Liberation

I am doing a 30-days forgiveness practice from Way of Mastery, and last night I saw a black iron pole through the chest. Just as if I had been inside a Dracula’s body:) The release was s w e e t

Then next level of it came up – and it turned out that I was forgiving stuff in the root chakra. And then Blue reminded me of the image I painted 1998:(see photo of the tree below.)

The Bird in the crown-part is the archetype of the “savior” who needs” to “save” others to achieve value. I have found Bird in all my patients, and much of my forgiveness-work now are finding part of her in my bodymind and forgiving all my judgements of her – oh my! – and instead honoring her for her intense wish to be of service.

This image later became the cover of my book – which is about the exploration of the figures/archetypes in the Tree.

This morning I was nudged to look through the photos of the Image again – and since this healing of the root came up for me now, in our chapter 6-exploration,I want to share the very process of receiving the Image and the energy, that lead up to my work. It feels like this is the time for a new LIGHT into it – and into the root chakra we all share.

Here it is:

“During my education in Expressive Arts Therapy in Switzerland, our class gathered in Gwatt by Thunersee a couple of weeks in May to explore our birth families through painting, sculpting and storytelling, under the magic leadership of Mariagnese Cattaneo. Each of us was to visualize our family as a tree, and then paint the tree (see the Image / the cover). Afterward we made a story from the painting and shared it with a partner. The day after, we expanded the work further – making rapid sculptures of our family members from all kind of materials. I choose clay and painted tissue-paper.

As I closed my eyes during the visualization of my family tree, a tremendous energy soared through me. A door to a blocked and hidden room inside me opened – now the freed energy rushed forth to greet me. “Pay attention! This is important!” was the clear message within the experience. A melting sense of gratitude and release opened my heart and soul – something within whispered “at last” and relaxed deeply.

The image of The Tree presented itself with great force and detail. I painted as if in a trance, with lightning speed, serving the Image as well as I could – not censoring any of the strange mythical figures. The Image commanded faithfulness from me, and my feeling of curiosity and wonder grew as I allowed it to come through me.

After having written down the story coming from The Image, and having shared it with my classmate Aaron, The Image and Story would not let me rest. I decided to create a healing ritual from The Story. I did this with Aaron as co-player and witness. The insights were startling.

I sensed I was being shown something that must not be interfered with intellectually, not analyzed or controlled in any way. Once again, Aaron and I took my sculpted family out into the friendly Swiss wood, just outside our painting studio, to unravel them and explore their mystery and gifts of healing. The ritual exploration was done within a circular sacred space we created, and showed us with uncanny clarity the split within my family’s psyche. One the one side, there was blind need and terror, caused by trance-like sexual abuse. It was accompanied by the denial of the acts and all the pain they caused, which created the adapting, conforming survivors. The family had successfully dissociated from this. And then we all had dissociated from our Self and the light within – our true I Am. This was the beginning of the process that connected me to my forgotten personal story or myth – which later turned out to be a blueprint of the collective Myth, described in “The Jekyll and Hyde-family.”***

***A chapter in the book

Life Loves Me

The gratefulness I feel right now is enormous

The methods I use and teach as a healer, beside Expressive Arts Therapy, are A Course in Miracles and Spontaneous Transformation Technique©

Yet another digital thingy has helped me lately – my readers will remember  the out-door lamp and the door bell – is the timer on my cell phone! I have used it to time a five minutes x 3-meditation in lesson 3  in The Way of Mastery – and it has done weird things: I sit and wait for the timer to ring – and it does not – and I sit and wait and wait – and it does not ring …

So I open it to look how many minutes I have left, since it feels I have sat there for 10 minutes at least – and the second I grip the phone to open it, it rings.

The two first times this was fun – but now, after this repeating for the last 4 weeks, today I got the idea to watch the TV-clock in front of me. Sure enough, it showed 10 minutes as I sat there waiting for the timer to sound the five-minute-signal.

I was aware that what I started out with today, was the tremendous feeling of pressure and force, OCD-like – I HAVE TO “get” this – control this – understand this. And I sat as Christ with it, allowing it to be there,truly wanting to be guided to realize what the gift was.

