Outside and Inside

David Youngblood told me this some years ago – and I wrote it down in one of my many notebooks. Today I felt insane and opened one notebook randomly. And what I need is RIGHT HERE:

“I am only upset at others/someone when they mirror back to my mind a belief which I have denied from awareness. When I blame something/someone (or fear them) it is to avoid seeing the upset and the resolution as they really are (a decision in my mind to stay separate) and to instead maintain an image of myself/other / the world / as I WISH.

What a relief: OF COURSE I have wanted to see insanity projected outside of me!

“This mind-trick seems to replace guilt and fear, but actually maintains feelings of upset. To blame or fear an image of self/other/the World, requires that I believe I am limited to a body and a world of bodies, and it denies the Spiritual abstract reality of my being.

As a first step in letting go of all upset, I want to see in my mind what I thought was outside it”

I instantly see the field of insanity that surrounded me,my family and the men who abused “me” – I recognize it – I have for years of my life thought it was ME and have tried as hard as possible to push it away.

Now I have A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery and am grateful beyond means that I now can choose again.

What do I REALLY want to see in I. and I.? ( The two persons who I have seen insanity in, threatening my peace.)

I want to see deep peace, gratefulness for all they have experienced, since it has brought us all HERE – I want to see tenderness, gentleness, patience, gratitude, deep inner peace and contentment, inner wisdom, clarity, respect for Self and others – and LOVE.

And how fun it is that both the names of these two whose people who carry the energies that scare me, start with I – so there are only I and I and I LOL –

there never was anybody outside this Big I/Self that we all share

 

 

 

 

 

Short and sweet overview of A Course in Miracles

I have received questions about what the Course is about – and wanted to do it in as short and sweet matter as possible. Nothing could be  better and simpler than my friend Alan Dolit’s simple overview – and his blue little gem here:
Seriousness causes  reincarnation; guilt is an acronym for Godless Useless Insane Loveless Thought; sin is an acronym for Self Inflicted Neurosis; ego is an acronym for Exponential Guilt Orchestrator. Ego is also the master Travel agent for guilt trips.
OVERVIEW OF A COURSE IN MIRACLES
The Course introduction starts out with the statement :
                                                Nothing real can be threatened.
                                                Nothing unreal exists.
                                                Herein lies the peace of God.
If we could really get this statement, how much easier our lives would be. When the Course refers to reality it is talking about the level of God. In truth God is the only reality. I won’t try to define God except to say that God is Spirit and beyond “belief”; beyond form, time and space which are perceptual ego terms. The nature of God is LOVE. The concept of this LOVE is beyond anything we can experience at the perceptual level. It is important to accept that God is not/has not a body and therefore is not male or female. I will use terms like Father and He only because of our language structure and because they are used in the Course. God is complete and whole and does not change or evolve. God exists only in the present. Even though God doesn’t change, it is God’s nature to extend. The extensions of God are still God and are created of the same Spirit.
The Course refers to the extensions as Creations or Sonship or Son or Christ.  These terms are used interchangeably. The Son is co-creator with God the Father. The only difference is that The Father creates the Son and the Son in turn has His creations which are still part of the Sonship.  An image I
have is that God the Source extends light rays. The light rays are caused by the Source and could not exist without the Source. It is the nature of God to continually extend. The Son will always be an effect of God, And God will always be Cause.
In truth, the Son cannot leave the Father any more than the rays can leave its source. However a “Thought” of separation enters the mind of God’s Son. A tiny mad idea that the Son could have more
than everything or basically usurp God’s power, and the Son forgets to  laugh at this impossible situation. This “Thought”, preposterous as  it is, and which is over in an instant, is so overwhelmingly frightening to  the Son that he is terrified and goes out of his mind with fright.
