Transformation

I write this blog because I am certain that what I explore and examine may benefit others. The root of pain – and how to relate to it with LOVE so it transforms – that is good stuff I think:) And today I want to share how old pain from generations back can be transferred to others. Us.

This night I again wanted to relate to the long-time source of pain in the chest-lung-area. When I cough now, it sounds like there is a huge echo-hall inside there.

So I thought – innocence! It needs innocence! And I “put” innocence in there – and it was not received. Super-strong resistance. And sitting with that, it became clear for me that of course GUILT cannot stand INNOCENCE.

Guilt calls for punishment – for perfection – CONTROL and clever pleasing behaviour. A Course in Miracles teaches that original guilt comes from the moment in the One Mind where the Son of God decided enter  the  experiment of separation – and arose in that indescribably horrible moment where we thought that God was now our adversary.

But God has not changed Her way on being unconditional eternal love, and I am still in my true nature as  He has created me

So -is it true that I am guilty?

I have certainly done a lot of hurtful thoughtless  behaviour in the separated state of mind. But am I guilty?

No – I still am as I always was and am – eternal, unharmed, all-loving. Aligning with this, I know I am innocent

So – The Course also teaches that I /my soul have chosen to experience everything I experience – included the pain in the chest.

How can I look at that differently now – with love and curiosity, instead of judgment?

I put a loving hand on my heart and close my eyes.

“Do you need something?”

It is Mother’s face I see there -( she died 40 years ago) right in the middle of the pain. And it is HER guilt I picked up, and it still nests there – begging me find all my grievances and let them go.

Now, with the Course practices, that relationship would have been quite different

And I saw that I needed to forgive myself for my creation of  all the stories of the world where love seems to be excluded. I chose to experience all of it, as soul, to find out how far away from God’s love I could come and STILL find Love.

Writing that now, I start to giggle – cause finding that out, from an extremely dark place, is what my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” is all about.

Blue nudges me to open the book at random now.

Page 91: ( this is a description from a session with a man who just had got gout – and we found that it originated in my client’s grandfather, and his strong and fearful experience at his grandfather’s deathbed, when my client sensed that something “dark” was transferred from his grandfather to him. In the book, we explored how LOVE healed it all.)

“How did the pain come into being?”

“It started yesterday… it swelled, it is kind of an inflammation…. I have had this once before, and the doctor said it was gout… it is a bit embarrassing, gout is what older men may get In this moment I recognize and connect the energy to Eric’s grandfather. He died thirty years ago, but in Eric’s’ mind and soul his memory has still a strong effect, and carries with it a sense of horror that makes Eric split off a part of himself.

“Eric – when you speak about the pain in the foot, I get in touch with the energy from your grandfather. Could this pain have something to do with him?”

“I feel cold shivers down my spine!”

Shall we look closer into this?”

“Yes. I want that.”

*

Blue also points me to another place in my book – a reminder: ( this is written in 1992:)

The fact that my therapist and supervisor, aside from being a specialist in psychology also is a practicing Buddhist and a wise and loving man with a big heart, made it possible to explore the karmic pattern which became visible during therapy. Three years into therapy he insisted that I must have given a Bodhisattvic Vow in a former incarnation.

Small mind flatly refused the idea at first – why would I want to take on other people’s suffering? I have more than enough with my own, thank you! Then my ego blew up like a balloon: “Wow – I must be really good and special.” But since the favorite game of my ego is to degrade itself, it did not let me keep the nice feeling of being more special than others. So, I put it out of my mind: “Omar, you are really far out there.” But Omar didn’t budge. Time and time again he pointed out: “There. That is part of the vow.” And slowly it crept into my consciousness that it was VAST MIND Who had made that decision – not my ego. Something in me relaxed tremendously and recognized it.

Some days later, I sat meditating in the morning. The air was clear and bright outside the window. A vast space opened within me and around me. I asked: “Is it really true that I have consented to use myself in this way, to the benefit of all?”

In this moment, a great expansion happened within. In tremendous speed did I expand and become Light. I hear my Heart answer: “YES. At last you know.” This YES floats through me and relaxes all tension. In this moment, as I accept my choice, there are no tensions and no resistance.

The Heart continues: “As long as you see yourself as a container, a vessel for darkness, it lightens. It is sacred work!”

