Invitation to 7 week online course in healing dragons

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

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I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a play shop (not workshop.) Two days ago, my Self came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering group work. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online play shop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience ,working like this the last 29 years, that when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and allow Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may look through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. You don’t have to. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I will post Q and A’s about the details

And a good long list of “what If’s” that will help if the dragon convinces you that you are useless.

We will start Monday 25th September. I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please mail me your name and mail address. Registration starts September 15th
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About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.

Music is a healer

Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

Forgiveness – exercise

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

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The Lighthouse

My inner guide Blue tells me to share a story from my book  When Fear Comes Home to Love the next 30 days, and tells me that I am far too unwilling to promote my work.

Hmm. Yes.

Here is a part of a case story, where we use storytelling as a path to healing, and where the patient weaves me into one of the roles in the story.

Charlotte tells the story of the little girl with an impossible responsibility: to save everybody from shipwreck. The waves are towering high, and she operates The Lighthouse all alone. But now the electric fire in the tower has gone out – a fault on the installation – and the original fire in the cellar must be re-lightened. As we allow the Story to come forth, Charlotte is wondering a bit what this “original fire” might represent.

Now Charlotte gives me a role in the story.She weaves me into the story as the Old Lighthouse-keeper who comes to aid, so the little Girl does not have to do the overwhelming work all by herself, alone in the storm and the dark. It turns out that the old Lighthouse-keeper has an intimate knowledge of the island: he takes the little girl by the hand and leads her to an oil well in the middle of the island’s center! He tells her that she needs to dig  a new channel from this center and into the old well in the cellar of the Lighthouse: the old channel has been clogged by debris, from the time the electric installation was added.

Together we dig the new channel. And soon the flame that saves the shipwrecked can shine again.

We talk about what this power-source is – this source in the center of the island. When I ask Charlotte to sit with her eyes closed and find the source within herself, she feels her heart become soft and warm. We both sit with eyes closed, and now The Voice of The Heart starts to talk through me. The atmosphere in the room becomes completely quiet, bright and tender. I recognize Blue’s voice talking to me and through me.

I have forgotten the actual words of the heart. I remember the feeling of being completely loved, bathed in a river of light and love. There is something infinitely tender within it all – this is how it feels to sit in a loving mother’s embrace – a mother devoid of fear. I sense my heart expand, and it becomes easy to breathe. The Heart speaks to us and receives our shared fear and our effort of having sole responsibility to save everybody from drowning. The heart shows us that ONLY the Well can nourish the fire that warns the ones in danger and  dark waves. The electric man-made system will always be vulnerable and susceptible to damaging forces. The installment is dependent on good fuses, strong lines, quality light-bulbs, expertly polished glass, and it is expensive to maintain. You have to inspect the works continuously, and cannot let down your vigilance for a moment. As soon as you have changed a bulb, another will burst –  but the fire from the well is eternal: all you need to maintain the fire is keeping the channel open and free from dregs.

While the Heart talks with my voice, we suddenly hear small “cac cac’s” at the window-glass. I open my eyes: two small birds are flying slowly toward the glass, touching it with their beaks. While I continue talking, I observe that each time the contact with The Heart is strong, the birds “cac” again. It is like a musical accompaniment – helping me to not float away and space out in this warm, loving atmosphere. “This really happens – here and now. Don’t forget. Don’t minimize it!” say the birds.

When  The Little Girl finds the connection between her heart / Source and the head / The Lighthouse, she recognizes that she at last can step down from the Tower, sit down by the eternal fire, allowing herself to melt.

And at last to rest.

 

 

Shame – and infertility

Shame is part of the energy of separation: “there is something wrong with you.”

In the One Mind – us all as ONE -this strange idea seeped in  – that there could be an opposite of this One, an opposite of LOVE. And in the second where we, as Spirit, believed in this thought, separation happened – or seemed to happen

And I –  and we  – who want to wake up to our original state of Oneness – and stay there:) – know that when we identify with the dark feelings/energies, Oneness has gone – or better: we have left it.

Particularly when it comes to menstrual cramps, is this important to know – since shame is toxic, and when we identify with it (this goes for me too, of course)- attach a story about “me” to it – it turns against us and creates havoc with our inner and outer sexual organs – that now have the manifestation of something wrong and shameful and painful attached to it.

We then think it is ours – since we think we are this separated body, and not our true identity, which is abstract eternal Spirit. And what we think is ours, we protect.