The Son has no one to turn to for help, so he makes up an imaginary “advisor” called ego. The ego first tells him to deny that he had the thought. As this doesn’t work, the ego then says “hide from God so He can’t find you and punish you.” So the Son makes up an entire physical universe in his mind. This is the only place the physical world exists, in our mind. We have a horrible dream that seems to be going on for billions of years, but in truth it is really over in a flash. However we still choose to experience the effects of the dream.
During the sleeping phase of the dream, God knows that His Son is asleep and places in our mind, the Holy Spirit, God’s Voice. The Holy Spirit does understand what is in our mind and at the same
time knows none of it is real.
Eventually we all wake up and the dream of separation ends.
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END?
M-14.1. Can what has no beginning really end? 2 The world will end in an illusion, as it began. 3 Yet will its ending be an illusion of mercy. 4 The illusion of forgiveness, complete, excluding no one, limitless in gentleness, will cover it, hiding all evil, concealing all sin and ending guilt forever. 5 So ends the world that guilt had made, for now it has no purpose and is gone. 6 The father of illusions is the belief that they have a purpose; that they serve a need or gratify a want. 7 Perceived as purposeless, they are no longer seen. 8 Their uselessness is recognized, and they are gone. 9 How but in this way are all illusions ended? 10 They have been brought to truth, and truth saw them not. 11 It merely overlooked the meaningless.
M-14.2. Until forgiveness is complete, the world does have a purpose. 2 It becomes the home in which forgiveness is born, and where it grows and becomes stronger and more all-embracing. 3 Here is it nourished, for here it is needed. 4 A gentle Savior, born where sin was made and guilt seemed real. 5 Here is His home, for here there is need of Him indeed. 6 He brings the ending of the world with Him. 7 It is His Call God’s teachers answer, turning to Him in silence to receive His Word. 8 The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. 9 The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. 10 When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. 11 It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. 12 It will merely cease to seem to be.
M-14.3. Certainly this seems to be a long, long while away. 2 “When not one thought of sin remains” appears to be a long-range goal indeed. 3 But time stands still, and waits on the goal of God’s teachers. 4 Not one thought of sin will remain the instant any one of them accepts Atonement for himself. 5 It is not easier to forgive one sin than to forgive all of them. 6 The illusion of orders of difficulty is an obstacle the teacher of God must learn to pass by and leave behind. 7 One sin perfectly forgiven by one teacher of God can make salvation complete. 8 Can you understand this? 9 No; it is meaningless to anyone here. 10 Yet it is the final lesson in which unity is restored. 11 It goes against all the thinking of the world, but so does Heaven.
M-14.4. The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. 2 Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. 3 The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. 4 What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? 5 He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. 6 He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. 7 He does not judge it either as hard or easy. 8 His
Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.
M-14.5. The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. 2 When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. 3 The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. 4 When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? 5 The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. 6 Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? 7 And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. 8 In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. 9 To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. 10 And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. 11 Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. 12 His Word says otherwise. 13 His Will be done. 14 It cannot be otherwise. 15 And be you thankful it is so.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Reality – and where we think we live

