Outside and Inside

David Youngblood told me this some years ago – and I wrote it down in one of my many notebooks. Today I felt insane and opened one notebook randomly. And what I need is RIGHT HERE:

“I am only upset at others/someone when they mirror back to my mind a belief which I have denied from awareness. When I blame something/someone (or fear them) it is to avoid seeing the upset and the resolution as they really are (a decision in my mind to stay separate) and to instead maintain an image of myself/other / the world / as I WISH.

What a relief: OF COURSE I have wanted to see insanity projected outside of me!

“This mind-trick seems to replace guilt and fear, but actually maintains feelings of upset. To blame or fear an image of self/other/the World, requires that I believe I am limited to a body and a world of bodies, and it denies the Spiritual abstract reality of my being.

As a first step in letting go of all upset, I want to see in my mind what I thought was outside it”

I instantly see the field of insanity that surrounded me,my family and the men who abused “me” – I recognize it – I have for years of my life thought it was ME and have tried as hard as possible to push it away.

Now I have A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery and am grateful beyond means that I now can choose again.

What do I REALLY want to see in I. and I.? ( The two persons who I have seen insanity in, threatening my peace.)

I want to see deep peace, gratefulness for all they have experienced, since it has brought us all HERE – I want to see tenderness, gentleness, patience, gratitude, deep inner peace and contentment, inner wisdom, clarity, respect for Self and others – and LOVE.

And how fun it is that both the names of these two whose people who carry the energies that scare me, start with I – so there are only I and I and I LOL –

there never was anybody outside this Big I/Self that we all share

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASING

I recently talked about this with a friend on Facebook, who noticed herself being pleasing and decided to stop it. I want to add that there is certainly no reason to judge being pleasing – being pleasing saved my life when i grew up, without any doubt. And that makes it a pattern which is connected to survival – no wonder we hold onto it.

Because the energy-pattern is so embedded in me, I notice it instantly in others. It is such an unpleasant energy – as long as we have not forgiven ourselves completely for having chosen being pleasing as a defense-system when we were small- now there is judgment against it, because it is not considered straight and mature to be pleasing. Especially when we are on a spiritual path, pleasing is a nono.

But pleasing masks the intense fear of not being loved – of having “sinned” – in fact of being cast out of Heaven. WE truly believe that the only chance we have to loved is to have it from our family – we have forgotten and repressed that that Love is Who we are.

So if I now judge myself for being pleasing when I notice this in myself, I am holding ego’s hand – it is trying to be spiritual. 🙂

When we were small and filled with joy, we may have heard “Oh you are so full of yourself” – “tone it down, will you” – “you are simply too much for me” – I notice how that lovely life-energy  and Self-expression is squashed and judged – and there is no-one to blame: this is the dance of ego

So how can we relate to this old habit when we spot it?
As soon as we move into more freedom, the old stuff come up to be released – it is a sign of progress. And the thing is that we create judges outside of us to forewarn us of the “real” judgment waiting at home -and in our mind.

Judging ourselves is abusive – and the energetic “reason ” that we re-create” the old story about us as an” abuse-victim” – everything is better, we /ego tell ourself, that attracting God’s wraaathhh.

It is skillful to see this pattern so that next time I catch myself erasing myself in order to be allowed to live, I can choose again
Stop
Breathe
Realize you have made this pattern – or rather, identified with ego’s pattern
Expand – connect with Creator and your Heart – sense this struggling part of you and choose to LOVE it instead of judging it.

One of my sturdiest patterns of behavior is struggling very hard to “get it right” – and describing to others how to heal this pattern LOL – and tell it:

I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE SAFE. I AM HERE FOR YOU.

Now the Holy Spirit can take over: I am not longer trying to fix the “pleaser” – and I am demonstrating that it is not dangerous to receive LOVE – which is the trap we fell into when we believed in the Tiny Mad Idea of Separation.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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