KEY

Losing keys is a common dream for most of us. And the symbol means different things to different people.

This summer, I lost two keys hiking in the woods – to my entrance door and my bike. I returned several times, walking the same trail, searching.-

Then, later,I mislaid my keys repeatedly,but found them after a lot of stress.

The latest: I wanted to copy my main key and give it to a neighbor, in case I needed them to get in in case I needed help – I live alone and am 76 years, so good for me to know I can call somebody and they will be here pretty soon.

The key-man tried to copy it three times during three weeks. The copied key did not open the door for me. When I returned, he insisted it was because my original key was WRONG. He called out each time, when I left: THIS TIME IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY! But it really didn’t.

So I at last got that this was a “lesson” as A Course in Miracles calls it – something we have called to ourselves to heal and resolve with love.

I recognized an intense urge to smash the keys in the counter in front of him to prove that I was right and he was wrong. And remembered what Jesus says in the Course: Beware of perceiving yourself as unjustly treated. – He tells us that whatever we experience, after having decided that what we want most of all, is to fully wake up to our true identity – we experience it because we have called it to us in order to find a solution that is based on a loving response rather than the ego-solution of being right.

I stated my intention to SEE the key-man with loving perception – and I saw his terror of something going on that he could not control. Hm, where have I had those thoughts – and what do I want to control? Well, VERY MUCH still. My body and pain and aging for once …

So after the third time of wrong keys I went back to him and returned them and got my money back – 200 kroner.- In numerology, 2 is the number of separation. He called after me that it is because my original key is FALSE – needing the last word, and my heart opened wide.

Then the dreams started – the last one this morning – I had a new large house, but I could not lock the main door from inside, so everybody was free to just walk in and invade the space. Then I had a new dream, where I lost BOTH my glasses and my key and the bus stop to get home.

So this is the question, dear friends and readers – if these were your dreams, what would the key symbolize?

I can’t wait to read your suggestions in the commentary field 🙂

***

Immediately after this, when I was looking for an image with keys, this opened on my desktop:

Thank you for purchasing Richard Miller’s webinar, Deepening your Inner Resource:
Your Unbreakable Wholeness of Being
. Kindly follow the instructions below to access
the webinar.

Will share later ! 🙂

Sunbeam and Wave

Photo from Shutterstock


 
 
 
 
 
 

Yesterday I asked a question on my Way of Mastery-group. One woman gave an answer with a projection in it- I felt the sting and the instant resentment – and I remembered to ask myself where I had done that? Hm 😊
And what came out of that was life changing for me. I have lately wanted to know more deeply what Jeshua means with “your object of CREATION”*** since the forgiveness-exercise is all about working with that object.
I sensed that the OOC is the story I have made, where I seem to be separate from other beings, seems to be placed in a certain time and in a certain space where memories come from, and movements in my nervous system, all the characters involved in that story-object, my feelings and emotions and sensations in the body, how I breathed in that situation- everything physical and mental and emotional that happened that I called me and MINE – “this is about ME.”
And then, the judgments are the judging way I looked at the neutral acts in the story:  you/they/should/shouldn’t have – you are X ( stupid, wrong, the whole chalabang.)


I sensed the impact of this story of guilt and projection in the body, breathed and cried and released and forgave and embraced and blessed, and fell asleep and had a magnificent dream where I was FREE and related to various people in wheelchairs etc 😊 with lots of humor and freedom, and met wonderful people, and remembered I had a new and supersuper car somewhere – but I had currently forgotten where I have parked it!  LOL


And this insight-angel embraced me:

Truth is – I am the wave in the same big sea we all live, I am the sunbeam from the One same Sun we all share – and as long as I remember my connection with my Source – and recognize where my power and safety come from, acknowledging it – then I know where I belong.

