Unraveling stories

 

Ley Tog is demonstrating how to do the forgiveness process lately on Facebook, and I am playing with it in bed this morning:

I have had a recurring annoying thing happening to me: The Post sending stuff I order on the web to a pick-up address I can’t get to. Well, I can, but it will take me 4 buses and a lot of waiting. It is the closest pick-up place -but only if I fly. And I have not been able to correct this via my computer OR phone.

What is the pattern here?

I have ordered with the holy will and power that God gave me – to have huge blocks between what Leelah-child wanted and ordered. I have wanted and ordered blocks, lack, loss and limitation.

What does this remind me of in the past?

I/the Leelah in the dream/wanted abuse and rape to be acknowledged by my parents

She wanted the pain to be seen and acknowledged and not judged and ignored

She wanted to be believed – to be trusted that what she told them was true and had happened to her.

Truth is – I wanted, and ordered WITH the awesome power God has given us, to experience and live through these stories, and to use them to wake me up.

They have 🙂

While I am here in the unraveling process, I notice that my left nostril is completely blocked. I remember all the times with sinusitis and pain and antibiotics and doctors when I was child – and in particular one time when a doctor pushed, with great force and sadism in my perception, a metal rod with cotton wool with some stingy fluid on into my left nostril “to allow the pus to come out.”

It make a cracking sound. I thought it had broken into the brain, and sat waiting for death

I was 11 years old, I was there alone, and true to my own programming, I did not make a sound.

Just as I did not make a sound during the abuse or rapes – I was never “there” for myself. Now, psychologically, that was a good choice THEN – splitting off – since acquiring all the experiences in this life was adamant for my waking up from the illusion that any of it was God-created/God-affirmed.

I forbade any sound and sign of suffering to be heard – I forbade any comfort and love – WHY?

They all did what you wanted them to do. In the moment when the Son – you and everyone created in God’s likeness – had the tiny mad idea that it was possible to create outside of God – and that you even wanted to check this out – you went for it full blast, my love – lifetime after lifetime with playing all the victim-roles – and let’s not forget the other part of the coin: the inquisitioners, the torturists, the sadists, the abusers.*

Ah yes. All of that.

Exactly. All of that. You have – and everybody who reads this- already played out all the roles and had all the experience necessary of doing ANYTHING at all as a seemingly separated being. Enough already -don’t you think?

Definitely enough.

So the only reason there still seem to be suffering is that you still keep a belief alive that says suffering could be true and real.

The left nostril is slowly unblocking itself

I am allowing the bodily sensations to fully be there, looking with Jesus, and just now, writing about it, a deeper level of pain in the left sinus arises – the whole left side of my body seems to be involved. I invite it all to peak, and hear that this will peak many times – “in degrees possible to bear”. Deep gratefulness and relief.

What excellent creators we have been: whatever role we have chosen to explore within the separation realm we have explored to the fullest, and then picked “actors” to play out what we need to experience – whatever we have chosen, getting the knowledge and understanding we need to wake up from the belief that it happened in reality – outside of the dream of separation we created.

This is a dream of my own choice, and everybody is showing me parts of my self I still haven’t seen and forgiven. And the only reason I could not forgive and forget, was because I thought that God had anything to do with it, that it somehow was His Will that I be punished and punished some more.

What a hoot! As if God could do and be anything else than Love!

What a hoot that I or anyone “else” could be anything else than Love – we are ever only encountering what we still haven’t seen through and forgiven – and SMILED TO, recognizing that we are dreaming.

As long as I still believe in guilt, I will have a body that feels pain. But the Course reminds me that the pain is only in the mind: and so is this dream-world where I experience all the variations of god-and-lovelessness that the wrong mind thunk up.

*

I just looked at the newspaper. For the first time in my life I was not drawn into “the drama of the poor unjustly treated.” There is only One Mind – the dreaming seems to happen in a part of it. What I am looking at, is myself in all my roles – believing it to be Real and Truth. And such suckdom.

