Surrender

Happy Easter and Passover, all!

What a lovely word – Passover. What if humanity is truly passing over an old old schism in these Coronadays – forcing us ( helping us) to change our perception from fear to love – choosing love as our preferenced filter to look at anything – the Coronavirus in particular.

Some of us have the strange habit of choosing to welcome whatever illness that comes to us. I have learned this from my beautiful friend Leni.

So I welcomed the Coronavirus to say hi. I saw her as the epitome of Femininity – and that her intention with arriving now, was to manifest deep change in our outmoded fear based thinking. I personally notice the ways she makes it more difficult to breathe – I already have lungs that have a weakness, and deep breathing brings up feelings. When we don’t breathe fully, all those old pesky feelings can go downstairs and compromise our immune system.

Now most of us will be visited by what we have pushed down – and that will teach us how to shift our outmoded thought system thoroughly.

Lately I have had most of the symptoms – except fever, which I almost never have. I have felt my lungs contract when in a fear based state of mind – sensing the C-presence-  and as soon as I have reminded myself that I am Spirit, created in the image of Source, the breathing gets OK again. Then I have actually seen the image of the Corona smile at me. Saying gently: resisting makes it real for you. Surrender to me – like now – and you will flow through.

I know that surrender to it does NOT mean saying ” Oh it is not use, it is deadly, it is much stronger than me blah blah.” Surrender – to me –  means:

It is here to teach me something – to give me a gift. Please show me the gift – and I surrender to what is shown to me.

Take it or leave it folks:) I am not here to tell you what to do, but to share what works for me.

And for that reason, I will share here some reviews of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – (look in the right menu)  since my readers here may just have something in common with  the way I think and feel and vibrate 🙂

I have choose some of the shorter ones.

Feather

5.0 out of 5 stars Pure Love 

Reviewed in Germany on 8 June 2016

Verified Purchase

*

Gr8fulme1
5.0 out of 5 stars Healing Old Wounds

Reviewed in the United States on 22 May 2014

Verified Purchase

 

 

I will not go until you bless me

When the agony came in the night, I heard myself say out loud, but so tenderly: I will turn around and bless you.

I have always been fascinated with the story in the Bible when the man with leprose grabs Jeshua’s coat and says this to him. Googling for this now, I see that I have mixed two stories: The story about Jacob wrestling with the angel, and the leper wanting Jesus to heal him. I was certain that the leper had said “I will not let you go until you bless me” – and googling now, I see that those were Jacob’s words.

Those words  still carry great meaning and truth: I cannot heal what I first have not blessed.

In A Course of Miracles, J tells us to say this internally when we feel threatened by another: “Holy Son of God, give me your blessing.”

I have practiced this often – i remember particularly one hot train-day back home, when very unpleasant behavior in other train passengers changed and melted  like butter in the sun – only because I was willing to see their true nature.

So in the night I by Grace turned toward the agony and said this, and extreme tensions  I have carried for a whole life and probably more, started to melt out of me. I realized I had contributed to their being there, by always intensely resisting them and judging them and myself.

Gradually I was helped to see that the agony consisted of a myriad of judged feelings and thoughts – and that the healing consisted of simply accepting them now, seeing them as neutral, not giving them any power by giving them meaning and telling stories about them.

This morning I wanted to share this here, and googled for the original words from the leper. Google brought me to this site – which is not what I was looking for, but what I needed:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/i-will-not-let-you-go-unless-you-bless-me

 

 

The Little Demon

In a dream, I met an actor that once played the leading role in a production my husband and I had 30 years ago. It was a dramatization of a Norwegian story tale: “The Companion.”
We both attended a big convention, and he was interested in therapy, as he was plagued by something he ( I wrote “I”) had no conscious idea of.

I told him I could show him what therapy could be before dinner. Then I got acquainted with a lady who seemed very nice – but who stuck like a leech when I told her she needed to leave when I was with the actor. She refused, I PUSHED her out, she came back etc. At least I SCREAMED at her, raging. SCARING HER

I could not find a way to demonstrate to the actor what therapy was. Instead I asked: “ Is there something with you and “wool?”

He looked at me and told me he lately had wanted to visit a big wool-factory in his vicinity – and I burst into crying.
“Why do I cry?” I asked. “I think I REALLY want to make something with wool” he said. “I just have not known HOW much -!” And he teared up.

I woke up and saw two things: I need to take my seer-ability seriously – and that THIS is what people need from me – my ability to see what their heart wants. And what stops it. And then use storytelling etc. to give the “stopping-parts” a role where we both give Spirit free reigns and the blockages become parts in the story. It is SO fun and healing!

I asked my Self what the second part in the dream  – the girl who wanted therapy and clung to me – wanted. I opened my own book randomly – When Fear Comes Home to Love – and found this in italics below.. While I read it through, I saw that the “girl was a part in me that has internalized CRAZY energies from my mother and father when she was very little –probably demonic energies – meaning complete raging insanity lying in the background of their communication.

