Ants

This is a biggie for me – on this path of awakening:  the energy of invasion/attack. My book, “When Fear Comes Home to Love” explores how to relate to, and deal with, our mind-imprints of being invaded/attacked and abused – which is just the other side of the coin of invading,attacking and abusing. The last months, the revelations and healing of this common pattern in the human mind has been the challenge of embracing the souls of the attackers – the willingness to see through the dark acts to the part of the soul that cries out to be loved and not judged.  Not loving the acts – but seeing through it to the very essence of the Soul.

So. Ants…

They have lived under my terrace for about 15 years or so. They swarm up from holes between the tiles in clouds so big that it is not fun to sit outside in the warm season – unless you love to breathe them in as they swarm. -I have long seen them as a mirror of a part of  my subconscious that I have learned to hate and judge and deny in myself – like expressions of rage, anger, jealousy, impulses of murder. The last year has been a deep dive into these areas, lifting them up in the Light of the Holy Spirit, and learning not to judge the impulses, seeing them as as a natural thing in the human mind – and embracing all of that. Simply embracing it.

So when the ants entered my living room, I freaked out first, and tremendous fear arose -the energies and memories of being invaded in exceptionally ugly ways. And in Way of the Heart, Jeshua reminds us that the Soul chooses ALL kind of experiences – for then to transmute them in Love. So I trained myself to just sit with the old imprints of violence and terror -and asking for help to erase the charge of these memories in the soul. Gradually this became possible, and then I was reminded to do a connection with the ant-soul or Deva. I intended to join with their “Queen-part” – and the light that I felt was wonderful, and i felt nothing but love. Suddenly they were no longer “horrible” to me.

The morning after there were no more ants in my room

Today has also been free.

And – I am even OK with the thought that they may be back – and in that case. there is just more for me to include and embrace, and I will NOT be invaded 🙂

So the best of all is the feeling that the disgust and fear of them has simply disappeared – with the help of Holy Spirit.

And in less than a week too 🙂

A Miracle  to me!

Above all, I want to see differently

This is todays lesson 28. Looking at  – whatever – and allowing it to show its essence to you. The table and the pen and the hand…free from preconceived concepts  –

 

-and my Yogi Teabag, as always, is in sync:to see

Ka

Yesterday I found an old journal with records from therapy. I browsed through it and found a conversation with Blue concerning dark forces. I had completely forgotten this.

Blue said: You made a deal with yourself  long time ago – many lives ago, when we think about time – to allow a so-called dark one into your soul and energy field – to help you find out what is stronger than darkness. What is stronger than fear. You wanted to learn it in such a way that you could never forget it.

Ah. This is good to remember: the darkness is there on my invitation. I had made a vow to keep it there until I was clear about it. Knowing that it was an active choice allows the whole victim-drama to just drain out.

I felt a tenderness towards this soul I have called “mine”, and all the confusion,drama, torture and abuse it has lived through. It seems that I am very in the very process of letting it all go

The last two posts have described the essence of countless lives with resistance to darkness, and therefore giving it power over me: the “ghost” and “demon” coming to my door were costumed angels,giving me the opportunity to see through illusion to the innocence and childlike center beneath. And also – although there was fear-energy still connected to it, the Light that went out came on again: whatever seems to happen to “me”, THE LIGHT IS ON

My healing question is ” I wonder how this is going to release/turn out/go” – said with a curiosity and ease that comes from trust in God and the process. Letting the reins of th ego go

This morning I had a dream:

I held an adorable animal in my arms – it was pure joy, love and playfulness.

Animal – anima – animus:  the Jungian way of describing my soul. Writing this, I also recognize the adorable character Croc in my Hilaryon-stories

I also met a man whose  name was Kawinder. He was Indian – wise , gentle,loving

KA – The old Egyptians had several terms for soul, and KA was the part that was the true life-force.

Winder – wins- “the soul/true life-force wins.” Wins over what? fear.Illusion. And that the soul “wins”, means nothing else to me than that when i choose to ask ” I wonder how this will play out” I am joining with Truth and not fear – I am trusting completely that all is well, although on the appearance-level things may seem “bad.”