These obsessive-compulsive feelings have laid my creative life barren for the last two months: I have been stuck in believing I have to produce a creative “result” – a painting, a sculpture, a poem – instead of enjoying myself playing and watching where it wants to go. Everything has shut down, coalesced into a hard ball of compulsion, no joy whatever,  life becoming dull and pale as a tepid puddle

Now -the cellphone behavior has stayed that way until I at last today KNOW what that time-weirdness was FOR: Yet another digital way my Universe  shows me that I AM SAFE. I am taken care of – I can trust this, and therefore trust the process, completely.

The moment I realized, I left the Christ meditation and found that part of me who had needed to hold on to this compulsive self-coercion as a way to survive. I asked where it could be found in my body: left lung. I went there and saw this terrified one who needed to control herself completely after severe trauma in order to stay safe inside her family. The moment I discovered her and told her that I saw her and was there for her, the energetic connection was made. The dams of grief broke. She saw she was not alone any longer. I acknowledged to her that it had been a vital choice to make when she was little – it would have been dangerous to be open about this in the family – she would not have been heard at all. As long as nobody would see and hear and listen to her, this was a wise choice to take. Holding on to this, creating this pattern, has kept us alive and functioning – and now is the glorious moment to let it out and express, with me as her loving companion.

So she did the best thing she could at that time: making a decision to control ,repress, push away whatever reminded her of the agony.  NOW – with me – she was no longer alone, the spell could be dissolved.

And so we dissolved it – I encouraged her to feel the fear and anger and express in any way she wanted and needed, while I was witnessing it all from a neutral and all-loving observer-state – like a fairy godmother maybe. You know these godmothers – they love us and support us, but will never interfere with our feelings, they trust us completely to have the strength and wisdom necessary to go through life – into the desert and out again. Some even does that in 40 days. I have used a bit longer.

There came a moment where she discovered that the LOVE that embraced her was stronger than the original trauma, and the beliefs unwound beautifully.

I asked her then, what did she need now – after all of this?

Pause. “That you don’t get mad if I fall back into the control-pattern.”

Realizing, that only if I believed that to be serious, I would be in trouble – just being aware that “oh, there I go again, no biggie” would be just fine.

Watching how the ego wants guilt and punishment to strengthen its hold on us

 

Now I checked out the cellphone timer again in 5 minutes –  meditation. Twice. The timer behaving like other timers – signaling after five minutes. What does this mean?

OH! here comes rushes of spiritual energy! It means I am looked after! This is the third time God has shown me She uses whatever means to show me that I am NOT a separated traumatized human being.

The first was my outdoor lamp that lightens automatically when it is dark. Whenever it did not, for 3 years, I could stand there and look at it and find whatever darkness in me at that moment that I believed was true – and acknowledge it and forgive myself – and the light went on.

The second was the electronic door-bell, who the last year has co-cooed in a different way than when one pushes the button – it co-coo’es when nobody is there. Except I now know that my Self is there, each time letting me know to put everything I do away, sit down and pay attention to the energies that wants to come through and be released

The third – all good things go by threes – is today, my cellphone-timer. It took me just one month to see it this time.

All of this – through the last 5 years – to help me see that I am taken care of

It pretty well takes care of the separation-conviction!

It shows me: in each and every situation where “things happen,” I have the choice to how I want to relate to it. As a victim – oh this is too serious, I am being punished, I must have done something to deserve this, I haven’t done “enough “ (therapy, work on myself, exercise blah) – or as creator:

This has come up for me to see and love. I acknowledge that something happened sometime  – in this or other lives / in other dimensions of the multidimensional hologram of the universe, that caused me to make beliefs and draw conclusions from what happened – and what they all have in common is the root-belief of the human: I am on my own here. Every man for himself. Love and acknowledgments must be earned from others/ the outside.

As soon as I turned toward that compulsive obsessive controller inside with curiosity and love, she led me straight back to Source – and then the Outer ( this time the cell-phone) mirrored my new – and true – perception. As soon as I saw the real meaning of the cellphone-behavior, it turned back to normal.

*

Back to the little one in the left lung:

I asked her to imagine out how it would feel to truly KNOW that the pattern was gone, that is was absolutely safe – just pretending , just playing –

She told me it would feel so safe

And how does it feel to feel so safe?

