Inner Images and Sounds

Hi all

This blog shares my explorations with my mind, memory and body – to dissolve and release imprints of trauma in the cells. I have been shown clearly that any symptom comes from a memory of trauma that had to be stacked away when it happened – I have great respect for those parts of me that hid those parts. Through deep love and non-judgment for these parts, they have opened up for me – and today I will share how a deep inner itching – “Shingles” – came from inner images and sounds that my mind and heart could not be present too – as they at that time were far too frightening and threatening.

We all have those places. It is my experience that sending love to them is possible and healing.

In When Fear Comes Home to Love, I share my path through almost 30 years of explorations – with myself and my patients in therapy. When I sat up in the night when the itching was too overwhelming, I asked for help and opened the book randomly – always trusting that Spirit leads my fingers. They landed here:

Exercise: Giving is receiving

The images we store in our subconscious of the Fuckeat-attacks***, still have the power to put us in a permanent position of alert. This exercise may heal the inner enemy-image, and help us see the scared child within the aggressor – calling for help, just as our own inner Child.

Sit, or lie down. Close your eyes. Allow your breathing to become slow and deep. Put your focus on your heart for a while; know that your loving essence waits for you there. Breathe into this love, expand it. Feel and see it as a light within your heart that expands, embracing you in a cocoon of loving light.

Now visualize your abuser in front of you. If that is too scary, visualize him/her in the arms of their guardian angel. Look for a light-spot within him. When you find it, allow it to expand, until it surrounds him like a cocoon. Now see, within his heart, the image of his own inner child. See the child becoming aware of the light s/he is surrounded by. See her/him relax.

Go with whatever happens.

If you want to, allow the two light-spheres to merge. Remind yourself that the image you see within the light-sphere is a mirror of your own inner child.

Give whatever happens over to the Holy Spirit, or your own Highest Love.

***”Fuckeat” is the name I have given the enemy-archetype of the abuse-variety.

We all have our own inner guides of Spirit. When you faithfully do this work, they will arrange the most wondrous and funny synchronicities for you,, as they do for me.

After having worked a couple of hours in the night with embracing the energies and letting go of some of the images, a completely new sensation filled my chest and solar plexus-area. A feeling of safety the body never has felt in this life. And I had a great dream:

I am having a medical procedure in a hospital The doctor is the epitome of kindness and gentleness. After this, the door opens and a multitude of small children swarm in. I run around and call out: I am a love magnet! And whenever I touch a child, I tell it that now it is glued to me. There is a huge joy in this silly game, and I end up being in the middle of a large heap of giggling children

When I open my door to get the paper in the morning, a child has painted this heart right outside of my door:

I love to end this post with a poem I wrote recently:

The Last Judgment

First
The curve and fragrance of the cupola
The sweetness and dependability of the milk
The age old rhythm of the heartbeat

Landing

Belonging

Middle
You and me in the blue boat
Calm vast sea
Resting in the here – membrane
Between above and below
Looking and knowing
Smiling

Last
Being quietly present all the time
In dreams and awakenings
The knowing:
The Last Judgment
Is Love

 

Giving and trusting

It is so interesting to discover that the universe is playing with me about giving. Sharing with Kit today, I want to explore what happened after I went back inside my house after I had given away the 130 dollars. The ego thought at least that man should post a hot thankyou- letter in my mailbox – in short, I needed to have something BACK. As I sat with those feelings, we were aware that these were the false thoughts the ego feed us with – that just giving would be very unbalanced – make us vulnerable – we had to be sure that the other felt they owed us something back. WE also talked about Christmas – for me, there has always been a hidden agenda that if I give much. I will be more loved. -The more of these common beliefs we unearthed, the heavier energy we felt – until it felt like deep poisoning in the body and a huge pressure in the head. It grew and grew, until it suddenly spread out from a center in the brain and seemed to leave through both ears. When this happened in me, Kit reported that she felt very relaxed and sleepy.