My friend Coreen R.Walson allowed me to print her crystal clear teaching story about reality here.  When you find yourself reacting with WHAT! please read to the end: reality is the upside-down of what it seems to be in this world.

And I couldn’t have read that if I had not experienced this upside-down perception myself –  where the laws of Love were seen to be quite the opposite from the laws of “nature.”

Enjoy.

*

THE HALLWAY –

Imagine a long hallway, and you are at the beginning of it. And at the other end is a brilliant, white light, yet it is soft and warm, and inviting. And you know intuitively that it is your job to keep focused on this white light. While you are in this hallway, you experience perfect peace, complete satisfaction, a quiet sense of joy and a tremendous sense of gratitude, and a remembrance of your connection to and Oneness with the Creator floods your consciousness. And in this stillness you know that everything works together in perfect harmony, and all that you ever need is effortlessly supplied for you, because it is your Creator’s pleasure to provide all that it’s creation needs and desires. And you are in a state of awe before the grandeur of reality, the perfect balance, the rhythm of life, the perfection, the beauty and the Love the permeates you and your surroundings.

And as you begin walking down this hallway, you notice that this hallway is lined with doors. All of them look identical. Then all of the sudden, one of them swings open and there stands your best friend, with a panicked look on their face, motioning for you to come in and look! And because you love your friend, and you are concerned, you enter into the door, and find yourself in a room, where there are chairs lined up facing a movie projector, that is playing a movie called scarcity. And your friend is talking rapidly about how the economy has been hit very hard recently due to a crisis in the housing market, how prices for food and gasoline have gone up, how there is a shortage of food, and jobs are hard to find, and she can’t afford her rent . . . . and you watch your friend point to the movie playing, and you see how agitated she is, . . . and as your eyes become accustomed to the dark in the room, you see people sitting in the chairs, some with their eyes glued to the screen, some have fallen asleep in their chairs because they’ve been there so long. And then you receive a stirring within you, . . . . and a still, small voice reminds you of where you just came from, . . .that feeling . . . where was it . . . oh yes, back outside in the hallway, where all your needs are always provided for effortlessly, where you are safe and loved and cared for. And you try to take your friends arm and go back out the door, but your friend keeps staring at the movie screen, irritated that you aren’t seeing what is right before your eyes. “Look!”, she insists, “don’t you see what’s happening?” “don’t you care?” But as you try to explain what is on the other side of the door, the volume of the movie gets louder, and your friend goes back to the screen, mouth open and eyes full of fear. You realize that you cannot help her, that you must go back into the hallway alone.

As you enter into the hallway, the stillness and peace welcome you. You take a moment to allow yourself to readjust from the previous scenes of chaos and calamity to the knowing off the presence of God and His dominion over all. You exhale, and are so grateful to be back Home.

As you continue down the hallway further, another door opens and it’s a family member, crying and begging you to come into the room and see. You immediately head for the door to see what’s the matter, and just as you cross the threshold into the room, there was a still small voice that asked you whether that was a good idea, but this is family, and they are crying, and you dismiss the voice and you go into the room, and there on the movie screen are very disturbing and very real looking sick people and scenes of illness and disease, with narrators talking about symptoms and the seasons that people will most likely suffer from these unavoidable illnesses, how long they will last and what medications you can buy to help alleviate your inescapable suffering. You see the fear and horror in the eyes of your family member and you begin telling him that what they are looking at is only a movie being played out on a movie screen, that it isn’t real, . . you point out that there is, in reality, nothing going on except that he or she is mesmerized by what is playing out in front of them. There is nothing actually taking place, that all he or she needs to do is come out of the room where everyone experiences perfect health. But your family member looks at you like you’re absurd, argues on the side of the scenes of numbers showing high fevers, paled skin color, runny noses and difficult breathing. “Look at the pain these people are in! How can you deny this?! You obviously don’t care, either that or you are delusional.” And with defiance in their eyes, they turn away from you, and you see that he or she has returned to join the others, sitting in their seats, staring at the movie screen, fixated on the images of suffering sense, . . . and again, you feel the familiar tug to go out of this room, and you head back out into the hallway.

You continue on a bit further now, again a door opens wide, and your mother steps out, and she looks frail and scared. And she asks you to come into the room with her. And you don’t want to go, but it’s your mother, and your heart wants to reach out to her, and you go in and the movie of unavoidable death is playing. And your mother is wringing her hands, and you go to comfort her. And you want her to come out in the hallway with you, where Life is eternal and she listens to you for a bit. You tell her that her life is complete out in the hallway, that she is spiritual and eternal, you ask her to remember Who made her and that she is not a limited, physical body but a free and perfect spiritual Idea of the Divine Mind that created her. And you think she’s convinced, and she stands up with you, and as you head for the door, she takes another look at the movie screen, and looks back at you, and with great sadness tells you that death is inevitable and that she loves you. You stand there, looking at the screen, and tears well up inside you, but your hand is on the door to the hallway, and you shudder over this moment, as you are being called to remember the Truth of being, all the while being consumed with the sadness and grief on the screen in front of your physical eyes. Just then you hear the still small voice tell you that you are of no real help to anyone as long as you stay in the room. The only place you can help another is from the standpoint of perfection, back in the hallway. If you are in the room, you are accepting the reality of the movie being projected, and you are no longer awake to Truth and Reality. “Aha”, you exclaim as you remember once again the experience of the hallway and with this renewed strength you grab the door handle, and enter back into it.

A wave of joy, of gratitude, wash over you, you shed tears in Thanks to an All Mighty God and his infinite goodness as the former pictures are wiped away and you recall the Truth that sets us free.

As you continue your journey, new doors begin to open up, some people you recognize, some you don’t. And you acknowledge these people, and sometimes you might strain your neck to see what movie is playing in the room, but you don’t enter into the room. You begin talking to those in the room while standing in the hallway. Some of them slam the door on your face, others listen for a moment and then shake their head and close the door. But you begin to realize that the longer you stand in the hallway, the more certain you are about the truth of being, the more influence you begin to have over those who are in the rooms. They listen to you a bit longer, they notice that there is something different about you, . . a light perhaps, a certainty, a knowing . . something that they recognize in you . . . . . that makes them want to listen to you more, . . . .