Like life is safe for me –  life is simple – life loves me! LIFE LOVES ME!

I sat as the observer and allowed the energy of this belief to flow through me – LIFE LOVES ME

And we had a little ceremony where she said three times with me I AM LOVED BY LIFE, claiming it and owning it

 

 

Reality – and where we think we live

My friend Coreen R.Walson allowed me to print her crystal clear teaching story about reality here.  When you find yourself reacting with WHAT! please read to the end: reality is the upside-down of what it seems to be in this world.

And I couldn’t have read that if I had not experienced this upside-down perception myself –  where the laws of Love were seen to be quite the opposite from the laws of “nature.”

Enjoy.

*

THE HALLWAY –

Imagine a long hallway, and you are at the beginning of it. And at the other end is a brilliant, white light, yet it is soft and warm, and inviting. And you know intuitively that it is your job to keep focused on this white light. While you are in this hallway, you experience perfect peace, complete satisfaction, a quiet sense of joy and a tremendous sense of gratitude, and a remembrance of your connection to and Oneness with the Creator floods your consciousness. And in this stillness you know that everything works together in perfect harmony, and all that you ever need is effortlessly supplied for you, because it is your Creator’s pleasure to provide all that it’s creation needs and desires. And you are in a state of awe before the grandeur of reality, the perfect balance, the rhythm of life, the perfection, the beauty and the Love the permeates you and your surroundings.

And as you begin walking down this hallway, you notice that this hallway is lined with doors. All of them look identical. Then all of the sudden, one of them swings open and there stands your best friend, with a panicked look on their face, motioning for you to come in and look! And because you love your friend, and you are concerned, you enter into the door, and find yourself in a room, where there are chairs lined up facing a movie projector, that is playing a movie called scarcity. And your friend is talking rapidly about how the economy has been hit very hard recently due to a crisis in the housing market, how prices for food and gasoline have gone up, how there is a shortage of food, and jobs are hard to find, and she can’t afford her rent . . . . and you watch your friend point to the movie playing, and you see how agitated she is, . . . and as your eyes become accustomed to the dark in the room, you see people sitting in the chairs, some with their eyes glued to the screen, some have fallen asleep in their chairs because they’ve been there so long. And then you receive a stirring within you, . . . . and a still, small voice reminds you of where you just came from, . . .that feeling . . . where was it . . . oh yes, back outside in the hallway, where all your needs are always provided for effortlessly, where you are safe and loved and cared for. And you try to take your friends arm and go back out the door, but your friend keeps staring at the movie screen, irritated that you aren’t seeing what is right before your eyes. “Look!”, she insists, “don’t you see what’s happening?” “don’t you care?” But as you try to explain what is on the other side of the door, the volume of the movie gets louder, and your friend goes back to the screen, mouth open and eyes full of fear. You realize that you cannot help her, that you must go back into the hallway alone.

As you enter into the hallway, the stillness and peace welcome you. You take a moment to allow yourself to readjust from the previous scenes of chaos and calamity to the knowing off the presence of God and His dominion over all. You exhale, and are so grateful to be back Home.

As you continue down the hallway further, another door opens and it’s a family member, crying and begging you to come into the room and see. You immediately head for the door to see what’s the matter, and just as you cross the threshold into the room, there was a still small voice that asked you whether that was a good idea, but this is family, and they are crying, and you dismiss the voice and you go into the room, and there on the movie screen are very disturbing and very real looking sick people and scenes of illness and disease, with narrators talking about symptoms and the seasons that people will most likely suffer from these unavoidable illnesses, how long they will last and what medications you can buy to help alleviate your inescapable suffering. You see the fear and horror in the eyes of your family member and you begin telling him that what they are looking at is only a movie being played out on a movie screen, that it isn’t real, . . you point out that there is, in reality, nothing going on except that he or she is mesmerized by what is playing out in front of them. There is nothing actually taking place, that all he or she needs to do is come out of the room where everyone experiences perfect health. But your family member looks at you like you’re absurd, argues on the side of the scenes of numbers showing high fevers, paled skin color, runny noses and difficult breathing. “Look at the pain these people are in! How can you deny this?! You obviously don’t care, either that or you are delusional.” And with defiance in their eyes, they turn away from you, and you see that he or she has returned to join the others, sitting in their seats, staring at the movie screen, fixated on the images of suffering sense, . . . and again, you feel the familiar tug to go out of this room, and you head back out into the hallway.