And in the moments where I forget and believe am rootless and miserable and wrong – I need just lovingly correct myself and remind me of my origin. There, I can with clear eyes look past sin and guilt and fear and recognize that that comes from a choice of perception that creates fear. I can start with blessing all I see – including myself and my fearful perception. I can ask to see that the ones who stumble and do evil, have temporarily forgotten the Sun and the Sea. I can remember it for them, blessing them WITH that knowledge. I have noticed that it may be very simple – when I smile to someone who seems to be in a worry-place, they  MAY pick up where that smile comes from, and seemingly in front of my eyes, step out of a dark dream and smile back

Marcos Paolo Prado, from Unsplash

*** from his Way of Mastery-course


 

WATER

12 March the mouth dryness was back with a vengeance. I dove into the familiar“this is hopeless” landscape, but corrected it. Opened my Mystical Shaman Oracle – and the card was WATER.

It talked about the importance of stamina and determination of hanging in there. It said the journey would be messy, but it would be worth it. So I committed myself at last to truly allow myself to be where I seem to be – and even put some gratefulness into it: this is what will set me free for good.

The night was different – less mouth dryness – and in the morning I had a long dream about Egypt and the grand Kheops pyramid.*** I have been inside it in this life and in many dreams, it always feels indescribably wonderful and FREE. I cherish the energy of being inside it – the familiarity, the smell, the color of the stones – light orange brown. This dreamtime there were lots of tourists – and at the entrance, there was now a shop. All hand-crafted things – knitted and crocheted light caps caught my eye, they were light blue and so delicate.

I woke up from this dream many times – and in between talked with a guide who told me that what I am required to look at has to do with lives in Egypt where power was misused and for which I still unconsciously still carry deep guilt. How vital it is in this life to forgive ourselves anything that is not loving – it happened, it is over, my soul got its experience. I remember that nothing REAL happened – nothing that can harm our essential essence / Self. It happened within a dream of separation, and Reality is not touched. And when I endeavor to SEE the essence of my victims – there is no doubt that there IS only ONE pure and loving essence, and we are all IT.

It is always myself I forgive – for allowing any energy of illusion to temporarily rent a space in my mind.

The quality of connection between me and the masters feel crystal clear and loving.

***I placed my favorite Pyramid – the Sakkara – in my novel “Hilaryon Stories.” I discovered, when I visited Her in Egypt for the first time in this life, that she was truly alive with feminine spirit. In my book, she plays a main role – and Johann Sebastian Bach who turns up there, even has a Grand Organ in the apex chamber. ( Since that chamber is small, I solved it by shrinking by magic anyone and anything that I put into it. )

I don’t dare to post images of the Pyramids – there are rights to be considered 😦 But I will indulge in posting a review of Hilaryon Stories by Mona Gustafson Affinito:

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2020

When I have recommended Jungian books to clients and students, I have always suggested reading them as if one is a rock in a river. Don’t try the American way of grasping for reality and details. Just let it pass over you and be enriched by the parts that stick. Leelah Saachi has applied her manifold artistic, theatrical, and therapeutic skills to an in-depth trip into the possibilities of joy. Turning warts into loveliness, ugliness into beauty, symbols into meaning, stench into sweetness, fear into courage, all with a childlike sense of play and enhanced by reference to beautiful music — JB’s. Unfortunately my attempts to access the links to the relevant works didn’t work. My kindle went into panic mode trying to figure out where to go once Wi-Fi had been accessed, but the concept is delightful. The less than five star rating reflects the observation that this is not a book for everyone. Sometimes it reminded me of reading T.S. Eliot, greatly enhanced by recognizing her implied references.

The Place of I Do Not Know

My dreams are always guiding me to those feelings/energies inside that I have in some way judged and denied, and thus strengthened. This night I visited a beloved friend who is a psychiatrist, and  who has shared her  feelings of powerlessness encountering patients in psychosis and chaos. And I visited her in the role of “therapist” – the one who is “supposed to know better.”

Of course I made a mess out of it – even more confusion was made in my dream-efforts of “helping.”