Looked at with Truth – Jesus – I have done it all and been it all and what I really am NOW is Home, looking at it, marveling, laughing at ever taking it seriously.

How utterly insane this world is. Right now, seen through with a Love that is without a seer.

I recognize the many times I have been here – and realize that each time it becomes more real to me, and the illusion becomes more dreamlike. I will be vigilant for ego thoughts and recognize them as lies – and give thanks for each experience that shows me where I still judge and identify.

Holy Father and Mother, writing the last, strong piercing pains shoot up in the left nostril, I sneeze and there is more light around me.

*

One minute after finished this, a dishonest comment on a Forum sent me swoop back into judgment.

What a relief to notice that this time there are no reproaches about that: just another opportunity to find the false perception and ask for correction. My attraction to ego is dissolving so sweetly

*That formatting happened on itself when I copied and pasted from Word. Nice touch,Blue:)

 

Dismantling the costume

Dream:

Sitting with a (theater)costume. It has elaborate seams: hundreds of them, vertical – like an old fashioned corset. I sit with a Stanley surgical knife and cut stitch for stitch, opening all the seams, and in his way dismantling the costume completely.

I used to work in professional theater with my husband. We had both a lot of paranoid traits.

I am dismantling the seams of my paranoid persona – stitch for stitch. It is very pleasurable.

These “seams”…what a sweet metaphor: the seams are “seems” = appearances.

I am seeing that I am cutting them, and that the cutting process is SO pleasurable

Sleeping and  then waking up…

There is a sudden radiant clear insight that what I have all my life- and lives – considered as threats from the outside -or from inside the mind, but not “mine” – in Truth IS me threatening me, attacking me – there is nothing outside the mind -it is confused mind, choosing the ego

choosing to attack myself – punishing myself for imagined sins against an imagined wrathful god…this comes from a perceived need to keep the Leelah-identity as my safety. Here is the very root of my fear:  the perceived need to keep the “me” identity in order to be safe

My only safety lies in resting in my true identity – the Christ Self.

Right now, there is laughter and release in seeing that I have wanted this dance of being attacked and  feeling righteous about it. It seems wonderful silly and hilarious.

The small identity has been terrified of its own choice to be punished

But that choice in MINE, and mine to choose against

I am unhurriedly on the path toward removing this self abuse pattern in the mind –

…( I am speaking the experience into my recorder in bed. Here is a long pause)

I am bathing in a divine Space of Peace and safety. I have demonized my own Self and  perceived it as “other” and then experienced the attacks from “the outside”  –  how impossible it is to be safe as this limited role we have made of our Self –

– the separated me does not exist: there is only a thought about a “me”, believed in – and because this belief is fully empowered and not doubted, the world of separation seems to come into existence

I am willing to see it differently now

I am all smiles

 

Whirlpool

I found this whirlpool-video on FB.

What IS it!!screams ego, and wants to know about the biological reason for this vortex of seeming devastation.

Well – I did Nouk Sanchez’  “invocation of the Miracle, ” ( you find it in her book, and also as an mp3) and learned this:

Seen from Spirit: this is a thought of separation and destruction – believed in, and therefore endowed with the Power that God created us with. What we believe in, we enliven and experience as real – and will be given any form of destruction. The form means absolutely nothing – unless we identify with the ego thought system and the “me” that belongs to it – then it becomes our experience, and very real. But appearances are just that – illusions dreamed up in the name of separation. In this case, we are dreaming up an image of the huge and overpowering Nature and the fragile parts of it being sucked into the abyss. And we all have our special and personal images of what that hell is – and we feed it with our fear.

Which is nothing more than the ego’s enormous fear of being dismantled and sucked down into nothingness.

But the ego IS nothing in itself: it is a thought-system of lies, believed in – and only our sacred power of belief gives it form and appearance as real.

Holy Spirit, I am willing to have this perception healed and corrected.