Whatever appears, the LIGHT is ON

Showing up as the Glorious Self

 

Going to bed, I take a glimpse in the note-book beside my bed. I have glued helpful Course- notes in it. I find this from Nouk Sanchez blog: February 20th 2013

“I took myself back to that dreadful scene with the baby. And revisited that moment, in blind terror, where I abandoned both the baby and myself. This time, I was not alone. Spirit was with me.

Here, I wanted to see the essence of what I so badly desired to flee from. I wanted to see what I was resisting. “Spirit, show it to me so it can be brought clearly to the light and released. And let me revisit this dream, only this time let me do it with Love. With a full heart and infinite courage. Teach me, show me, guide me.”

I took myself back to that moment of terror, seeing the baby so helplessly suffering in pain. My grief was overwhelming. “How on earth can I look past ‘appearances’ that are so utterly convincing? What can I do?” I asked Spirit. And suddenly I knew.

To come with wholly empty-hands and open-heart to this present moment. Enter it fully. Surrender my need to do or understand anything. Just be fully present in God’s Grace. And I broke down and sobbed, asking for God’s Loving Will to completely eclipse my mind and heart. More than anything, this is what I wanted. I desired my mind to be healed. Dropping to my knees beside this baby, my surrender melted all illusion. And I knew that we were joined in the blazing light of His Grace. In my defenselessness…I had “Willed with God” in that instant.

Fear disappeared. And Love was all there was. The baby and I were one in that moment. There was no Nouk and no baby. All that remained was what had always been, but I did not recognize until now. Love.”

Somehow I read: “Meeting up in your full Glory.” The words sank softly into my mind.This is what is called for.I know it is Truth.

About 5 am I wake up from a dream. I was walking through an area with a friend where I felt terror and agony emanating from the ground. I stand still and allow myself to pick up what has happened: little boys have been abused and used in satanic rituals. The abusers enjoyment of the boys’ terror is also present – + the collective judgments of such acts and such feelings. I share what I feel with the friend, she denies my sensitivity and belittles me.

I wake up, body saturated with terror and disgust, and ask “Will there ever be an end to such dreams for me?”

I hear Holy Spirit’s calm clear voice: “All that is needed in this situation is that you meet up in your full glory. Meaning that you know Who you are. It is impossible for the Holy Son of God to be without Source/His Creator. He has never moved outside the Thought That created Him.”

In this moment, there is no doubt at all in the mind: I cannot be without my Identity. It is evident. In this moment, I realize that the agonized experience I had in an earlier incarnation – where my soul  was taken and used as an instrument for “evil” –  is just a thought, believed in because of the appearances. And whatever the Son of God believes in, appears to happen.

Thank God it happens just in the Dream of the ego thought-system, where we believe ourselves to be.

I am awake now – seeing the utter silliness in the thought that we can be something that we are not. The body is reflecting the right-minded thoughts: There is a warm light flowing through me, from head to feet, spreading  to the limbs.

I will go back to the story of Leelah – just as Nouk went back to the story about the baby. I ask to be taken back into these images and memories, and showing up in full Glory. What  I see – instead of the familiar memories of group abuse – is  just blazing Light.

I am the dreamer. What I am usually seeing are projections  and falsities from a terrified mind, believing itself to be split off from  a vengeful God.  And here I am now, in my Self. And with an indescribable relief and gratitude I realize that whenever such imprints of terror from the mind may present themselves in my mind, these energies are nothing I need to judge against or protect myself from any longer. The glorious Self CAN NOT be harmed or invaded. I can stay present – and the old impulse to fly from all of this, to defend against it is met with this: Saying yes. Enter it fully. Surrender my need to do or understand anything. Just be fully present in God’s Grace.

Framed

What I love about Haikus  is essence’s ability to allow the mind to create vast images and stories. Writing “stories” I see I really mean Depth and Space. They help me find my deep deep breath, living in the heart, welling up to meet me, allowing me to feel alive and Here. Ah the Here is all is it about.  The “Framed”  was very helpful: when I look out of my window now, I can choose to frame something – and instantly it comes into the Here. Now.

Here’s an example of such a Presence Miracle:

Framed –
Sea Eagle
On blue canvas

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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