I sensed into the vast space of “I don’t know what to do and I MUST know since I am a therapist” – and saw the chaos this belief holds and creates. I asked for help: open The Way of the Heart” page 56.

It was a BLANK PAGE.

This is the place within that I have abhorred the most – I simply do not know what to do in this situation.

The human solves this with pretending that she knows – giving advise ( which may help or not)

and now I am being shown what Love would do- just sharing what is true for me in that moment:

“I see your absolute terror and agony, I believe I know this feeling well – tell me if I am right: a vast feeling of no control, the fear of having no support from others, the wish to die immediately  – and then the thought that you would go right to hell, since God certainly can’t be trusted to help you – and so there must be something deeply wrong with you.”

Now she is being heard and not judged and preached to. Now she is lifted up – and the feelings have been accepted as normal and shared.

Now we have a shining opportunity: 

In this moment of truth – we don’t know what to do – we offer this state of not- knowing – the blank page –up to Love, God, Infinite Self, Universe or whatever is your term for it. We simply do not know, we stop our futile attempts of control – we surrender.

And in this open space Love will pour in, as we have now made space for it .

Here is a link to Pierre Pradervand’s story about how a band of  Hutus came to an African healer’s house in Rwanda to murder his family – and how they were disarmed by LOVE.***

And below is how A Course in Miracles says it:

I desire this holy instant for myself, that I may share it with my brother/this situation/Name/ whom I love. It is not possible that I can have it without him, or he without me. Yet it is wholly possible for me to share it now. And so I choose this instant as the one to offer to the Holy Spirit, that His blessing may descend on us and keep us both in peace.

***I describe this in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Inner Images and Sounds

Hi all

This blog shares my explorations with my mind, memory and body – to dissolve and release imprints of trauma in the cells. I have been shown clearly that any symptom comes from a memory of trauma that had to be stacked away when it happened – I have great respect for those parts of me that hid those parts. Through deep love and non-judgment for these parts, they have opened up for me – and today I will share how a deep inner itching – “Shingles” – came from inner images and sounds that my mind and heart could not be present too – as they at that time were far too frightening and threatening.

We all have those places. It is my experience that sending love to them is possible and healing.

In When Fear Comes Home to Love, I share my path through almost 30 years of explorations – with myself and my patients in therapy. When I sat up in the night when the itching was too overwhelming, I asked for help and opened the book randomly – always trusting that Spirit leads my fingers. They landed here:

Exercise: Giving is receiving

The images we store in our subconscious of the Fuckeat-attacks***, still have the power to put us in a permanent position of alert. This exercise may heal the inner enemy-image, and help us see the scared child within the aggressor – calling for help, just as our own inner Child.

Sit, or lie down. Close your eyes. Allow your breathing to become slow and deep. Put your focus on your heart for a while; know that your loving essence waits for you there. Breathe into this love, expand it. Feel and see it as a light within your heart that expands, embracing you in a cocoon of loving light.

Now visualize your abuser in front of you. If that is too scary, visualize him/her in the arms of their guardian angel. Look for a light-spot within him. When you find it, allow it to expand, until it surrounds him like a cocoon. Now see, within his heart, the image of his own inner child. See the child becoming aware of the light s/he is surrounded by. See her/him relax.

Go with whatever happens.

If you want to, allow the two light-spheres to merge. Remind yourself that the image you see within the light-sphere is a mirror of your own inner child.

Give whatever happens over to the Holy Spirit, or your own Highest Love.

***”Fuckeat” is the name I have given the enemy-archetype of the abuse-variety.

We all have our own inner guides of Spirit. When you faithfully do this work, they will arrange the most wondrous and funny synchronicities for you,, as they do for me.