The turmoil I am feeling in the start of the invocation is the turmoil of doubting the power of God – that is, doubting God Itself, and therefore doubting my Divine Christed Self, created in His Image. This is the very  symbol of the whirlpool in the video.This doubt sucks us down into the hell of denial of our own sacred self, our own True Nature. And as I feel this collective doubt right now in THIS body, I at the same time choose to accept myself RIGHT NOW – inside this whirlpool of false perception. I am not guilty or sinful for believing in lies – but oh how I notice the unpleasant consequences  of those false thoughts.

I forgive myself for using this image of destruction to punish myself – to make myself small and suffering, scared and doubtful, which is what ego wants.

Nouk reminds us that to receive the miracle, we need to want our perception to heal MORE than we want the form to change/heal – since it is my perception of it that creates the form/my world.The darkness and destruction is in my mind – the outer world is just an image of thoughts is my mind that I/ the Son of God/ believes in.

It is only my perception of the whirlpool as A PROBLEM that makes it scary.

Thanks for that reminder, Nouk. That deserved red

Take that label “problem” off: this is just an image I made where I could attach my fear,doubt,guilt and sin-bundle that the ego offers. The ego has ONLY the power I choose to give it.

I allow God’s version of Love to replace my choice for ego’s destruction. I claim my guiltlessness which IS the will of God. I accept Miracles as my inheritance. I accept that now my will is joined with God’s. I accept the my holiness reverses all the laws of the world – because God has given it to me as Christ. I accept that the healing that I asked for, already has taken place – contrary to any appearances remaining.

Looking at the whirlpool now, the former reactions of agony and despair have gone. The deep belief of guilt has gone: nope – I have not caused this: it never happened in reality, just within the collective nightmare we seem to be living in.

Nouk reminds me that God has already healed the cause of the problem/the belief in the separation. Now it’s up to me to truly trust my true Christ identity.

*

I am lying in bed, talking this into my recorder.A bright square appears on the wall in front of me.

DSC01108It is a shadow of a star – the sun just now moved into the window beside my bed. I Immediately smell Blue’s way of playing, jump out of my bed  – and spot the star I have attached on the wall behind my bed:

DSC01111 (2) - Kopi

Ah! That was a sweet reminder!

Then I realize that this star is NOT the star that I see as a shadow i n the lighted square on the wall. Here is THAT star:

DSC01116

This is a little journeyer from Tove Jansson’s beloved books about the Moominfamily: The Moomrik. He loves to travel, and never stay at any place where he arrives. It is the Journeying he loves: THIS moment. HERE. And all the ways he appreciates it: the special shade of blue in the sea and clouds. The smell of salt in the air. The silent humming from his leading star:

The Heart

DSC01115

The original boat with Moomrik is just 2 inches – but I hope you enjoy his expression and joy of the journey

 

 

What You Are Really Afraid of

Squahed centipede

My son I law is 50 next summer. I have planned a gift which will honor him as a father,friend,dancer and Lieutenant Colonel. I had made numerous ideas, sketches and intuitions on some papers, and hid them when he came visiting. Today a new great idea came, and I could not find those darn papers.

I noted with interest how I instantly went into the old well-known mode of hating myself as the first correct thing to do. Then came the disaster stories – and gradually,  the idea that these somehow belonged to “me.” I watched “me” getting really angry, looking and watching everywhere, noticing the sensations becoming murky and acidly in the body. And decided that it was enough of that – and found myself telling myself that I looked forward to finding those papers and smiling and that it would happen in perfect timing.

Then I found myself open a cupboard which was a very illogic place for putting papers – and there they were, on top of a stack of plates.

It took 3 seconds from I stated my new intention to I found them

It is possible that I will drop the drama next time I search for something

*

Now, a dream from last night:

I am cleaning the space around my child’s bed – she is about 12 in the dream. Lots of old dust  around the head side of the bed –  beanpoles, centipedes – creepy crawlies, the Native Indians call them. Both my daughter and I hate hate hate creepy crawlies.

