Everything Falls

Everything falls

Stones fall

Rumbling

Trees fall, slowly, creaking, crashing, moaning

Temperature sinks

Snow crystals sink and descend

Moods sink

Birds fall, but only if they are shot

Or attacked in air

Otherwise birds never fall

I never ascend in this body

Unless someone lifts me

Or I am in a metal machine that looks like a bird

I can’t even fly in dreams

Though it so happens that

Sometimes I just bend my knees

And lift my feet up

I fly forty centimeters above

The ground

And wave my hands rapidly

Just to tell you, you don’t

Need to fly to the moon and

Sing about it –

It is OK to fly low

With knees bent

Mirrored by my cat

The more I do the STT,* the deeper and more primal the results. And my dreams go right to the basics. This morning I awoke after dreaming about my (deceased) cat Cleo.She came from behind and expected food, which I had ready for her.
When I awoke, I asked what this is about – what does she mirror for me?

Cleo was rejected from her mother as very small – 4 weeks. She was denied nourishment, just like I was – as 4 years old, my mother “died”for me : after a group rape in a wood when I returned, it was not allowed to talk about it – and so there were signals that this did NOT happened – there were no comfort,support,validation – just the underlying message that “there is no place for your feelings.”

There must have been hundreds beliefs and conclusions forming to help me cope and survive – and hatred was certainly one of them – hatred is active. So I hated my mother first – and since that was not a valid solution, I turned the hatred on me – and THEN I repressed it and denied it.

I saw clearly this morning where all the psychic attacks has come from – this hidden hatred at Self has invited in it – the frequency of the hatred naturally attracted more of same frequency.

So back to Cleo – the first week, each morning, she climbed my lap and for about ten minuted she talked to me with her voice, and then jumped down.

Then she started her teachings: when my daughter and I sat in the sofa, Cleo jumped up on the top of the sofa behind us, and hissed and put her claws in our necks. I asked myself that time what that mirrored, and saw that she mirrored my anger – but i did not realize then that it mirrored my unconscious anger at my daughter. The repressed anger I had for my mother I now projected at my daughter: I hated her for not being a mother to me, for forcing ME to BE a mother, when I felt like a four-year old. All of this was repressed of course.

After 7 months Cleo got pregnant with 4 kittens. We kept one – and from day one Cleo hated that daughter. She never would be patted, she never sat on our lap, for as long as her daughter lived. She was mean as hell all those years.When her daughter died, 13 years later, Cleo instantly claimed her place again – now she was the ONLY one. After 13 years we were allowed to pet her and hold her.

I did a STT on that inner four-year old haterer, who lived in the bladder. When she  – that inner part of me – saw how Cleo had mirrored her own hatred and wish to be prioritized, the dams of anger broke,and when I honored her deeply for holding on to all of that, the dams of tears broke. After 68 years I truly embraced that 4 year old with her immense hatred -all judgments GONE.

There were angels around us then and for as long as the STT lasted, and she saw that the LOVE was stronger than the hate.

I realized how much that hidden hatred had attracted more abuse,and dark visitors and demonic material. And working and exploring that for 25 years with my clients and myself, led to me writing  When Fear Comes Home to Love, in the right menu.

The dream and the work with it  – and STT this morning –  is a great conclusion of this work: It is not the hatred in itself that creates “the evil” and the dark attacks – it is our judgments at the hatred, the shame, the feelings of unworthiness it creates – and our identification with these feelings. Merging is a good word.

 

  • Spontaneous Transformation Technique

Big shift

Recently, I had 3 whole days and nights where everything was noticed, accepted and letting go of – and everything simultaneously. There were no identification, no struggle or stress, no resistance – just being aware that this came through me to be surrendered. Then – after having trusted God/Self to take care of it, it felt like sinking back into all-loving arms, just noticing what went on in the body. And since there were no stories at all, there were no pain or suffering – just sensations, neutral, non-judged. The old suffering identity had disappeared.Then the old patterns sneaked back – and I remembered that these golden days HAD happened, and I was not willing to give up or fall back into old tracks. Today, it is much easier again. It is simply my trust that has grown. It seems like a big shift, but it might really have been a gradual process.