So the pain stays until we are willing to consider  what we truly are – and from that Place, talk to that pain, that shame-infected part in the womb.

I  had  a women in therapy who could not have children – and just after a few sessions opened up to the pain that was deeply repressed about being unworthy as woman and shortly after, became pregnant. I truly see the magnitude of power our belief in shame has when it comes to  stopping women from becoming pregnant. It seems to me it is really the womb that believes it must stop life to come into it, since it is so shameful.

If you are a woman – consider how different it would feel to know that the energy of shame is not who you are – in fact, you can relate TO it with LOVE. Particularly  because you ARE it not, YOU can choose to beam Love into it. You don’t do this in order to heal it or change it – that would make that awkward energy of “trying to change things” – instead you are realizing that in the beginning, there was Light – and you were there, AS that Light within the Light.

This collective feminine shame of the womb and inner and outer genitalia – and even sexual feelings – nakedness – is in fact like a curse on the Divine Mother.

We all carry the archetype with us. Women identify with her, men relate to the archetype through their mother,sister and lovers. As long as we women haven’t healed our part of that collective shame, we will carry parts of it as menstrual cramps and  sexual related diseases.

So I was playing with this today, in a session – and  we saw  how deeply we identify with the pain. Instead of realizing that we ARE the witness of it: neutral, loving,all-accepting, who can never be changed or harmed. But because we know that, we can choose to send love in to the pain.

Not to change it or fix it – that intention creates a confused energy – we just set an intention to BE who we are – that Original Light, created in God’s image – and intend to beam a light from our heart into the pain.

We are not responsible to heal it. We just Love because Love is who we are, and we choose to beam this love just because it feels terrific.

And in that allowance, it becomes so clear  to me that the shame in itself is just neutral energy – believing the stories ABOUT it and saying “it is me or mine” creates the pain and maintains the separation.

 

The Know-it-all

Or, should we call him/her the Besserwisser, the Lecturer.

Yesterday I had a serious case of being besserwissed.(Ha, the word-corrector suggested blessed!:)) And it sure has turned out to be a blessing.

I asked a question to a teacher, and for over ten minutes he lectured and besserwissed and droned on, with great power and conviction. I felt: invisible – dropped – powerless- crushed –  intimidated – a stupid klutz. And angry.

I  subconsciously called that response out of him, so to at last see the pattern and heal it.

So this morning I went into the Observer mode of  the Spontaneous Transformation Technique: *** see below

Neutral, emphatic,patient, no agenda – just wanting to BE with this part that was lectured to. I told it I saw it ( it sat in my solar plexus): I am here. I am not going anywhere.I am in support of you.

There was a substantial relaxing response, showing me that this “part” had made the connection. It was no longer isolated and separated. And there is the first shift: awareness comes into this old pattern of victimhood: the one with no power, no voice.

So what was the advantage of that position? was my question – (I know that I can’t let go of anything that I think I am the victim of -) why did I need others to lecture me?

Simple. So that I could be the nonthreatening powerless one. The one who was not noticed, had no responsibility. The one who did not provoke status quo, the belief system/religion on the rulers – and who therefore was reasonable safe from being accused and burned at the stake or tortured by one of the zillion inventive was man has concocted.

I truly saw that this was  a CHOICE I had made: to shut down my true authentic voice and will. I have made that choice WITH the power that God has given us all – the one we have, being created in His/Her Image. So that choice to be powerless is mighty powerful!

So I had made my Universe, as Jennifer McLean teaches: we all made it from 1)the beliefs we made when small when we were hurt and traumatized – in my case: ” Life is dangerous if you talk back,if you say no. You are here to make others feel better.You do not count at all as YOU – you are a “wrong copy.”

And then life works like this: 2) we make our coping mechanisms to survive – based on these beliefs – and voila, this is our Universe now: I think/believe that I will not be respected – this is a “Universal Law” for me now, based on my beliefs based on my early experiences. And I will perceive the world THROUGH the filters that I put up – and people who enters my Universe will have no choice, they will turn up to disrespect me – until I  can forgive myself for these creations, and deeply honor and love the aspect of me who started this Universe.

When I encouraged that aspect of me to feel it all, there was tremendous fear from all the times this soul experienced torture – and most of all, all the times it spoke up and loved ones suffered the consequences of that. It’s all there, in the One Mind we all share – and what we all heal, seemingly on our own, we make available for us all to tap into and share.