Short and sweet overview of A Course in Miracles

I have received questions about what the Course is about – and wanted to do it in as short and sweet matter as possible. Nothing could be  better and simpler than my friend Alan Dolit’s simple overview – and his blue little gem here:
Seriousness causes  reincarnation; guilt is an acronym for Godless Useless Insane Loveless Thought; sin is an acronym for Self Inflicted Neurosis; ego is an acronym for Exponential Guilt Orchestrator. Ego is also the master Travel agent for guilt trips.
OVERVIEW OF A COURSE IN MIRACLES
The Course introduction starts out with the statement :
                                                Nothing real can be threatened.
                                                Nothing unreal exists.
                                                Herein lies the peace of God.
If we could really get this statement, how much easier our lives would be. When the Course refers to reality it is talking about the level of God. In truth God is the only reality. I won’t try to define God except to say that God is Spirit and beyond “belief”; beyond form, time and space which are perceptual ego terms. The nature of God is LOVE. The concept of this LOVE is beyond anything we can experience at the perceptual level. It is important to accept that God is not/has not a body and therefore is not male or female. I will use terms like Father and He only because of our language structure and because they are used in the Course. God is complete and whole and does not change or evolve. God exists only in the present. Even though God doesn’t change, it is God’s nature to extend. The extensions of God are still God and are created of the same Spirit.
The Course refers to the extensions as Creations or Sonship or Son or Christ.  These terms are used interchangeably. The Son is co-creator with God the Father. The only difference is that The Father creates the Son and the Son in turn has His creations which are still part of the Sonship.  An image I
have is that God the Source extends light rays. The light rays are caused by the Source and could not exist without the Source. It is the nature of God to continually extend. The Son will always be an effect of God, And God will always be Cause.
In truth, the Son cannot leave the Father any more than the rays can leave its source. However a “Thought” of separation enters the mind of God’s Son. A tiny mad idea that the Son could have more
than everything or basically usurp God’s power, and the Son forgets to  laugh at this impossible situation. This “Thought”, preposterous as  it is, and which is over in an instant, is so overwhelmingly frightening to  the Son that he is terrified and goes out of his mind with fright.
The Son has no one to turn to for help, so he makes up an imaginary “advisor” called ego. The ego first tells him to deny that he had the thought. As this doesn’t work, the ego then says “hide from God so He can’t find you and punish you.” So the Son makes up an entire physical universe in his mind. This is the only place the physical world exists, in our mind. We have a horrible dream that seems to be going on for billions of years, but in truth it is really over in a flash. However we still choose to experience the effects of the dream.
During the sleeping phase of the dream, God knows that His Son is asleep and places in our mind, the Holy Spirit, God’s Voice. The Holy Spirit does understand what is in our mind and at the same
time knows none of it is real.
Eventually we all wake up and the dream of separation ends.
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END?
M-14.1. Can what has no beginning really end? 2 The world will end in an illusion, as it began. 3 Yet will its ending be an illusion of mercy. 4 The illusion of forgiveness, complete, excluding no one, limitless in gentleness, will cover it, hiding all evil, concealing all sin and ending guilt forever. 5 So ends the world that guilt had made, for now it has no purpose and is gone. 6 The father of illusions is the belief that they have a purpose; that they serve a need or gratify a want. 7 Perceived as purposeless, they are no longer seen. 8 Their uselessness is recognized, and they are gone. 9 How but in this way are all illusions ended? 10 They have been brought to truth, and truth saw them not. 11 It merely overlooked the meaningless.
M-14.2. Until forgiveness is complete, the world does have a purpose. 2 It becomes the home in which forgiveness is born, and where it grows and becomes stronger and more all-embracing. 3 Here is it nourished, for here it is needed. 4 A gentle Savior, born where sin was made and guilt seemed real. 5 Here is His home, for here there is need of Him indeed. 6 He brings the ending of the world with Him. 7 It is His Call God’s teachers answer, turning to Him in silence to receive His Word. 8 The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. 9 The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. 10 When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. 11 It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. 12 It will merely cease to seem to be.
M-14.3. Certainly this seems to be a long, long while away. 2 “When not one thought of sin remains” appears to be a long-range goal indeed. 3 But time stands still, and waits on the goal of God’s teachers. 4 Not one thought of sin will remain the instant any one of them accepts Atonement for himself. 5 It is not easier to forgive one sin than to forgive all of them. 6 The illusion of orders of difficulty is an obstacle the teacher of God must learn to pass by and leave behind. 7 One sin perfectly forgiven by one teacher of God can make salvation complete. 8 Can you understand this? 9 No; it is meaningless to anyone here. 10 Yet it is the final lesson in which unity is restored. 11 It goes against all the thinking of the world, but so does Heaven.
M-14.4. The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. 2 Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. 3 The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. 4 What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? 5 He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. 6 He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. 7 He does not judge it either as hard or easy. 8 His
Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.
M-14.5. The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. 2 When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. 3 The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. 4 When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? 5 The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. 6 Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? 7 And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. 8 In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. 9 To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. 10 And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. 11 Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. 12 His Word says otherwise. 13 His Will be done. 14 It cannot be otherwise. 15 And be you thankful it is so.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Inner Guidance comes in many ways