Then, this morning,I asked H.S how it would feel like if I truly let go of all tensions in the body – what would happen? What I experienced was many pains and sensations, some only a millisecond long- and after a while i feel asleep, and met David Bowie. He was dismantling a sort of time-machine,and I watched as he became younger, it was fun and we had a great time. Then he kissed me brotherly on the lips and took his machine, and I told him “Now I can tell people that David Bowie kissed me!”I felt very special and “chosen”, and he grinned and disappeared.

Lingering in my mind when i got up was an old feeling that I have explored lately – and I see is a collective one: a feeling of deep hopelessness and powerlessness. It had its center in my navel, and that gave me the idea that it was inherited by birth. The essence of it was “being taken for granted.” I wanted to practice The Emotion Code – a way to find trapped emotions in the bodymind -and many of those turn out to be inherited. Working with dowsing / a pendulum/ I found that it was from my mother’s ancestral line,  in 1941 – and it had to do with a shock that sent waves down in about 90 generations further down the line to me now, in 2016, now explored in this bodymind. I did the procedure with the magnet – the theory is that all traumas that are not solved and forgiven – or, as i found out, not DIGESTED fully – sit in our electromagnetic field/aura. Using the magnet I felt a good rush and release.

About it needing to be digested…I explored what we may have told ourselves ( WE meaning Jews at this point during the war – it was a massacre) – and there was a common strong belief saying “we must have deserved this” meaning we believed we were being punished, and that it was just. And this strong belief of not being worthy – a cornerstone of the ego thought-system – were being “explained” and justified to ourselves.It is this belied – HA, wonderful typo for belief – that I needed to sit with and sense in the body.

Before me on the table was The Way of The Servant by Jayem. I opened it randomly and read “the radiance of our union.” And I said out loud, ” I allow this old wound of being taken for granted with no value to be outshined by the radiance of our Union.”

Just as I had done for those three days – allowing
Christ to do it FOR me /through me / as me.

I suggest that a lot of stuff that is going on for people is inherited, and that we are the ones who have decided to allow it to be transformed through us.

If you are interested in The Emotion Code, you can find free charts on the web, and there are ways to learn muscle testing or dowsing at YouTube.

Edit/Delete Message

White horses in the night

Dream

Dark night in the snowy wood. No flashlight, but feeling confident. Not cold. Suddenly, there is a glowing bowl of fire under the snow. It rolls! It knows where it goes, it knows it purpose! A wind of freedom soars through the wood, and there are horses – all shining white in the darkness – , they run 3 feet OVER the snow, oh, their manes – alive  – they know their purpose too –

Then I am out of the wood, and it is seven to nine -still light, no snow here – is it day or night, i don’t know –

right behind me are soldiers, and they seem more like freedom fighters, not serving the government – they have blown up something, and the building beside me is the Police Department, or is it the Ministry of Defense 🙂 I see windows blown up, but the damage seems “civil” to me – done with consideration 🙂

The  white horses are surely in team with the disruptors

*

Last night I followed a teleclass with Zach Rehder –

this is a wonderful demonstration of how his work dismantles old defense patterns. Afterwards, I felt completely overwhelmed, and very close to panic. So I sat myself down and asked for help – breathed into the feelings/sensations, and heard: ” Fill your heart with Love for this scared little part of you.” As I did, it became so clear that I AM this Love and not the scared part. The scared part had come to life because of belief  in separation in my mind – and seen from this loving ME, it was a thought I forgave – it seemed silly.

I remembered my Identity in God, and I forgave my fear-creations and my identification with them all – look where it has brought me – to this sacred moment 🙂

The sensations in the body-mind, that before always have led to psychotic episodes or months of panic and anxiety, this time was seen as an unreal creation with no power except the one I had given it by believing in it

I went to bed, I rested in God

and then the dream happened

Now, the further work – to truly embrace the fear-energies when they come – and forgiving myself if I start to believe in their stories again

Attack

“You are the work of God, and his work is wholly lovable and wholly loving. This is how a man must think of himself in his heart, because this is what he is.” A Course in  Miracles

I sent a mail to Lisa about my long and hard depression. She answered that I had to stop hiding – among other things 🙂 I have been afraid to serve at the Prayer Team at the Teachers of God-site – afraid of falling into the old role and pattern of believing I am responsible for other persons wellbeing. I have described this “helper”-archetype precisely and with love in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – but it still remained part of what I saw as “me.”