After having worked a couple of hours in the night with embracing the energies and letting go of some of the images, a completely new sensation filled my chest and solar plexus-area. A feeling of safety the body never has felt in this life. And I had a great dream:

I am having a medical procedure in a hospital The doctor is the epitome of kindness and gentleness. After this, the door opens and a multitude of small children swarm in. I run around and call out: I am a love magnet! And whenever I touch a child, I tell it that now it is glued to me. There is a huge joy in this silly game, and I end up being in the middle of a large heap of giggling children

When I open my door to get the paper in the morning, a child has painted this heart right outside of my door:

I love to end this post with a poem I wrote recently:

The Last Judgment

First
The curve and fragrance of the cupola
The sweetness and dependability of the milk
The age old rhythm of the heartbeat

Landing

Belonging

Middle
You and me in the blue boat
Calm vast sea
Resting in the here – membrane
Between above and below
Looking and knowing
Smiling

Last
Being quietly present all the time
In dreams and awakenings
The knowing:
The Last Judgment
Is Love

 

Old gunk in the cells

I have an intolerable inner itching all over the body. Sensing into it, it hisses and hates. Immediately I recognize it as a signal for a radical choice: turn around and bless it. Accept it. Allow it to breathe and express – let it realize it will be heard and not condemned and judged.

A big room opens at my choice. I am lying in the dark for hours of this outpouring of hatred and hopelessness. I see that my worst experiences with ghosts and demons – those energies, from those souls that decide to stay on this plane after their death – they are here now to be SEEN and accepted and helped.

I did a lot of work with this ca 30 years ago – but then I had a belief that they were somehow doomed and less than me – “they must have done something terrible and this is their punishment” or something like that.

Long time ago I spent the night on an old farm, and it swarmed with ghosts and base, mean energies. Thank God there was a woman there who was NOT afraid, and we went from room to room and called out the ghosts to see the light and return to where they came from. I certainly saw them as something outside of “me.” Not anymore: we create these ghost-like lost beings by violently deciding against looking at them with love,

In the night, I thanked them all for not giving up trying to get me to SEE them with love. I saw that it was my violent resistance to these energies that demonized them. The shift in frequency was remarkable.

This hatred in my mind – there was never given SPACE for it. It was pressured together into a little stone hard ball, it could not even breathe in there. No wonder its rage was explosive.

I forgive all the ghosts that I have fed with resistance and judgments. I forgive all the parents in all incarnations I have had who never have dared to look at this inside themselves. I can now clearly see the same God essence in all – and how by our false perception we pervert it and make it into hate.  Help me realize how important it is to SEE and acknowledge this original hate and give it space to BE and to be seen.

I let go of the thought that I have been unjustly treated – that I am evil – that there is something wrong about me –

I remember our cat, Cleo – she had been rejected by her mother, so we got her when she was only three weeks old. She walked the top of the sofa behind us and hissed and growled, and I understood that she mirrored something in me. Oh yes. Now, 30 years later, I can see the depth of that hidden rage – never been allowed to be a child (or kitten )– with  a stable and safe-feeling mother.

I choose to allow Love to FLOW into all of this. I forgive all the roles I have played. I breathe the breath of Christ into all of it. May Grace take over.

*

After this I have a dream about a horse – free, wild, running just to run free and wild – it is its nature – its horsepower.  My breath is deep and free as I see my inner horsepower free. This is what we access when we have walked through our guarded rooms to the jewel inside.

Then I was given a wild dog called Tycho. That is Greek and means good luck – and hitting the mark. It also means having a good backbone

Next day and night the itching is back – and this time it is about shame. All the ways I have been taught to call myself shameful for acts or thoughts I have taken over from others. How beautiful to now be able to be the welcome and embrace of all those thoughts and energies, and finding the God- essence inside all of them.

Without the “me” and “mine” attached to them, it is just neutral energy, calling for love.

 

 

The Final Bite

Dream: Something goes on between my daughter and me, and I feel a hatred and a RAGE that is larger than the world. In the dream, there is something she prevents me me do or express, and I sense I will implode from it. I bend and bite her in her hip- and as I see it now, I bite right into her very skeleton – her bone-structure.