I awake at 3:13 – feeling beyond bad. I tune in, and find that there is an innermost belief in mankind – subconsciously agreed upon – that we NEED to be punished, and that when we attack ourselves – in any way – we are safer towards God.

I sank deep within this belief, and found that at its center, I believed that fear was my friend: it was my whipper – my savior – from the fierce vengeful god-image we collectively and subconsciously have at our very core.

This seems to explain how the majority of us treats ourselves worse than we would treat an enemy – relentless in our demand of improvement – not recognizing that we ARE perfectly made in His image

What a relief it was to relax into that false idea and rest there in curiosity and wonder –

at first…

then the stories came up from the vast collective unconscious – the cornerstones to our world, based on fear, guilt and sin. A garbage dump with toxic waste.

I sat up in bed and turned on the light. I – the One Mind – had made this. So I owned that, did not judge it, and extended forgiveness to myself. The body felt like a transformer of atomic energy, scary, very scary. And electric! Then I sensed and saw The Christ Council around me, and St.Germain talked to me and said, “we did not know this place as you show it to us now. Thank you for your willingness and courage to go deep.”

I struggled like crazy hearing this – my ego switched from pumped up pride to crushed unworthiness – thank God I was aware that I am not that – that we are not that. Still, I asked him to give me a sign that what I heard here was not a delusion.

Nothing happened – and what a gift that was: I became acutely aware of how afraid I am that I am making these visions up, a sort of schizophrenic spell. Becoming aware of HOW afraid I was, was a gift – so I stayed with that energy and allowed it to pass through me.

The then thought of my book – “When Fear Comes Home to Love” came into my mind. I wrote it with Blue – or Jesus -as my guide, and self published it. St.Germain told me to post “Blue is playing”-episodes from the book here on my blog. These are playful synchronicities from the divine, helping me to move from fear to humor and play – a great way to transform darkness. The book is full of them. And here is the latest – from this morning:

This morning the night’s experiences had passed from my memory. I was standing beside a heap of my notebooks and picked up nr 18 and opened it, not knowing why.

It opened on this note, from June 2014:

St Germain says to me, in the night: “Don’t leave your truth, your heart, when you sense the fear. Appearances only.Breathe deeply into the energy. When you leave yourself,you have told yourself that fear is in YOU, and you have left your house – the Self -and then it is open to “thieves”J All are stories – they arise when you for a nanosecond believe that there CAN be a place where God is not – can you see how utterly laughable that is -“

Yes I can and I do 🙂

And now the memories from the night come back – and me asking for a sign from St.Germain in the night, that what I experienced him saying was not a fantasy from ego.

How grateful I am, that the work that we do, all contribute to the Christ Council. That deleted effectively ego’s insistence that the Christ Council is far far out of reach for “me”, and “above” me.

A deep wave of gratitude and safety flows through me – and the phone called:

A very polite and articulate man asked if it was OK to do a Gallup on how pleased I was with my alarm system –

oh the humor of Blue 🙂DSC_0406

I took this photo of my “Tree of Life” that I planted some months ago. I had started to give up on it – until this morning: on the same branch as the withered brown leafs, there is this shining red one

Fear’s creation

I live in a little road with houses in a row on each side. We have flat roofs, and they need new roofing. We agree that if we hire a firm to do it for both our rows, that would be the cheapest.