You continue on a bit further now, again a door opens wide, and your mother steps out, and she looks frail and scared. And she asks you to come into the room with her. And you don’t want to go, but it’s your mother, and your heart wants to reach out to her, and you go in and the movie of unavoidable death is playing. And your mother is wringing her hands, and you go to comfort her. And you want her to come out in the hallway with you, where Life is eternal and she listens to you for a bit. You tell her that her life is complete out in the hallway, that she is spiritual and eternal, you ask her to remember Who made her and that she is not a limited, physical body but a free and perfect spiritual Idea of the Divine Mind that created her. And you think she’s convinced, and she stands up with you, and as you head for the door, she takes another look at the movie screen, and looks back at you, and with great sadness tells you that death is inevitable and that she loves you. You stand there, looking at the screen, and tears well up inside you, but your hand is on the door to the hallway, and you shudder over this moment, as you are being called to remember the Truth of being, all the while being consumed with the sadness and grief on the screen in front of your physical eyes. Just then you hear the still small voice tell you that you are of no real help to anyone as long as you stay in the room. The only place you can help another is from the standpoint of perfection, back in the hallway. If you are in the room, you are accepting the reality of the movie being projected, and you are no longer awake to Truth and Reality. “Aha”, you exclaim as you remember once again the experience of the hallway and with this renewed strength you grab the door handle, and enter back into it.

A wave of joy, of gratitude, wash over you, you shed tears in Thanks to an All Mighty God and his infinite goodness as the former pictures are wiped away and you recall the Truth that sets us free.

As you continue your journey, new doors begin to open up, some people you recognize, some you don’t. And you acknowledge these people, and sometimes you might strain your neck to see what movie is playing in the room, but you don’t enter into the room. You begin talking to those in the room while standing in the hallway. Some of them slam the door on your face, others listen for a moment and then shake their head and close the door. But you begin to realize that the longer you stand in the hallway, the more certain you are about the truth of being, the more influence you begin to have over those who are in the rooms. They listen to you a bit longer, they notice that there is something different about you, . . a light perhaps, a certainty, a knowing . . something that they recognize in you . . . . . that makes them want to listen to you more, . . . .

And then one day, a woman opens a door, and pleads with you to come in to see the “help me my child is dying” movie. And there is not a single part of you that is in the least bit interested in going into that room. But you feel immense compassion for this woman. And you look back up at the light at the head of the hallway, and with this surge of Love and Power, you look her straight on in the face, and you declare to her that what she is standing aghast at is nothing! It is a movie on a movie screen, and nothing more. And that she has the power and authority and ability to walk out of that room any time she wants to! That her life and the life of her child are always perfect, safe and secure with God. That no power exists to end, alter or destroy Life. Life is of God, He is Life itself, Eternal Life, with no beginning and no ending. You share with her the story of your brother Jesus Christ, how he came to prove the nothingness of death, the Allness of Life, that he overcame the grave, and gave us the victory over the illusion of death. And you saw something click in this woman’s eyes, she remembered, . . . . she smiled and without looking back she entered into the hallway with you. She was transformed as she walked out to join you, beauty and holiness radiated from within her, she laughed as she threw her head back and faced the light, she was overjoyed to recall her birthright, and sang out in thanks because she was overcome with gratitude. And you felt something, as you looked down, her child had joined the both of you, and the child took your hand and his mother’s hand, and looked into your eyes, and said “thank you”.

And that’s when more Truth began dropping into place for you. Yes! My job here is to stand firmly in this hallway, where I receive all that I need to do the Father’s Will, and to beckon to those who are in these rooms, hypnotized by the pictures. And this desire sprang up, and compassion was in the driver’s seat, and you humbly asked for guidance on how to spring your beloveds out of these rooms. And you heard the following:

These rooms are like refrigerator doors. The light comes on inside them only when you open the door, and the light shuts off when you close the door. Like the refrigerator door, the movie in these rooms only start when the door opens and when the doors shut, the movie turns off. This is because the movies, which are only false beliefs being projected outwards, need a watcher, a witness, in order to be seen. A false belief requires a believer to have any influence or power. If there is no believer, there is nothing to the false belief. If there is no witness, there is no movie playing in the room.
So unless there is an observer in the movie room, the movie isn’t playing. And if there isn’t a believer, there is no false belief to mesmerize us. And then came the punch line, you hear in the most sweetest, kindest, most loving voice, “ and by the way, I never created a false believer”.

