To be or not to be – judgment or freedom

Yesterday I had the most beautiful session I ever have experienced – with David Youngblood.

And in the night, when I started to feel bad again, I did not realize that JUDGMENT had sneaked in and did it best to push me back in to the old identity  of agony and victimhood.

It has been very helpful for me that judgment did that: Now I truly see the power it has to warp my perception, to send me into hell and false identity

-as long as it goes unnoticed!

But here I am, sharing about it: all is well. I was nudged to go on Facebook. Judgment told me this was NOT good, I was wasting my life. And sometime I really waste a lot of time going there. But not so NOW:

My best friend at Facebook posted this:

What happens when, just for a moment, we stay with our pain, our fear, our doubt, our discomfort, our grief, our broken heart, even our numbness, without trying to change it, or fix it, or numb ourselves to it, or get rid of it in any way? What happens when, even when we feel like leaving, abandoning the moment for the promise of a future salvation, we stay, sitting with the raw, unfiltered, boundlessly alive life-energy that is simply trying to express right now? What happens when, just for a moment, despite all urges to the contrary, we don’t “do” anything about our discomfort or grief, we drop all tricks and tactics and clever manipulations, and instead, begin to deeply acknowledge what is here, honouring it, listening to its deeper call, sinking into the mystery of it? What happens when we make the radical commitment to never turn away from this moment, as it dances in emptiness?* Jeff Foster

And I immediately recognized the old habit of judgment.
I was instantly back in track and allowed my LOVE to transform all that strange energy NOW

It was just a simple reminder – and what a lesson about the effect on the mind judging, and how screwed up I felt!

The realization is:What I am feeling NOW is exactly what I am asked to bless, sit with forgive. Receive, so my LOVE can transform it FOR me and THROUGH me

Thank you God!

Signs from Mystery

Late signs:

1.sign.

In the living room, 2 days ago: I am looking at a painting I made some 10 years ago or so – and i see, in the very center of the Sun/Self a radiant rainbow-spot of brilliant pulsating light. Its source is a prism hanging in my window. The very second I notice the light in the center of the Sun, my cellphone sounds:it is a message from a healer: he is available for sessions this week.

I order a session 🙂

The effect has gone when I take this photo – but I am sure you can imagine the magical effect of that shimmering Light in the center of the Sun:

 

The Sun

I have lately started a new workout-regime called TIMANI. We learn ways to stretch the Fascia- muscles inside the thighs – and boy has that had consequences for my nervous system to flare up in overwhelm.

A friend recently shared this on Facebook:

“… the things that I used to believe. But as they come, I gently take them by the hand and lead them to the Truth, where they gradually fade and disappear, leaving me in the peace that I have always been. I bring them to the Kingdom, where God gently wipes them away, as the dream that they always were and I am blessed beyond measure. Thankyou my Beloved, and the Truth will set us free. “

After digesting the truth in this, after two days in agony, suddenly a great clarity comes through me: This is just the old stories of the inner child, coming up to be released. In that moment, ca 80% of the agony dissipates.

This is from Jeshua from Way of Mastery – Radical Inquiry™:

“We cannot awaken unless we are willing to ‘turn back’ through Radical Inquiry™ and discover what has been rendered unconscious and cut off from awareness; there to greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

I practice this diligently

 Dream early yesterday morning:

It is Christmas Eve.There is a very angry and upset man banging on my door in my childhood’s home. He looks crazy and rather volatile. I lean out of the window, and smile with all my heart at him, asking him what he wants. He explains that he has a package to deliver, and I ask him in for a cup of warm cocoa. He comes inside, and I recognize that my smile is genuine: I truly care for him. This changes his demeanor completely.

When I wake up, I am reminded of the story about Milarepa and the demons that came visiting – and him inviting them in for tea. They melted too 🙂

2.Sign:

I enter my Healing room. Close to my seat a wasp has chosen its place to die. I have screens in front of all openings in my house – I am afraid of the effects of wasp-stinging.

Death of a poisenous attacker

The first wasp that I remember stinging me, played an important role in my exploration of an archetype I describe in “When fear comes home to Love:” “Bird.” Here is the start of that chapter:

It is midsummer. I am about five. I sit in the tall grass in front of our house. The air is heavy from sweet flower-fragrances and the dense humming from happy busy insects. A wasp stings my finger. It immediately swells, it hurts terribly, I scream and scream.