This has awoken really bad nightmares in me. When my father almost lost his factory and livelihood the first time – and a second time, when it sank into quicksand – I remember his agony, the tremendous fear of my parents, and as a child of 9 I made a vow never to have to deal with houses and money myself, since it obviously led to disaster.

So now the mind immediately got fired with retelling these old stories, and telling myself that now I must make NO mistakes, or I would subject my neighbors to disaster. I knew it was an old thought and pattern, but it stuck intensely to my identity. Last night I started to fantasy- all the things that could happen and must NOT happen – and because I resisted them so vehemently, they for sure were going to happen – all in technicolor and surround sound.

So what happened this morning? My oldest neighbor rang my doorbell and told me that the neighbor next to me had had moving cleaners at her house – meaning that she must either be at an institution or hospital or dead. ( She really IS old and sick.) I recognized my fantasy from the night, and thought “see what you have made!” Guilt was what I had made. My old neighbor told me how scared he was that we might have to wait with doing that repair a whole year, until my closest neighbor house was sold – and I registered that he was just voicing my own fears – “but that does not mean that they are not true” said the warning voice. I saw how I saw that voice as my savior.

I talked to my other neighbors, and suggested we sign a paper where we all stated our cooperation and willingness to have new roofs and pay for them. They praised me for my wisdom :), we signed, I left them and I just took a peek inside my closest neighbor’s window – and there she was, her flat still fully furnished, watching TV. I rang her bell and she turned her head a little and shrugged and refused to move.

So I fetched the other old neighbor, he signed the paper too and was very embarrassed by his mistake – and we went to her window and banged it. She saw us and pretended to fall asleep. Now I had gotten really frantic – “open you old stubborn bitch you” ( no, not out loud) and she suddenly turned around and screamed.

So we went away.

I knew when I was alone again that I was caught in a paranoid pattern, I prayed deeply to see this differently, to get helped to disconnect from this old story. I called her son who never takes his phone – he is one of our country’s most popular artists – and he answered my first ring. I told him that his mother’s neighbors needed her to sign the paper – he told me that he was in fact going to visit her the same evening, and would see to it.

Still the fantasies were vicious and intense, I was certain she would refuse to sign just to spite me and punish me for banging. Still, I prayed and forgave and at the same time doubted my prayers.

Just some 15 minutes ago, a big bag of newspapers that I had put out to be fetched the following day was blowing away. I went out  – and in exactly the same second, Mickey came out from his mothers house with the signed paper. To put in my mailbox.

We looked at each other and laughed – me in my pajamas. What a timing.

And what a superdetailed story I had made – and believed in – and STILL, what I had feared the most, DID NOT HAPPEN.

And now I am fully ready to go back to that time where my parents thought that all was lost – and the crazy energy that I picked up on. Listen to little Leelah, what she made that mean. And at last let it go.

How super clear I have witnessed how we create our world and life – and how willingness to doubt it create miracles

I am not a Tarantula

I just added this to my chapter “Ghost” in When Fear Comes Home to Love. “Ghost” is all about the archetype of Primal Fear – and ways I have learned to defuse it, through spiritual work and work with my patients and students  since 1988.

:

‘Deep pain in the chest:

I don’t want to be seen! I hate you! Go away! I will kill you!

I am sitting with lesson 125 in the Course“In quiet I receive God’s Word today” – and I hear: “ These are the voices of the guardians you created around the little Leelah-identity. In her worst moments, out of deep guilt and shame that she told herself that she WAS, she cried out inside her self: “Hide me! I MUST NOT BE FOUND!” Guilt was speaking – and she was fusing with the guilt, identifying with it – and when she cried out from this fear-identity, fear-creatures/entities came and told her “we will protect you – if you will allow us to use you.”

Of course she took that offer of protection – and the entities used her as their source of food or energy.”

I know this is true with all of me. I speak: “I am the source of this. I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have made.” I ask Michael and his army for help to guide these entities back to where they came from, and as I say this, I am shown that I have attracted these false protectors in all the body’s openings – by calling for them, they have come. Fear called for fear and darkness, and called from darkness – identifying with darkness/guilt/shame.

In this NOW, I am listening to God: “Now breathe into that heart-space. It is open now.” And then it happens: I see a black silky Tarantula leg hesitantly moving out – I feel terror – and realize in the same second that this has been the very symbol for fear for me – as for so many. “Beloved Leelah, you are not a spider,” I tell her – and gradually the heart space warms up, and I see her: scared and confused – but freed from the spell and fusing.

