This May Be an End to the Rollercoaster

Those who has followed this blog for a while will have noticed a rollercoaster quality – the victories seem to drop into very low valleys and then travel up again.

This night I asked from my heart that my guides gave me a clear dream of some kind of physical acts I could take that would create love, play and vitality for others and myself – a kind of project. And I was given a dream where I taught and lectured at the senior center where I live in the same way I have done with my one to one students since 1988. Something landed in me this time – I woke up and knew I would do it.

I have watched this magic worked with every student – something happens when we come together to play freely and just follow the process. This spirit of playfulness is, I believe, the very essence of Who we are – pure exploration and fun. WE let go of what we think we are supposed to do to heal – and just dive into THIS very moment. What are you thinking about NOW? how would that thought be transformed into e.g a sound? a doodle? words? etc etc. The ego and control is stunned and surrenders – and wonders happened – and people just see that there is Something within them that leads them forward to places of joy and surrender they would not have fathomed.

A former close neighbor of mine is a vital person of that senior-center – I will contact him and ask for the best person to contact – and I will also contact two old theater friends who both have lectured there.

And after this idea, I realized that more stuff would spring from this – in a much more orderly and structured way that before. There is no sensation of overwhelm this time. I am writing lists of what to do and when, and enjoying myself.

And ending with a nice surrealistic image from Unsplash.com – taken by Dominik Vanyi

In the playful process I am describing, everything is possible -and so the very life-force of creativity dips into us – or we into it – with astonishing results and insights

Messages from the universe

-Which includes the virtual level – my PC for one

I marvel at the creativity that guides me and uses anything to catch my attention

I just bought a ticket to a concert called JOY where my excellent composer daughter will premiere her composition “Child” for cello.

There was a sensation of something mean in the atmosphere. I bought a ticket and was given a password to receive my ticket. The password was –

STRONG LOUSE

Well that is some password I thought, and felt that sensation again – and a soft swish-sound from my sleeping-room – and there had a poster slid down on the floor:

This is from the Waldorf school – sadly there is no name of painter on it – but the title is Resurrection

I thought, well it may have come up to be released -so I sat and offered it love.

***

It is still a cold here, but it is moving.

Then I found this is my mail, from Love IS A Place Within:

(The student) ought to succeed in noting that nothing of all that is from him, is him.

He, physically and mentally, is a multitude of others.
 
This “multitude of others” includes the material –the ground, one might say– which he owes to his heredity, to his atavism, then those which he has ingested, which he has inhaled from before his birth, by the help of which his body was formed, and which, assimilated by him, have become with the complex forces inherent in them, constituent parts of his being.

On the mental plane, this “multitude of others” includes many beings who are his contemporaries: people he consorts with, with whom he chats, whose actions he watches. Thus a continual inhibition is at work while the individual absorbs a part of the various energies given off by those with whom he is in contact, and these incongruous energies, installing themselves in that which he considers his “I”, form there a swarming throng.


—Alexandra David-Néel
The Secret Oral Teachings in Tibetan Buddhist Sects
 

 

So here is the Steiner-tradition – and the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition – I have loved and studied both – there must be a place for something that has been named strong louse too – a being composed of strong projections of anything we will NOT accept in ourselves so I will give it some more time – sit with it kindly and see what happens

Forgiveness

This blog is the place for me to share openly ( often with embarrassment) – to support myself in giving my self a voice, and share the insights and gift from my spiritual and creative process.

In my Course in Miracles blog, I share the lessons from the universe where I use what I have learned through the Course and the three books by Jayem; The Way of the Heart, the Way of Mastery and the Way of Knowing.

In the Way of the Heart, chapter three instructs us thoroughly through the forgiveness process, as Jeshua/ Jesus explains it and learned it.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)
“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to… see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)
2. “It is very, very important to let each day to be sufficient unto itself. When you end your day, always truly end it… As you take a deep breath as you rest your head upon the pillow, look upon of the whole day, embrace it with your consciousness, and as you let your breath go out, say silently to yourself: ‘I release and forgive this day. It has been perfect. And it is done.’” (page 38
)’

I have studied this for many years – and it is amazing how many layers there has been for me to see the simplicity in it. Example: This night I found issues with betrayal from a brother – and looked for a situation within me where I had done the same. I could see it – and what was more important was, that I could see that at that time I thought I had no choice – I thought I HAD to stay with that man,since inside me was a terrified little girl who was raised to believe that she could NOT take care of herself – so I traded “safety” for “being supported.”