In the one mind is a deep belief that “I” can be attacked – that has been thoroughly been played out for me in this and countless other incarnations in thinkable and unthinkable versions – my holding on to that belief as real has truly manifested. About 20 years ago, where the physical attacks had stopped many years ago, but the psychic attacks at night still were ghastly, I started talking into my little recorder that I had in bed to talk dreams into. I pretended to talk to God and allowed my pretend-God to answered. After some nights with this, listening to all the recordings, I saw that this was not a pretend-God – it was Love, educating me, speaking to me where I thought I was – a tortured victim. I was taught how the demonic was only repressed feelings and needs, deeply judged and demonized – and that they could only be healed with Love.

In the chapter “Fuckeat – hatred of needs and vulnerability” in “When fear Come Home to Love”, I mention one of my most important teachers – the Tibetan saint Milarepa. There are many versions of the story of Milarepa and the demons – I like the one where Milarepa after offering them tea, sings sweetly to the demons, and all disappear but one grisly beast. And when Mila puts his head into its foul mouth to find out what it needs, it vanishes too.

Mila was just not eatable. And I have decided that I am not eatable anymore either.

*

This morning I saw that I was hiding from my Self as long as I was holding on to the belief that if I don’t please and satisfy the person sending a request for help on the Prayer Team with my answer to them, they may seek me up and kill me. I have been told that countless times from I was a baby, so it is firmly embedded in the structure I call “me.”

Writing this now, I realize with a shudder that the intense threats and vicious violent brutality that I experienced from I was small, was just a part of the very attacker/violator-archetype in my mind – in the One Mind. And that holding on to the thought that this is REAL – that is, created by God – keeps the separation going.

I/One Mind/ am the source of this. I judge it not. I extend forgiveness to myself for dreaming it up. It is a thought in the mind that I keep alive as long as I keep acting out that I am in constant danger of new attacks if I don’t give people what they think they want. I see that as long as I see it as valuable to protect myself – by not being part of the prayer-team – I am telling myself that I CAN be attacked.

And that keeps the fear and victim-story in place.

I am not willing to do that any longer.

I am the source of this story. Holy Spirit, here it is – simple: thoughts from confused mind, believed in. All of the incarnations as a victim I have created – and the insane anger and hatred that I have SO feared and experienced in this and other incarnations – is part of this belief pattern in my mind. Thank God, I have seen this now, and do not any longer need to project it on attackers outside of me.

Lisa – I am in 🙂

 

Crossing the bridge

Two dreams:

1) I am inside a BIG room in the University, where I have been attracting a lot of people lately – in harmony.

In the other end of the room are two entrances. An immense man stands there with a gun: “I will shoot you all!” My thoughts are not so much that I may be shot, as how will I get past him and out? I DO get out, and from the second I am safe, I start yelling HELP with a strong and clear voice.

As soon as I wake up I start noticing that Jesus is WITH me. I look calmly at the image of the raging man and forgive him as my own creation, now choosing Love.

2.dream:

I am now living in a huge complex with countless others – room 12.

NUMBER 12   http://numerology-thenumbersandtheirmeanings.blogspot.no/2011/05/number-12.html

Charismatic, self-reliant, fun-lover, good singer.

The number 12 is related to Pisces. The Tarot card is The Hanged Man.  It represents the completed cycle of experience and when an individual reincarnates as the number 12 they have completed a full cycle of experience and learned of the possibility of regeneration toward a higher consciousness.  They belong to a group of developed souls who have accumulated an unusual inner strength through many and varied lifetimes.  They may still, however, be hindered by old habits that need to be changed.  The soul then attracts what it needs as a learning experience.  A reversal of negative thoughts can bring about very favourable and positive

effects, and can aid in achieving their goals and aspirations.