“Be patient” says Blue. “There are many layers here. The nervous system will need some time to adjust, the old habits and beliefs will try to re-attach themselves – you have believed this to be YOU for almost 70 years. From now on, we ask you to intend to recognize the old patterns when they come – and for you to realize it is only an echo, and that you can let go of it.”

When I was 11 years old, I was taking ballet-classes – and I still remember some of the steps in an Italian Tarantula I danced – with a Tambourine, and a light blue short dress

Going out in the sun now

The False Helper

Sharing with Kit

She shares a story about how her 5 year old son went ballistic this morning because Kit “helped him” putting his trousers on – without asking if he wanted help. We shared how this unhealthy kind of helping is nothing more than a distrust of the child’s ability to stand on her/his own legs, a deep distrust of the power within – our own included – therefore mistakenly needing to “help”. And also the unspoken judgment of clumsiness, taking one’s time, making errors. Kit saw a parallel to Aikido: we are served by working WITH the power, not resisting it or manipulating it at all – like “helping out.”

Leelah’s turn:

I did the same thing with my daughter. She raged at me too – and I instantly understood how destructive it was to “help” when unasked. And that has not stopped me from “helping” her a thousand times later – that habit is so strong ( described in the BIRD-chapter in “When fear comes home to Love”) and so much part of Leelah-identification -) BUT: I UNDERSTOOD how wrong it was – now the practice is just to become aware when I repeat the pattern.

WE need to ask: “Do you want help?”

I become aware of a part who is convinced “it is my duty to save them.” Oh this gives me a fat headache. This part wants to murder them because they simply do not know their own best – but I do! If I don’t help or intervene and stop them from doing dangerous or foolish thing, it is MY FAULT when horrible disasters happen…like I need to tell them that the ice is too thin, and they won’t listen and go skating anyway and of course they drown and it is my fault…

This is when Kit points out, “This is part of the Mother Archetype. It is not personal.”

Zing! The arrow hits the target. I recognize how  parents express this in media when a close loved one dies a death in violence: “I should have…”

Now that the Archetype has been allowed to become visible, it opens to violence: “It is in my RIGHT to make them do as I tell them – to hit them, to put them in a cold cupboard and lock the door and not let them out until they beg on their knees. Until they have learned. CONTROL is needed, force is needed. If they happen to die from starvation, it is their own fault.

How great it feels to let this control -and- violence-pattern out in the light – and in a wave of compassion and tenderness which includes us all, the pattern is free to move in new paths in our mind and bodies.

Oh -there is only One of us here – I/ego have told myself I need to be controlled and forced and punished – for my own good.

Yes, there it is. That’s what we do when we are on automatic and have not found and forgiven these patterns.

I recognize that I am in the familiar disaster-thinking pattern. And somehow it perversely feels safe to be within it: I am safe when I feel unsafe. Insane, but there it is.

But of course the ego – which IS fear – feels safe when it is unsafe: this is ego and I don’t need to grab it for myself and call it “mine.”

I share with Kit how I did not feel safe serving at The Prayer Team – but I refused to let the fear stop me. It did not remove the fear, but I DID IT ANYWAY.

Ahhh – now it becomes clear: There is Something in me that Knows that I CAN handle “the worst scenario” if it happens.

I trust that that is true.

On some level, I must have allowed the possibility that the worst may happen – and then, when the possibility for the worst is not resisted any longer, there is a better chance that it will NOT happen, as Zach says. It is safe to feel unsafe – because there is a great safety-love-net underneath. It is not dangerous to feel fear – it is safe to feel unsafe – it is OK to make errors – what a golden lettered sentence!

KIT:

“The importance is not to prevent what happens – but to BE with it. That de-powers the dark Mother -archetype.” She shares about a therapist leading a group lately who seemed to make a mistake that others pointed to – and he was just THERE – being OK with “doing errors.” How we humans long to have that demonstrated

I share a past-life memory of me having great power in a society and had the people’s trust, I made a choice and we all died. Kit asks if I can be with what happens in my body when I express this – and the story I make is “I can’t be trusted, disaster is my fault.”

