All is art – art is all

Today I started on the second part of my novel “Hilaryon Stories.” And a true miracle happened: I saw clear as diamonds that everything I do is PART of the creative process. All thoughts. All faults. Depression, anger, happiness, delusion. Reading a new book where clear as diamond certain words spring to life and want to be used in the new part. Doing the dishes is part of the process. Going to the loo is. Feeling bored and stupid is – and it becoming diamond clear again that this is my dream and I am dreaming it and I will honor the dream and not judge any part of it – because, who am I to judge and see the whole picture of all these small detail and judge them not worthy?

And that’s what I have been doing all my adult life – the life that was not used in direct creative endeavors, like painting and so on was seen as waste.

Oh is it really possible?

Now, to remind myself of this…but what the heck, If I fall into forgetfulness again, isn’t that part of the creative process too?

 

I could even call it my life :::::giggles:::::

I AM LOVE

Very early morning, great forgiveness-lesson:

An intense pain in the left sinus-channel  led to a memory of a doctor who rammed a steel pin up this channel to clear the charge of a sinus inflammation. I was maybe 10. He did not bother to use anesthetics. He told me to sit with that pin for 20 minutes -and I went right into the old pattern: “ Do not utter a sound, do not show any sign of discomfort or suffering.”

Deep relief surged through me as I forgave myself for using the doctor to punish myself, and to fortify the old pattern of me as a tortured person. Seeing clearly the enormous power of the mind: The Holy Son of God’s choice for ego as its teacher, and then all the stories being played out in the world, proving that I was a separate being and not Gods Holy Son. Crystal clear I now knew that the thought “I am guilty and must be punished” was there before all the incarnations of my soul – and now, all I had to do, was to forgive this thought that I had ever been separate from my Father in Heaven.

The Love that filled me was all encompassing: I knew my true identity:

I AM LOVE

The I fell asleep again and dreamed:

I was having dinner with both my mother and father in my own house. My mother and I were embracing: I was about 30 years I guess, she was just a little older. “I love you I love you I love you!” I exclaimed, and she said “me too” – and “you have really changed!” I said” This is how I have always been – behind all the roles I plaid in our family.

The karma between us – GONE

The father – um, there was still a bit of insanity about him – but the crazy kind that I love, that of the unpredictable Trickster. I was preparing sausages for dinner, and gave my father the job of presenting the dish. He put the sausages in a basket – like a nest – adorned with pastel yarn-skeins and M&Ms!

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I put the day in God’s hands, and was led in a beautiful flow, always in the moment. I wrote a new chapter of the Hilaryon saga, where I was led to incorporate old stories and poems in this new one, and enjoyed the writing immensely. I posted it – and a few seconds later, I got a “like” from someone following this blog. I went to his blog and read today’s post – called: I AM LOVE

Ka

Yesterday I found an old journal with records from therapy. I browsed through it and found a conversation with Blue concerning dark forces. I had completely forgotten this.

Blue said: You made a deal with yourself  long time ago – many lives ago, when we think about time – to allow a so-called dark one into your soul and energy field – to help you find out what is stronger than darkness. What is stronger than fear. You wanted to learn it in such a way that you could never forget it.

Ah. This is good to remember: the darkness is there on my invitation. I had made a vow to keep it there until I was clear about it. Knowing that it was an active choice allows the whole victim-drama to just drain out.

I felt a tenderness towards this soul I have called “mine”, and all the confusion,drama, torture and abuse it has lived through. It seems that I am very in the very process of letting it all go

The last two posts have described the essence of countless lives with resistance to darkness, and therefore giving it power over me: the “ghost” and “demon” coming to my door were costumed angels,giving me the opportunity to see through illusion to the innocence and childlike center beneath. And also – although there was fear-energy still connected to it, the Light that went out came on again: whatever seems to happen to “me”, THE LIGHT IS ON

My healing question is ” I wonder how this is going to release/turn out/go” – said with a curiosity and ease that comes from trust in God and the process. Letting the reins of th ego go

This morning I had a dream:

I held an adorable animal in my arms – it was pure joy, love and playfulness.

Animal – anima – animus:  the Jungian way of describing my soul. Writing this, I also recognize the adorable character Croc in my Hilaryon-stories

I also met a man whose  name was Kawinder. He was Indian – wise , gentle,loving

KA – The old Egyptians had several terms for soul, and KA was the part that was the true life-force.

Winder – wins- “the soul/true life-force wins.” Wins over what? fear.Illusion. And that the soul “wins”, means nothing else to me than that when i choose to ask ” I wonder how this will play out” I am joining with Truth and not fear – I am trusting completely that all is well, although on the appearance-level things may seem “bad.”

Whatever appears, the LIGHT is ON

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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