Signs from Mystery

Late signs:

1.sign.

In the living room, 2 days ago: I am looking at a painting I made some 10 years ago or so – and i see, in the very center of the Sun/Self a radiant rainbow-spot of brilliant pulsating light. Its source is a prism hanging in my window. The very second I notice the light in the center of the Sun, my cellphone sounds:it is a message from a healer: he is available for sessions this week.

I order a session 🙂

The effect has gone when I take this photo – but I am sure you can imagine the magical effect of that shimmering Light in the center of the Sun:

 

The Sun

I have lately started a new workout-regime called TIMANI. We learn ways to stretch the Fascia- muscles inside the thighs – and boy has that had consequences for my nervous system to flare up in overwhelm.

A friend recently shared this on Facebook:

“… the things that I used to believe. But as they come, I gently take them by the hand and lead them to the Truth, where they gradually fade and disappear, leaving me in the peace that I have always been. I bring them to the Kingdom, where God gently wipes them away, as the dream that they always were and I am blessed beyond measure. Thankyou my Beloved, and the Truth will set us free. “

After digesting the truth in this, after two days in agony, suddenly a great clarity comes through me: This is just the old stories of the inner child, coming up to be released. In that moment, ca 80% of the agony dissipates.

This is from Jeshua from Way of Mastery – Radical Inquiry™:

“We cannot awaken unless we are willing to ‘turn back’ through Radical Inquiry™ and discover what has been rendered unconscious and cut off from awareness; there to greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

I practice this diligently

 Dream early yesterday morning:

It is Christmas Eve.There is a very angry and upset man banging on my door in my childhood’s home. He looks crazy and rather volatile. I lean out of the window, and smile with all my heart at him, asking him what he wants. He explains that he has a package to deliver, and I ask him in for a cup of warm cocoa. He comes inside, and I recognize that my smile is genuine: I truly care for him. This changes his demeanor completely.

When I wake up, I am reminded of the story about Milarepa and the demons that came visiting – and him inviting them in for tea. They melted too 🙂

2.Sign:

I enter my Healing room. Close to my seat a wasp has chosen its place to die. I have screens in front of all openings in my house – I am afraid of the effects of wasp-stinging.

Death of a poisenous attacker

The first wasp that I remember stinging me, played an important role in my exploration of an archetype I describe in “When fear comes home to Love:” “Bird.” Here is the start of that chapter:

It is midsummer. I am about five. I sit in the tall grass in front of our house. The air is heavy from sweet flower-fragrances and the dense humming from happy busy insects. A wasp stings my finger. It immediately swells, it hurts terribly, I scream and scream.

Mummy comes. My Mummy. She takes me in her arms and hugs me hard, she cries when she sees the bursting finger: “Pooooooor little Leelah!” … I sit and listen breathlessly to a story about chameleons. You can see it on the illustration in the book: there it sits on a branch, quiet as a mouse – it blends perfectly into the foliage… there comes the fat fly walking, and zing! The long tongue shoots out and glues itself to its victim. Yack! – There the chameleon jumps to another branch, the colors change. Look at his belly changing colors after the branch – and the back takes the pattern after the flowers above! Each millimeter of this animal can adapt to its surroundings.

My Mummy convinces me that this animal is not make-believe: it is for real. I am spellbound by the chameleon.

The figure carrying the chameleonic in the J&H-myth is the Bird:

“I must adapt to the family’s / the surrounding’s expectations and demands. My only reason for existence is making them satisfied and happy. Suffering is safe. I just have to eradicate myself and blend into the surroundings. I leave myself and take the others inside. I digest their pain. I hold on to it. No one must see it .I keep the family-secret. Myself? I need nothing.”

Now this wasp – this archetype of giving poison and pain – has made its way into my Healing room and given up life in front of my Place – no more an instrument of pain, now the sign of a surrender of an old role in my soul’ make-up.

I love that little wasp: I want to honor it and get the idea to draw an angel card: OBEDIENCE is the first. I place the wasp on it:it gave up his life as wasp in fron of this symbolic place of my Self. Oh how I love those surrendered outstretched wings.

I am then asked to draw two more cards – and I draw HUMOUR and BEAUTY.

DSC01242

3.Sign yesterday afternoon:

I am looking through old journals and taking photos. I am looking at a old drawing in my journal:

The kiss

The kiss

 

In the same second I take the photo, an electronic doorbell sounds from upstairs – but this is not the sound I have chosen: it is much harsher.

I run up the stairs, the bell is still chiming in my room and there is nobody outside my door.

My mind had a strong energetic signal connected to that image when I drew it-  this time I was open for it. I do not know where it comes from – thank God I do not have to figure it out – but I can and will do what Jeshua suggests above: greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ego’s god:You are worthy of love only if…

The Presence Process is bringing up for me what seems to be the root trauma. One would think that  being subjected to severe abuse and insanity would be it – but I am shown that what I have done to myself because of it has done the real harm. The stories we tell ourselves about our identity, and the reasons we make up to rationalize what happened –  is the root trauma, and carries the emotional charge which I these days am in the process of integrating.

When my father – who was the symbol for God ( that is, the god of the ego, not God as the Course talks about God) is sitting beside me when I was as a little school girl and is explaining things for me – like arithmetics or history – and I do not immediately understand it – the immediate impression is that I am a failure who just lost my right to live. I am stupid, no, an idiot, a changeling ( I am not worthy of being his child) and unworthy. My salvation – I think – lies in the only possibility to live up to his expectations and standard: unique, interesting, artistic and very very special. My intellect shall shine. Nobody mentions the word heart at all. I shall shine and twinkle – but never more than him. Beware of this balance. HE is the only god. Just as my father had learned from his father – and so on –

My error lies in the fact that I have allowed these thoughts to guide and direct my life, as TRUTH – and having given these thoughts value.These are the thoughts and guiding lines for a perfect woman that I have stretched for – and by god, I have succeeded! I am interesting and special  – and this old ideal is as far from Truth as possible.

I have truly believed that my salvation has lied in meeting these standards from my father – and therefore has also believed  unconsciously that these are the standards that God sets up for me. If my father judges me as stupid and unworthy, certainly God does it too.

If I succeed in filling the standards, then maybe I will go to heaven when I die – but each time I fail – or tell myself that I fail – hell is grinning toward me, and I nod my head and agree that I need to be punished.

My father’s harsh expectations is an expression of love, the way he learned it. When the child needs unconditional love, and receives this regime of expectations, s/he assumes that it is love – and s/he will, until she knows better, follow the recipe for getting it. S/he will also search for similar father-substitutes who will put her in the same situation, so she thinks she can have a chance of fixing it.

Thank God I don’t to that any more

And it all comes from me choosing to believe ego’s demands as the way to salvation – as we all do, until we learn to see through the lies and stories.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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