But right now, being with the implosion in my body, allowing it, it becomes clear: that massive destruction was meant to happen – and the consequences of it. I was the one who consented – and wanted to play that role. The ego could see it as a huge mistake and push tons on guilt on me – but Spirit says “way to go, Leelah. Somebody had to step in and make that choice and play the role of the guilty one.”

Ha!  I let it go now: just a piece of the script

“The false helper is so convinced she is guilty,” I say, and a huge alarm goes on in Kit’s neighborhood.

A little later, the entrance light goes out again. It goes on when I know how strongly I have held on to the role of “saving others” and that it is “enough” to be there for myself, fully. ”Smile at yourself for believing your thoughts are serious” says Blue and giggles. Instantly the iron band around the ribs tightens – it wants me to hang on to guilt, to make the separation going.

I can be with that too – seeing where it goes

ALWAYS this accept leads to peace

 

 

Miracles

I recently an encounter with my neighbor – ca 85 years old.She vehemently refuses to receive assistance from health care, and is very frail – just does everything herself/alone. So I was there and tried to explain how preferable it would be to accept care in her home, instead in an institution – and this were when she screamed that I was dangerous and a murderer and GO! GO! and I went

I have thought myself to be a murderer when I was a bout 6 years old- really nasty traumas – and so I could use this and forgive. But the story just grew and grew, including the paranoia – she told me that she would tell all our neighbor how terrible i was – THAT was part of an old story too.
A Course friend gave me a session, which helped a bit – but the old stories became stronger and stronger, and just one hour ago I sat bawling and felt my feelings and gave them up and asked to see the truth.

I saw that these feelings of guilt were collective. I was willing to not take it personal – I sat with it, with this decision, and in that precise moment the doorbell rang.

It was my kind neighbor Ian who told me my old neighbor had went to the mall yesterday and fallen, and been taken to the hospital. My neighbors wife had just visited her, and she(the old one) asked her to give me a ton of thanks and greetings

That’s when i knew the old story was healed

Just writing this feels like standing in a shower

Now I can with a full heart – being absolutely certain – give up the old story: it is all been forgiven and released

My innocence

Dear Holy Spirit

Reveal my innocence to me

As long as I don’t acknowledge it, I believe I am guilty

And so I project my unconscious guilt on others – good strategy as ego, but impossible to wake up

When others projects their guilt on me and I fell MEAN and BAD: it is the greatest gifts I could receive. Now ( no, I still cannot do is AS it happens, but when I am alone, I can) – now I can allow that feeling to come to the surface. Sit with it in great patience, letting it unfold, letting it melt: In this allowing, I am sitting in God’s arms.

Which is really my own Self’s embrace.

With a full heart I now thank those who played the roles of betrayers: you know, the ones you share complete and utter love and Unity with. The one moment they talk to you and tell you that there are no words for this Love, and that it will never change. They might be on the other end of the world in a phone, you still feel the connection, and you are not mistaken: this is the real thing – this is God’s impersonal Love where all is included –  you two too:)

The other person then makes a spontaneous promise to do something for you, to send you something as a symbol for this love.

It never comes

You start to make stories about it – guilt is distributed.

You send him a “reminder”… it comes from fear and distrust, but you do your best to pretend you don’t mind – you are really spiritually above this –

He makes promises – it still does not come

Then:you  suddenly truly KNOW inside that this – his “betrayal” – IS the gift – but the ego is clever in its insisting that nonono, he has betrayed the Love and betrayed his promise.

But what if his REAL promise was to play this disgusting role of the betrayer?

Now you know he is NOT -so AT LAST you can allow the very feeling you always avoided like the plague – (and which therefore was repeated in countless incarnations . . . ) to fully be allowed and felt

Are you starting to giggle now?

Good:)

Welcoming Home the feeling of being betrayed:

Here it is.

Body starting to itch – your eyes feel like exploding – your bone-structure is creaking – something unfathomable old and tired and angry is moving behind your heart – your head, lead heavy – tears are coming – images of tired multitudes  of refugees in the desert – have faith, you are soon coming to the Red Sea, big surprise is waiting

The insight that you have carried this false belief as a body-mind: I am limited to what the ego tells me through its play of illusion, its razzle dazzle convincing appearances. But I have chosen this: to experience the consequences of this belief that it is possible to exist outside of God’s eternal Love.

To be one who is betrayed.