The belief “I am wrong” creates a very recognizable yucky feeling: that’s what makes you want to act it out. Now feel it instead, and find all its intricate details, like an excited explorer: “…cold in the chest. Constriction around the heart. Feelings of loneliness. Fear of becoming abandoned….” It is quite possible that you will start to feel some of the characteristics of Child: “I feel like an outcast…stupid…ugly…” Just notice the thoughts, and go back to the bodily sensations.
The minute you relax your judgments about what you are feeling, and just let the feelings float in the heart, you will know without any doubt that you are not these feelings. You are the light-filled, loving space the feelings float in. This process – of just accepting the feelings without believing in them – takes time. Have mercy on yourself.
Within the illusion, demons are demons because they are hungry for something they are not getting. When they get it, they transform. It is up to us to deal with the ones we have created, unwittingly. We create them by ignoring and judging our painful feelings.

I then proceeded by offering a method from the Buddhist tradition called Chød – to finally give the “demon” what they need – which in this little girl’s case was “BEING IN PERMANENT JOY.”

I saw again (seen it many times a before) that I had demonized this little girl’s feelings and needs – but now there were NO judgments at all around it – just “so.” She had seen it as her job to internalize others’ dark repressed energies – that felt safer than believing that THEY were dangerous.

Now I let those judgments go and felt deeply her terror and expressed it.

What I chased out, and judged as “obnoxious” and “clinging” was the very aspect of me who had KEPT the energy inside until now.

I sweat like crazy as I write this

*

For the ones interested in symbolism

The Companion  was a man who was frozen in  big block of ice after his death instead of being  put in “christian soil.” His “sin” had been to water the wine he sold – and WINE symbolizes Spirit. Watering wine means therefore mixing ego with spirit.

The main person – Johannes – paid him off and buried him – and now the former  Spirit-diluter became Johannes’ Companion – helping him to marry the princess, but first freeing her from the Troll in the Mountain and then purifying her in three baths of the  ugliness that she had acquired when she lived with the Troll.

THAT was what the actor symbolized in the dream 🙂

And we all play the leading role in our lives

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Big Troll

I saw inside my mind “The Collective Controller” today – that I have called “MY” controller – and I realized that I have projected it as something I am a victim of, seemingly outside of me, seeing it as an enemy wanting the very worst for me – something I  therefore have fought and judged.

So it of course turns out to be the part in me that I/we all/established in order to be able to grow up keeping as much sanity as possible – and how vehemently I/we all/ had to push all that was not allowed/wanted/ all the way into deep blackness.

And the more we hate it, the deeper and darker it grows.

I have a strong feeling I already have written something very much like this before in this blog – and it is interesting for me to see that it still feels like this is the first time.

The thing is of course to do the only sane thing: listen to its beliefs and the feeling underneath it and assist it in expressing them. And the more allowance I gave it to do that, the more of the underlying Christ-light poured forth.

Stopping in stopping the protection – seeing its underlying need to help us be loved in the only way permitted when we grew up.

And now I can fully bless all of it in tremendous gratitude

 

 

 

Union in January

Some days ago, my thread-less doorbell sounded. It did not play the whole tune, just two repetitive notes – like a cuckoo.  And nobody was there – but the impulse had been given: let me in.

For those who has followed this blog for a while, you may remember all the times the entrance-light has teamed up with me – it has refused to turn itself on when it is dark outside, so I have been nudged to find that place in me where I have darkened my light. And each time I have found that place and remembered that it is just a mistake, the light has turned itself on.

My immediate response to the call from the invisible was sheer panic. The energy felt vile,threatening,deadly, I felt spooked and sat down and prayed for assistance. I was shown that this was a part of my soul and being that wanted to be allowed to return – and that it felt so dark because it had been so violently repressed throughout centuries.

I gave a promise that I allowed it – remembering that I could trust the process.

Yesterday the doorbell cuckoo-ed again.

The same feelings of dread came.

I had just returned after a particularly nasty experience with my dental hygienist – I had a scaling. She had dripped the anesthetic into my mouth instead of rubbing it at the gums, a place in my throat went numb and it affected my breathing. And I did not dare to  blame her, point this out as an error. I was transported back to the worst traumas where I had anesthetized myself  and established a coping mechanism of not saying a word or showing any sign of distress at all.

So in the night when the fears returned, I did a Spontaneous Transformation on it.

I found the aspect of me that I had established as a protector: it was inexorable like the medieval inquisitors and torturers. It threatened, accused ,degraded, hated, hated and hated some more. Thor the Threatener and Thorturer.

There was an instant release in the energy the moment I noticed him ( in my lungs and heart-area) and saw him with love and no judgments. I saw how he had protected my psyche from going insane, and from speaking up, which certainly would have been very dangerous. So I honored him and felt waves of gratitude flowing in. I then saw him looking at little Leelah with very different eyes – and I turned my full attention to the receiver of his hatred and control the last 70 years:  lets call this aspect little Lee.

