Miracle

The last day the fear returned with a vengeance. I prayed deeply to be free of the sticky attachment to all of it – and suddenly, it was gone.

The fear energy still is here – but it now feels like a dummy- love bursts through. It does not matter anymore. From this state of mind there is only rest.

My young friend Leni Dubel just wrote on Facebook that illnesses are beings – messengers – they come to heal. Many cancer patients know this deeply after a while – by going through it, there are shining insights. My strongest experience as a breast cancer patient 15 years ago was that I learned that my choice is everything:

I was under the radiation machine, it was the 12th day and the nipple was badly bruised – it seemed that it was rotting and drying up. I heard myself exclaim: Archangel Michael, I want your rays to go through this machine instead of the x-rays.

In that very moment, there was a great Light and I knew without doubt that my prayer had been fulfilled.

From that moment, the effects of the machine-radiation reversed, and the breast returned to it original healed state of being. I also knew that there were no more signs of cancer.

What if I got that cancer to get to that moment – KNOWING that Spirit heals all if I CHOOSE it?

It seems to me that Cancer made it possible for me to get to that moment where I took that chance to ask for help from Spirit, being willing to suspend any beliefs that the body’s illnesses and pain were more powerful that Spirit. It was a huge leap of faith for me, and it was instantly answered.

The strangest and most wonderful surprise for me is that I still feel that fear-energy strongly – but it really has nothing to do with me. I can  hold it, or just let it be, and I c an bless anybody in this fear and agony in their ability to choose love instead.

This is said with the utmost tenderness for all who says ” but I DO choose Love, and nothing happens.”

This was my experience for many years – and it brought me to explore all those parts of me who were selfhating and bitter and filled with vengeance. Carrie Triffet showed me in her last book “The Frickin Map is Upside Down” how important it is to LOVE them just as they are – no fixing – loving them WITH their hatred, with deep patience and compassion – loving them as they are. And as A Course in Miracles says – ” we cannot heal what we still have not accepted and loved.”

I don’t love the hatred. I love the part who hates.

*******

In the right menu you will find my three books. In these days, my book ” Healing Crisis – 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities” can give you creative playful means to deal with the fear and transform your regulations to it. Like this one:

54) YOUR ANCHOR

What served as an anchor for you when you were a child? What did you ”come home to” – inside yourself or outside? Maybe a favorite day-dream – do you remember the theme? Pets? Music? Nature? Reading? Walking? Making art?  Knitting? Wood-work?

Contemplating this anchor –why was it an anchor?  WHAT is it that was – and is – such a nourishment and comfort for you?

How could you use this anchor now, during the crisis?

(Source of inspiration:

Serge Kahili King, PH.D. http://www.huna.net/

and this:

108 GROUNDING / OVERWHELM[1]

Walk around in the room: point at objects and name them out loud. Do it until you start feeling that you are inside yourself. Then do a variation: point at a thing and name it something else: point at pillow and name it cheese, point at a TV and name it flower, point at the table and name it circus…the dog comes in, and you name her sunshine. Do this for at least ten minutes, and then sit down and see if you can remember some of the new names you invented.

The exercise has a wonderful ability to ground us, shove us out of rigid control-modes and let us laugh – and then, additionally, allow the subconscious to show us what it plays with. Right now.

When we are in a crisis, we are also stuck in a rigidly controlled space. When we are stuck inside it, everything we do or think is perceived through a veil of mistaken identity: I AM that which suffers. To break through this false identity gives you a new footing: suddenly you can see yourself AND the crisis – but you are no longer caught in it. Exercises like this one push you out in free air: yes, there is a crisis in your life right now – but there is also play and creativity.

And you might also enjoy re-naming your crisis, too – ! Instead of” crisis,” you might try out “popcorn.”

“I am in a deep popcorn right now.”

Did you giggle just a little?

 

[1]  Source of inspiration for this exercise: Keith Johnstone: Improvisation and the Theatre
©1979, Methuen Publishing, London

http://www.keithjohnstone.com/main.aspx?id=73

 

 

 

Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:

OFFERING –

As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡

OFFERING

I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏

OFFERING

The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼

OFFERING

Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰

OFFERING

I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

OFFERING
This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings

OFFERING

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!