And then one day, a woman opens a door, and pleads with you to come in to see the “help me my child is dying” movie. And there is not a single part of you that is in the least bit interested in going into that room. But you feel immense compassion for this woman. And you look back up at the light at the head of the hallway, and with this surge of Love and Power, you look her straight on in the face, and you declare to her that what she is standing aghast at is nothing! It is a movie on a movie screen, and nothing more. And that she has the power and authority and ability to walk out of that room any time she wants to! That her life and the life of her child are always perfect, safe and secure with God. That no power exists to end, alter or destroy Life. Life is of God, He is Life itself, Eternal Life, with no beginning and no ending. You share with her the story of your brother Jesus Christ, how he came to prove the nothingness of death, the Allness of Life, that he overcame the grave, and gave us the victory over the illusion of death. And you saw something click in this woman’s eyes, she remembered, . . . . she smiled and without looking back she entered into the hallway with you. She was transformed as she walked out to join you, beauty and holiness radiated from within her, she laughed as she threw her head back and faced the light, she was overjoyed to recall her birthright, and sang out in thanks because she was overcome with gratitude. And you felt something, as you looked down, her child had joined the both of you, and the child took your hand and his mother’s hand, and looked into your eyes, and said “thank you”.

And that’s when more Truth began dropping into place for you. Yes! My job here is to stand firmly in this hallway, where I receive all that I need to do the Father’s Will, and to beckon to those who are in these rooms, hypnotized by the pictures. And this desire sprang up, and compassion was in the driver’s seat, and you humbly asked for guidance on how to spring your beloveds out of these rooms. And you heard the following:

These rooms are like refrigerator doors. The light comes on inside them only when you open the door, and the light shuts off when you close the door. Like the refrigerator door, the movie in these rooms only start when the door opens and when the doors shut, the movie turns off. This is because the movies, which are only false beliefs being projected outwards, need a watcher, a witness, in order to be seen. A false belief requires a believer to have any influence or power. If there is no believer, there is nothing to the false belief. If there is no witness, there is no movie playing in the room.
So unless there is an observer in the movie room, the movie isn’t playing. And if there isn’t a believer, there is no false belief to mesmerize us. And then came the punch line, you hear in the most sweetest, kindest, most loving voice, “ and by the way, I never created a false believer”.

And you take a step back, . . . and you gasp, and the tears fall, and you begin laughing . . . laughing because you realize that you had still been mesmerized yourself while in the hallway, seeing doors with false believers past them, taken in and feeling responsible or concerned for others, . . . . when all along, there is no such thing as a false believer, a false belief, a scary picture, an illness, sickness or death, or a sufferer of an illness, sadness or of scarcity. You see with infinite clarity the perfection of what God is and what God created. The new understanding takes on a vastness, an expansion that goes beyond your physical senses and moves through you and out into everything that you see. You are transformed by the freedom that this Truth brings, and you can’t help but be so grateful that everything that you felt was so real before was nothing but a false concept that you left behind because you know that you have the mind of Christ, and therefore you are not a believer of false images and nobody else is either. What is true for you is true for everyone! And you claim this out loud, and you thank God for it. And then you hear voices from behind you, and as you turn around, there is your best friend, your Mother, your family members, and a host of others that you recollect from the dream, and they are smiling at you, and you are laughing and celebrating with one another, even poking fun at each other, playing like kids and enjoying the Presence of God, the Allness of good, and the absolute nothingness of its supposed opposite. You see the Truth in each other’s eyes, you recognize your Oneness in one another, and you are overcome with Love. There is nothing else. Nothing else matters, nothing else is real, nothing else is acknowledged.

And in a moment, you all stop, and look back towards the light, and the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard starts to play, and the walls to the hallway fall away, and you see colors you’ve never seen before above you, and every part of your being comes vibrantly alive and together you hear, “well done, my good and faithful servant” and you are welcomed Home.