Number 12 warns of the necessity to be alert to every situation, to be suspicious of those who offer a high position and carefully analyse it, and to be aware of false flattery and those who use it to gain their own ends.  Number 12 represents the educational process on all levels, the submission of the will required and the sacrifice necessary to achieve knowledge and wisdom on both Spiritual and Intellectual levels.  When the intellect is sacrificed to the feelings, the mind will be illuminated with the answers it seeks.  Attention paid to requirements of education will end suffering and bring success.

*

Important information for me!

I notice entering a Doctor’s office, bringing my duvet with me – I am let in in front of many people in the waiting room. I am teaching a little boy in the room, 9 years or so, how to transform his past with storytelling, inviting the story fairies to help him. I tell this to the two nurses in the room too, they all listen eagerly and respectfully. Then I leave the 3 persons to do as they have been instructed, and I return to my room via a long bridge. To the left is a high fence, to the right a precipice. It takes a second or too to recognize that where I walk may take me to safety or right into the abyss.

On the left side I am walking with Jesus. On the right I walk “all by myself.”

When I have crossed the long bridge from the Doctor’s office – the healing place – to the complex /the collective ego-pattern/ the room 12 is right there, door open – but it belongs to another girl. I ask her permission to cross it to get to the corridor where my room 12 is, and get it. I find my room.

After a little pause I am back at the Doctor’s Office. I am leaving the complex now. The little boy that before was dumb and very very angry, now looks at me, transformed, and smiles. My suggestion helped.

This little boy is connected to that angry man in the first dream.

For the first time in my practice with the Course, the last days it has been easy to surrender the old habits described in the numerology-piece. I just notice them, recognize they are my creation in “separation-mode,” I forgive them and me, take a step back and leave it to Holy Spirit.

 

 

 

Changing dreams

What  wonderful experience: ugly scary stressful dreams where I or others are mean, controlling, hateful and freaked out to each other, now correce themselves while I am dreaming. I recently saw a movie where an arabic young mother  screamed and cussed at a little baby of 1,5 years because she did not use the potty. The mother called her all kinds of bad words – dirty, bad girl, stupid – and the little baby that was used as an actor looked bewildered and sad and anxious. I hated what they did to the child, and I hated the mother for using this method of potty-training. I judged her with all my heart.

In tonight’s dream I had become this mother, screaming at my daughter: metaphysics tells us that what we condemn, we become. Lots of my family was present, and we fought.Really fought.

Then it all melted – and we all loved each other and showed it.

This is the second dream lately where these patterns have played themselves out – showing me that a healing component in my mind itself corrects the false ideas I have of unrest.

Dreams and Awakening

The Son of God cannot sin. He can have a dream about sinning, about being something God has not created – and because God’ power is within him, his dream becomes real for him.And he identifies with the  “me” and”mine” of it, and believes in it. The shame,fear and guilt that is generated is now perceived only to be alleviated by being punished. And if he can and must be punished, it follows that there must indeed exist a punisher – who is God.

He runs away. Of course. Look at him – is this the Son of God? Or is it a thought in the mind that comes from the ego thought system that springs in action when the Son believes in the Tiny Mad Idea?

Now the Son of God can hide in a dream where he can play the roles of predator or victim. And as victim, a way to feel powerful is to promise “I will never never never forgive you.”

Now he believes he IS the victim. As long as he holds on to this identity – and justifies his decision to never let the perpetrayor off the hook – he is hooked into the play. It is completely real for him, he experiences it – just as you and I, dear reader, believe that our nightdreams are real while we are dreaming them.

Now – if all these “roles” that I am playing are real, “God” must be wrong – I must have succeeded in separating myself from him.

1-0 to the ego

*

I am willing to let everybody off the hook: I hooked them up, and there is no peace in that. I am willing to let go of the addiction to guilt. I am willing to let go of the perception of good ones and bad ones, right ones and wrong ones. I am willing to see through this with Christ’s perception.

