Inner sculptures

Later yesterday I read more in my old journal in my Expressive Arts Therapy training –  29 years old – and found an exercise that used bodies/persons to sculpt inner feelings.

We were told to find an “inner sculpture” for “me.” I saw a person who knows “I am holy” and a dark being who point his tongue at that person – and a little child who sits close to them and want to be seen and held – an in front of this sits “Nirvana”.

She is present always. All is well. All is allowed.

And I saw that what that person in yesterday’s blog thought she needed, and that manifested as that “dark figure”, ridiculing the Holy – was that Boo-boo’er.

And that it all was all right – as it was

I am eternal Spirit – whole and complete and innocent. I have a bodily experience where my soul has chosen a scenario to explore – in order to learn to see through it to the shining Source at the center. Only when I have stopped judging the feelings can I see that what seems to happen happens in a dream – and that I, as Spirit, is the dreamer.

All I want is to wake up and truly KNOW myself as LOVE. As I get closer, all the old wounds open up for me to see them and see through them to the LOVE behind. In the night I could so lovingly see through the huge amount of self-hatred in  my soul – for not being perfect, for not being as “others” wanted me. And I saw that behind any dark  and violent feeling and act, there was an innocent yearning and need to be loved. Just held.

My daughter has played out all what I needed. She has been my greatest teacher. When she was small, and I was taking all my trainings and learning a lot, I remember I wanted to demonstrate EFT on her. She vehemently protested.

This night I saw why: she wanted me, not a “method.” She wanted nothing between her mother’s love and herself. She wanted to be held, and to be told that she was perfect the way she was, and that I loved her exactly as she was. And that I saw the truth in her and about her. She wanted me to express this with all of me, so she could believe this about herself.

And so I saw that the hatred we both had – to our parents and ourselves – came from innocence: we made a wrong conclusion that we were wrong, at fault, when our parents were crazy. We judged ourselves for needing comfort and love. We told ourselves that it was wrong and not possible, and that the only way out – that our parents demonstrated so perfectly – was to be hard on ourselves and trying to “better” ourselves and never complain – or need anything. Any inner need had to be met with hatred to kill it, anesthetized it.

I sat with this energy that I have judged for eons until it lightened – and asked Holy Spirit to replace my wrong-minded perception with His .

The dark boo-booer tried to intervene. I discovered that I didn’t want to be hard on myself any longer – no value in it. The silence that came was beautiful.

I recognize it is a habit, and that I need to be vigilant when “he” is there again to “save me” from hoping and open to love and being tricked and crushed. That is the old story – and I am free to choose again: each time he comes, is a new opportunity to choose LOVE instead

 

Last lessons

LESSONS 361 to 365.

This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would follow You,certain that Your direction gives me peace.

W-pII.361-5.1. And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. 2 If I need a thought, that will He also give. 3 And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. 4 He is in charge by my request. 5 And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.

I am very happy this morning – after a wonderful peaceful night. In the four years I have written this blog, that sentence has never been written before.

And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me.

He has always given me the exact books and teachers that I could learn from at the perfect time for learning exactly what they offer. Now here comes Matt Kahn in his book “Whatever arises, love that.”

Matt Kahn's mantra

…with some of my added mantras 🙂

His last sentences: ” By acknowledging that I don’t know how to love, I release each conflict,burden and hardship by entering the heart of surrender.”

When I voiced out loud all these mantras, as he calls them, a strong voice arose in  me as a background voice: “And because you stop trying to do this on your own, I can take it over and do it for you.

I was entering the heart of surrender. It is my Christed Self that spoke – which is Who I am in reality.  I was aware I was not giving it over to an outside God.

Isn’t it sweet that the Holy Spirit – Blue, as I call him/her in “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – sends me this book and these mantras which I guess some Course in Miracles-teachers would not accept as a true Course teaching – but He also tells us in the text that The Course is one of many pointers to the Truth — and that it is all about learning to follow the Voice for truth inside, and recognize the voice for separation as just a voice for suffering,sickness,death and illusion.

I can’t really tell you how great and truthful it felt to speak out those sentences:

I don’t know how to love those who tortured me

I don’t know how to love that inner hateful voice –

and then, Love’s addition: “But I do, and with your little willingness I will love them for you.

There and then I gave up that super-strong spiritual ego who  has denied “bad” feelings and thoughts because they are not real.

Now they are allowed  to stay as they are – and there is an instantaneous surrender of “personal responsibility/spiritual ego.”

And when I don’t mess with it, interpret them, start the storytelling about them, the energy of them just arises into the Light that I Am.

Happy New Year, dear reader – thank you for all the comments, reviews on my two books, and personal stories about how they have helped you let go of  trauma and stress in a playful way. I am so grateful for my life and all it has brought me – it is a beautiful gift to be able to see the shining Self Who has embraced it all, each and every second.

See you in 2016 – may it be the year we all find the inner peace and joy that is our birthright

Leelah Saachi

 

 

 

Healing Without Rejecting

Written yesterday, November 15

I  experience right now  the very essence of what I have called the inner attacker in my mind – that I so often have manifested/projected on the “outside” world. To allow it is a bliss beyond words, and still I will use words to share with you.

What gave the rise to the healing that is now in action – is this:

I share two long ladders with my neighbors in the row of our houses. You can hatch them into each other if you need to climb really high. My new neighbors have put up a new “holder” for it – – and now I have to stand on a smaller ladder to reach up under the roof where these two big ladders are hatched into each other, to take one of them down. They weigh a lot. The little ladder is wiggly and so I feel very wobbly up there.

This put me straight into the very essence of this old attach/defense-wound: “They (my neighbor) WANT me to fall down, to suffer, to hurt myself. They are attacking me. I HATE THEM and want them to suffer as I do.”

It is remarkable to notice that all this still go on on the inside, like a tape – and that as long as I do not become aware of it, IT commands my mind: I think this is ME.

AMAZING to experience the power of it.

I got another taller neighbor to get one of the ladders down for me – he too had to struggle hard to get separate them from that hatch-mechanism – (seen as a proof that I was right in my judgment of my neighbors. And that my intense hatred of them was justified – my strong perception and belief was that they did this to attack me.)

People – this is how it looks when we carry deep old atrocious pain from our childhood – and have been told by parents and society that” you are BAD if you have these BAD feelings – anger is BAD, and especially GIRLS are BAD when they show them. Hatred: oh you are beyond redemption – since now GOD does not love you either. God ONLY loves nice children.”

So I braved myself and went over to my neighbors, and the woman came out. Her face looked contorted when she opened her door – and now I realize that this were mirror-neurons – her face reflected how I looked and felt unconsciously. Still, we talked friendly how we could solve this – and she told me that her husband, who is very tall, had bumped his head into the ladder when it was lying in the way it used to before they got this new hatch.

It turned out that she talked in generally – but my first impulse was that my sin had almost killed him.

OHMYGOD maybe he now lied inside bleeding because of me – GUILTY BAD GIRL – I must be punished

And everything the body felt at that time  60 years ago when this was learned, I learned to push down – or rather, the defense mechanism pushed it.

And so it has been all my life – 71 years – and this morning, I was turned around TOWARD the wound, with Matt Kahns words. He is teaching us how to talk to our self:

“So we close our eyes and relax our breath, and I say on your behalf: whether to this mind, to this heart, to this body, to any memory, to any grudge, to any disappointment, to any grief, to any loss, to any form of lack, to any illness, disease or unbalance: “I am so sorry that I have judged you so harshly and forgotten that you are a catalyst of Divinity. No matter how you were sent, and how you appear in my life. I realize that you are bringing to my attention an opportunity for me to enter into such an accelerated journey of healing beginning to balance the decease or the conditions that has come to me. As of this moment, I no longer judge myself for what I have manifested,I no longer judge other for what I seem to be dealing with, and instead I realize that I have manifested this as an opportunity to grow in consciousness, to manifest what I have previously judged as “less”, or “lacking”, as something less than the Light, and it is an opportunity for me to change my relationship with Life.”

This radiant moment I understand why it says that Light has no opposite: it’s because of my judgment of the situation/what is happening that I perceive the Light as darkness and pain – in reality, this is the greatest gift Life and God could give me right now.

“Thank you for being in my life. I love you so much. You are beautiful and you are wonderful just as you are. And maybe instead of asking the Universe to heal this and clear this out of my field – what if I take a revolutionary step: What if I say to the disease, the imbalance, to the pain, to the suffering, what if I say to IT: what can I do for you to give you a better experience of me?”

And so – this is what I did this morning – when I sensed the utterly familiar sensation of the lump: hatred, this shouldn’t be like this, I am wrong, I do it wrong, I hate myself, I hate THEM, I hate God for not helping me through this ( writing this, my heart is skipping beats) oh this is hopeless I give up (but at least I am being nice about it.)

And I turned toward it and asked it what Matt suggested.

This is a collective thought form/entity/”being” that the Holy Son of God has manifested since time and space and has accepted as real. It is not “mine” – and I have made it utterly mine, because of my denial of its Original Light. In this moment, in this One Mind that I Am – it is being brought to healing.

What can I do for you to give you a better experience of me?”

The first it said was “please give up your judgment of me – that turns me into darkness.”

And then “ just BE with me as the judgment-spell is taken off me”

I realize I have demonized my Self – and that It is not in the least affected by it – why? Because I am ever only hurt by my perception: in reality, the Self is eternally pure and Holy Spirit, but I – and we all – have pretended it is not.

And that is the prerequisite for separation.

In reality, nothing happened – and as long as I still partly identify with the body, I will experience the consequences of that original error –

But it is not serious, as Jesus repeatedly tells us in the Course, and in the Way of Mastery.

This is Matt’s take on healing without rejecting

“-How can I serve you – your sweet pain?

“- If we ever turn into whatever we try to heal, let us remember the two word mantra “Thank You. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for being what guarantees my love becomes unconditional. Thank you for being immune for all my spiritual negotiation and manipulation, for not allowing me to turn away from this invitation to love myself. Thank you for the opportunity to be a steadfast teacher in my life and to only bring to my attention how much more support and love that I need to give to myself – even if I live in a world where everyone else seems to be concerned with everyone else except me. Thank you for ensuring my healing will be complete when my love has become more unconditional in nature. Thank you! I love having you in my life. – We have to shift from “I don’t want to have this in my life, to “hello beautiful catalyst of consciousness, hello disease, hello imbalance, hello grief, hello loss, hello disappointment, hello victimhood – what can I do to serve your journey? How can I make your experience of me better? How can I focus on being more interested in serving the experience of the illness and imbalance within me – instead of trying to get rid of it, and how I wish life would change? Can we turn inward, and just complement and honor this illness, imbalance and disease like it is child, just begging for love and approval – “you are perfect the way you are, even if I hate the experience you provide.” I know you are only here to be loved, even if I hate the feelings in my body. How can I create the best experience in my body while you are with me – I know this isn’t going last forever – but this will go on until I change the way I relate to myself, instead of insisting things must change first within me. How can I serve your experience? Let me be your companion – let me be your friend – and may it make my love unconditional – for the evolution of my journey and the benefit for all I am meant to encounter. Thank you for this disease, thank you for this illness, thank you for this imbalance, thank you for this pain, thank you for this adversity, thank you for this opportunity to bear my soul and become more honest, loving ,compassionate and complementary than ever before, thank you thank you thank you.

Everything that shows up in my field is what the other consciousness has not yet embraced. It does not matter if it is “mine” or “their” – it is here to be complemented like I am its closest companion.

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Holy Spirit at the doorstep

Yesterday, looking out of the window, I saw something light brownish and white lying in the grass. A dead animal, I thought – maybe a bird.

Later, downstairs in the healing-room where I work out in the morning, I saw a light brown and white pigeon sitting on my garden fence, looking at me. I realized it was the same bird that I thought first was dead – well, he had at least managed to fly up on the fence. I looked at him and wished him well with all my heart. One minute – and then he took flight, soaring.

How strange. I could have sworn he was dead when I first saw him.

This morning, I opened the main door to get the paper, and he flew up right behind my door – the door actually hit him.

I looked at him in wonder as the familiar signal inside went off: pay attention.

I watched him as he humped along across the little lawn – and then he humped up some stairs to a neighbor across the road.

I prayed for help to realize what this was reflecting. Birds points to Spirit –

I look into my little dream-book:

“Dove or pigeon: Interchangeably with the pigeon, the dove is a symbol of peace and reconciliation ( as the bird that brought the olive branch back to Noah’s Ark) and of love ( the emblem of the Holy Spirit.)

But – it was sick! Almost dead! And then resurrected and flew – as if nothing had happened to it – and today it was sickly again –

I put the thoughts away

And later, I was standing in the kitchen and felt the usual stress pattern coming up – old PTSD – and heard myself saying out loud:

But I am not sick – meaning: my identity is not sickness

Thank you Sacred Self – you are showing me, via this pigeon, that what I have tried so valiantly to heal and interpret and understand, is not “MINE” – it belongs to the dream, the illusion of separation.

My true identity is SELF – oneness with my Creator, created in His Image – and surely that can not be sick

But the bird taught me that I think sickness belongs to my identity:

it played out dead – sickly – fabulous flyer – and then “waiting for you at your doorstep, being smashed a bit around”

I love the humor  and playfulness of the divine

“What suffers is not part of me” stresses the Course – which is a good thing: now I can embrace it instead of identifying with its suffering

For the first time, I truly SEE the choice where to put my belief: sickness or Spirit

Which means that the next time symptoms flare up, I will remind myself “appearances only” and  rest in God

The ego is trying to convince me that if  I don’t make the appearances instantly disappear, Spirit is not to be trusted.

Not so – silly thought – the discomfort can be there now, it is not a sign that I am wrong and a failure(which spiritual ego claims) just that the story the pain is telling comes from a belief in separation and shall not be taken seriously

I am not a traumatized “somebody “- I am Spirit – healed, whole and innocent – all is forgiven and released

Blue is playing

in “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, Blue (Holy Spirit) arranged a series of synchronicities for me to  show me the inner joy and play of everything.

Here is one more of those:)

Blue is playing

I write down in my journal, that in the moment I feel fear-energy, I will make a positive act: I will open to the fear and care for it, meeting it with love.

I open Jack Kornfield’s book and read:

 

“In opening, we can see how many times we have mistaken the small identities and fearful beliefs for our true nature, and how limiting this is. We can touch with great compassion the pain from the contracted identities that we and the others have created in the world.” [1]

[1]Jack Kornfield: From A Path with Heart: A Guide through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life. Bantam; 1 edition (June 1, 1993)

 

The healing space around pain

In the morning, there is strong kidney pains, as the last two mornings. I trace the infinity sign outside the kidneys, and instantly feel a release – but it feels like something more needs to happen.I ask Holy Spirit for help, and hear:

From now on, when you feel bodily pain or discomfort, at the same time, please be willing to see the healing energy surrounding it. It is there. It is in fact the truth about it: the pain is a projected image that some parts of the egoic mind ( that you insist is you)- think is real – but it is just  a symbol of unconscious guilt. Or an image, if you will.

When you put your focus on the pain with the thought “this shouldn’t be here” you feed it – you think it is real, and not just an image you self have made.

Now – do not dwell with the pain. Do not indulge in it. Allow it to be – AND put your living awareness in the field that surrounds that pain, the love that embraces it. Trust that Love is taking care of it.

Blessings to all who are reading this

 

I choose the joy of God instead of pain

With a giggle I see that today’s lesson in the Course is nr 190, I choose the joy of God instead of pain. I have enjoyed pasting paragraphs in blue of it in my post

Here follows what I took down in my recorder this early morning.What is so wonderful is that I was One with that Voice -Leelah melted into it – so now, I allow It to speak to those of you who need to hear exactly this. I love you!

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You who have tremendous pain in your life –  frequent pain,chronic pain – it is not really the pain you fear – you fear the suffering.And suffering comes because when we seem to be in tremendous relentless pain, most of us turn away from it – or against it – resisting it.

What if this pain is not what it seems to be. What if it is our great possibility for connecting – RE-connecting with Love? What if our habitual chronic resistance pattern in the ego is the problem?

Turn toward it, my friend – and it stops being suffering and turns into suchness.

It is your greatest friend.

In moment when your YES comes, you look at it – and gradually it dawns on you that you are the eternal loving embracing awareness of it. And you were never something else.

You are never in pain. And that is why you have chosen to come here to this earth this life, to experience situations and stories which brings this pain in this body –  forgetting who you really are, believing you are a victim of it.

You have chosen that, my Beloved – in order to wake up in full acceptance of it- in full gratitude, innocence and curiosity embracing it – thereby transforming it and transmuting the energy into the blazing incomprehensible Light that is your true nature.

W-pI.190.7. The world may seem to cause you pain. 2 And yet the world, as causeless, has no power to cause. 3 As an effect, it cannot make effects. 4 As an illusion, it is what you wish. 5 Your idle wishes represent its pains. 6 Your strange desires bring it evil dreams. 7 Your thoughts of death envelop it in fear, while in your kind forgiveness does it live.

All the “parts” of the Beloved  who think they are in pain, taking the stories and its experiences seriously, and therefore resist it: – I am that part of you that says ” I LOVE YOU” to yourself. “I remember Who I am. I have chosen this pain to find out that I have wanted it -to return to Who I am, to have the willingness to embrace the pain, to truly recognize what I am. As I speak this, there are still pain sensations everywhere – but I am not taking it serious, it is not “mine,” it has nothing to do with What I am. I bless this moment, I bless every “part” of the one mind who I see as other than me, that truly believe it is in danger, being tortured,beaten,abused. I know of behalf of all of us, it is not so.

W-pI.190.9. Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven’s peace holds all things still at last. 2 Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. 3 Let no attack enter with you. 4 Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness.

It is the Beloved choosing – to go into horrendous pain and darkness, to bring Christ into it – and thus embody Christ. This is how we being heaven into earth.

As I am in this process – and having my center now in That which receives it in gratitude – I can talk to these “other parts” of me: “How alone you felt in those moments.How utterly alone you felt – and still, I was there.You couldn’t see me, since you had chosen to make the pain and situation real – in order to be able to transcend it and transform the energy of it NOW.In order to fully experience the pain completely, you had to cut Me off. This was your choice – to go in to the separation to experience all the flavors of it, and to return to Truth by loving what you had created. To come to this place – now – where you truly know you were never alone – and where everything happening in your life – everything – have been needed to bring you to where you are now

I bless you in your willingness to wake up.Thank you for being willing to know that the pain is real – believing in that story of a vengeful god- which is the very root of the ego thought system.

Right now I/Leelah/ is in the very center of the chronic pain in the  center of the chest – the painful cough-place. This is the seat of the denial that anything painful happened in the dream to the dream-me.

You who read this, may right now ask yourself, where in your body is your hiding place, which you still unconsciously hold on to, to still be “you” – the separate made up- you who are special?

and if you are honest, can you find that part who has made you special because of your special story of suffering?

How old is it? what is it telling itself?

Breathe into that sentence and that place, deeply. Sense the Holy Spirit in that breath – He is that close. Ask for help to forgive everyone involved, in all time, space and dimensions.

Be willing to be with whatever comes up – Christ is there with you. You can feel Its frequency of Love. Know it is just a re-play, that it is over, it has come up to be seen and blessed and released. And it will release when you stop judging it, when you see it as pure energy who now comes to -at last – be healed, through you.

The stories in your cell-memory of victimhood – simply recognize them as that – scenarios that your radiant Self chose to go through, to be able to anchor the energy and later – now – transform it through true vision.

Turn toward Love

Turn toward Love

Can we see how we / the Sonship /has placed ego’s contorted face of fear between the separated me and Truth. We have called it dark and evil and abhorred it and judged it and demonized it…this is what we have believed is Love- no wonder we fear it –

W-pI.190.8. Pain is the thought of evil taking form, and working havoc in your holy mind. 2 Pain is the ransom you have gladly paid not to be free. 3 In pain is God denied the Son He loves. 4 In pain does fear appear to triumph over love, and time replace eternity and Heaven. 5 And the world becomes a cruel and a bitter place, where sorrow rules and little joys give way before the onslaught of the savage pain that waits to end all joy in misery.

You don’t chase demons away, you turn toward them and recognize the terrified child within them, whose feelings and needs we denied

You forgive ourselves, and You surrender

W-pI.190.10. Here will you understand there is no pain. 2 Here does the joy of God belong to you. 3 This is the day when it is given you to realize the lesson that contains all of salvation’s power. 4 It is this: Pain is illusion; joy, reality. 5 Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. 6 Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.

You surrender –   not to the story about evil and victimizer stronger than you

You surrender to Truth. You see through it 🙂

You tell Holy Spirit, “bring it on!”

Doubting thoughts  will come: “I can never come through this – it is far bigger than “me. It is hopeless ”

Of course these thoughts come – you have believed in them and made the world real by doing so. And so you can choose to let them go.

You created this, you wanted to experience it all – and you have

It’s just a mask

You don’t need that anymore

You don’t need to be scared anymore

We don’t need to treasure fear as our protector anymore

Look at what we have created in the multidimensional hologram we think is real

We have experienced it all – not let’s go home

W-pI.190.11. And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. 2 Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world.

This video is  from Le Nozze di Figaro  by Mozart.Truly love from a human mind, with all its conflicting bits – but I invite you to look away from the text and just look at the faces of Cherubino and the Duchess  – never did I see this more lovely rendered: the soul surrendering to Love

 

 

Change of mind

Yesterday,  an alarm-technician came to fix my alarm ( the momentum it had lasted far to long when it was ignited – nice symbol 🙂 Now, as soon as a push the button the sound is over.

When that guy entered – very big he was – I felt the old fear-energy acutely. I surrendered the situation to Holy Spirit, being willing to not control anything, and I sensed the full brunt of my old fear of men and the expectation of being attacked any second. The gift was, to be present and friendly with him, AND at the same time fully present with that energy – allowing it, accepting that I had made this pattern – breathing deeply, blessing and forgiving everyone involved in all times, myself included – truly allowing the body to relax and just sensing the energy of primal fear –  and being very willing to release the belief that there is any value of holding on to this any longer.

At first, I felt so disappointed that I wasn’t having  any sense of healing and completion –  and then I felt a big calm: “That you are allowing this whole fear-archetype to come up and not judge it is the gift.”

That guy gave me some sweet smiles 🙂

Then today, the old pattern of the “grumpy old geezer” I have had playing out in my mind repeated itself with a venom. After some time I made the same decision as yesterday: I breathed what Jeshua calls “LovesBreath” ( which he instructs us  in The Jewel of the Christ Mind) – and I offered this Love to that “geezer”-part of my mind. I know that I in some lifetime, that has been me – or else I could not recognize it. I forgave again – all parts involved, in all dimensions, and I owned it as something I had chosen to experience. I felt a genuine urge to forgive and not hate it, and to share Love with it.
I went to a movie. After 10 minutes, the “geezer” energy came up again, but this time showered in light, and in the dark movie-theater I cried with all of me twice – about ten seconds each time, without a sound – and then a huge gratitude wave came on.

 

“My job is to make you happy”

The healing that I can share with you, reader, is the importance of finding our old “hidden” recipes for safe behavior”  we learned as children – and allow their inherent beliefs to be corrected. If we don’t, there will be tremendous consequences – illnesses, insanity and violence. If I through my life, however, share the beliefs at the very ground of such dysfunctional patterning, Grace shines through and is available for all.

And it is with that intention I share a bit of my childhood-story.

The beliefs -belonging to the archetype BIRD in “When fear Comes Home to Love” -are:

I must be good and not make waves – or problems – for “them.”

It is my job and my duty to make them feel good – on the expense of my own state of mind. Even after a group rape when I was 4, my job is the same: when they expressed distress at what  I told them and were angry at me, I instantly buried it. When 2 years later another gang of boys did it again – in an even more cruel way, and over time – I knew that I just HAD TO make it nonexistent for myself, and every need and feeling was crushed and pushed away.

I start to realize the tremendous pressure I have exerted on my mind and body to push the needs for a space to exist away.

And I realize that this storm of tensions have been what the nights and the mornings have shown for almost 70 years. How faithful the mind shows me what I have buried, so I at last can allow it to be corrected and replaced by the Miracle.

Look at the big beautiful bird at the book cover. This is Bird – she meshes in with the Tree

She has taken on this “job” – because of it, when worked through, there is less darkness and denial than before. That is the work of the Bodhisattva – and we all have chosen that position in our number of incarnations. In the Bird-chapter you will read case-stories and creative processes where Bird wakes up.

The intense pressure and pain I have felt all these years – so extremely toxic!- has to do with the conviction that I am guilty if I step out of this role of “savior” and drop the belief that others pain is because of ME – because I failed my duty of making them happy.

I am lying here with Christ: “breathe in and breathe out deeply, breathe into that toxic pain and say “Yes! Come Home! I am here!”

I need just to breathe – Holy Spirit does all the clearing. He is the Divine Laundromat.

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no-time

Yesterday I had a night with much turbulence, and did not sleep much. I tried to sleep for some extra hours in the morning, and asked H:S to stop time for me – the Course tells us that time is an illusion, and I have known this through therapy sessions I have given where we both thought  we had been together for  at least 3 hours, and only 1/2 hour had passed. I have also experienced the other way.

So I rested a while and got up, and looked at the media-players clock. It showed 3 hours back in time. I turned it off and on again – and now it showed correct time.

This clock can not be set by me. Then it dawned on me that it only showed back to the time when I had prayed that the time was halted for a while. ..OK I do get that this sounds wacky. Feel free to laugh. I would probably have done the same. But now came the icing on the cake: the second I looked at the clock and realized that the clock had stopped when I asked HS to do that, I  confirmed “There is no time.” Precisely in that second the clock showed 00:00 – and then back to normal

I know I know. Laugh all you want:)

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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