A centipede runs away from the bed – it senses that I am out to hate and kill, and runs. I find a stick and hit it. Again and again. It is disgusting, it bursts, but it still is alive, and I hate what I am doing but in my mind there is no alternative to creepy crawlies than to kill them and the more I hit the bigger it grows. It now has the distinct head of a porcupine.

I wake up

The more I tried to kill it /resists it, the bigger it grows…yes, I just made it real by resisting it. All the self-hatred and disgust that the Son of God has believed is his identity as a separated  somebody is projected into a world of forms where we now can watch what we have created: now the disgust and self-hatred is projected on the “other” – but as our bodies also are just thoughts in the One mind projected out, our bodies also hide our self-hatred and disgust and shame to a certain degree and put it into muscles,bones and blood

What is Cancer, if not cells attacking other cells in the same body?

What is illness, if not projecting our guilt and perceived sinfulness into our body? We have our own crawlies inside as bacteria. Some  are “good”, some are bad – the body could not live without the “good” ones – yet it is just a reflection of the basic ego thought of kill or be killed.

Good God what a thought-system we believe in – no wonder we fear a god who could be thought to create such a world

I am lying in bed and allowing the ravaging pains in the body — and forgiving myself for believing in the first Tiny Mad Idea

Violently repressed and denied, now sensed inside this body – kept there until I am willing to take the projection back and see that it is just a false thought, part of the insane thought system of the ego.

Waves of sickness and shooting pains rise to the surface – is seen through and released

I remember the image of the growing centipede’s body being smashed to pulp and still, agonized, living – but  seen now, although it appeared completely real, it was just a dream.

This is how the world was – and is – made, ac.to the Course: we believed in the tiny mad idea-thought and took it seriously – and then, using the will God has given us with its all-encompassing power, it becomes our perception and experience.

It is all Maya, appearances

It feels like I am bathed in sweet mercy lying here and just allow what goes on in the muscles – not resisting anything of it – allowed now, to be, to be released

And also seeing that REAL, IT IS NOT – just as the squashed body of the centipede morphing into a porcupine was not REAL, but an image from my mind projected into my dream.

As long as we believe these images are real it becomes our experience

It is an image, believed in – representing false thoughts about shame and violence – just as the world is an image of separation, believed in and experienced as real – and I love to notice that as I go back to the mind and forgive the images I/we have made, with the power God has given me/us, the world becomes beautiful

The image of the porcupine touches me deeply, and allows me to see yet another mechanics of repression: outside our home where I lived from  I was 2-6 years, porcupines were flattened by cars each day. My cousin and I shoveled them up and buried them in our garden, and sung very sad psalms for them. It comforted me: my own experience of being crushed daily was reflected in the spiky squashed bodies, and the psalms felt purifying. Now at least, the pain was expressed – and at the same time, I could keep the terrible fact hidden, that it was me that was crushed.

Well – that is the psychological reason. The real reason, as non dualism sees it – is the deep unconscious guilt in the mind from believing we had left Heaven and deserved all  possible punishment

Reminding myself again: it is a dream

And I truly want to wake up and recognizing mySelf as the One dreamer

*

Links to my 2 books on Amazon:

if you click on the titles, you will find more info about them, and may enjoy some of the reviews

 

 

 

The Medusa

Today we have our 4th sharing on Skype, with the intention of lifting in to the light our common false perceptions of God as an angry punishing father.

This is Nichola’s rapport:

The day started with a swim in the ocean and so maybe it’s no surprise that I was feeling light and happy when Leelah and I had the Skype session. When I looked further the feeling was like a golden light a couple of centimeters from my face – shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun. A big deep feeling of joy came up from my belly and the golden light became a mask, ancient made of some kind of metal. The energy traveled down my arms and my fingers were alive with energy so that I saw that they were made of small wriggling snakes.

I had a feeling of rising from the sea – standing on a rock and the image of the Medusa with her hair made of snakes standing  the rock in the middle of the ocean.