She was encouraged to feel what Thor so masterfully had prevented her to feel as long as she was not held and loved, like now.There was rage, impotence, deep agony and fear of seeing what was done to her, guilt and shame and a deep belief of unworthiness – for sure she had to be guilty to deserve such treatment.

The fun thing was that while she expressed and felt her feelings, Thor was watching with great compassion and tenderness.

I had to switch between to the two – since Thor occasionally fell into deep self-hatred for what he had subjected little Lee to – but all the time it was possible to keep them apart: honoring them both had made that opening.

And the final phase was beautiful – the more I loved and fully honored both of the aspects, the closer they moved to each other until they embraced like old friends who had not met in eons. The energy of this reunion was blissful

I, as their neutral and loving Observer, asked them if they would like to do a closing ceremony – finding a word that expressed their most prominent state there and then. Thor the Thoughtful said, “I am Truth.” It gives me the shudders to write it. Little Lee said: “I am Peace. And Joy!”

I made a circle with them in my mind’s eye and they repeated their true identities.

To be or not to be – judgment or freedom

Yesterday I had the most beautiful session I ever have experienced – with David Youngblood.

And in the night, when I started to feel bad again, I did not realize that JUDGMENT had sneaked in and did it best to push me back in to the old identity  of agony and victimhood.

It has been very helpful for me that judgment did that: Now I truly see the power it has to warp my perception, to send me into hell and false identity

-as long as it goes unnoticed!

But here I am, sharing about it: all is well. I was nudged to go on Facebook. Judgment told me this was NOT good, I was wasting my life. And sometime I really waste a lot of time going there. But not so NOW:

My best friend at Facebook posted this:

What happens when, just for a moment, we stay with our pain, our fear, our doubt, our discomfort, our grief, our broken heart, even our numbness, without trying to change it, or fix it, or numb ourselves to it, or get rid of it in any way? What happens when, even when we feel like leaving, abandoning the moment for the promise of a future salvation, we stay, sitting with the raw, unfiltered, boundlessly alive life-energy that is simply trying to express right now? What happens when, just for a moment, despite all urges to the contrary, we don’t “do” anything about our discomfort or grief, we drop all tricks and tactics and clever manipulations, and instead, begin to deeply acknowledge what is here, honouring it, listening to its deeper call, sinking into the mystery of it? What happens when we make the radical commitment to never turn away from this moment, as it dances in emptiness?* Jeff Foster

And I immediately recognized the old habit of judgment.
I was instantly back in track and allowed my LOVE to transform all that strange energy NOW

It was just a simple reminder – and what a lesson about the effect on the mind judging, and how screwed up I felt!

The realization is:What I am feeling NOW is exactly what I am asked to bless, sit with forgive. Receive, so my LOVE can transform it FOR me and THROUGH me

Thank you God!

Miracles

I recently an encounter with my neighbor – ca 85 years old.She vehemently refuses to receive assistance from health care, and is very frail – just does everything herself/alone. So I was there and tried to explain how preferable it would be to accept care in her home, instead in an institution – and this were when she screamed that I was dangerous and a murderer and GO! GO! and I went

I have thought myself to be a murderer when I was a bout 6 years old- really nasty traumas – and so I could use this and forgive. But the story just grew and grew, including the paranoia – she told me that she would tell all our neighbor how terrible i was – THAT was part of an old story too.
A Course friend gave me a session, which helped a bit – but the old stories became stronger and stronger, and just one hour ago I sat bawling and felt my feelings and gave them up and asked to see the truth.

I saw that these feelings of guilt were collective. I was willing to not take it personal – I sat with it, with this decision, and in that precise moment the doorbell rang.

It was my kind neighbor Ian who told me my old neighbor had went to the mall yesterday and fallen, and been taken to the hospital. My neighbors wife had just visited her, and she(the old one) asked her to give me a ton of thanks and greetings

That’s when i knew the old story was healed

Just writing this feels like standing in a shower

Now I can with a full heart – being absolutely certain – give up the old story: it is all been forgiven and released

A little terror

Yesterday I discovered something called “The Jacket Technique.” I played the free video and sensed a good release, and felt more space in my mind and body afterwards. We were told that there might come feelings to the surface afterwards to be released – and this morning, in a dream, there was a terror that was felt deep inside my chest, in the holding around the heart. It was clearly one level deeper than I have gone before: this terror caught me for a little while, when awake. Then I practiced – remembering that I am held by the Love that I am – and just stayed with the terror.

After some time I sensed that together with the terror was the mildest gentlest field of tenderness – and I choose to have that as my focus, as Blue was given the reigns over the terror. I felt sweet gratefulness and relief, being helped through this – and given Blue all the control how to remove the terror.

And suddenly I noticed that it was gone.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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