OFFERING

A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺

OFFERING

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

OFFERING

This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.

OFFERING

Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.

***************************************

Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:

14) THE SAFE PLACE

Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013

 

 

 

 

The Final Bite

Dream: Something goes on between my daughter and me, and I feel a hatred and a RAGE that is larger than the world. In the dream, there is something she prevents me me do or express, and I sense I will implode from it. I bend and bite her in her hip- and as I see it now, I bite right into her very skeleton – her bone-structure.

Awake, I know that M is just a projection of my own anger at my parents – that I internalized – and that this judged and repressed energy went right into my bone structure and may well be the innermost cause of  “my” Osteoporosis,

This came after the second time I have done the bladder/kidney/water-poses in Donna Eden and Lauren Walker’s online course *** The first time my body screamed with pain, but  I  am determined to do this in a non-harmful way. The second time it went much better – I must do it in the morning and not evening, I notice, the body is not so sluggish then.

I talked with the Leelah –part who received all that anger and hatred and acknowledged that it would have been dangerous to express it when small- and I admitted that she/ my child self/ had received that bite. For a long time I was WITH her, embracing her, letting her express and rant. I truly SAW the power of denied and judged emotions, and the huge work the Triple Warmer does do keep us “safe.”

I have worked since 1988 in my private practice as an Expressive Arts Therapist ( background as an artist), and my patients have all had the same intensely forbidden and repressed anger. It has been a gradual unraveling through 31 years to get to the point of clarity this late night.

Now there is still work to be done – owning the energy instead of the old habit of pushing it back, allowing it to move with the structures given me in this course. The great healing is, that NOW the judgment of it has gone – not me or mine anymore, just neutral energy that can be given outlets and being played with and expressed the way I love to do.

Thank you Donna and Lauren from all my heart. Thank myself for hanging in there for all these years, vowing to heal myself this life, thank you to all my patients to also hung in there for years until our common patterns were lovingly given space and form – in storytelling, movement, dance, music, painting and drawing. Through it all, Love was present and showed us that we could trust the process, and that play and forgiveness was the main ingredients in our journeys.

After having worked in my practice for 4 years, I started to see a common thread in all my patients – and I found 10 archetypes of fear. I started to explore the very essence of them, and found out what healed our relationship to these fear-and-violence-forces in us all – and finding what healed them. After 25 years worked, I wrote two books about our work – one of the gradual process of working through the darkest forces, giving them space ( yoga was always a modality that I loved) and one very playful one which uses creativity and play – and LOVE –  to deal with crises and transform them into possibilities.

The two books are placed in the right menu. My Amazon pages has many reviews  for you to read if you are interested in what others found helpful.

***If interested in the Course, google “EnergyMedicineYoga with Donna Eden and Lauren Walker” and you will find links and videos.

 

 

sillynilly today

O’Fellah

 One time Iago ( who was a playmate of Othello when they were children) made fun of Othello’s nose, and Othello boxed him on his. Iago’s. It did not look good, and Iago lost a front tooth. He then exclaimed what would be a world famous line:” Just wait Ophello, I’ll get you back when you least expect it, I will” and he spat blood.

Othello thought he called him a “fellah,”, a strong invective in those times. and that enraged him even more, and there went the other front tooth.

And a taster from “108 ways to turn crises into possibilities.” They work for problems and illnesses and overwhelm too 🙂

 

End of the world

If the world would end in 20 minutes, and only what you have written down here would be allowed to continue to exist – what would it be? Be specific: not books, but Oliver Twist. Not flowers, but dandelions and poppies. Not trees, but the spruce on the churchyard where I played as 4-year old. –Honor what has gilded your life! How could you bring more of these treasures into your life and crisis NOW? To be able to contain crisis, we need to remember to nourish our soul and self: this nourishment, this knowledge of what you treasure, builds your ability to contain the pain and overwhelm.