Awake, I know that M is just a projection of my own anger at my parents – that I internalized – and that this judged and repressed energy went right into my bone structure and may well be the innermost cause of  “my” Osteoporosis,

This came after the second time I have done the bladder/kidney/water-poses in Donna Eden and Lauren Walker’s online course *** The first time my body screamed with pain, but  I  am determined to do this in a non-harmful way. The second time it went much better – I must do it in the morning and not evening, I notice, the body is not so sluggish then.

I talked with the Leelah –part who received all that anger and hatred and acknowledged that it would have been dangerous to express it when small- and I admitted that she/ my child self/ had received that bite. For a long time I was WITH her, embracing her, letting her express and rant. I truly SAW the power of denied and judged emotions, and the huge work the Triple Warmer does do keep us “safe.”

I have worked since 1988 in my private practice as an Expressive Arts Therapist ( background as an artist), and my patients have all had the same intensely forbidden and repressed anger. It has been a gradual unraveling through 31 years to get to the point of clarity this late night.

Now there is still work to be done – owning the energy instead of the old habit of pushing it back, allowing it to move with the structures given me in this course. The great healing is, that NOW the judgment of it has gone – not me or mine anymore, just neutral energy that can be given outlets and being played with and expressed the way I love to do.

Thank you Donna and Lauren from all my heart. Thank myself for hanging in there for all these years, vowing to heal myself this life, thank you to all my patients to also hung in there for years until our common patterns were lovingly given space and form – in storytelling, movement, dance, music, painting and drawing. Through it all, Love was present and showed us that we could trust the process, and that play and forgiveness was the main ingredients in our journeys.

After having worked in my practice for 4 years, I started to see a common thread in all my patients – and I found 10 archetypes of fear. I started to explore the very essence of them, and found out what healed our relationship to these fear-and-violence-forces in us all – and finding what healed them. After 25 years worked, I wrote two books about our work – one of the gradual process of working through the darkest forces, giving them space ( yoga was always a modality that I loved) and one very playful one which uses creativity and play – and LOVE –  to deal with crises and transform them into possibilities.

The two books are placed in the right menu. My Amazon pages has many reviews  for you to read if you are interested in what others found helpful.

***If interested in the Course, google “EnergyMedicineYoga with Donna Eden and Lauren Walker” and you will find links and videos.

 

 

New place -or no-place

After 3,5 weeks of the Feminine Power -program, something inside changed drastically. The last week I have burned up inside, and body is sweating like crazy – but no fever, says the thermometer. There is a feeling of nothing to hold on to for the “me” – although there are LOTS of wonderful, effective and helpful practices in how to shift and change old patterns of victimhood and powerlessness.  But now there is an absolute impossibility about DOING something – not painting, stitching – around all of that is an ocean of hopelessness. I ITCH! Impossible to control this! No rules here! HELP!

Inside, I know: resistance to it creates the itching – get used to doing nothing to fix this – get used to resting and relaxing

Dream  this morning:

I am strolling through an area deep down in main town – a slum area, homeless persons, bums, tramps – jobless – but I feel safe there. Strangely, there is a peace here. Then the surroundings turn from outside in streets and alleys into a huge complex  – sic 🙂 –  now there are corridors,  but what they really are, are passages in my mind that are filled with elements that are culturally not  actively welcome by “society.” Since they do not have jobs – and are judged for that, being lazy and good for nothings and not “GOOD” citizens – this is the place in the mind that they are relegated to.

I feel only PEACE here – these faces are peaceful and harmless –

I discover an old classmate – she is leaning toward a wall, nothing to do, loose sweater and knee-length skirt, short reddish hair – there is nothing “made-up” about her – we just acknowledge each other with a friendly nod

The man I am walking with all day…he is dirt-poor, and still, kindness itself – we stop, and I look into his eyes

it is Christ

He has walked with me all the time –

The art of allowing

I am taking a course called Feminine Power. 

