Extern – or intern server?

This is precious – typical “Blue is Playing”***- fun.

New readers: “Blue” is a name for Spirit for me. Blue gives me the most outrageous synchronicities and signs to point me in the direction of Love and Truth.

Just now i got this message: We could not deliver you mail to ….xxx@xxx.com., because the extern server is false configured.

So I called them by phone – and they told me that all is perfect – they receive lots of mail 🙂

AHA – it for me! What may extern server be a metaphor of: EGO of course – and so Blue is telling me to listen to the internal Server – Holy Spirit, Jeshua, God – in other words, the Right Mind

***Blue is playing are little stories about strange synchronicities that Spirit (“Blue” uses in my life to lovingly push me back in alignment with Love/Truth, You can read then in my book in the right menu – “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

 

Lava-anger

What I am describing here is the very essence of torture belonging to anyone who cannot share humongous pain – be it trauma of any kind, abuse,war,illness – the occasion where this goes on continuously and there is no-one who will listen or acknowledge what goes on.

In the case of abuse,the family will not under any circumstances acknowledge it, And as soon as your face shows that there is something going on with you, you are told that ” do you have to look so forlorn – you, who are SO well cared for.

So the circumstances are:

constant abuse of any kind – (could be both inside the family and outside, from others,  as in my case) – and you discover that any signs of “something wrong”  psychologically/mentally are simply not tolerated.  If you get a flu, you may get lots of sympathy – breaking an arm gets you “Oh your poor child” and ice-cream. But ANY signs of inner agony – that anything is “wrong with you” – STOP IT. NO expression at all.

The consequence is that you can never relax. You cannot rest anywhere. You cannot even let yourself know how lonely you are, how terrible all that inner pain is, since it is denied from your closest ones, and consequently by yourself too.

This is how grave splits and dissociation happen in the psyche, and we get cases of severe denial and  “multiple selves” – and this is what I describe in my book you see in the right menu – “When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Dream this morning:

I was hiking with a group of people to a place where we were to stay and live for some days. The weather was rugged, and I saw that I had only my old (at least 40 years old) red rain jacket on.

When we arrived, I went from room to room to find a free bed (mattresses on the floor.) There were clothes on everyone –  all were taken.

The metaphor: I have no place to rest, to sleep.

Maybe you can  recognize that belief – that feeling deep inside?

I saw clearly HOW repressed my desperation was at that time – due to deep abuse and also sexual torture from several people outside the family. It lasted years. It became the normal. My dream showed me the depth of my repression – and anyone’s repression, in the cases where there simply are no healthy people who CAN notice and care for the children who are victims of this. This kind of total repression goes far back through the ancestral lines – and you who read this may be one of those people who were never HEARD and welcomed and listened to.

After this realization, the underlying lava-anger started to erupt. There were strong murderous feelings and images, I allowed them all, honoring that child  – now I received the images of her hacking people to death: “Of course you has these impulses! This was at least an expression of the anger you felt – and any of us may feel  – when any sign of suffering is simply not allow to SHOW. And I am so grateful you did NOT show them there and them – that would most certainly have been dangerous for you. I am so very sorry for what happened to you, and that led to all your beliefs about who you were ( despicable creature being all wrong, not worthy of being seen and listed to) and all the coping mechanisms that you made, that saved your sanity. But I am here now to hold you and support you and  allow you to express any feelings at all – you have a right to them.NOW you are not alone, I AM HERE with you – and that makes all the difference.”

“I hate GOD!” you wail – “I prayed that God stopped them doing what they were doing, and he did nothing! He is evil! He wants me to suffer! And that must mean that I am guilty!!” and the next thoughts, following from this – ” He is punishing me for something – ” and the next thoughts:  “this punishing may save me from Hell later.”

That last one has a deep impact, I feel. That way of thinking actually draws  opportunities for suffering to me.

My printer is now reflecting this to me: the color blue will not print. (BLUE is what I call inner spiritual guidance in this blog.) Also, the support-plate for the paper will not tilt/lean back – pointing to the fact that it is almost impossible for me to lean back and support myself and all I want to share – symbolized with the printed papers with my words on them.