 

Trees

Willow and BeechThis is the view from my livingroom-window: I look right into the tall old Sallow and the Beech -look how they enjoy each others company. And I enjoy theirs! Sometimes it feels like I am really inside the branches.

In my work as Expressive Arts Therapist, I often choose to work with poetry with my students. Something magical happens when we let go of the limitations of our habitual “me” and open up to just “let it write.” In my book, “Healing Crisis – 108 Ways to Turn Crises into Possibilities” I describe many ways to elicit the voice of your inner poet –  it really exists in there! I will never forget the first time my teacher showed us how to find it – and the poem that came out of that – never been so surprised:)

But now, I want to share my last poem about a tree – this is an experience I had a week ago.

 

Fall-ing

First frost today

and my red shoe

gently steps onto

the paper thin sheet of ice

on a black puddle, enjoying the delicate creaks

Crisp air with a hint of fir smoke

fills my nostrils, and I become aware that

I am filled with holes from Spring and Summer

 

Waiting for the bus,

I rest my eyes upon the lead gray sky

when the sun breaks through, and

the Elm in utter surrender shatters

her yellow gold like a waterfall:

Illuminated,

leaves spin and spiral, whirl and twirl

Some spin fast

like they are trying to recall their inner

dance before

they congealed into leaf

Some simply and quietly sink ,

blissing all the way down

And as I notice that each leaf I watch

sinks to earth

in its individual way of dancing,

I sense that all my holes

come together

to one vast

space

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting go of the always available therapist

Draft for letter to my patients:

– I am  at my age and process at a place where I am saying goodbye to outdated roles/identities.  I am talking about one of the main role-expectations of a therapist: be available when your clients need you, and when they are in crisis. I am being guided to see that I need to let go of this: as long as I believe this is my responsibility, I can never fully allow myself to rest. This is my summer vacation – but as long as I still have this role/therapist-identity open and running, my psyche is always alert. I can never fully relax.

This role is a compulsion, originated in childhood: your only justification for living is being the psychic receiver for the family’s shadow.

But for me, it has to stop: the inner child will never feel free to grow up as long as she sees herself in the old pattern of “savior.”

I think it is the most common impulse for becoming a therapist: so many of us have learned that this is the only path that is open for us to receive gratefulness and maybe even love and admiration.

As it becomes clear for me that I will drop this role –   I see what a HUGE ego-trap this is. And what a boost for the ego, which is now indispensable and powerful.

Myself, I am very grateful for my last therapist and Buddhist teacher: he WAS always available – and loved it! He stressed that a good therapist, as he saw it, had to be OK with  patients being dependent on him/her – because that was an important stage in developing a healthy ego. He was the good father for me for many many years, and I love him for it.

And now it is time to let it go- and allow my own process to be my first focus: I want to allow the healing I took birth for, as Stephen Levine puts it.

Dear X – please sense and find out if this is something you can accept and live with: somebody who gives you the full responsibility to find the wisdom, love and comfort inside yourself – and who will share methods to do this., and walk with you as you learn and grow and take risks. And know that it is OK to still need such an available therapist – then you need to find one of those.

But if you say yes to work more with me, you are no longer seen as a client or patient, you are not receiving “treatment” – you are a student.

I sense the great space opening around me when I step into this role: here I am free – and there are no expectations, no cords to the past.

*

I wrote this yesterday. Today I spent with my daughter. She was sick -and I offered some methods that might bring love and comfort into the roots of the sickness. She listened, and I sensed the deep skepticism and resistance. For some seconds I picked up the old role again – before I remembered that she has exactly the potential that we all have, it is up to her to choose and experience the consequences of her choices. Whatever happens is part if her process of learning. When I let it go, I sensed the rage of the ego: it had lost its moment of being the one with more power to heal than the other.

Oh I am so aware that I will drop back into the morass again – but as long as I forgive it and smile at it, all is well.

Accepting myself  where I am RIGHT NOW – AND NOW – is the job.

I can do that 🙂

Do I really say this from a clear open mind?   hm…what time is it? “5:56am”

I look at my watch: 5:56am

That sounds pretty clear to me

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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