BREATHING FREELY

For years I have had a chronic difficulty breathing. There have been strong constrictions around the heart and lungs. I have knows it has to do with earlier defense in traumatic situations, and have unraveled many layers. Two days ago I found a new one – what in shamanism we call “lost soul-part.”

In my spiritual practice, my body, house and surroundings mirrors back to me what goes on in my mind. Two days ago, my stove-fan broke down.

For me, it mirrors my lungs, and my ability to breathe and filter out the stronger smells from cooking. I knew it was a signal to yet another layer with the lungs/heart.

The same late evening, I sat down in my Healing Room to do a daily Chi Gong Kidney – exercise which has shown to be very efficient. Video below. When it came to ex.nr.seven, where we softly circle our hands around our  breast, I heard distinct tapping sounds behind me, as if somebody tapped the door/window: “let me in!” Then my body shivered and shuddered and was filled with an energy that did not feel “mine.”

I completed the exercise and prayed for insight – got that it was a “visitation:” some part of me that I had exiled wanted to reconnect. That made it easier for me: I truly want the LOVE that I am to transform all those memories and energies and “soul-parts.”

She was easy to connect to now, and I opened myself to fully be with her and acknowledge everything that she had felt – and her interpretations and conclusions about what this meant about her:

deeply unworthy of love from parents AND God. I let her know I saw and acknowledged all her hatred at self and others – “of course you felt this, it is a perfectly normal response to your situation. You have a right to feel all this now, WITH me, not alone.”

The constriction was at first so strong that I thought I may die – and then I realized that it was her constrictions that I felt, so I could be there as her  neutral loving witness. There was a big shift, the constrictions abated the more I realized that this happened for me and not to me: this was part of loving myself free from the old pattern I had seen as my safety, and that now almost choked me to death.

On x-ray one can see a mass around the heart/lungs – and doctors let me know it is not cancer or any sickness. I know the part of me had to create a lot of pain and goo and coughing there – it was like a bomb inside that said “don’t go here! Go away! We will NOT remember this terror!” So the constriction has been a life-saver, allowing me to heal memory after memory all the way up to this NOW. The exiled part is back, and presenting me with the agony, as much as she is able and willing to.

I bless the part in its true being. I forgive myself for all the judgments I placed upon this, and I embrace it. I allow it to be transmuted in Divine Light.

So…the stove-fan?

I have decided to let God take care of that. No worries: I am taken care of each step of the way

I invite you to click the two book-covers in the right menu, and check out if my two books may be for you.

Here is the video:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

Forgiveness – exercise

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

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The Archetypal Onion

Waking up wanting to die. Kind nudge from Self to get up. Oh no, I must have more sleep/rest. Smiling Voice: Whatever you choose, you are completely loved.
Slept one more hour – waking up with same crappy feeling. Now more motivated to listen:“Get up, drink water, and open up to this suicidal feeling. Remember this practice from lesson 13 of The Jewel of the Christ:

This must be the experience I most need to be having right now,
as more of Christ Mind is birthing into, and through me.
Only Love is Real.
Thank you, Lord, thank you, thank you.

Last of all, begin to pay attention to how you respond to contexts that are less
than peaceful, whether such moments arise in you, or another. See if you can
‘catch the beat’ of habit that leads down the path of ‘story’, attempts to ‘feel
better’, or to ‘fix’ it.
Instead, breathe, and ask the three questions we began with:

~ what specific sensations are occurring in the bodymind?
~ what specific thoughts?
~ what specific qualities of breathing?”

After doing this, I am nudged to use the Emotion Code Method again- and I discover that the laminated chart I made, has two sides: the one I am pointed to now, has a choice of “Trapped Emotion Flow Chart.” That is one level deeper than the one yesterday.Becoming aware of this, my body responds with a released sigh.
(I described the first part of this process on my blog:

https://ninotchka44.wordpress.com/20…-emotion-code/

As as a Therapist for 28 years now, and also a student of the Jewel Course, I find this simple practice with a pendulum and a magnet excellent, and right up there with Radical Inquiry. For me, it goes even more to the roots, since it bypasses much psychological resistance. So here is what you can do if this resonates with you:

Emotion Code: google it or/and Dr. Bradley Nelson

And the Magnet:

google Nikken products MagDuo

You can google “how to learn dowsing” or search “dowsing” or “muscle-testing” on You Tube – and if you don’t find it easy, find an Emotion code practitioner. It’s even possible to get a session for free with a practitioner on the website .
In my mind, dowsing with a pendulum can be learned if you intend to

The process today continues what happened yesterday: Then I found shock as the very root – today I release three more “onion layers/feelings”: self-hatred – dread – and confusion. I know mentally that the next ones are hopelessnessness/powerlessness, and the outer layer:aggression/violence in the forms of fundamentalist religions.

Today I have practiced the prayer that Jeshua taught in the Way of Mastery, the Forgiveness Chapter:

I am the Source of this situation.
I judge you(situation) not. I extend forgiveness to myself fo what I have created. I embrace you and I love you and free you to be yourself. And I bless you with the blessing of Christ.”
Then see that image or memory gently dissolve into Light until there is no trace of it left,and be done with it.”