*

Then:

the feeling of “me” and “mine” vanished. There were fields of emotions and pain and fear – they were recognized not as “my” stories, just “stories”. As soon as they were felt, there was a decision to let go of any attachment to it – they were neutral energy, and dissolved quickly.  As the hours passed, I recognized psychological abuse complexes,  felt certain that these had nothing to do with the Truth of me and allowed the Christ to be the field of Love to embrace it.

Showing up as the Glorious Self

 

Going to bed, I take a glimpse in the note-book beside my bed. I have glued helpful Course- notes in it. I find this from Nouk Sanchez blog: February 20th 2013

“I took myself back to that dreadful scene with the baby. And revisited that moment, in blind terror, where I abandoned both the baby and myself. This time, I was not alone. Spirit was with me.

Here, I wanted to see the essence of what I so badly desired to flee from. I wanted to see what I was resisting. “Spirit, show it to me so it can be brought clearly to the light and released. And let me revisit this dream, only this time let me do it with Love. With a full heart and infinite courage. Teach me, show me, guide me.”

I took myself back to that moment of terror, seeing the baby so helplessly suffering in pain. My grief was overwhelming. “How on earth can I look past ‘appearances’ that are so utterly convincing? What can I do?” I asked Spirit. And suddenly I knew.

To come with wholly empty-hands and open-heart to this present moment. Enter it fully. Surrender my need to do or understand anything. Just be fully present in God’s Grace. And I broke down and sobbed, asking for God’s Loving Will to completely eclipse my mind and heart. More than anything, this is what I wanted. I desired my mind to be healed. Dropping to my knees beside this baby, my surrender melted all illusion. And I knew that we were joined in the blazing light of His Grace. In my defenselessness…I had “Willed with God” in that instant.

Fear disappeared. And Love was all there was. The baby and I were one in that moment. There was no Nouk and no baby. All that remained was what had always been, but I did not recognize until now. Love.”

Somehow I read: “Meeting up in your full Glory.” The words sank softly into my mind.This is what is called for.I know it is Truth.

About 5 am I wake up from a dream. I was walking through an area with a friend where I felt terror and agony emanating from the ground. I stand still and allow myself to pick up what has happened: little boys have been abused and used in satanic rituals. The abusers enjoyment of the boys’ terror is also present – + the collective judgments of such acts and such feelings. I share what I feel with the friend, she denies my sensitivity and belittles me.

I wake up, body saturated with terror and disgust, and ask “Will there ever be an end to such dreams for me?”

I hear Holy Spirit’s calm clear voice: “All that is needed in this situation is that you meet up in your full glory. Meaning that you know Who you are. It is impossible for the Holy Son of God to be without Source/His Creator. He has never moved outside the Thought That created Him.”

In this moment, there is no doubt at all in the mind: I cannot be without my Identity. It is evident. In this moment, I realize that the agonized experience I had in an earlier incarnation – where my soul  was taken and used as an instrument for “evil” –  is just a thought, believed in because of the appearances. And whatever the Son of God believes in, appears to happen.

Thank God it happens just in the Dream of the ego thought-system, where we believe ourselves to be.

I am awake now – seeing the utter silliness in the thought that we can be something that we are not. The body is reflecting the right-minded thoughts: There is a warm light flowing through me, from head to feet, spreading  to the limbs.

I will go back to the story of Leelah – just as Nouk went back to the story about the baby. I ask to be taken back into these images and memories, and showing up in full Glory. What  I see – instead of the familiar memories of group abuse – is  just blazing Light.

I am the dreamer. What I am usually seeing are projections  and falsities from a terrified mind, believing itself to be split off from  a vengeful God.  And here I am now, in my Self. And with an indescribable relief and gratitude I realize that whenever such imprints of terror from the mind may present themselves in my mind, these energies are nothing I need to judge against or protect myself from any longer. The glorious Self CAN NOT be harmed or invaded. I can stay present – and the old impulse to fly from all of this, to defend against it is met with this: Saying yes. Enter it fully. Surrender my need to do or understand anything. Just be fully present in God’s Grace.

The Light is on

Strange things happen – thinks the ego.

