The big split

Last night I asked the Christ Council to help me see WHY I(the soul) have wanted to create these inner attacks. I got  a dream – and a “first” experience ever in the morning.

The dream: I spotted a young girl, ca 17 years or so, who put a roll of papers into my gutter. Now no water could  flow out – big block there.  When I asked her what the hell she was doing, she innocently looked at me and told me that these was her stories, her treasure, and she had to protect it from being found and misused.

I woke up and burst in tears at the familiar feeling of being used as a container for others’ stuff – and that their stuff blocked the release of water/feelings. It did not prevent me from feeling them – but from letting go of them. I asked for help again, and saw the child-part that I had dissociated from – she was living in quite another place, and I saw that because of her believe in her own guilt, other entities/spirits had – with her consent – “moved in” with her, as her “family” – she thought of them as people worthy to listen to advise from, since they had told her they “protected” her. And the opposite was of course the truth.

It was this part of me that was having that dream. And CC told me that my soul wanted strongly to heal this split between the Leelah who frequently knows that she is Spirit, one with God – and this girl who was split off during more than 20 years, due to ongoing traumatic experiences.

As I sat in bed,wide awake, I felt a strong wish to be close to her, and suddenly I was inside the dream again – with “the neighbor-girl.” One second I was wide awake in bed – and next second I was back in the dream-environment. And then again, after just some seconds – actually, there was no feeling of time at all –I was back in bed – realizing that I had just been WITH the split-off part of me

It felt weird and wonderful to have experienced this change in location  – the energy there was completely different from my daily sense of “me.” And there was also no time-lapse between the two me’s – I was just there, as awareness,sensing the unfamiliar energy that is her home.

And with this experience it is easier for me to not identify with those feelings anymore – I know it is SHE who hates them, and then I can embrace her 🙂 and I know that some of the most poisonous stuff comes from a part close to her who has a lot of “drunkenness” about their energy field- I do not need to take it “personal”, and it is certainly a possibility to include in my love = no judgement.

 

LOVE

This morning I had a webcast with a teacher who channels the Christ Council – Israel Ahn’ Asha.

We were invited into breathing and connecting with each other, and suddenly some words sprung out to me, like written with fire: whatever you think, you are loved

meaning – whatever you think, you are loved thinking that(in this moment)

acting like that – judging like that – talking like that

truly seeing that that LOVE that is my Source allows all my expressions

The God that I love allows all

and allows all to be embraced by love,

even my “bad memories” – actions – thoughts

*

At first this was just thought – and then I was prompted from inside to allow this to be true and FELT and bodily experienced

and that was when the fun started

It feels like a huge bottlebrush is working me inside – I almost throw up, yawn, hiccup,sweat,

then i lose contact with it and then another thought of should not-comes – self criticism, critic of others – and at exactly the same time, this new thought comes again:

you are loved WITH that thought – resistance – judgment

this is nothing I “need” to practice or remember –

it just is turned on 🙂

I am reminded of the Course, where Jesus tells us that  as soon as that first thought of separation from God happened, He at once introduced the correction –

Now I am experiencing that very correction each and every time my mind wanders into the familiar forests of separation

 

Inner Guidance comes in many ways

I awake at 3:13 – feeling beyond bad. I tune in, and find that there is an innermost belief in mankind – subconsciously agreed upon – that we NEED to be punished, and that when we attack ourselves – in any way – we are safer towards God.

I sank deep within this belief, and found that at its center, I believed that fear was my friend: it was my whipper – my savior – from the fierce vengeful god-image we collectively and subconsciously have at our very core.

This seems to explain how the majority of us treats ourselves worse than we would treat an enemy – relentless in our demand of improvement – not recognizing that we ARE perfectly made in His image

What a relief it was to relax into that false idea and rest there in curiosity and wonder –

at first…

then the stories came up from the vast collective unconscious – the cornerstones to our world, based on fear, guilt and sin. A garbage dump with toxic waste.

I sat up in bed and turned on the light. I – the One Mind – had made this. So I owned that, did not judge it, and extended forgiveness to myself. The body felt like a transformer of atomic energy, scary, very scary. And electric! Then I sensed and saw The Christ Council around me, and St.Germain talked to me and said, “we did not know this place as you show it to us now. Thank you for your willingness and courage to go deep.”

I struggled like crazy hearing this – my ego switched from pumped up pride to crushed unworthiness – thank God I was aware that I am not that – that we are not that. Still, I asked him to give me a sign that what I heard here was not a delusion.

Nothing happened – and what a gift that was: I became acutely aware of how afraid I am that I am making these visions up, a sort of schizophrenic spell. Becoming aware of HOW afraid I was, was a gift – so I stayed with that energy and allowed it to pass through me.

The then thought of my book – “When Fear Comes Home to Love” came into my mind. I wrote it with Blue – or Jesus -as my guide, and self published it. St.Germain told me to post “Blue is playing”-episodes from the book here on my blog. These are playful synchronicities from the divine, helping me to move from fear to humor and play – a great way to transform darkness. The book is full of them. And here is the latest – from this morning:

This morning the night’s experiences had passed from my memory. I was standing beside a heap of my notebooks and picked up nr 18 and opened it, not knowing why.

It opened on this note, from June 2014:

St Germain says to me, in the night: “Don’t leave your truth, your heart, when you sense the fear. Appearances only.Breathe deeply into the energy. When you leave yourself,you have told yourself that fear is in YOU, and you have left your house – the Self -and then it is open to “thieves”J All are stories – they arise when you for a nanosecond believe that there CAN be a place where God is not – can you see how utterly laughable that is -“

Yes I can and I do 🙂

And now the memories from the night come back – and me asking for a sign from St.Germain in the night, that what I experienced him saying was not a fantasy from ego.

How grateful I am, that the work that we do, all contribute to the Christ Council. That deleted effectively ego’s insistence that the Christ Council is far far out of reach for “me”, and “above” me.

A deep wave of gratitude and safety flows through me – and the phone called:

A very polite and articulate man asked if it was OK to do a Gallup on how pleased I was with my alarm system –

oh the humor of Blue 🙂DSC_0406

I took this photo of my “Tree of Life” that I planted some months ago. I had started to give up on it – until this morning: on the same branch as the withered brown leafs, there is this shining red one

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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