*
As I am diving into the archetypes, Jeshua is pointing to our 25 year-long exploration, with patients/students and in my own process, described in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

When Fear Comes Home to Love: The healing gifts... When Fear Comes Home to Love: The healing gifts…

– and that the archetypes explored in that many-year long process, have the latest days spiraled down to its very roots. My stomach always crawls when I mention my book, because this is making me visible as something positive -and within this archetypal onion, visible means either a dictator or a victim. It also touches a very common “law” in the human mind: “who do you think you are? Do you believe you are better than us?”I am not better than. Self has written this book through Leelah, who was willing to have that happen.

I open my wise-quote notebook randomly, and find Jeshua’s words again: -“Whenever you extend forgiveness inside your consciousness, your emotional field, to another, whether they be physical present or not, you are extending to them exactly as if they were physical present in front of you.” The he adds, “They still have to receive it, don’t they!”

So now I extend forgiveness to myself for choosing to believe in my smallness and for identifying with the archetype Child, described in my book – and for using other people to prove to me that I am powerless.

And choosing again: I choose to be open to notice- and actively receive – all the positive changes lately

Since I did this this morning, the rest of the day I have found myself suddenly bursting out in tears by reading a sentence in a book or paper – something is so ready now to be released and it feels so wonderful.

There is also TIREDNESS

Edit/Delete Message

Only what is corruptible can die.

I awoke this early morning from the most disgusting feeling of being guilty. “Holy Spirit, help me clear this.” I was told to do the TAT-pose, and said the first statement: “Everything that led up to me resonating, identifying and connecting to this happened.” Spirit told me to breathe the connected breathing that Michael Brown describes in The Presence Process, and it immediately brought up such amounts of phlegm that I had to sit up. I remembered that the only way out is through, so I kept breathing. Then I was right inside a core-trauma: “I am dying – and if I die now, this insanity and violence will follow me as spirit after the body dies. I MUST NOT HAVE THIS FEELING, I WILL GO TO HELL”

Now there is a belief with consequences!:)

A wave of gratitude and feeling of waking up happened:

NOW I can feel it: this is just a memory, an age-old imprint that the personality has taken for real and therefore given creative power. It has had no power whatsoever to harm Who I am in Truth: I am here – now – willingly allowing the feeling to be integrated. So many times did this person believe she was close to death this life – and always did she judge and deny this feeling, with hellish consequences.

I cannot die. I am Presence shining through all this. Raging pain flares up everywhere in the body and dissipates. My left arm goes numb, my right hand feels like it is impaled. Thoughts about crucifixion comes up – and the Course’s teaching that we only feel pain as long as we identify with guilt. According to the Course, Jesus did not feel pain: He knew He was not the body, and He knew He was as God created Him:  Spirit – healed and whole and innocent.

How closely connected to the “me” is guilt. It/me cannot exist without it: the “me” is “proof” that separation is real

Without the “me”, the guilt has nothing to attach to

Thoughts of crucifixion come up again. I hear:

Only that which is corruptible can die. Spirit is forever.

The rest is innocence

Dare to believe what you know

Morning. Sameol sameol pain.Clear thought:

I know that God has not created pain, discomfort,fear,grief,anger,guilt. I have – or seem to have – to defend the story of a separated special me.

This moment I sense the strong belief that God did NOT create it, so it is just an idea of pain and separation in my mind.

*

Now, dear reader, imagine an instant image of complete blue – you know the image of a sea completely devoid of stirrings of wind, and the skies are without horizon. You are in the middle of this. There are no sounds, but the fullness of Something is immense. Somehow it dawns on you that you are this – you are looking at an outer image of an inward condition.

The pains are gone. The constrictions around the chest are gone.

*

I get up and start my day.  Call the Tax Dep. in order to complain for the 3 time of something  that is my right and have not got.  Give the answering machine a message that they can call me back when one of their consultants is ready.Breathe the Presence Process -way for 5 minutes  – that’s all I can muster before i feel cold and dizzy. Then I start to BE with the discomfort i feel in the body at having to make these calls to the Tax Office – to firmly stand on my rights and claim what belongs to me.

I have a thought: oh maybe i could be disturbed by the phone if I do this presence-being-with-fear now.

Calm on inside: just start.All is well.Trust.

The fear is ice-cold, clutching something hard,hard to breathe. Just being with it without condition starts a melting, like spring melting ice in Spring. Funny sensations/ green new sprouts spring up in many parts of the body, and in ten minutes the Spring is definitely on the way.

I take a deep breath, and the telephone from the Tax Dep. comes, perfectly timed by Presence. The lady finds out what has happened with my case: they have accepted my claim, but forgotten to send me the papers that confirm it.  I ask her to give me her word that she will see to it. She smiles yes.

I hear Blue: “You know, you have a rule that things has to happen three times for them to be valid and real.”

I do. I really have that belief. Those papers had been in order from 6 weeks after i complained the first time – but they could not be sent out, since i had not complained 2 more times.

Once is enough:)

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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