No need for judgment

In the shower, I notice a spot on the back that itches. When I scratch it, it gets a crust which I scratch off and then it itches again. Infernally. So I at least got that there was something here that wanted my attention. This is something I have not been willing to let go of. Something that is connected to what I call “me.” The Course tells me that I am not the body – but I hear , darn it, it was me that experienced all that heinous shit when I was little – it was MY body it happened to – it was THIS body it happened to. I have explored where evil comes from, and I am right that this is my body!!!

And now comes  a major turnaround in my mind:

Blue tells me that the intense feeling I experience now – “I AM RIGHT! THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE!” is a collective  belief that does not belong in a mind of Oneness – where there are no me’s. Everything in this world – including media – reflects the “laws” the Son of God = all of us –  subconsciously agreed upon to make us stay within the illusion of separation. These laws reflects the polarity in ego’s world: good and evil, right and wrong, pretty and ugly, smart and stupid. Gravity is one of the laws – and it works only because we subconsciously have agreed on believing in them. The same is true regarding time and space: both concepts in the ego thought system. For Spirit, none of these laws  are valid – and we are Spirit, believing we are humans, identifying with the dream we are dreaming. The “we” not being humans, but Mind outside time and space.

This means that I don’t need to attach a me to any ego-thought/belief at all – and poof, there goes all my perceived need for judgment.

The Pope IS resigning

Some 10 years ago I had a psychotic episode in the Mall.  My daughter was with me, but suddenly I could not see her. In that moment, I KNEW that my daughter had been abducted by evil men and now she was in their power. The images in my mind were so vivid, the feelings so horrifyingly “real” that there was no doubt.

I called home and left a message on the answering machine

I alarmed the security guards to look for her everywhere. They seemed to believe the seriousness of the situation. Paralyzed from fear I ran down into the library and told the librarian of my abducted daughter.

Then I walked home and found my daughter, and exploded in tears.

It became clear to me that a very early memory had risen to the surface, and I had projected it on her.

This night I had a dream that my daughter had been abducted in a dark wood again. The screaming for help was very loud – and there she came, calmly walking out of the wood! Nothing at all had happened – except in my imagination.

In the dream I clutched her to me, frantic, and while I was doing that, I could observe how good it felt to express all that agony – and how special I felt while doing that. Of course! No judgment at all about it – just a calm realization that I did not need this justification for expressing agony any longer.

It has taken some time for this story to move through the mind and be observed and recognized as a dream in the split mind of the Son of God – but it HAS been recognized now. The symbol of my daughter walking peacefully out of the dark wood allows me to see that it HAS been healed.

The peace and joy in seeing this is indescribable.

*

Next dream: I am skiing – with the-soon-to-abdicating Pope Benedict and my daughter!

We are great friends. I am enjoying the symbol of the deputy of the  ego’s god in the world – too old and tired now, and in my mind, (as in the world) retiring.

He told me that he wanted to give me some books, he had them packed into a moving cardboard-box…I asked if he could put the box in his car while we were skiing, so I could pick it up after the trip…waking up, I think I’ll let them stay in his car 🙂

Talking this into the recorder,lying in bed, there is an infernal noise from outside. I walk out on the balcony: two huge black surveillance helicopters fly very low in perfect equal distance from each other, making a parallel path over the sky.

One week ago I would have been freaked out and seen it as a sign of “surveillance” from a vindictive god.” Really, I would – or the ego would, and I would have identified with that thought of being guilty and scared.

Freedom!

*

And then I saw Anna Karenina /Tom Stoppard/Joe Wright –

Never before has it been shown so crystal clear that the world is a stage and that we are the stuff that dreams are made off. As a stage designer I could fully enjoy the details of the old Russian Theater with its 3 levels  –  and the main operative level, (is the correct word string loft?) was of course populated with people with lowest status.

The musical delicacy of the  details and symbols were intensely satisfying: in one scene the audience to a horse race are in flesh and blood (Anna among them) watching Vronsky and others horse racing across the stage. Before they enter, Anna’s tension is mirrored in her way of fanning herself – and the rush-rhythm of the fan is mirrored in the sound of the galloping hoofs thundering across the stage. In the moment when our attention is with the riders, we see that the audience are now seen as painted figures of the set: 2 dimensional, painted on the walls of the theater.

The metaphors of the stage…some time there is like a little mini-theater inside the theater: a very intimate little room with a bed and a person sleeping. All – I say all – the details are exquisite, symbolic and meaningful. In some scenes we are looking into the area of the public – now empty – where one actor is looking out, and the beautiful old-fashioned stage lights are framing them.

And the choreography! Dance is woven into every scene, and makes it even more clear that we – the humans – are all choreographed – but it is done with such beauty and truth that we hardly notice it.

In the last scene the nature takes over the stage – this is such a wonderful image of what the Course calls “the Real World.” My heart opened and a I could sit in darkness and allow myself to have that experience as the credits rolled and nobody were moving and disturbing.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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