And you take a step back, . . . and you gasp, and the tears fall, and you begin laughing . . . laughing because you realize that you had still been mesmerized yourself while in the hallway, seeing doors with false believers past them, taken in and feeling responsible or concerned for others, . . . . when all along, there is no such thing as a false believer, a false belief, a scary picture, an illness, sickness or death, or a sufferer of an illness, sadness or of scarcity. You see with infinite clarity the perfection of what God is and what God created. The new understanding takes on a vastness, an expansion that goes beyond your physical senses and moves through you and out into everything that you see. You are transformed by the freedom that this Truth brings, and you can’t help but be so grateful that everything that you felt was so real before was nothing but a false concept that you left behind because you know that you have the mind of Christ, and therefore you are not a believer of false images and nobody else is either. What is true for you is true for everyone! And you claim this out loud, and you thank God for it. And then you hear voices from behind you, and as you turn around, there is your best friend, your Mother, your family members, and a host of others that you recollect from the dream, and they are smiling at you, and you are laughing and celebrating with one another, even poking fun at each other, playing like kids and enjoying the Presence of God, the Allness of good, and the absolute nothingness of its supposed opposite. You see the Truth in each other’s eyes, you recognize your Oneness in one another, and you are overcome with Love. There is nothing else. Nothing else matters, nothing else is real, nothing else is acknowledged.

And in a moment, you all stop, and look back towards the light, and the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard starts to play, and the walls to the hallway fall away, and you see colors you’ve never seen before above you, and every part of your being comes vibrantly alive and together you hear, “well done, my good and faithful servant” and you are welcomed Home.

 

Worth

I remember a time , maybe 25 years ago, where my brother, his son and my daughter were going in a little motorboat to the nearest town, and my brother started to yell at his son in a way that took all his worth away. Today I recognize that what happened was nothing else than an outpouring of my brother’s internalization of the treatment that his stepfather – my father – gave him, all the time while growing up. It was just an inner tape in him which he now directed at HIS son. The sins of the fathers…

It was a cry for love – and I knew it in my heart then too, but did not see the larger image: just a projection of what my brother had received: “you are not worth a shit and you need to pull yourself together or else!”

No doubt my father had received this message too. And his father –

I also see the perverted love underneath it: “this is the only way I have learned to try to make you safe – to behave like society expects of a man. No room for vulnerability in boys or men!

But the son interprets it as if HE IS WRONG and unlovable. And must compensate for it by being clever and perfect and unfeeling

I remember my daughter as 10 year old telling me in a letter how intensely afraid she was of my anger – and the person I turned into then. At first I did not understand what she meant – so hidden was it to myself. What a wake -up call it was!

We simply have to own it in ourselves – see the innocence of its source: just a false assumption of unworthiness, given us from someone who thinks they are unworthy – just an unending string of beliefs in our ancestral line.

But a lie is a lie – however long it is protected: our worth is give us by our Creator, who creates like Itself

This is no longer our destiny: it has been broken. I allow myself to be the one in our ancestral line who has broken it. I have seen it, my daughter has seen it – it has been forgiven and healed. Well done, Leelah!

The muscle spasms on the right side of the face releases.

Remembering again what Jesus teaches in “The Way of the Heart” – we have chosen everything we experience, in order to learn how to relate to it: with fear or with Love. How other people treat you is their path – how you respond to them is yours.

I see now that what I have seen in my family as small insignificant glimpses of connection in this understanding, is in reality a VAST space of insight that melts the illusion of separated beings. We flicker in and out of it – and whatever calamities that seems to happen has not a chance in hell to change Who we are, and our inherent worth given us by God.