Mummy comes. My Mummy. She takes me in her arms and hugs me hard, she cries when she sees the bursting finger: “Pooooooor little Leelah!” … I sit and listen breathlessly to a story about chameleons. You can see it on the illustration in the book: there it sits on a branch, quiet as a mouse – it blends perfectly into the foliage… there comes the fat fly walking, and zing! The long tongue shoots out and glues itself to its victim. Yack! – There the chameleon jumps to another branch, the colors change. Look at his belly changing colors after the branch – and the back takes the pattern after the flowers above! Each millimeter of this animal can adapt to its surroundings.

My Mummy convinces me that this animal is not make-believe: it is for real. I am spellbound by the chameleon.

The figure carrying the chameleonic in the J&H-myth is the Bird:

“I must adapt to the family’s / the surrounding’s expectations and demands. My only reason for existence is making them satisfied and happy. Suffering is safe. I just have to eradicate myself and blend into the surroundings. I leave myself and take the others inside. I digest their pain. I hold on to it. No one must see it .I keep the family-secret. Myself? I need nothing.”

Now this wasp – this archetype of giving poison and pain – has made its way into my Healing room and given up life in front of my Place – no more an instrument of pain, now the sign of a surrender of an old role in my soul’ make-up.

I love that little wasp: I want to honor it and get the idea to draw an angel card: OBEDIENCE is the first. I place the wasp on it:it gave up his life as wasp in fron of this symbolic place of my Self. Oh how I love those surrendered outstretched wings.

I am then asked to draw two more cards – and I draw HUMOUR and BEAUTY.

DSC01242

3.Sign yesterday afternoon:

I am looking through old journals and taking photos. I am looking at a old drawing in my journal:

The kiss

The kiss

 

In the same second I take the photo, an electronic doorbell sounds from upstairs – but this is not the sound I have chosen: it is much harsher.

I run up the stairs, the bell is still chiming in my room and there is nobody outside my door.

My mind had a strong energetic signal connected to that image when I drew it-  this time I was open for it. I do not know where it comes from – thank God I do not have to figure it out – but I can and will do what Jeshua suggests above: greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good morning!

Found this on facebook. I share his discovery: the more I open to the Love that I am and share it, the more other people meet me with love and smiles even before I smile at them. It’s all one delicious roll. Good morning, everyone! I love you!

Mighty horse – and Facebook

I have just found the reason for my repeated morning sickness. It has lasted for about 2 months or so. This morning, when i was about to throw up, at the same time I noticed  a strong impulse to Facebook and mail. As I allowed the to be fully seen, I recognized the collective aspect of it: the need to be validated from someone outside of Self. “Have i got likes to my posts? Do I need to update my status? have I got new friend requests?”

The energy about this is sickening. Below this need to be validated lays an unfathomable despair of believing in unworthyness, and there is an abyss between Source and I. And so one tries to fill this void with signs of being “somebody.”

Maybe it is possible to be on Facebook without constantly checking it – like I read many do, especially teenagers. For me, with this acute sensitivity to energies and archetypes, it is not good.

Why I am there you ask? Because of the 40-daysprocess process. There is a group with almost 1000 people who share their experiences, and that is valuable for me, to not get stuck in fantasies about what is happening to me.

So back to the sickness: As soon as I got the connection between the daily after breakfast-sickness to  my impulse to go instantly to the internet-world, a huge wave of sickness rose – and abated. And that was that: a belief that this was valuable for my soul as a replacement for Self.

Next time i go there, I will go there WITH Christ:)

Yesterday I had a unique healing with a colleague. During the session, gradually heavy darkness left and left and left, and suddenly, there she was: Little Leelah, 4 years old, checkered dress, bow in white hair, running past me, looking up, exclaiming: “I am leaving now! Going home with Jesus!” And in a rush of joy she was gone

At the end of session, it seems that Jesus was holding my head, and not John. After the session, he told me that what he had seen, was a big white horse.

When I asked the horse later what his name was, I heard 2 names:

Ji Khan – and Ya Karim.

So I googled them.

Ji is a suffix used in Sanskrit, to describe someone in a respectful and tender way. Khan is Lord, ruler. Khan is also an anagram for Ankh, which is the image on the ring I have worn for more than 30 years

Ya Karim:

 One who is the most generous, both physically and spiritually.

The One who is continually giving forth the grandest and most precious bounty.

The One whose kind, noble and generous essence is most esteemed, valued and honored.

The One who endlessly gives all manner of  precious gifts, including support and refuge.

The One who is eternally giving, even unto those who may not seem (to us) to be deserving.

And both names comes from the Moslem tradition.

In the night, when darkness came, I called for the mighty horse. The darkness went away

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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