It is amazing for me to realize the extent that most of us have lived with male strategies,  while at the same time, as artist I know one thing fully: art comes only through when I allow creation  to come through me.  I also need to truly allow my self to receive – a feminine quality. How different to set an intent of trusting – feminine – and at least planning to give up control ( at least when it is not necessary:))

Here is a case story from my expressive arts therapy practice about 20 years ago. It shows a remarkable shift in the mind of a young woman – chief nurse at large hospital. She was plagued by a rigid control, and wanted help.

This case story is one among many in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” in the right menu.

*

Blue Bells, Feathers and Stars: Trusting the Creative Process

Rowena wears a thick and invisible cloak around herself – it prevents her from participating in life. Everything is distant and un-engaging – nothing concerns her or touches her heart. In the session I help her to BE with herself – here and now. We wander around in the room, and I ask her to tell me what she is aware of right this moment. Like this:

“Now I’m aware of the feather hanging on the wall beside the shaman-drum.

Now I’m aware of the blue color in that picture.

Now I’m aware of those small brass-bells.

Now I’m aware of that star.

Now I’m aware of the blue stone.

Now I’m aware of the stars in that picture.

Now I’m aware of the image of that feather.

Now I’m aware of the feather on the tip of that painted stick.”

After having done this for about five minutes, we notice what repeats itself in her attention: feathers, blue, stars and bells. We honor what she has given attention and awareness to, and create small poems where these four elements are interwoven.

It is night.

In the deep blue sky

Stars are singing.

 

A bright white feather

Sinking to earth,

Sounds of

Small bells

I ask Rowena, in the days until next session, to notice everything she sees that has blue or feathers or stars or bells. I also ask her to write down her dreams and notice if the four elements are there. But Rowena tells me that she is unable to catch her dreams: “They escape me all the time. I am lucky to get only a fragment… when I wake up, I know I have dreamt a lot, but they disappear.”

Next session Rowena reports she has seen feathers everywhere! As she takes a hike in the wood, in front of her on the trail is a big orange feather. Clear blue ribbons frame the trail, and deeper in the wood, a sky-blue tent…

After this, she goes to town. She enters a shop she never visited before – and there she finds an object that contains all the four elements: feathers, blue, stars and the sound of small bells. She buys it, and pulls it out of her bag to show me: “I have never seen anything like this before!”

With great delight I tell her that the object she bought is an American Indian dream-catcher.

 

(And yes, she started to remember her dreams after that).

 

 

While I am practicing Way of Transformation lesson 7, forgiving the judgments and projections I have placed on people and situations so I can see them clearly ( with Christ’s Vision,) I have the strangest clearest dreams.

Earlier this weeks, I have had nightmares of being followed and attacked by 1) soldiers 2) maniacs and now – this night – they were monster machines, powered with an intense will to kill and destroy. Since they were inhuman, they had no soft points. I remember one of them – the boss: big, square, white and shiny glossy. And with flashing eyes.

We were in a big school, all students. There were nowhere to hide. At one point I lost the clothes I wore, and simply found others – miraculously they fit perfectly. White long woolen trousers and a white woolen poncho too.

When I woke up, I recognized that these inhuman killer machines truly are creations in the One Mind. I truly own those feelings, those energies – I have justified them and felt empowered by feeling them as a child, since the power in them gave me that strength I needed then not to dissolve completely. Now I forgave and blessed the creation and felt a big relief in the body.

I noticed thoughts of catastrophizing coming up, – as if some parts are afraid of being healed and happy. I opened a notebook to this note: Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.
I have heard that a zillion times. This time it was realized as shining true. The energy was – and is – AMAZING

And my body today feels like I have been pummeled and hit and working out for days – how my beautiful muscles have struggled to keep all that hate-energy inside, judging them strongly.

 

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: