Disentanglement

I was this evening helped to see through that old role and identity of taking on others’ energy to “help” them – truly realizing that as long as I help from pity, we’re both screwed.

When I first truly honor my Self – my power, my God-given connection and identity, I can choose and intend to honor  the same intrinsic light in them, and honor their journey.

From here, I may or may not choose to send them love where they believe themselves to be – the victim of physical suffering/disease.

I found myself in such an entanglement with neighbors some days ago, and my energy system was filled with their identity with sickness and old age and victimhood. After Mary A Hall helped me see this, all their energy disappeared from me, I feel cleansed and healed and blessed. And the crazy energy of the false sufferer is GONE and PEACE is here

Oh the wonder of honoring the Truth

 

Tangled timber and emotions

Yesterday I described how I made a new choice  – to let go of the belief that I can be harmed by electronic energies. I allowed the installation of a new smart-card-reader–el.power meter, which has been believed to be  harmful.

Before the new meter came, I had a shield taped to the old one – the kind that is imbued with energy to deflect harmful radiation of any kind – PCs, cell phones etc.

After the installation guy had left, that shield lay on the floor.

It was NOT attached to the box he worked on, but the door to the cupboard where it was placed.

The old identity felt fear, and I wondered, hm, is this really necessary – when there are no harmful rays here – hm am i just trying to maintain the old pattern?

So I decided to try it out: i removed the old tape ( that had held it glued to the door for 20 years) and glued on a fresh one.)

Today it lay on the floor.

I felt such a sweet laughing inside

And I decided that its time to CLAIM my freedom and awakening: I AM awake -and to lose the connection can only happen when I give something inside priority instead.

Yesterday I had a wonderful time in town with my daughter – finding a new food shop with fresh ecological food and a great movie.

The second I sat down,  strong cramps in the solar plexus started and I heard: “Pay attention to the imagery and symbols in the movie.” I remember last time i had these cramps – they lasted three days, and what healed them was an old shaman friend who removed a psychic “sword” in that section.

This time I knew this happened  for me, not against me, so i breathed through the pain while watching the movie.

In the movie, there was log driving / timber floating – and there were images where huge timber tangles has to be worked loose.

I saw the symbol of this huge timber tangle as an image of how our false beliefs are held in the water/our hara-center and affects the free flow of emotions/water.

Then the main person – a young boy – leaps in the water and swims under it and somehow finds the way to untangle it. The moment when it fell apart and harmoniously flowed down the river was felt throughout my whole being and body.

I saw how one false belief – “I am not worthy enough” created hundreds of others that clings to it as a cluster:

“There is something wrong with me” – I am alone – I must be valued by others etc.”

Now I am even more determined to undo the tangle I have called me and mine

 

The suffering self leaves the driving seat


The eye was very painful the whole night until ca 5am. There were coagulated  morsels and strings of something that looked like resin around the eye.
“Infection”  said intuition.

I asked myself what I wanted with this creation.*** There were many layers: there were definitely perks with going through pain and being a good girl, i decided that it certainly  justified wine etc. afterwards.

And this identity is, as most of my readers here will have noticed, A HUGE part of  my identity – what I call ME.

I looked at the wine bottle on the kitchen sink and realized that choosing wine and “comfort” I had completely identified with that wrong-minded identity. “My” justification was ” But I DESERVE it.”

Which I is that? The separated one. The suffering one. The small self. And I was radiantly aware of myself as a role – beliefs I have taken on through parents, teachers, ancestors, society – in short, the world.

I had taken her on, like an old costume -I had NOT acknowledged the Self in me who had experienced the great realizations under the knife. By choosing to tell myself “I DESERVE this now” I had failed to see  that this suffering-me believes that suffering MAY at least justify being comforted. That is her perk

Which is really a cost!

And of course, that victim -identity can have infections.
I know that my true I cannot.

As long as I mainly identify with this girl, I will never wake up.

I realize that I chose that suffering identity last evening who took her comfort from wine and food. And that is why the eye hurt so much and looked so infected.

It was my thinking that was infected. The thoughts themselves are neutral – but the moment I attach an I am to the thoughts, I have declared it to be my identity.

I reached out to my Way of Knowing-group on Facebook and asked for prayers –  for affirmation of my true Self, my true I/eye.

Within 1/2  hour my eye healed. ♥ Pains gone. Slightly red, but no more gunk oozing out. What an enormously important lesson I gave myself: you HAVE inner parts/patterns – meaning, they are in your soul as memories – but I AM the One Who chooses what I will identify with. To be aware of the little one and comforting her is so very different from believing I AM her.

 

*** In “the Way of Knowing” by Jeshua, channeled by Jayem, Jeshua teaches us that as sovereign souls we create our response to everything that happens to us. When we make choices out from the separated self, we choose out of fear and anger and confusion, and we may choose to “suffer to atone for sins.” Choosing from Self is always choosing to see with Christ’s vision – looking for the eternal Love within the perpetrator.

 

 

 

comfort

 

 

 

First Love

We were 19 and 21 years old when we met in the same class at the College for arts and crafts. Our love was cataclysmic – the energy of us two together had the strangest effects on our surroundings – like furniture making strong and strange sounds when we were not even touching. He told me it could not be us – as he had betrothed himself to his girlfriend when they were thirteen! He told me that he was the only support this girl had and that he could not disappoint her or leave her.

So after one year he decided that he had to move to another city and continue his education there.

Last kiss

You are returning to
Your native village
Where your old girlfriend is waiting for you
The one you promised to take care of
From you were thirteen
We kiss in the car, steam pearling on windows,
Enclosed in a small cave of steam, bodies
Dissolving
I open the door,
The sound of the raging waterfalls
Close by
Receives us
This is our last together

And right in front of us
A red fox stops
In the middle of the road
Looks at us
And disappears into the wood

This night I worked with a “part” that makes me feel ice cold and which eats like a wolf. Being with it made me shift in and out of consciousness, but still it was aware that I was with it in a loving way.

And I dreamt about my first love – (which I have done a thousand times, and mostly stressfully) – this time there were no blocks between us, neither inside or outside.

I realized – I saw – that we shared the same violent aggressive energy in our bodymind that I have named “Fuckeat” in my book “When Fear Comes Home to love”. And at the time we came together, our common unconsciousness propelled us together like a powerful magnet –

I suggest that since I have worked the last 25 years actively with relating to that energy with kindness, working with that energy last night touched his soul too, and we met in a state of mind/dream where there were no more blocks

My gratefulness is unbounded

 

Christ Consciousness

Last webcast on lesson 11 of Way of Knowing with Sarita Premley. The guided meditation was very helpful  – I always am more present when I listen to them alone in bed afterwards – I get distracted by all the energy info coming in from the images/persons on the screen

So when Sarita asked, “What do you really want to KNOW this life “– there was direct transmission via images and impressions. First there was the idea of being of service – but what truly came up as something I really have WANTED, was this:

I want to KNOW myself as a sovereign soul/Christ/Self, and BE/radiate this state of Presence to others.

In my book When Fear Comes Home to Love where we explore certain fear-archetypes-traps and how to relate to them, there is an archetype I have called Bird – after the big painting I was “given” to “download” as a painter, where all the archetypes are present as figures. The main one that I and all my patients through 30 years have had and been driven by, is what we may call “The helper/therapist-archetype” the one that derives her/his worth by this work – to her/his own detriment.

I have worked diligently with its energy for years – and yesterday, after our webcast, I noticed that my whole house was filled to the brim by my neighbors’ energy ( those from Kosovo that I have talked about earlier.) It even SMELLED from them – a quite different smell than the familiar one.)

So now I was planted in the middle of the old pattern: I am one who always pick up others unconsciousness that they have split off, and hold it for them.

I did that for 30 years as therapist without finding out what to do about it and  almost always felt sick after sessions. “Giving it back” afterwards never really worked. Yesterday I saw the  seed -belief  – I NEED to do this as a survival mode – taking the others crazy-energy inside as a way of control it.– I truly believed it would save me from being attacked again, since I now had it inside already – but as Abraham reminds us, then I just hold a frequency that attracts more of the same.

So I saw the original choice and owned it, no problem – and affirmed that I WANTED this absolute KNOWING that I was this POWERFUL Christ Presence, WANTED to KNOW myself as That, FEEL myself as that.

And I came into this body in quite a new way – very anchored. It has lasted the whole day (included a visit to the Dental Hygienists who does rather painful work.)

I saw at night how the old identity was geared  to “help” only by taking over others garbage – and that it helped me feel very good and helpful and powerful ( but also VERY angry and filled with revenge-thoughts.) I know that believed I had no choice in this – and yesterday I was clear that I had: I could choose instead just KNOWING that my True Presence  is enough – TRULY! And being anchored in it will give me the necessary info about how to intervene or NOT.

I sat with that knowing for a very long time, confirming my choice again and again – THIS is what I desire. And what helped me was the KNOWING and bodily feeling that this IS my true identity.

From intellect into body-awareness – what a journey

It feels so very  good

Thank you Sarita and group – thank you thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Elevation of the Divine Feminine

These days it is the male teachings that has moved me forward.) Two times lately when being in hell I have opened one of my wise-quotes-notebooks and always my finger has pointed at Israels long and intense teaching. NOW they are meeting me in this perfect place where I am fully ready 🙂
What a timing!
My inner male is receiving so much healing and rehabilitation these last weeks! My dream-men treat me with gentleness and affection, and a healthy sexuality is starting to replace the old kind, filled with guilt and shame
Last night (dream) I sat in the bus with a man who I like a lot, and just him spiderweb-soft touching my hand sent me into heaven – the atmosphere between us was playful and tender.
This night dream I was together with a big group, training in shamanism – and there was a grand big ritual in a circle where the male leader lifted me up so I sat on his shoulders ( this was heavy 🙂 and was done in two stages) and he carried me around the whole circle while I felt the love from him and FOR him and inside me – an acknowledgment of the Soul/Self’s mastery.
The collective male is lifting and supporting and carrying the collective feminine AT LAST
That makes me unspeakable happy

ARIEL

I dreamt that I was in the city and met a neighbor to my child house home -he was now my age, and with him I was in my SELF -*** It was indescribably beautiful – this is how it feels to live in JOY, I know it now – unlimited all peaceful and joyful – all accepting – overflowing love – BEAUTY! -grace – smiling with all the cells in my body – and he gave me a ring – it was placed on my left middle finger – where now is the ANCH-cross since 30 years ago – OH! – it was like a 2 inch high cylindrical  container of glass/crystal  -with something alive  and sacred inside –

Breathing deeply writing this

Then after a long while, the energy changed and my ring mirrored it – the content inside got muddled

I woke up, felt cold and stiff and horrible, and completely dried out. . I asked for help from the angel of Water, and It did not answer – so I knew there was something more for me to look at.I recognized this frequency as ***something that I do not want any longer,*** that it is a CHOICE I must take. I took it 🙂 Then the water flowed back into my cells.

Then, the test: as soon as I logged on my PC, there was a request from SKYPE – which deals with connections and relations 🙂 would I get the newest version from Microsoft? i clicked yes, and at the same time there was a big reaction of NO! from the nervous system.

All my contacts had disappeared.
At first I clicked around frantically and them i remembered to connect to Source. Then a chat-opportunity showed up. The helper was named ARIEL :

This is from internet:

Ariel is a Celestial Angelic Being within the Angelic Order known as the Archangels. Archangels are responsible for ministering to humans, considered somewhat like “manager angels”, Archangels oversee the responsibilities of Guardian Angels and the other Celestial Light Beings that act as our guardians and guides.
The patron saint of animals and the environment, Archangel Ariel’s name means ‘lion or lioness of God’. Her role is to protect the earth, its natural resources, ecosystems and all wild life and is always available with support and guidance for any activities that involve environmentalism and protecting, healing, rejuvenating, …

“Ministering angel” LOL – of Blue has so much fun me with me! ( Digression: In “When Fear Comes Hone to Love” I have collected a multitude of these sweet synchronicities from Spirit that i experienced, going through the explorations of the dark archetypes those 25 years.(still doing 🙂)

One more pointer to me: When i went through Primal Therapy in the 80-ies, I had ONE antagonist: his name was ARIEL. Now is that name redeemed to me, through THIS Skype-Ariel – who told me: my game is to help you:)

I shared my terror with him, to HAVE TO click on the correct places NOW and he told me again and again that he was there, take your time.

And so comes the beauty and wonder symbolism – he asked if i was willing to give him control of my computer so he could install the new program –

Of course I gave him that, and he thanked me for my trust 🙂

And voila, all my contacts are back
and i have the link to the contact/chat/page of Skype

I have that link! ( And i wrote “I have that THINK:))

Thank you beloved SELF for hammering it in with so much joy

*** This symbolizes to me that only in connection to “my neighbor” ( anyone) am I in my SELF – we cannot reach Heaven on our “own.”

A way to Healing chronic illness/disorders

More on Dragons and Princesses – the 7 week online play-shop I will lead, starting January 1st.

“Dragons” relate to illnesses and “chronic problems” we seem to have – and how we will deal with them instead of “trying to heal” them.

When we change our relations to our wounds – our illness, our pain – we give it the space it needs where it can open up – be seen playfully and with wonder – and therefore be transformed. As long as we hate it and want to fix it, we prevent it from moving and changing – because we have judged it as bad and “shouldn’t be here.”
The more we try to “heal it”, the more we cramp around it, the more resistance is created around it. And then we judge and resist the resistance…no wonder the dragons hold on tight to their treasures.

Just being with it – playfully – creates an extension of the soul you wouldn’t have found if the “illness” had not come to you. This is grace and this is strength: no more victimhood, but an opportunity to open up to look at it differently – with playfulness and “not knowing.”

Only then will the dragon tiptoe out of the darkness – no longer attacking us with flames and horrible sounds – and the princesses will become visible.

Please notice: no expectations for “artistic results.” You need not have any former experience – I assure you, when we just meet up with our willingness and trust in Spirit, magic happens – and also wonderful synchronicities.

Wanna play?
Registration for Dragons and Princesses started 15th of November – just pay a deposit on 500 NOK (= ca 50 GBP) to PayPal – leelah11@gmail.com. The rest – 1250 NOK – is paid 20th of January 2018 – or the date that most of you get paid from your job 🙂

Any questions: please ask in the comments here.

WELCOME

 

Invitation to 7 week online course in healing dragons

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

*
I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a play shop (not workshop.) Two days ago, my Self came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering group work. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online play shop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience ,working like this the last 29 years, that when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and allow Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may look through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. You don’t have to. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I will post Q and A’s about the details

And a good long list of “what If’s” that will help if the dragon convinces you that you are useless.

We will start Monday 25th September. I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please mail me your name and mail address. Registration starts September 15th
*
About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.

Music is a healer

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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