a shift in patterns.
I awoke with a crazy energy in my bladder and heart. The same old dark energy . and I found myself saying: “get thee behind me, satan!” There was an immediate feeling of release and peace. This scared me – to believe that there is a “satan.” I was shown that “satan” is just a thought, believed in – the thought that I CAN be trapped in this energy and have it be stronger than “me.” Then that becomes my reality. I am using the power that God has given me to create.And if I believe that there is something that is stronger/more powerful than Love and Christ – and try to prove it with being a victim of this dense and trapped energy – that becomes my reality.
Now comes the shift
There is a rock-solid voice inside saying, smiling, “how CAN this be possible!” It is incredulous. “How CAN there be anything more powerful than Christ in you.” I allow myself to feel fully the energetic imprint of this Voice. It is anchoring my two lower chakras – and for the first time ever, it seems. This body-part is no longer seen as a container for fear: truth abides there. It is plainly ridiculous to believe in a God who can be overpowered by darkness – there is no value at all in that thought.
The shift has happened.
If/when these energies come back, let them – they cannot harm me any longer. I am this rockbottomsolid Presence and Anchor, knowing I am the Source of this – it is coming up to be released – just energy, no stories, no evil-label.
The Christ is seen now: It can not be affected.
However strong the seeming attack, I know Who I am in Christ