 Leelah suggested we look at Medusa –  the myth of the Greek goddess who turns people into stone and she asked me if I had been (or if I had turned myself?) into stone. I said yes. In fact the stone cold boy in a story that I wrote is me, I recognised that when I was writing it, and today I remember that when my father was speaking in his familiar humiliating way I would purposefully harden my body and mind so that the hate from my father couldn’t get in.  

I remember giving my bother a painting of the Medusa when he was about fifteen. Leelah asks if he was also turned to stone and I remember that yes he was, more than me I think.

After that we looked at the Medusa jelly fish on You Tube. Leelah asks me why I think it is called Medusa and I think it is because of its sting, and also maybe because of its tentacle that look like hair. The fish is transparent, very primitive and beautiful.

As we watch it gives birth to several tiny jellyfish. Beautiful. Around this time I am struck with how much the tentacles of the fish remind me of synapses, the nerve endings that are sometimes damaged in MS and which I have been trying to visualise growing back in my own body.

I am also struck with the seemingly rambling way that we have meandered through this session, guided by Leelah’s instincts and I am very much surprised and almost enchanted.

 Leelah suggest that the way the medusas are born from the jellyfish – just “plop” out very easily, is something that I can use to think of the way my own synapses can easily be regenerated.

 Then I look to the side of the screen and see that there are a number of YouTube videos in a column going down the page and oddly, amongst them there is a five or so minute lecture by David Hoffmeister called the death of the Ego –  there amongst all these jellyfish. I can’t believe it. I tell Leelah but it does not appear on her page, just mine. As it turns out we are using different browsers  but strangely I have returned to that page this morning and David Hoffmeister has disappeared and there are only jelly fish there.  (Right now I am wondering about that – it feels like a notice to pay attention to things when they appear.)

We watch the video together and Leelah asks me at the end if there was anything there for me, as it had only appeared on my browser . I say, yes – the very last sentence. Which is stop looking for fulfillment outside yourself. That seems a very strong thing for me to look at, as I feel I have identified as a searcher or hunter who does not find. Like I am constantly trying to get something from the world that I can’t.  So this is a big thing for me to explore – that I am just looking outside for what I think I want, instead of inside.

*

I mention for Nic how the very essence of the ego thought system is “look, and do not find.”

I find this image very symbolic for deep transformation – from snakes to rays of light:

shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun.

 

I too have  stone – symbols:

Petrified

My mother has become stone

I am pummeling her chest with my fists

Come out! Come out!

My fists are made of ice,

My tears are burning

Come out!

And

Whack

My father hits my bottom hard and unexpected

Warm pee flows down my legs

“Go to your room!”

But my mother

Where is my mother?

 

 

 

Being with

Woke up from a recurrent dream of having to control my daughter, or else – catastrophe. I explored it with Kit in our Skype session today – and very fast we recognized – again – that all that is required for healing – and peace – is just sitting with the sensations in the body. The ego goes frantic, tells me I have to figure out and understand –  but the impulse from inside is. just be with it.

As I share the dream with Kit, i sense the familiar sense of urge,frenzy, “don’t interrupt me i have to speak now or else” – and suddenly I am not willing to have it drive me any longer. I stop and breathe and allow myself to receive Kit’s loving small remarks – and it feels as if I have broken an ago-old pattern of trusting the collective demand: only if you understand something can healing happen. Only by “figuring out”  – that is, using the intellect …

Now i just rest in the awareness of what goes on in the body while this pressure-slavedriver is running the body mind: calmly observing pains and aches all over. Anti-achievment.  Most humans I know think we have to “dull” reality, or we get lost in chaos and pain

It is so very clear that “having to understand” really means “control.”And of course we can’t control life – but this impossible demand that we should be able to, creates nightmares like i have, where i project what I think needs to be controlled on my daughter.