These times, huge waves of awakening sweep over the planet – what was before tucked under, now comes up to confront us – (a reluctant thank you, Mr Trump!) – We can only heal what we allow ourselves to see, to forgive, to release. And my deep experience is that when I allow these old defense and protection-mechanisms to come up – to be seen, and HONORED for their way of protecting us from harm – then  my Universe mirrors THIS new view of me/my life/ back to me.

*** The Spontaneous Transformation Technique is a unique, therapeutic system of healing. You can read more under “Services.”

This is a healing way to deal with the energy that get trapped in our stories and traumas, and help it to unravel and transform, when it at last is looked at with love. This opens a space of great healing and allowing of what is – and from this space you can play and explore how you want your future to look – free from the old patterns.

1.session is free!

Trusting the Process

 

Compulsion or surrender

 

I have an appointment with an audiologist – and I want to try out a special brand of hearing aid – Oticon. – I asked him to have this available when I saw him in the corridor at my first appointment, and he smiled and nodded.

Then – later – true to the snirkles of my mind,I became anxious that he would NOT have it. AND since I have waited ONE YEAR for this appointment, it would mean that I would be one year deafer until next appointment – and the threats and disastering escalated: I would be completely deaf by then, beyond repair – and it would be their fault.

Oh how the ego loves that

I sense the guilt underlying this old story: the huge  – HUGE – inner pressure  tells me that I have to FIX this pressure by finding a solution to the problem. The more I desperately try to figure out why they don’t answer my mails when I ask them to please get the Oticon till I get there, the more horrible the pressure turns up the volume. And I feel COMPLETELY a victim in this: THEY do not answer my mails. But –  how could they – I have created this situation – and that confirmation would not transform this OCD-me: it would just repeat again and again until, like this morning, I truly meant that I wanted to see this situation in another way.

I realize that until now I have seen this OCD as a safety. Wow and doublewow

So I decided to just BE with it as it presented itself. The first feeling that came up was “I am WHOLLY convinced that I will not be helped.” I notice my absolute belief that I – this small I – would not be helped from these “outside” persons.

I have of course strong reasons to think like this – something terrible happened – many times – when I was small, I made this conclusion then and developed this coping mechanism to NEVER hope for help and be let down – and never feel the crushedness of it all. It helped me survive – and I honor that part of me who held on to this for so long. How brave it has been: to insist of  being heard at that time would have NOT been safe at all, and probably led to violence/death.

And with this, all my judgment at this pattern melts away, and left is just gratefulness for the experience: now I can ever more deeply support others in not judging themselves and being hard on themselves. Somehow I feel not alone in this 🙂

So when I was willing to be wrong in my perception this morning, that NOBODY EVER would help me and listen, I  was reminded about  an incident some years ago with an IRS-person I needed to return to, and who the first time was the very epitome of unkindness. I then told myself, while driving to him the second time, that this time he would be helpful, kind, gentle, I would understand it all, it would be a miracle.

And it was. * He even started to tell me about his  daughter that he loved so much, and showed me her picture. I mean – !
So now, at least I can do this: I can expect to be happy about speaking to a wondrous person, a shining Light of God, who would share this lesson with me, proving to me that God IS with me.

I told God then that he had to give me a sign – should I call or not? And saw myself calling with the expectations that the answerer would just be a delight. So – not a question if I should call or not call- but a reminder that I choose who’s hand I hold while I call – Christ or ego.

So I called. And while the heart beat while I waited –  “sorry we are VERY busy” – it started to dawn on me that that pounding heart was not a sign that it would be dreadful – it was just part of the OCD pattern, being challenged.

She was patient with me, and told me the audiologist already had this in his journal. Blush. Ego wanted to lash out, “why the hell couldn’t you just answer me that in the mail” – but of course she couldn’t: then I would not be at this point of surrendering the old OCD-identity. I can trust life to BE helpful, and give me all the lessons I need to wake up and drop the old ones.

She told me that the audiologist had to see which product was the best for me – and of course he had to! Then I could tell her that I agreed -and just wanted that it was available for me to test. The energy in my mail had probably made her hear that I HAD TO have THIS brand and nothing else. Oh yes that was beyond doubt the energy I expressed in my mails.