Whatever seems chaotic and wrong and confused ends up perfect:

In the evening, I was going to a concerto with a favorite group of singers. The entrance light goes out – and I find a fear that I will feel very lonely driving alone. Immediately I spot the false thought and correct it – “I am always with You.” Light immediately on.

I exited at the wrong bus-station- I thought. No concert building. Ran back to the former bus-stop- nope – ran back to the first one and saw the place immediately right at the bus stop. It was invisible the first time. Weird. I was 15 minutes late, and the group had just started with the first song. Perfect seat waited for me. The concert was heaven. Just after the last song, I got an impulse to leave immediately and run for the bus. Complete confusion about which direction we would be going – and there comes the bus, I wave and it stops between two stops. A very smiling bus-driver- teacher welcomes me in, and says “you are a privileged guest.” Oh! We drive to the little town where I shall another bus home. Just as we enter the bus terminal, my bus comes in. The controller departs, laughs at me and says,” I wanted to get you home in time” and laughs. I enter the bus and the driver whiffs me away when I want to pay. I play with a Sudoku while we are driving – and discover that it seems I have made numerous mistakes. Still I fill in all the places, and it all turns out all is perfect there too –

“don’t’ believe in appearances” I hear –

what a weird and wonderful day

Giving and receiving is the same

New guest-post from Nichola today. I had the idea to speak less and just meet as two friends and common explorers of whatever blocks our clear connection and access to Love.  I used a timer to give us equal amount of time to share what is alive within us, and how it feels in the body. More equality.

And – Nic is not a Course student – still, in our shared time she comes up with insights that are as taken right out of the Course. What a great gift that is to me – to see Course teachings being affirmed by a non-Course Student.

Nic:

It is a warm spring evening a wind is picking up and the clouds are promising heavy rain. I am feeling a refreshing lightness and ease which is the opposite of how I was feeling at the beginning of the last two Skype sessions I had with Leelah.

She ask me to say how it feels.

I feel that I am slightly outside of my body by a few centimetres at the front of my face . Then in my belly is a deep relaxed feeling and it wants to chuckle like a deep laughing Buddha and the thought is that everything is as it should be. It is immensely peaceful and joyous. I notice that I am sitting with my eyes closed and holding out each hand as if each had is balancing a large ball  – Leelah asks me what do the hands want to do – I say they want to give.

The hands are giving golden light. I want to give it to Leelah but also to everyone. Now there is a temple and I am aware of all the elements stone, wood metal air earth fire and water and I feel them all together in synergy, almost make a sound together, breather together. Ahhh. Behind the temple there is a forest and I see a beautiful deer there that turns and look at me momentarily.

My hands are still stretched out and the thought comes that giving is the same as receiving – it is the same thing – it is conducting energy, which cannot be owned anyway. I feel immense light and energy coming of my body and my hands and Leelah asks me what it is and I say “my power”.

I feel that Leelah and I shared the immense peace that was flowing this evening.

 When it is my turn, I see a brown hare in my heart, and my ego sourly mumbles that it should be white. I share with Nic my poor spiritualized ego,  and how pissed it is now of just coming up with a brown hare while Nic is displaying a Buddha!

Nic asks: “Could the brown hare be you?”

First there is biting anger – and as soon as I know I am not those thoughts and that anger, I know there are no distinctions in reality.  No, it is not “me” – it comes TO me to show me what I have excluded from my Love.

If i am not able to love that brown hare just as much as the Buddha, I am the one who suffers. So I hug the little silky soft brown adorable hare. It is perfect

Later Leelah asks me some questions about the MS:

What does the very powerful BuddhaSelf think about the MS?

I tell her that it doesn’t believe in it at all.

What kind of information could the MS be giving me?

I see an Egyptian mummy but I don’t know why.

I offer the symbol of the mummy as a preservation of the soul within the body – in other words, a strong belief in the body as necessary and our true identity. I ask her to look up BA and KA in Egyptian Mythology –  to help find out what this symbol of preservation offers her.

At the end of the session I am still sitting with my hands outstretched feeling the light and energy streaming from my arms and hands.


Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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