I am one of those who has actively chosen to see anything that happens as metaphors. It has served me well, and the Universe plays with me here – as now, with the printer. Right now a wave of bliss and laughter wells up in me, and  Blue reminds me of all the occasions where I have discovered that God loves to play. I have included numerous of these short stories in my book – all humorous and peculiar and odd.

Here is a couple:

Blue is playing:

Lesson today in A Course in Miracles: “I am not a body. I am free.”

In the evening, I am looking at “Joan of Arcadia” on TV. Joan’s class is performing a play. Their finale-song goes: “We are not flesh and blood. We are love!”

 

Blue is playing:

“…someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?”

A great light and soft love surrounds me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

*

My inner child is doubting that Aurora is real: “Please give me a sign, Blue – let me see this name within three days!”

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

Blue is Playing

Blue is my inner guide on my journey to remembering my Self. He truly enjoys playing  – giving me hilarious synchronicities, as Jung names them.

I have my alarm clock set to nine am, and yesterday I turned the alarm off. Still, this morning it alarmed! It is a type that sounds the alarm 50 times before it stops. I  picked it up and looked at it – and it was set to OFF. I said, “now listen.You are not supposed to  sound the alarm when I have turned you to off.”

It stopped in the middle of two repetitive signals. If it had had a face, it would have blushed.

Now, how many of you will believe this? I wonder. Maybe the ones who have followed me for 6 years.  So maybe ONE 🙂 The rest of you may laugh as loud as you want. But I tell you, I would not have lasted as long as I have without “synchronicities” as this as long I worked on When Fear Come Home to Love – ca 25 years, without Blue dishing out these weird and wonderful syncs I have called Blue is Playing. You may write it in the search field to find more.

Now, the reason he does this is – to me – who is a sucker for symbols and looking at the world as a reflection of my mind – the reason is, that I have now understood that “setting the alarm” points to me continuously playing out disaster-thinking: I have black belt in it. I find myself continuously imagining new (or old ones), painting them out in details and feeling them in my body. And lately, I have watched me like a hawk and swooped down on them really fast – within a second or two – AND I have also told my mind that I now choose to turn that  old defense off.

Like last night.

That’s why it blushed, you know. The alarm clock.

OK, one more:

I read in A Course in Miracles: “I have created all I see.” I look out the window: there are two boys passing the window, and one of them has exactly the same clothes as the costume I made to a very famous marionette my husband made: Titten Tei.

Here he is with Julie Andrews, visiting Norway – terrible quality, but still…he is talking to JULIE ANDREWS, people.

So…the Titten Tei’s voice and puppet-player  died some years ago, so now he hangs on my wall with his little violin.

Ah. You see how clever I have been I hope. Not to mention my passed husband who in fact crafted the doll and his marvelous spunky spirit, together with Birgit Strøm.

Nough about that – here is another Blue is Playing:

I walk to the Culture Hall and tell myself inside:” I love myself  as I am now.”

The girl in the cafe has a white T- shirt with black writing: ” I love myself just as I am now.”

I know. Not very likely.

OK the last one – a notch more plausible:

I sit in the bus and pray silently ( aren’t you happy I do it silently):

“Lord, let me see with Your eyes, Your ears… and so on. I don’t think he has a body, though – but symbolically, he might see and hear, i have decided.” I look up, a big van is passing it has a logo with big black letters: “Thirst for the best.”

You have to admit that was a nice one.

Blue is playing

One time,  about 15 years ago, when I had been living within a spell of dissociation for months, I got a card from a friend. On it was a painting of a dark house split in two, and words: “Then she awoke from her anesthetization.” In a flash, I see the wonder that my friend has chosen THIS card to send me – that means that she is connected to me, I am not lost in space. I will never forget the rush of life-giving energy pouring through me when I let go of my belief that this dissociated me is who I am.

Blue is playing

in “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, Blue (Holy Spirit) arranged a series of synchronicities for me to  show me the inner joy and play of everything.

Here is one more of those:)

Blue is playing

I write down in my journal, that in the moment I feel fear-energy, I will make a positive act: I will open to the fear and care for it, meeting it with love.