Nay – 🙂 it is not so ( I think Moses is speaking inside) – They are only ever reflecting back to me what I think is real. Now I can discover it, FEEL it fully as it leaves.

Thank you, Beloved, for playing this yucky role.

I am the Source of my experiences

I extend forgiveness to my self for creating this

I bless it –  and all the “betrayers” – “myself” included – with the Blessing of Christ.

I release you to be your Self

And I let it go in Peace

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Electronic applause

It is not what “the other” does – its about how this “something/happening” mirrors something in me that I have pushed under.
Many times lately I experience how people/craftsmen are not honest. I am being “tricked.”
“All the ways I have tricked myself…” Ouch
So I sat down and did this TAT ( the words just came:)

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings

Immediately a strange  electronic sound is heard from the door: it is my wireless electronic doorbell. And the beauty does not end there: there are 4 possible tunes to choose from. This was NOT the one I had programmed:)
That’s how strong that energy was, in that sentence – in that truth:

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings

In short, all the ways I had pretended to be something I am not: a guilty  somebody instead  of a holy Son of God, as the Course in Miracles names our Self.

Working through an old story

Uncanny how we are able to direct the electronics around us to play on team with the lessons we need. My pattern is to have people treat me disrespectfully, come late to appointments, or “forget them.” This gives the old story a chance to insert itself on anybody I am communicating with in my surroundings. “This ALWAYS happen to me.” This time 2 plumbers acted it out perfectly for me.-I knew I was stuck in an old story, and had worked for a whole day with praying to see it differently, being willing to forgive myself for my creation etc. It was exhausting, and it felt like doomsday – death, almost.

What I truly need to take in, is that my phone also played along with my unconscious need to be unjustly treated. So when he came – ½ hour after he had set the appointment, after having moved it 3,5hours later, I was livid. My story was affirmed, other people were NOT to be trusted. I was NOT being respected. He could at least phoned and let me know! And this time I was not willing to pretend that all was well, so I confronted him with 3 breaks of promises, not meeting to appointed times. No more meek sheep.

He told me he had got no messages on his voice-mail and no sms’s – that was strange since I had sent 1 of each. I told him I had given him my cellphone nr, he said he had not got it. He said he had sent messages on my answering machine, I said it had not made a sound, and I was in the same room as the phone.

The communication was 1) at first a tie – both defended their status as unjustly treated and innocent accused – then 2) we started to listen to each other 3) then, as he told how a plumber’s day is very unpredictable – like suddenly encountering a leak in the wall and the work taking 3 more hours – ahhh that killed a lot of paranoia – and I could tell him “I made up a lot of stories there” and he smiled and told me not to do that – and his boss had 2 days ago got a little girl, so that’s probably why he did not answer my mails – jeesh I could get that – and suddenly I stood in a shower of light: that old vortex of hatred , guilt slinging and blame just dissolved.

And we smiled and smiled, and when he left he shook my hand firmly and looked straight into my eyes.

And now comes the clou: although I had sat near the phone when he called and left 2 messages that he was going to be late, I had not heard a sound. And that phone gives a loud sound. I found the messages after he left LOL

It shows me how much push it was inside me to KEEP the story and be RIGHT – but he was right, and it felt just delicious. I guess all that praying and practicing for hours had an effect LOL

It reminds me of a similar happening  last Saturday: I was in town, and a brand new schedule – shining white – announced the tram departures to the address to a workshop. A man at the station pointed out that that train had stopped going to my destination 3 years ago! Now it went only one station.Still, that schedule was brand new I tell you. THIS story was another old one: “I am always tricked.” And this time, the miracle was there on the station as this young man – how could he know I was not taking the tram for only one station? I asked him that, he just smiled and took that one-stop-train to the end station “ The Castle-garden.”

Nice symbol, don’t you think?

So I took another train and allowed HS to direct me. When I finally reached the destination of the Workshop, even the map I had showed a wrong placement  in the road.

All this shows me the power of the mind to project the exact illusions that mirror what we have chosen as our “reality.” And as shown here – we easily bend physical laws to prove that we are right.

Now I thank God for the force of that unpleasantness: if there comes a next time where I want to be unjustly treated, I will shudder and say “No thank you. I choose love instead-”

PS: That plumber was dressed completely in red. Only when I saw this image just now on Facebook did I understand the deeper meaning of the  lesson to day

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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