Giving and trusting

It is so interesting to discover that the universe is playing with me about giving. Sharing with Kit today, I want to explore what happened after I went back inside my house after I had given away the 130 dollars. The ego thought at least that man should post a hot thankyou- letter in my mailbox – in short, I needed to have something BACK. As I sat with those feelings, we were aware that these were the false thoughts the ego feed us with – that just giving would be very unbalanced – make us vulnerable – we had to be sure that the other felt they owed us something back. WE also talked about Christmas – for me, there has always been a hidden agenda that if I give much. I will be more loved. -The more of these common beliefs we unearthed, the heavier energy we felt – until it felt like deep poisoning in the body and a huge pressure in the head. It grew and grew, until it suddenly spread out from a center in the brain and seemed to leave through both ears. When this happened in me, Kit reported that she felt very relaxed and sleepy.

Whatever seems chaotic and wrong and confused ends up perfect:

In the evening, I was going to a concerto with a favorite group of singers. The entrance light goes out – and I find a fear that I will feel very lonely driving alone. Immediately I spot the false thought and correct it – “I am always with You.” Light immediately on.

I exited at the wrong bus-station- I thought. No concert building. Ran back to the former bus-stop- nope – ran back to the first one and saw the place immediately right at the bus stop. It was invisible the first time. Weird. I was 15 minutes late, and the group had just started with the first song. Perfect seat waited for me. The concert was heaven. Just after the last song, I got an impulse to leave immediately and run for the bus. Complete confusion about which direction we would be going – and there comes the bus, I wave and it stops between two stops. A very smiling bus-driver- teacher welcomes me in, and says “you are a privileged guest.” Oh! We drive to the little town where I shall another bus home. Just as we enter the bus terminal, my bus comes in. The controller departs, laughs at me and says,” I wanted to get you home in time” and laughs. I enter the bus and the driver whiffs me away when I want to pay. I play with a Sudoku while we are driving – and discover that it seems I have made numerous mistakes. Still I fill in all the places, and it all turns out all is perfect there too –

“don’t’ believe in appearances” I hear –

what a weird and wonderful day

Giving and receiving is the same

New guest-post from Nichola today. I had the idea to speak less and just meet as two friends and common explorers of whatever blocks our clear connection and access to Love.  I used a timer to give us equal amount of time to share what is alive within us, and how it feels in the body. More equality.

And – Nic is not a Course student – still, in our shared time she comes up with insights that are as taken right out of the Course. What a great gift that is to me – to see Course teachings being affirmed by a non-Course Student.

Nic:

It is a warm spring evening a wind is picking up and the clouds are promising heavy rain. I am feeling a refreshing lightness and ease which is the opposite of how I was feeling at the beginning of the last two Skype sessions I had with Leelah.

She ask me to say how it feels.

I feel that I am slightly outside of my body by a few centimetres at the front of my face . Then in my belly is a deep relaxed feeling and it wants to chuckle like a deep laughing Buddha and the thought is that everything is as it should be. It is immensely peaceful and joyous. I notice that I am sitting with my eyes closed and holding out each hand as if each had is balancing a large ball  – Leelah asks me what do the hands want to do – I say they want to give.

The hands are giving golden light. I want to give it to Leelah but also to everyone. Now there is a temple and I am aware of all the elements stone, wood metal air earth fire and water and I feel them all together in synergy, almost make a sound together, breather together. Ahhh. Behind the temple there is a forest and I see a beautiful deer there that turns and look at me momentarily.

My hands are still stretched out and the thought comes that giving is the same as receiving – it is the same thing – it is conducting energy, which cannot be owned anyway. I feel immense light and energy coming of my body and my hands and Leelah asks me what it is and I say “my power”.

I feel that Leelah and I shared the immense peace that was flowing this evening.

 When it is my turn, I see a brown hare in my heart, and my ego sourly mumbles that it should be white. I share with Nic my poor spiritualized ego,  and how pissed it is now of just coming up with a brown hare while Nic is displaying a Buddha!

Nic asks: “Could the brown hare be you?”

First there is biting anger – and as soon as I know I am not those thoughts and that anger, I know there are no distinctions in reality.  No, it is not “me” – it comes TO me to show me what I have excluded from my Love.

If i am not able to love that brown hare just as much as the Buddha, I am the one who suffers. So I hug the little silky soft brown adorable hare. It is perfect

Later Leelah asks me some questions about the MS:

What does the very powerful BuddhaSelf think about the MS?

I tell her that it doesn’t believe in it at all.

What kind of information could the MS be giving me?

I see an Egyptian mummy but I don’t know why.

I offer the symbol of the mummy as a preservation of the soul within the body – in other words, a strong belief in the body as necessary and our true identity. I ask her to look up BA and KA in Egyptian Mythology –  to help find out what this symbol of preservation offers her.

At the end of the session I am still sitting with my hands outstretched feeling the light and energy streaming from my arms and hands.


Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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