 

The power of my will

Skype session with Kit: the theme turns out to be judgment versus the loving choice to just BE WITH any turmoil presenting itself. Kit gives examples from childhood of insensitive mother in certain situations – and how Kit’s only need was to have them JUST listen to a deep sense of tiredness. A presence to it, without any minimizing/”comforting” it away. This situation is now repeating itself with her and her boy, by showing the same kind of insensitivity at a certain point. And what became very clear to us both is this human common habit of overriding/running over/ one’s self in order to “keep the love” from the parent.

We -our human little self – believe love can be lost – that it is conditional – and that we have to adjust to our parents expectations to keep it. No wonder we override ourselves. And if we do, our children will learn to do the same with themselves.

I think about the huge habit of nocturnal pain that I have. Someone recently helped me see that as long as a judge that oldoldoldhabit, it will stay – since I use the Holy Will that God gave me to tell myself that this pain is real and mine – and that becomes my experience.

I see why the pain grown to  intolerable proportions – because I tell myself that this pain is intolerable.

THAT is the power of my belief and my will.

Seen from above the battleground, as the Course names it, I am the sky, and all the rest is just weather. It is not personal to the Sky

it is not serious either

 

Integrating fear

The primal fear is still the main theme. Yesterday I lie for hours in bed, just tensions and stress everywhere – and knew that some part was terrified of falling asleep. Then I dozed off – and awoke from a loud crash from within the house. Instantly I was back to the 1st of January and the stone through the door and the terror from that day was back in the driver seat. I found myself tiptoeing down the stairs and into the living room, and then the alarm sounded – I had forgotten that I must not go down to the first floor when the alarm had been turned on. I ran upstairs and turned it off, and the cellphone rang. It was a Security guy who for the first time was live on the line, and I told him it was my fault and I was OK.

This was a metaphore/reflection from outside that was not lost on me: before, when I mistakenly had made the alarm go off, there had always been just text-messages from Security, stating that they had closed the case (since I turned the alarm system off so fast.) But this time, the projection screen showed me that there was direct contact between somebody listening to me when”the alarm went off” and reaching out. An age-old belief that I am not worthy to get help was broken.

This was a huge help to know.I went back to bed and knew that Presence had arranged this, so I could calmly lay there and integrate the fear. I prayed for a dream where I more clearly could see the focus of the fear, and had a dream where my father was telling me that he would rape a friend I had visiting. I woke up, remembering his insane expression, forgave this projected guilt and was willing to accept the Atonement instead.

Then I read something from my little notebook by Michael Brown – he is talking about dark memories:

“Yet, while we remain unintegrated, then as we approach the portal of this moment, these unintegrated memories are what guard the entry to the portal. They say “While you believe in us more than the promise of what you truly are, then we stand between you and this realization. You must pass through us to know we are not real, or run from us back into the illusions which inspire more experiences just like us.”

The face of insanity and violence projected on my father (and God) is what I have believed MORE than the promise of what I truly am – the Holy Son of God.

Later in the day, I discovered what had made that crashing noise: it was a lamp that had fallen from a table where it was attached with a screw. How  I don’t know – but for what, I know: to give me an opportunity to meet that fear again with much less resistance around it, and much more awareness and Love surrounding it.

Akashic Records – or just Now

Revisiting:

April 16th 2011:

I am toning in the morning – huge pains in the right side of my body.  “Maybe I don’t need this any longer.” I hear another voice telling me that it needs my body for its life-force not to disappear into evil. These pains in the right side of the body are a way “it” occupies my body. – I recognize this part as a former incarnation-”me” – and I see that I identified with a belief, made in fear. And that is what we did, as the Son of God. This identification with intense fear does not come from truth; it is just a belief with no truth in it. I do not need any longer to feed it with my belief in it. I have made this fear real and called it me. It is just imagination and I let it go. I forgive myself for wanting to be guilty.

I suddenly know, while toning, that the trauma that caused me to lose my singing voice when I was 25, has been of such magnitude that just trying to sing hurt so much that I gave it up. That’s why I spaced out each time I tried to work with the voice later. I literally disappeared from the body.

As soon as this insight arises, my heart starts to beat ferociously and tears are pouring. I want to  sit kindly with it and do not believe it is real: just an old trauma, and me having enough heart for it to come up now- to find all the beliefs I have about this and forgiving them. I am looking forward to it, and something moves softly inside, trusting me not to push it back again. I do not need to take it seriously – but meeting it with Love is a decision.

