The Big Troll

I saw inside my mind “The Collective Controller” today – that I have called “MY” controller – and I realized that I have projected it as something I am a victim of, seemingly outside of me, seeing it as an enemy wanting the very worst for me – something I  therefore have fought and judged.

So it of course turns out to be the part in me that I/we all/established in order to be able to grow up keeping as much sanity as possible – and how vehemently I/we all/ had to push all that was not allowed/wanted/ all the way into deep blackness.

And the more we hate it, the deeper and darker it grows.

I have a strong feeling I already have written something very much like this before in this blog – and it is interesting for me to see that it still feels like this is the first time.

The thing is of course to do the only sane thing: listen to its beliefs and the feeling underneath it and assist it in expressing them. And the more allowance I gave it to do that, the more of the underlying Christ-light poured forth.

Stopping in stopping the protection – seeing its underlying need to help us be loved in the only way permitted when we grew up.

And now I can fully bless all of it in tremendous gratitude




Looking through appearences

It’s 2:50am, I have been releasing stuff for an hour or so  – continuing the  healing process  I had yesterday evening with Stacy Sully. It feels like a shift has happened.

Here is something that Stacy mentioned – and that this time stayed with me as something indisputably true. “You start with saying: Spirit, show me, teach me, guide me, where does awareness want go right now in the body? Go there and listen. Allow Love to release anything that does not serve your highest good, anything you have taken on. Just be with it and allow it to release.  – When you encounter dark/dirty voices, remember that is only ego’s smoke screen, don’t react, allow it to come up and express itself, but don’t listen to it, don’t take it personal. You are the Christ Light, you can go anywhere in the mind and observe and witness. Allow Love to remove it – “you” don’t need to do a thing.”

About being with the inner child who is still fragmented and dissociated:

“She may present things she sees and perceives, but in your heart you know that she is perfect and whole.That’s where the Love comes in. When you can meet these wounded places in you, when you can love them, you know the truth: my truth is unharmed. That is seeing beyond the appearance. We make it real when we believe the drama and the stories we tell about what seemed to happen, when we buy into the appearances – they just want to keep us in the dark keep us ignorant. You just tell the child ” I am here. I know this is how you are feeling now, but I know different – I know the truth. And I come as the truth to liberate you from where you are stuck in what you believe.”

Hearing this, I burst out: “This is freedom.” Stacy says: “Yes, this is freedom. You are the truth, you are the way, you are life. He meant it when he said it, and that is Who we are. When we encompass that, we see through everything. We only make things real when we choose to buy into what we think we’re seeing.

Leelah: So I just acknowledge what she is feeling and believing, but remain in Truth.

Stacy:”Yes, that’s what He was doing. He SAW people without their design and stories, He saw what was there in Truth, that’s how He healed.And we have that same power, we have the same Christ.So that is what we can bring inside for ourselves. That’s what we honor and accept.That’s what unconditional Love is. It accepts everything as it is, and so everything remembers what it is. You are free – it is your birthright  to meet with love every part of yourself. Every part of the truth you are. That is quantum forgiveness right there.

Leelah: Seeing the appearances for what they are, seeing through them -and remaining in Truth.

Stacy:Right. Thats the power of it.

I have known this for years – and still it felt like seeing it with completely new eyes. The insight had moved from the mind to becoming embodied: a felt truth.


I went up at 2:50 to take a break from the process. Started to look at the last part of Kieslowky’s  “Red”, when the fire alarm started to sound. I immediately went in to guilt:”I shouldn’t have looked at TV, I should have meditated/read and so on “- I noticed how paralyzed I felt from fear, and only now, writing this, do I realize how strong the ego’s fear of its god is, and how it lays in waiting to have a chance to pop up. I believed that energies from within me had turned the fire-alarm on- since there was nothing burning around me…then I at last had the thought to walk around. I looked down the stairs into the therapy room and saw light flaring up. Ran down the stairs: I had forgotten to blow out a thick candle  (log-light?) and the  wax had started to melt and burn.

Thanks to the new fire-alarms that were installed with the burglar-alarm, the signal from the room at the first floor set on the alarms on the second 🙂



 Charles Edwin Markham (1852-1940)

He drew a circle that shut me out —
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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