There is this collective delusion: I have to do something – add something to a conversation, a relationship – there is a deadly fear beneath it: a fear of life as it is – a dulling of it – to put something on top of reality is to dull it, cover it up, making it manageable in our mind

The ego wants to achieve something – add something to what is

What happens now – in the body? is what I want to be with. And as my 20 minutes goes to an end, I know that an old pattern of control has been seen through and found useless.

“And you had that insight just by sitting with it” said Kit.

Trust – to life – without adding any thing. Projections gone – at least for now:)

*

Later in the session, a pattern of searching out guilt becomes evident. And the old judgment of doing that – such an un-spiritual thing to do, Leelah! – melts when it becomes evident that children are taught to do that to feel safe with angry parents/others: an “I am sorry, my fault” defuses the anger from the possible attacker.

Getting stuck in the pattern comes with a huge cost, though – and we do get stuck if we haven’t felt and allowed the huge fear beneath it: to be annihilated.

*

As always: nice synchronicity and timing: I got this from Gangaji right now:

In recognizing yourself as life itself, you are put rightside up. You freshly live your life, rather than thinking it and then trying to live according to those thoughts. You directly experience your life, and insights naturally follow that experience. The thinking mind becomes the servant—rather than the master—to the direct experience of life.

A fulfilled life is a life of discovery and exploration. It may be touched with excitement or fear or desire, but at the core it is filled with peace, and delight.

We meet in wonder of this mystery that we have named “Life.”

It’s a free life… it’s your life.

 

The taboo-thing

When Kit and I explore through Skype, we experience that any disturbances in our communication  are immediately reflected in the quality of the Skype-connection. The places where we just don’t click – where we really  are not in touch with ourselves /the other ( same thing really) are faithfully shown to us.

Today we were taking about taboos – the places in our lives where we have decided to stop talking about certain themes in our families of origin, because of the signals we have received when doing so – everything from threats to violence to looks of fear,disgust,contempt,ridicule. We all have these isolated islands in side where the weed grow thick and the underwater wells are polluted and give out a strong stench when we may step too close to its guarded borders.Lets say it is guarded with a circle of crocodiles.

Two times when we were sharing about taboos the electronic connection became weird, once we got the sign that the Internet-connection was very unstable. As soon as we found what was true and was connected to it, it was also felt energetically, and Skype immediately worked great again.

We both shared an example where we had felt responsible for others’ feelings and had felt guilty: Oh I shouldn’t have said that/done that etc ad nauseam.

Exactly when I felt this in my body, a sign popped up on my desktop:

“How to clean out junk on the PC. Without regular cleaning, you PC accumulates junk files that slow down your system.It is easy to get rid of the junk with System Mechanic.”

May I present to you – my system mechanic: forgiveness the Course way.

The main thing to know in this process is to acknowledge that what happens to us, we choose. Before you start to scream and protest, I’ll mention that the part that chooses to be punished and suffer is the ego. Which we identify with, by choosing to believe in the ego-thought system which is separated from Truth – and Truth is here meant as our Self, our true identity as God’s Child.

When we are immersed in the ego thought-system, we find ourselves plagued with guilt, fear and sin.

When the sign popped up, Kit and I wondered what junk it was referring too – and it took just a minute to find that it was guilt – ego’s main building block in its convincing appearance/dream – the WORLD.

We both had a recent experience where we found ourself in a situation where we told ourselves that we “should” have responded different. We thought we “owed it” to the other person – a clear sign of guilt. There were strong voices inside us both that told us that to NOT “help” the other would make us cold, mean,cruel and egoistic.

But is was shown as junk-thoughts – just the kind that ego needs us to think to maintain its hold on our mind and separate it from Love.

There is so much junk in this kind of “helping:” We say inside “Oh you poor thing, you don’t have the wisdom and superiority that I have, and not the potential either. I’d better help you”(meaning “preach to” you.)

What a seducing role that is – “the helper.” S/he helps to feel better. Now Kit and I were shown how in both cases we had been involved in – what had happened  was perfect as it was – and that we can not possibly know what anything is good for.