I open Jack Kornfield’s book and read:

 

“In opening, we can see how many times we have mistaken the small identities and fearful beliefs for our true nature, and how limiting this is. We can touch with great compassion the pain from the contracted identities that we and the others have created in the world.” [1]

[1]Jack Kornfield: From A Path with Heart: A Guide through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life. Bantam; 1 edition (June 1, 1993)

 

The Emotion Code

I am practicing Emotion Code with a special magnet I bought, to release feelings hiding in the shield around the heart. Very simple, and for me, highly effective method for releasing old emotions stuck in the nervous system, stored in certain places in the body. I practiced the method some years ago, and because I did not have a magnet then it did not seem to work consistently but today I very quickly and effectively found a shock received in the womb, that has lodged in my lower back. I found this by posing certain questions and using a pendulum – dowsing – for yes and no’s. Most people can learn to dowse if they set their intention to it – and if not, the book “The Emotion Code” has good advises on other ways to dowse.

The shock was a tremendous soul-insight: “ I am about to be born. I DON*T WANT TO! I can’t escape.” I felt it with complete acceptance while I moved the magnet three times over the central meridian, and while doing it, I saw how this denial came from a thought of separation – “I am on my own now” and therefore I had given all power to the body to store the shock-energy – in the kidneys – the lower back. God was left out.

Writing this I am sweating and yawning and feeling tremendous gratitude for this simple method for finding old – often inherited – feelings and energetic imprints, and releasing them.If you are interested, here is a link to the site with the magnets.

A word to those who buy my books – and particularly When Fear Comes Home to Love:

If you find some of the themes  and archetypes hard to digest, and have told yourself you need to read the book from front to back, I have news for you: This book is written with LOVE, and the presence of Love is palpable, as some of my readers kindly have let me know. Therefore, if your ego tells you that you have to read it chronologically, don’t listen: instead, you can find a question you want God to answer and open the book randomly – and I promise you that the answer will be under your fingers.

How can I promise you that?

Because  Blue –  the One High Self  – Holy Spirit – guided  the work.

And there is only ONE High Self

and we all are It

And then, to a new Blue is Playing:

Lesson today in A Course in Miracles:I am not a body. I am free.”

In the evening, I am looking at “Joan of Arcadia” on TV. Joan’s class is performing a play. Their finale-song goes: “We are not flesh and blood. We are love!”

Blue is playing

As I was prompted to by St.Germain, I will post some “Blue is playing” here – “When Fear Comes Home to Love” is full of them. I am absolutely certain that if they would not have happened to me, I would have died from seriousness and belief in a very scary God

Now I know better: S/he is utterly playful

Blue is playing: take my hand / 1999

It is Easter. I am going to the mountains to ski with my daughter. We are going by train. I am sitting in a seat at the aisle, and I am reading one of Emmanuel’s books. He writes “Am I here? Yes I am here. Reach out your hand, it will be taken.” [1]

Oh Emmanuel! Please take my hand. I am in dire need to feel that there is someone there for me. Please please take it!

I put my left hand with my palm upwards on the arm –rest, and close my eyes. Twenty seconds pass. Children come dancing down the aisle. They are playing with their hands: it looks like a kind of dance, turning them upwards downwards upwards downwards in rhythm with their steps. In a split second, I notice that the smallest girl is going to put her little hand exactly in my palm when she passes me, and I instinctively withdraw it. It’s not polite for strangers to touch hands.

When the children have passed, singing and dancing, I realize that someone just would have taken my hand – had I not snatched it away! A warmth rushes through me – of course, it was You – where else would You be, but here, as a playful child? And I realize that I was the one who withdrew and missed the opportunity!

Two days later, I lay in my hotel bed, napping after a long day of cross country skiing and sauna. I am alone in the room. I put out my hand again – may I trust that it will be taken?

Only ten seconds this time. The door opens, my daughter enters. She immediately sees my hand and puts a finger in my palm, like one does to a little baby. I close my hand around it.

[1]Emmanuel’s Book, p.72.A manual for living comfortably in the cosmos. Compiled by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton. Bantam (February 1, 1987)

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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