This time I embraced her – and also fully embraced my mother who also had that pattern – and my brother too – and saw how it all was splendidly set up for me for truly experience all flavors of it this life. Now waves of light flowed into me, and I gradually could see the sacred essence of them all – and recognize the “contracts” we set up before this incarnation – to play these roles in our family to make these energies available to be seen, known and transformed. Since it is not possible to forgive anything I haven’t first embraced.

To see Jekyll and Hyde-abuse as a valuable lesson for us who want to wake up is what my books are all about – how can I use it creatively – poetically – how can we create art out of it?

Since art and playfulness is the very essence of our true Self

Maybe that is good question for you too – “what has my experiences led me to believe / do/ think that is truly valuable?

IF not, I would not have been able to write ” When Fear Comes Home to Love” which has helped so many – students /patients/readers .

and the 108 creative exercises in “108 Ways to Transform Crises into Possibilities” –

and Hilaryon Stories – a novel

When you click at the images, you will be led to reviews

Christ coming toward m

Jubilation Springer

This is a Jubilation springer – in case you wondered

it is about 10 cm tall.

I found this sprig in the wood lately – and thought “how marvelous Nature is, to do this peculiar almost circle-bough.” So I brought it home, hoping that it would be made into something creative and playful.

And it did! yesterday!

You see, I am an artist – and I wither if I can’t express myself with art and playfulness. For some reason I have not been able to express myself in  visual arts for almost 2 years –  but yesterday night, I heard  the bough call me from downstairs when i was going to bed and I followed the impulse.

I took 2 grams of clay and made his snout, open – and glued on two black pearls as eyes. A red fringe for some reason lay of my desk, so I glued it to his head – and a bit to his tail. Gave it some color, and there he was.

And here he is ♥

 

Miracle

The last day the fear returned with a vengeance. I prayed deeply to be free of the sticky attachment to all of it – and suddenly, it was gone.

The fear energy still is here – but it now feels like a dummy- love bursts through. It does not matter anymore. From this state of mind there is only rest.

My young friend Leni Dubel just wrote on Facebook that illnesses are beings – messengers – they come to heal. Many cancer patients know this deeply after a while – by going through it, there are shining insights. My strongest experience as a breast cancer patient 15 years ago was that I learned that my choice is everything:

I was under the radiation machine, it was the 12th day and the nipple was badly bruised – it seemed that it was rotting and drying up. I heard myself exclaim: Archangel Michael, I want your rays to go through this machine instead of the x-rays.

In that very moment, there was a great Light and I knew without doubt that my prayer had been fulfilled.

From that moment, the effects of the machine-radiation reversed, and the breast returned to it original healed state of being. I also knew that there were no more signs of cancer.

What if I got that cancer to get to that moment – KNOWING that Spirit heals all if I CHOOSE it?

It seems to me that Cancer made it possible for me to get to that moment where I took that chance to ask for help from Spirit, being willing to suspend any beliefs that the body’s illnesses and pain were more powerful that Spirit. It was a huge leap of faith for me, and it was instantly answered.

The strangest and most wonderful surprise for me is that I still feel that fear-energy strongly – but it really has nothing to do with me. I can  hold it, or just let it be, and I c an bless anybody in this fear and agony in their ability to choose love instead.

This is said with the utmost tenderness for all who says ” but I DO choose Love, and nothing happens.”

This was my experience for many years – and it brought me to explore all those parts of me who were selfhating and bitter and filled with vengeance. Carrie Triffet showed me in her last book “The Frickin Map is Upside Down” how important it is to LOVE them just as they are – no fixing – loving them WITH their hatred, with deep patience and compassion – loving them as they are. And as A Course in Miracles says – ” we cannot heal what we still have not accepted and loved.”

I don’t love the hatred. I love the part who hates.