I have a lamp outside my entrance door that turns itself off and on depending on the daylight. Except that it doesn’t – it seems to have a will of its own. Lately, it has started to turn itself off when it is pitch black darkness outside – and all of these times I have sensed strong fear – as if my safety depends on a light “outside of me.”

First I try to do the physical mechanical things with it – turn it off and on, check the bulb and so on. When that has changed nothing, and I hear myself swear because I think I NEED that light to scare off stalkers, I have heard a suggestion that maybe I could use this for healing.

The first time it happened, I said and meant it, “I want light!” and the light immediately came on. The effect was very strong: I really sensed inside how much I wanted light – but there was a belief there: “you don’t have eternal blessed holy light inside. There is something missing in you. I spotted the error – and immediately forgot it.

Second time the light went out, I remembered the first occasion and knew that” this” was for healing. Again I looked out at the bulb from inside, in the darkness, and sensed a strong urge to HAVE this light. “I want light” I said, and pronto, there it was. Ego felt very special and powerful, and it was great to observe that with a smile.

The third time was yesterday. I looked out at the light and felt safety and gratefulness – and it went out. Immediate terror. Within the terror I called out “I want light!” and nothing happened.

Something relaxed inside.” No – this is what I mean:  I have the light inside. I am this light. I WANT to remember that THIS IS TRUTH.”

The very moment “TRUTH” was spoken, the light came on.

*

Course -LESSON 38.

There is nothing my holiness cannot do.

W-pI.38.1. Your holiness reverses all the laws of the world. 2 It is beyond every restriction of time, space, distance and limits of any kind. 3 Your holiness is totally unlimited in its power because it establishes you as a Son of God, at one with the Mind of his Creator.

W-pI.38.2. Through your holiness the power of God is made manifest. 2 Through your holiness the power of God is made available. 3 And there is nothing the power of God cannot do. 4 Your holiness, then, can remove all pain, can end all sorrow, and can solve all problems. 5 It can do so in connection with yourself and with anyone else. 6 It is equal in its power to help anyone because it is equal in its power to save anyone.

W-pI.38.3. If you are holy, so is everything God created. 2 You are holy because all things He created are holy. 3 And all things He created are holy because you are. 4 In today’s exercises, we will apply the power of your holiness to all problems, difficulties or suffering in any form that you happen to think of, in yourself or in someone else. 5 We will make no distinctions because there are no distinctions.

W-pI.38.4. In the four longer practice periods, each preferably to last a full five minutes, repeat the idea for today, close your eyes, and then search your mind for any sense of loss or unhappiness of any kind as you see it. 2 Try to make as little distinction as possible between a situation that is difficult for you, and one that is difficult for someone else. 3 Identify the situation specifically, and also the name of the person concerned. 4 Use this form in applying the idea for today:

5 In the situation involving ___ in which I see myself, there is nothing that my holiness cannot do. 6 In the situation involving___in which___sees himself, there is nothing my holiness cannot do.

5 In the situation involving _FRED*__ in which I see myself, there is nothing that my holiness cannot do. 6 In the situation involving__FRED_in which__FRED_sees himself, there is nothing my holiness cannot do.

In this moment I see that even if Fred has voices who tells him to come kill me, and he does it and even if I might merge with such a huge level of fear and insanity – IT IS NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO WE ARE.AND IT CAN NOT DO HARM TO THAT IDENTITY.

In this now this scenario is seen as illusion – I can see “Fred” and “Leelah” together,outside of it in the Light, smiling – it is not serious, it has not removed our Peace of God – it is a dream in the mind of the sleeping Son of God.

I will write that letter to him only when it will be done in joy – and nothing else than joy

*

11.38pm.

I turn on the alarm. It goes haywire,gives strange signals.It is a sense that I can’t turn the inner alarm off – it is stuck.I call the company, they don’t know what is wrong, but turn it off from their side, and ask me to turn it on. After several tries, it works.

And then  – as expected – the entrance light turns off. I say, and smile inside:

In the situation involving _inner stuck alarm-belief__ in which I see myself, there is nothing that my holiness cannot do.

Light turns on.

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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