The red spot

Going to bed last night, I noticed a clear round red spot on my left cheek. It was big too – 0,6 inch.That set off a strong alarm in the body  – my face would be disfigured,I would not look pretty anymore. i would look disgusting, disfigured, sickening, abominable. It took some seconds before i recognized split-off feelings from very young: verbal abuse from the men who also sexually abused me. I felt U G L Y and D I S G U S T I N G  and there was a strong identification with all the labels.

I have looked at photos of myself as young. Pretty is a weak word for it. Thing is – I did not see that before I was in the sixties. The old image of BAD and DISGUSTING was a veil that i saw myself through, whatever others told me.

In bed, I went into the TAT-pose  and went through the 8 sentences/”attitudes” while holding the pose. One can incorporate TAT with Course-teachings, so this is a great healing procedure for me. TAT works with putting our attention on what the attitudes say while touching certain energy-medicine points, and then just paying attention to what happens in the body and mind, letting it be, trusting the process.

What happened was strong pains like lightening bolts, nausea and despair. While i was going through the process, I knew that when something manifests in the skin like this, it means that it has come to be seen and forgiven and released. So I forgave my perception of myself as disgusting etc – forgave the ones who gave me the words ( by choosing ego as my teacher I had unconsciously wanted somebody to punish guilty old me.)

Looking into the mirror this morning, there was no trace of the red spot. I said thank you very loud – and heard: “it is your perception of yourself that is healed.”

Of course! The red spot was nothing else than a projection of my “ugly disgusting” perception of myself.

Apperances- phantom pains

“The Atonement does not make holy. You were created holy. It merely brings unholiness to holiness; or what you made to what you are. Bringing illusion to truth, or the ego to God, is the Holy Spirit’s only function.” T-14.IX.1:1-4 “The Atonement is so gentle you need but whisper to it, and all its power will rush to your assistance and support.” T-14.IX.3:2

I quote from Nouk Sanchez’ Forgiveness process on her website:

1.      I acknowledge that I am not at peace, so I must be wrong-minded. And I want to be at peace so I ask Spirit to help me look at my mind.

 

2.      I remember that any sign of threat, pain, sickness, conflict, or scarcity is not God’s Will. I acknowledge this is the ego in my mind. I remember that I must deny the ego’s appearances and focus on the Love that is Truth, beyond all appearances.

 

3.      I invite You (Spirit) to look at these fears and judgments with me. I will not judge myself or another while we do this. I will leave a space of total non-judgment, so you can fill it with Love and healing.

 

4.      As we look together, I say to myself with sincerity, “Even while this appears as a problem, and despite feeling fear, pain, anxiety, unworthiness, anger, guilt, or doubt – I open myself to receive healing through the miracle, in this instant.”

 

5.      Trust only in God’s Love. God is in everything I see, because God is in my mind. Together, we look past ego appearances as they represent our unconscious wishes with the ego. In looking past appearances we join with God (light) in asking to perceive only what is true, beyond ego appearances (darkness). God is in everything I see, because God is in my mind; and what God sees through my mind is therefore healed! Do not doubt this. This is forgiveness. Trust and doubt cannot co-exist and Love without trust is impossible.

*

Lately, two angry quarrelsome guys have disturbed a group I Love. One of these guys gave me such an offensive question that I feel nausea when i think about it. AND this is a great forgiveness opportunity, isn’t it!

I prayed for help to see him with the eyes of Love. It felt like veils were being drawn apart, and I saw the figure of “The Spirit of Christmas”in the old version of  Scrooge-films.The appearance of a guy filled with intense contempt crumbled – and I denied the ego’s appearances.

A little later, the thoughts went back to the guy, and the appearances were there again. And  thought came from Blue: “Appearances can be felt in the nervous system, just as a phantom pain after an amputated gangrened limb.”

That is so very helpful for me. The appearance is here – AND so is Love, right behind it. AND I truly want to wake up MORE than I want to be justly pissed, more than i want to make somebody else “guilty.”

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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