*******

In the right menu you will find my three books. In these days, my book ” Healing Crisis – 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities” can give you creative playful means to deal with the fear and transform your regulations to it. Like this one:

54) YOUR ANCHOR

What served as an anchor for you when you were a child? What did you ”come home to” – inside yourself or outside? Maybe a favorite day-dream – do you remember the theme? Pets? Music? Nature? Reading? Walking? Making art?  Knitting? Wood-work?

Contemplating this anchor –why was it an anchor?  WHAT is it that was – and is – such a nourishment and comfort for you?

How could you use this anchor now, during the crisis?

(Source of inspiration:

Serge Kahili King, PH.D. http://www.huna.net/

and this:

108 GROUNDING / OVERWHELM[1]

Walk around in the room: point at objects and name them out loud. Do it until you start feeling that you are inside yourself. Then do a variation: point at a thing and name it something else: point at pillow and name it cheese, point at a TV and name it flower, point at the table and name it circus…the dog comes in, and you name her sunshine. Do this for at least ten minutes, and then sit down and see if you can remember some of the new names you invented.

The exercise has a wonderful ability to ground us, shove us out of rigid control-modes and let us laugh – and then, additionally, allow the subconscious to show us what it plays with. Right now.

When we are in a crisis, we are also stuck in a rigidly controlled space. When we are stuck inside it, everything we do or think is perceived through a veil of mistaken identity: I AM that which suffers. To break through this false identity gives you a new footing: suddenly you can see yourself AND the crisis – but you are no longer caught in it. Exercises like this one push you out in free air: yes, there is a crisis in your life right now – but there is also play and creativity.

And you might also enjoy re-naming your crisis, too – ! Instead of” crisis,” you might try out “popcorn.”

“I am in a deep popcorn right now.”

Did you giggle just a little?

 

[1]  Source of inspiration for this exercise: Keith Johnstone: Improvisation and the Theatre
©1979, Methuen Publishing, London

http://www.keithjohnstone.com/main.aspx?id=73

 

 

 

Lonely Girl in the Heart Comes Alive

In the usual night agony, I heard a clear and no-nonsense voice: sit up right now!

I did, and in a king of whoosh I saw that the carrier of the agony energy was my spiritual ego – the one who has followed 10 Mystery schools  and  a zillion of trainings and and and and still feels this agony/rage/anxiety/death wish/killing lust.

It’s simply the whole “false” identity, the perceived “separate one” – the one who sees herself as NOT healed and worthy and a failure – she is ALL OF THAT.

And after reading Carrie Triffet’s last book – about the importance to completely utterly love the “subterranean self” – or those parts of us we have kept as a secret…that I fully acknowledge her presence, and realize how unavoidable it is to continue AS her. From now on relating TO her – is my intention.

Now, this night, I saw that I was asked to intend to LOVE ALL OF THAT – the whole old package of “the ego though system” as the Course calls it – all those parts of me that I had attached to those thoughts and called MINE and ME.

IT was strange to get up in the morning – it felt different. I could neutrally watch “her” and all her thought patterns – but they did not attach to me. That much. I witnessed her go bananas when she lost something on the floor – for the first time did I allow her to yell and curse and it felt just fine and NEUTRAL. No judgment.

She like very much to be praised for having been such a good girl – and I enjoy doing that, loving her, truly loving her, embracing her with what Carrie calls “the rose-golden Light.”

Bow this is weird and wonderful: the above in blue attached itself here ABOVE the text that I had composed on Word and copied. When I clicked glue in, it came too – helping me realize that what I wrote today was the continuation of the blue text.  Clearly  this is archetypal matter.

Lonely Girl in the Heart

 

In the middle of the Heart

there is a fog of woe and wonder –

so little known to itself,

so dreamingly absorbed in the

layers of illusion.

But look:

it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!

I am so lonely so lonely

and I do not know of my fears –

I sense them only when I am held

but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces

someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?

A great light and soft love surround me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

 

The inner Child is doubting that Aurora is real: “Please give me a sign, Blue – let me see this name within three days!”

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

*

Today is 23.March 2020 – 22 years after I wrote the above, as a part of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”  – and I found the child, the Heart -and -body connection was made, and my whole experience of life has changed.

Before that, earlier today,  I sensed with deep grief that I truly wanted to be grounded – but there has always been something that refuses to be inside the body. I have sensed there is a root connection through my feet and the perineum – but I wanted the feeling/energy of the dissociated child  to be fully incarnated. I prayed deeply for help with this, and suddenly I KNEW that she was HERE – inside me – and the mother of all griefs burst forth. I have never cried like THAT before – completely new quality – now embracing all that loneliness.

Do you know what more is present:

My creativity – and two years of crazy wolf hunger is GONE

JUST GONE

The constant inner strong bumping pulse in the midsection – gone

So now I knew how I feel – and how SHE felt – so I decided to play with her with words. It felt like an adorable little girl of 4 years was present, a separate being – and I communicated with her just as I would do with a girl of flesh and blood.

It was very helpful to have worked with “parts” most of my 30 years as a therapist 😊

She has been behind the wolf hunger – and the impossibility to do anything creative and playful. Now she composed an adorable story about a pig who had the moon inside her and spread moonlight all over her surroundings.

I am aware that this energy of her needs time to solidify and integrate. Of course! Bless her!

 

I feel tired in a healthy way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warm and happy feedback for Hilaryon Stories

Second review of Hilaryon Stories:

Hi dear one, I finished the book – and miss it dearly! I wish, I could read on every night from now on!

The sense of it all still escapes my mind, yet it left me feeling uplifted and joyful, playful and very grateful!
When I did a little grounding meditation yesterday, I decided to visit my belly from the inside. ( My belly has been like seven months pregnant for years, feeling uncomfortable. I believe, I shut it down in many ways.) So I let my awareness travel down there and found only darkness and barren land. Then, suddenly it started to transform! I saw grass growing, and streams meandering – looked like Ireland. A change again and it was a kind of Hobbitton ! Flowers, little houses and JOY! Abundance everywhere! Little people dancing, singing, eating, creating! Perhaps not so dissimilar to Hilaryon…
My life force energy was moving as a strong tingling in my lower belly! I just loved it!

Thank you so much from my Heart of Hearts!!!

If any reader of this blog may want to have look, here’s a link. My muse told me from the start it would be healing – and now I hear it is true.

here is a link to the Amazon US page. European may go to Amazon UK.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B00DZ3EID4

 

The Final Bite

Dream: Something goes on between my daughter and me, and I feel a hatred and a RAGE that is larger than the world. In the dream, there is something she prevents me me do or express, and I sense I will implode from it. I bend and bite her in her hip- and as I see it now, I bite right into her very skeleton – her bone-structure.

Awake, I know that M is just a projection of my own anger at my parents – that I internalized – and that this judged and repressed energy went right into my bone structure and may well be the innermost cause of  “my” Osteoporosis,

This came after the second time I have done the bladder/kidney/water-poses in Donna Eden and Lauren Walker’s online course *** The first time my body screamed with pain, but  I  am determined to do this in a non-harmful way. The second time it went much better – I must do it in the morning and not evening, I notice, the body is not so sluggish then.

I talked with the Leelah –part who received all that anger and hatred and acknowledged that it would have been dangerous to express it when small- and I admitted that she/ my child self/ had received that bite. For a long time I was WITH her, embracing her, letting her express and rant. I truly SAW the power of denied and judged emotions, and the huge work the Triple Warmer does do keep us “safe.”

I have worked since 1988 in my private practice as an Expressive Arts Therapist ( background as an artist), and my patients have all had the same intensely forbidden and repressed anger. It has been a gradual unraveling through 31 years to get to the point of clarity this late night.

Now there is still work to be done – owning the energy instead of the old habit of pushing it back, allowing it to move with the structures given me in this course. The great healing is, that NOW the judgment of it has gone – not me or mine anymore, just neutral energy that can be given outlets and being played with and expressed the way I love to do.

Thank you Donna and Lauren from all my heart. Thank myself for hanging in there for all these years, vowing to heal myself this life, thank you to all my patients to also hung in there for years until our common patterns were lovingly given space and form – in storytelling, movement, dance, music, painting and drawing. Through it all, Love was present and showed us that we could trust the process, and that play and forgiveness was the main ingredients in our journeys.

After having worked in my practice for 4 years, I started to see a common thread in all my patients – and I found 10 archetypes of fear. I started to explore the very essence of them, and found out what healed our relationship to these fear-and-violence-forces in us all – and finding what healed them. After 25 years worked, I wrote two books about our work – one of the gradual process of working through the darkest forces, giving them space ( yoga was always a modality that I loved) and one very playful one which uses creativity and play – and LOVE –  to deal with crises and transform them into possibilities.

