A New World

Christmas eve

I am receiving an Amygdala healing, listening to an audio and allowing whatever happens to happen. At first there is a time period to allow  the ultimate vicious, deepest depraved, violent destructive hateful darkness in the mind to arise and be released. All is allowed. Then there is a ray of light that hits the Amygdala, and gradually my body and brain is filled with the calmest light

I wake up in the night and notice a remarkable shift in thinking: there is no more identification with negative fearful thoughts. I can “hear” them, but they carry no life.

I have a dream where I rescue and take care of a much tormented cat. It has eaten – digested – something – I care deeply for it, and suddenly its body convulses and it poops out the inside of a ballpoint pen.

That must have hurt! And affected free movement – and, well, everything about its catty life: wild free sexuality, the excitement of hunting, deep rest and its joy of being caressed…the cat symbolizes something deeply instinctive and alive in me. And “my” cat has digested something completely indigestible for it: that which is the essence of a pen: mental activity being expressed.

Or better said: the “supremacy” of the intellectual mind.

I love these clear dreams. And the cat is OK now 🙂

Christmas Morning, 25th: I am bundling up to go to the mountaintop close to my house to do a ritual that Jesus describes in “The Way of the Heart.” It is  dark and cold: minus 15 degrees Celsius / 5 Fahrenheit, snow, very steep climb up the trail to a point I have chosen to meet the rising sun and a new world seen with the eyes of Christ. The Ritual is about leaving the past behind and looking with Christ’s eyes at the New World.

The climbing is easy, I am enjoying each step. And there is my favorite place to look out over my village and home – and wait, there is a new signpost: “Peekout” – and it point to a new small trail further up. “I want to go there!” says my heart, and fear answers: “ No – I may miss the sunrise and the whole ritual.” The heart calmly lets me know that I know where that trail leads – up to a place where before stood a little cabin.

Still – I allow the fear voice to “win.”

I start the meditation, facing the place where the sun is rising – and receive its energy into the body, allowing it to fill the spinal column and the whole body. It feels good – but something is “off.” Still, I follow the instructions that Jesus tells us he followed in his way to mastery.

After I while, I open the eyes. The red rising sun is right in my face. I immediately decide to follow the new trail. In 3 minutes I am up there – and somebody has built this wondrous little free cabin for anybody to sit and watch the view –

Now the ego is having a field day: “You screwed up this holyholyholy initiation. You should have gone up here  at once- it was made for you  – to meet the rising sun and the new life! Now you have screwed up ultimately moron moron moron”

Oh the shoulding 🙂

The gift is: I have been reminded to follow the heart. “Follow the nudge of JOY you feel. Trust that it will take care of everything – including the time-aspect.”

I trusted instead the voice that told me I MIGHT be too late for the sunrise, following the new and unexpected trail.

I recognize how I – and most of humanity? – have allowed that warning voice, painting out disasters and failure in order to “make us safe” – to be valued.

Jesus is giggling at me, tenderly tickling my ribs. “All I want is that you are happy and extend your treasure to the world. There are no “too late’s – there is only NOW”

I go back down to my house.Time for celebration! I eat my newly smoked and roasted ham, two soft boiled eggs, bread, fresh raspberry jam and Yogi tea. Today’s tea label: “Time to leave the past behind”

Time to leave the past behindgiggle giggle giggle

Then I go out in the sunny shiny new day, up to the Peekout Shelter once again and decorate it with a little troll I have made, with the word “Now” on it.

I meet a zillion people when I go back down. I say Merry Christmas to everyone, they all smile and greet me back. What a feeling of unity it brings – this greeting each other.

The movie-theater-train

Two wonderful helpful dreams this morning

In the first, I am in my childhood-area – and again, on the middle place between the house/home and the train to the center/Home. Good to notice! There I find an almost dead female cat. I instantly decide that it is my responsibility to feed her and save her from dying.

A very angry female doctor intervenes and tell me to stop pampering to the cat’s insistence to eat only special food and that she must have my help to survive. “Tell me more!” I say – this resonates strongly with truth for me. And I see: she -the cat -really is responsible for her undernourishment: she just refuses to eat what is healthy for her. In short – she wants pampering for her role as a poor- almost -dying -starving- for- love-cat.

Now this sounds very familiar: I still remember my mother frequently reflecting to me this poor poor me and poor poor you-role – and I grabbed it gladly: it meant tenderness, warmth, “love.” And it sure kept that role alive in me. So good to SEE it now: it IS a role, an emotional signature only. Dropping the story and being with the emotions is my choice – and forgiving both my mother and myself for it.

In my wake-state, I notice the feelings I had in the dream/inner movie when I tended to the almostdying cat: I kept her from dying. I provided LIFE for her. Did that make me special or what! And also nice! Kind! Generous! Loving! And let’s not forget POWERFUL! Almost like God.All very pleasurable roles – and all of them from the ego thought-system: none of them reflecting reality.

I recognize how easy it is to be addicted to the role as “savior” – how welcome to float into this pattern and away from the non-welcome victim-role in my childhood.

The very root of this role springs from unreality – we believe in thoughts that say “ this is the way you find love.” It is certainly not unconditional love – how could it be? Our parents inherited the scars from their parents – and so on back to beginning. But the only way to receive care and tenderness in the world is to keep the poor me going: I see clearly how humanity has needed this pattern of specialness to continue – to avoid the knowledge of the Self and Unity.

This now is the only place where we can choose to see it and let it go.

What an opportunity for healing it is to include all of that in THIS ONE HEART we all share – in this NOW. Being integrated and welcomed at last – not as mental story, as emotional pattern.

The last thing I give over is the feeling of shame – ego’s shame of not being right – of being seen through

*

Next dream:

I am in a huge vaulted dome-like cinema – it resembles our biggest movie-theater, but is even bigger: the Coliseum. A symbol of collective journeying in the imagination/mind – and one of the Course’s main symbol of a life in the world as seemingly separated beings.

This movie theater is – at the same time – a bus or train that will take us to our chosen goal. I know this after waking up – seeing that there are no movie-chairs in red velvet, but a simple old-fashioned train-bench. We are traveling as the same time that we are looking at the movie – we are conscious of the dream while we are dreaming.

My daughter and son-in-law are entering, and I point to “my” bench and call out:” there’s place for you here – take it! “And they do, right in front of two other stalling people who can’t make up their mind where to sit.

We have bought tickets to a little town, translating as Truevillage.  My dream maker – Jesus( I have asked him to do this) does not waste a single symbol:)

We ahave all bought tickets – so why not enjoy the ride? And the movie?

Will we recognize that Presence is the scriptwriter and director?

 

 

 

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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