Can I shark SHARE with you the radiant joyful energy that was present in our conversation, as the old false view I had , of not being heard, dissolved? What a GREAT typo: that energy is just like a shark – it hungrily devours food/energy to fill itself, just like ego: it is never enough.

After the phone I had to set myself down  and deliberately receive the new energies that I had opened up for now.It is amazing: they still flows through me now, about an hour later – and I have to be fully present to receive the healing.

*I share this healing miracle in the chapter “The tax-man” in “When Fear Comes Home to Love”.

Scream and play

Last night, I wrote myself through a nightly terror:

The Code

When lungs are raisin-dry and dirty demons nibble at your feet,
when you can’t take a breath and cannot cry for help cause there is no-one there to meet
this agony with anything at all, you’re stumbling through the night
and stubbing toes on stones and hearing angry voices who just may be right
in their insistence that you’re not worthy of a life,
you have done something wrong and just this knife
is all you need, to put an end to it and plunge it in your heart.
Since then this pain will have to end, you think, that seems so evident and smart
if only you could find the code to tell you where you fail and sin,
then you could remedy your ways and calm the screams and din
of this old mind that never stops in finding reasons for your pain
-but as you seek for them, you know that trying to find rest will be in vain.
And trying to get out of it and feeling good again is doomed, you say!
Then Love says, now go to the heart and stay
there, child, just let it be, allow it space to breathe; that darkness is just shadow play.
Now turn toward it Sweetie, tell it, hey
old agony, old friend, what if we have some fun instead and write a pome
about it. The Muse is here to take you Home.
We may just recognize the simple truth right here to be:
The Code for healing agony is Play, you see

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In the morning, I woke up from a reaction I have to something going on in the world – feeling the horrible energy from it.It feels like a global scream.

Exactly at the moment I notice this scream, I am reminded: this is just an energy in the mind that I haven’t forgiven. It’s not “mine,” it’s not  serious – it’s not a sign that I have done something wrong- it’s just this energy.

 

I turn toward it and say, “welcome! Welcome. Welcome” with a full heart –

and it’s just not there anymore

 

 

Choosing the right mind

Yesterday my friend Myron Jones described a situation with a client which she habitually interpreted from the ego= BAD. She felt bad too, and remembered that she could cancel her  perception and forgive herself – and then choose to realign with Holy Spirit / the Right Mind instead.

All grievances fell away

This stood out in lightning gold for me.

 

This night, I had a dream where I was with my first love this life. Almost 50 years ago – and still, when i dream we are together, my heart is filled with pure bliss.

We are going to be married, and he takes me to his white big house – kind of a farm, or maybe a guest-house. Outside of it is a winter landscape I dream of often:  a ski-slope in the high mountains. And now the ego took over in the dream, and I saw the rooms as untidy, I saw refugees in some rooms, they were dirty and anxious and aggressive. I felt so bad at the thought of having to clean all of it up and make rules for everybody there to live in harmony.

Then I woke up, and realized that I expected to know how to do this through the anxiousness of the ego.Awake now, I stated my intention to align with Christ instead – “what is my role in this house?”

The release was so sweet. I, as “Leelah-personality” was to do nothing else that sink into my heart and allow it be shown to me. It became clear that as long as I was aligned, and “the others” would sense it, all would fall into the most beautiful perfect pattern.

This day I decided to recognize when I had choosing ego – just  by the crappy feelings I had – and it is amazing how helpful it has been – quick shifts from desperation to giggles.

So I felt really optimistic about this, and then I started to cough the painful cough again. I sensed all of that energy in the chest – and then the solar Cplexus – with a new willingness to truly allow it to dissolve. I sat down and breathed, and said ” I know I am the source of this. I TRULY want to dissolve this, no judgement, no resistance – I KNOW that Love has created it to be able to transform it.”

I instantly saw and felt the energy  of some ago-old impressions from sexual predators – including my father in his mr. Hyde-mode – and knew that THIS was what was behind the cough. I remembered the moment this energy first entered my body in this life – and my decision to stuff it away and make it invisible for myself. From that decision has later arisen a huge need to “save” the abusers. I have written about that in “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – and how this “savior-co-dependent-pattern” can be healed.

So I rested there, and there were cramps and strong dizziness,  strong sweating, almost fainting – and no resistance to it. I felt certain that I was resting in God. Strong pains flowed from solar plexus down the right side of my body and out.  I am being told that I will need to allow patience around it, and repeat it when nudged to do so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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