The two books are placed in the right menu. My Amazon pages has many reviews  for you to read if you are interested in what others found helpful.

***If interested in the Course, google “EnergyMedicineYoga with Donna Eden and Lauren Walker” and you will find links and videos.

 

 

Trapped in a Box of Stone

I am taking a 7 week course called Feminine Power. We have all made a commitment sharing on the Facebook-group-site from our power: “I commit to make every effort to show up in the group in ways that are aligned with this story of myself as a powerful creator, while at the same time making room for my own vulnerability and imperfections.”

My first longer post was moderated – and they let me know that it had to be MUCH more written from power.

It took me 14 days to find their post to me at Messenger – and their answers have been later than they promised – so this all has contributed to bringing me into an age old state of mind. I chose to look at it as The Universe’s way of arranging all for the best for me. Which I truly believe is true – looking at it with Christ’s vision.

I found that part inside that was in agony at being “ignored”,  outcast, black sheep, left out, feeling hopeless, powerless and angry at God and then herself, for surely she was  at fault for something.

When I found her in the body – this deeply separated identity – I saw her inside a stone-room- like the one Hildegard von Bingen sat in for years, by her own choice – to find God completely. What an exquisite metaphor for the ego thought system:  first we play with the thought “ what if we were on our own and created outside God/Love –” and then, in the shock of being in the utter darkness of lovelessness, guilt, shame and fear is born. Now there seems to be a small I who has to go through eons of years of struggle and suffering to reach the original Knowing  of Who we are. –while the truth is always only a choice away: I choose LOVE now.

I ask her two questions only: “What do you feel” and “what do you need” – and say back  “ I see/hear that you…” I want this old part not to have”comfort” – I want her to KNOW that I hear her without the slightest twinge of judgment – since this is what has worked best for ME in  life and therapy.

At first, I felt with breath and allowance the tremendous agony of living in that stone box for ever as a prisoner, left there to die  (not as Hildegard.)  When this inner part of me at least felt free to express the indescribable anger, venom and hatred at God – “for not thinking she suffered “enough” to be saved – it was a formidable breakthrough, the body was filled with light and tender warmth. Then the next step – to realize that it was really herself she hated and judged – for having failed God’s commands.

Now – I have been raised a Christian – so anybody who has been exposed to those dogmas of a wrathful and vengeful God have these beliefs deeply rooted in our mind: God sets standards and we must be punished for our own good. I recognize how much that belief has craved evidence for itself in my life –  that’s what beliefs do! If I feel unworthy, it is because somebody has projected on me  their own feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy – “ I am WRONG all through.” And so we go through life living it FROM this belief, and  therefore have it mirrored back at us everywhere –  as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Any belief we hold does that – crave evidence for its reality. And we believe it is OUR reality – not just a false thought, believed in.

So my interest has been to find the common archetypes we all are driven by, and finding the “me” at the bottom of them needing to speak her truth and be heard and loved WITH those feelings.

At one point this night, I /she truly SAW how important it was for her to be RIGHT about her perception as being a victim and unjustly treated by God – since the opposite would have meant that the story she had told about herself and given tremendous meaning to, was really based on that God had dumped her and judged her and punished her atrociously in this life

All my suffering has come from IDENTIFYING with her / her story – calling it me and mine.

We are all formidable creators of our life – exactly the way it has turned out: something in our soul has chosen to explore exactly THIS horror you are going through – since you cannot love what you have not first embraced. And we cannot embrace as long as we judge. My childhood with group rape at age four – endless years with abuse and nobody willing to see and comfort – has led me step for step to embracing all of it.  I have truly seen that inside each horrible act from a predator, there is a terrified child believing in unworthiness and guilt – endless ancestral patterns brought forward to us and through us. Through this we are being trained well to find the places where we have – at least – WANTED to murder and torture another. Are you with me?  🙂  Forgiving ourselves for -at least –having rented space for those thoughts in our mind – forgiving ourselves for allowing them in –  allows for The Holy Spirit’s loving energy and thoughts to replace our old “tenants.