 

Hush little baby, don’t you cry
You know your mama was born to die
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

The river of Jordan is muddy and cold
Well it chills the body but not the soul
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

I’ve got a little book with pages three
And every page spells liberty
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

Too late, my brothers
Too late, but never mind
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

If living were a thing that money could buy
Then the rich would live and the poor would die
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

There grows a tree in Paradise
And the pilgrims call it the Tree of Life
All my trials, Lord, soon be over

Too late, my brothers
Too late, but never mind
All my trials, Lord, soon be over
All my trials, Lord, soon be over
Read more: Joan Baez – All My Trials, Lord Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

 

 

 

 

Signs from Mystery

Late signs:

1.sign.

In the living room, 2 days ago: I am looking at a painting I made some 10 years ago or so – and i see, in the very center of the Sun/Self a radiant rainbow-spot of brilliant pulsating light. Its source is a prism hanging in my window. The very second I notice the light in the center of the Sun, my cellphone sounds:it is a message from a healer: he is available for sessions this week.

I order a session 🙂

The effect has gone when I take this photo – but I am sure you can imagine the magical effect of that shimmering Light in the center of the Sun:

 

The Sun

I have lately started a new workout-regime called TIMANI. We learn ways to stretch the Fascia- muscles inside the thighs – and boy has that had consequences for my nervous system to flare up in overwhelm.

A friend recently shared this on Facebook:

“… the things that I used to believe. But as they come, I gently take them by the hand and lead them to the Truth, where they gradually fade and disappear, leaving me in the peace that I have always been. I bring them to the Kingdom, where God gently wipes them away, as the dream that they always were and I am blessed beyond measure. Thankyou my Beloved, and the Truth will set us free. “

After digesting the truth in this, after two days in agony, suddenly a great clarity comes through me: This is just the old stories of the inner child, coming up to be released. In that moment, ca 80% of the agony dissipates.

This is from Jeshua from Way of Mastery – Radical Inquiry™:

“We cannot awaken unless we are willing to ‘turn back’ through Radical Inquiry™ and discover what has been rendered unconscious and cut off from awareness; there to greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

I practice this diligently

 Dream early yesterday morning:

It is Christmas Eve.There is a very angry and upset man banging on my door in my childhood’s home. He looks crazy and rather volatile. I lean out of the window, and smile with all my heart at him, asking him what he wants. He explains that he has a package to deliver, and I ask him in for a cup of warm cocoa. He comes inside, and I recognize that my smile is genuine: I truly care for him. This changes his demeanor completely.

When I wake up, I am reminded of the story about Milarepa and the demons that came visiting – and him inviting them in for tea. They melted too 🙂

2.Sign:

I enter my Healing room. Close to my seat a wasp has chosen its place to die. I have screens in front of all openings in my house – I am afraid of the effects of wasp-stinging.

Death of a poisenous attacker

The first wasp that I remember stinging me, played an important role in my exploration of an archetype I describe in “When fear comes home to Love:” “Bird.” Here is the start of that chapter:

It is midsummer. I am about five. I sit in the tall grass in front of our house. The air is heavy from sweet flower-fragrances and the dense humming from happy busy insects. A wasp stings my finger. It immediately swells, it hurts terribly, I scream and scream.

Mummy comes. My Mummy. She takes me in her arms and hugs me hard, she cries when she sees the bursting finger: “Pooooooor little Leelah!” … I sit and listen breathlessly to a story about chameleons. You can see it on the illustration in the book: there it sits on a branch, quiet as a mouse – it blends perfectly into the foliage… there comes the fat fly walking, and zing! The long tongue shoots out and glues itself to its victim. Yack! – There the chameleon jumps to another branch, the colors change. Look at his belly changing colors after the branch – and the back takes the pattern after the flowers above! Each millimeter of this animal can adapt to its surroundings.

My Mummy convinces me that this animal is not make-believe: it is for real. I am spellbound by the chameleon.

The figure carrying the chameleonic in the J&H-myth is the Bird:

“I must adapt to the family’s / the surrounding’s expectations and demands. My only reason for existence is making them satisfied and happy. Suffering is safe. I just have to eradicate myself and blend into the surroundings. I leave myself and take the others inside. I digest their pain. I hold on to it. No one must see it .I keep the family-secret. Myself? I need nothing.”