 Now, this morning,  11 January, I see this, with help of the Holy Spirit:

There is something in the Akashic that tells me it belongs to a former incarnation, and that  it has to do with my karma and needs to heal through me.

Taken from that website:

The Akashic Records are the individual records of a soul from the time it leaves its point of origin until its return. At the time we make the decision to experience Life as an independent entity, there is a field of energy created to record every thought, word, emotion, and action generated by that experience. That field of energy is the Akashic Records. Akashic because it is composed of Akasha, (the energetic substance from which all life is formed); and Records, because its aim is to record all life experience.

The information in the Akashic Records helps us bring our past, present and future in to the “now”. By accessing the Akashic records, we can identify and release anything that we have created, that has become a block to our present realization of our oneness with God.

It seems to me that we all have zillion things that we have made and experienced as a separated someone, and that we have given importance as belonging to “my” story. It also seems to me that any story is false, and that if “I” would have to explore all the stories of suffering and victimhood and guilt in order to be free, I would need a lot of more “lives” to be free. I sense a great suction into the thought, “yes but this is the most important root-suffering.”

Blue says: You think subconsciously that this suffering-identity belongs to you –but the “you” it “belongs” to is ego-identity, and does not exist outside the dream.

What would be the most loving thing to do?

If the old suffering from the Akashic is seen and believed as part of the false identity of “me”, it will be met with illusions that the story it tells is REAL and has happened in REALITY.

If  “I” can see it and witness it with LOVE -Holy Spirit/Jesus – that is, not taking it seriously – that is, it has no power to take the love of God away – it will be wonderful.

Then the healing will not be done by ego, but by Love

Seeing through dream-phantasms

This morning I had two dreams which illuminated “root-emotions” in this life – and therefore, which turn up to be root-emotions that the ego holds to be essential in upholding a belief in the world as something separate from its Source.

In the first dream, there is a clash between my daughter, then 10-years old, and me. I realize that she has done /said something out of a hidden hate – and I respond by a vicious hate and threats: – “You are no longer my daughter!” When I wake up, I recognize that the hate this “dream-daughter” is showing me, is a hate that I have projected into her from she was born: the hate of being rejected by my mother after a catastrophic group rape when I was 4. This hate was never consciously owned by me before now – and because my daughter in the dream expresses it now, she gives it back to me: “look, this is what you gave me.”

When  I own this hatred – the small self’s hate when it believes itself to be “cast out” – I sense a big change in the holdings around the heart. I am lying in bed and welcoming the waves of intense hatred, and knowing it to be nothing at all – and thanking my daughter for carrying this unconsciously for me and telling her that I’ve got it now. Big release, feelings of intense gratitude.

Now wonder she has needed to have so much control. No wonder I have needed the same. And beneath the psychological story of “me” and “her”, there is the original fear and hatred of the ego after the belief in the tiny mad idea of separation. It feels relieving to freely and willingly allow the fear and hate to flow through “me” now: it’s not serious, it’s not a “me” attached to it.

I sense there is something else beckoning to be allowed into awareness too, and invite it to come. I fall asleep again and dream of my late husband Kip, 25 years older and quite a father/dominator-figure in many ways. This time I am aware that he has produced a big show of threats through his special ability as illusionist ( he really was a pioneering illusionist in international  European theater in the  50-ies:-) Now, I look up from a huge room into space – and there an enormous monsters floating down to us: Rhinoceri, crocodiles, snakes, and also monsters I never saw. But the thing is, I know they are fake – and yes, there it is again: the knowing that I am dreaming. So I allow them to float down to me – quite close now – and they look very convincing alive, and even move their legs – but I hold out a finger a just push them lightly away:  I know they’re just a blown-up phantasm. They float pass me, and I feel so relieved I did not fall for the illusion.

Later, I am in Kip’s arms again, experiencing his vast charisma and attraction – and sense an overwhelming ache of jealousy at the thought that he might be in love with someone else than me.

I wake up in this sensation of jealously – and know it is the original fear of “being dumped” by God because I was failing in some way. I am aware of how powerful it is to give jealousy our belief as real – it feels all-consuming, as long as I believe in the story about it.  No wonder people kill because of it, when they allow it to own them.

I present to Blue all my fears and beliefs presented in the two dreams and ask to have them corrected. It feels wonderful to ask to be corrected – I am SO willing!

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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