I dreamed that Stone Chamber up. – Now I can choose again – being truly forgiving of how much “me-power” there has been in this creation, and therefore how tenaciously parts of me hang on to it.

Finding them all, allowing them to come through in storytelling and playfulness is what I have been created  to help others to do – finding their own  creativity, playfulness and vast resources of healing.

What I love most is that its not possible to make anything “wrong.” When I meet wrong with play, healing and huge laughter happens

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sore Thumb

This morning I am musing over what I have called “ The False Helper” inside – that part of us who finds her worth through helping others. Nothing wrong in helping – but the premise is false: our worth is given us by God, and only we can remove it by believing our scary thoughts.

Yesterday at bed time, it felt like my right thumb just crumbled and broke. I “saw” inside that the bones were in bits, and terror started its course: “you should have taken the Osteoporosis medicine! This is all your stupid fault! “ Instead of directly going to the Source by being still and breathing and asking for help to see this as Christ does, I agonized. Cause something in me thinks “this is me.” That something is addicted to the “me” that suffers. And so what cleared up this confusion this time was the reminder “ this is A PART OF ME” that thinks and feels it is broken, unrepairable, hopeless – and I am the observer of that part, I can be with it, find where it sits in the body, how old it is, talk to it: “ I see you, I am here to support you, I am not going anywhere…What are you here to tell me, to show me? Where are you in my body? What do you express through having that symptom? What do you need?

That part has feelings that has been denied and repress, maybe even dissociated. When it can speak and express, and we listen with deep compassion, it heals. There are no shoulds and oughtos from the Observer -us – who might feel like a wise Fairy Godmother. “ OF COURSE you would feel like that. Of course you would hate that person. Of course you could not say anything at that time when it happened – that would not have been safe. Is that true?” And we just listen and listen, it is a PART of us that speaks, she has been made up by our beliefs and our family’s beliefs  and our cultures beliefs about what is important and necessary.

But this bundle of thoughts and beliefs still stick with us until we turn around and embrace it.

I have a million of parts. It does not really matter what they have been doing, the soul has wanted experience. It has learned through us what the consequences are. Now it has learned and can choose again. But first I must listen to those parts with love, dialogue with them. And as an artist, my favorite way of doing that is to create images of the feelings and allow stories to come – so there need not be so much “figuring out” to do.

Back to the sore thumb -Jeshua tells me in this month’s lesson in Way of Knowing that the very tough situation/feeling we think we are in, can be the very stepping stone into Love: I now see the consequences of choosing separation and I can choose again.  “ OH” How great! I see the sore thumb as a metaphor of the thought “ I am broken!” There is a part of me who thinks she is broken, and she is fusing with me, identifying with me – I ask her gently to de-fuse so I can see her clearly. Then I can listen and support her in whatever she is feeling, letting her know that those feelings were the exact feelings to feel in that situation – hate, fear, rage. Whatever – of COURSE you would feel like that. What would you have needed most in that situation? Could you express that?” and so on.

And for the thousandth time, I see how that PART of me created a safe identity for herself – by paying attention to others’ needs instead of her own, which she stuffed away. Huge love for that part. Of course she did that – what a great way to survive in that family.

I watch her stomping and raging and screaming right now, and I encourage her to do just that. She calms down after a while, and can now sense the Love around her. Which is the Love and safety that is always there , under all my judgment.

With the thumb here, I realize that that time this part/child felt crushed and broken and fragmented, she thought she was without help from God, and she thought she was guilty and deserved it, and therefore she was wrong and hateful. Seeing these thoughts now can be the very stepping-stones to turning it around: Oh I love that this thumb seems broken – without it, I would not have seen where it comes from in my mind! This is amazing! I appreciate you, thumb, I can love that “broken part” with all my heart, and I can DECIDE to ask for help now to see all of this differently – thank you Spirit for setting this up.I will decide what I will perceive. –And then Jeshua writes: “ Appreciation and Love and limitlessness require the Universe ( including our bodymind) to show up in a different way.”

Yes please! Send it right over

So exactly THAT which I want to avoid –  emotions, terror, pain, problems –  is with Jeshua THAT place where I now can choose Love instead.

The thumb is a bit sore, but inside it looks whole and healthy. Great healthy bones.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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