Now this wasp – this archetype of giving poison and pain – has made its way into my Healing room and given up life in front of my Place – no more an instrument of pain, now the sign of a surrender of an old role in my soul’ make-up.

I love that little wasp: I want to honor it and get the idea to draw an angel card: OBEDIENCE is the first. I place the wasp on it:it gave up his life as wasp in fron of this symbolic place of my Self. Oh how I love those surrendered outstretched wings.

I am then asked to draw two more cards – and I draw HUMOUR and BEAUTY.

DSC01242

3.Sign yesterday afternoon:

I am looking through old journals and taking photos. I am looking at a old drawing in my journal:

The kiss

The kiss

 

In the same second I take the photo, an electronic doorbell sounds from upstairs – but this is not the sound I have chosen: it is much harsher.

I run up the stairs, the bell is still chiming in my room and there is nobody outside my door.

My mind had a strong energetic signal connected to that image when I drew it-  this time I was open for it. I do not know where it comes from – thank God I do not have to figure it out – but I can and will do what Jeshua suggests above: greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM LOVE

Very early morning, great forgiveness-lesson:

An intense pain in the left sinus-channel  led to a memory of a doctor who rammed a steel pin up this channel to clear the charge of a sinus inflammation. I was maybe 10. He did not bother to use anesthetics. He told me to sit with that pin for 20 minutes -and I went right into the old pattern: “ Do not utter a sound, do not show any sign of discomfort or suffering.”

Deep relief surged through me as I forgave myself for using the doctor to punish myself, and to fortify the old pattern of me as a tortured person. Seeing clearly the enormous power of the mind: The Holy Son of God’s choice for ego as its teacher, and then all the stories being played out in the world, proving that I was a separate being and not Gods Holy Son. Crystal clear I now knew that the thought “I am guilty and must be punished” was there before all the incarnations of my soul – and now, all I had to do, was to forgive this thought that I had ever been separate from my Father in Heaven.

The Love that filled me was all encompassing: I knew my true identity:

I AM LOVE

The I fell asleep again and dreamed:

I was having dinner with both my mother and father in my own house. My mother and I were embracing: I was about 30 years I guess, she was just a little older. “I love you I love you I love you!” I exclaimed, and she said “me too” – and “you have really changed!” I said” This is how I have always been – behind all the roles I plaid in our family.

The karma between us – GONE

The father – um, there was still a bit of insanity about him – but the crazy kind that I love, that of the unpredictable Trickster. I was preparing sausages for dinner, and gave my father the job of presenting the dish. He put the sausages in a basket – like a nest – adorned with pastel yarn-skeins and M&Ms!

*

I put the day in God’s hands, and was led in a beautiful flow, always in the moment. I wrote a new chapter of the Hilaryon saga, where I was led to incorporate old stories and poems in this new one, and enjoyed the writing immensely. I posted it – and a few seconds later, I got a “like” from someone following this blog. I went to his blog and read today’s post – called: I AM LOVE

Quan Yin,Carol Simone and a black panther

Last night I had a Skype session with Carol Simone.

During the session there was deep work done with important members of my family – all dead except a brother – and also inner aspects of self. Simone told me about a black panther with shiny yellow eyes that loves me and looks out for me, as one of my medicine animals. So now I have a white horse and a black panther:)

It’s name is Shiloh

How fun to discover that both Ya Karim and Shiloh are names for Christ – the Highest Love

I did not feel relieved after the session, and did not sleep better – but I had a dream that showed me the end of a pattern of paranoia:my late husband had it – insanely jealous, and took anything as a signal to make me “guilty” – there was absolutely no way for me to make him see his error, that nothing had happened
but in the dream he turned up with this insanity about him, and all I felt was tremendous compassion and tenderness – there was no defenses in me, no correction of him -just being calm and letting him know I saw how important it was for him to truly know what had happened – and after some timeless time his demeanor changed – his eyes found mine, and his hand very softly brushed my hand. This was his acknowledgment that his suspicions were wrong.
This never happened while we were married.
Paranoia healed is not so little achievement after a session

How much paranoia is the masterwork of the ego: the tremendous guilt, crushingly denied and projected outside

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: