WATER

12 March the mouth dryness was back with a vengeance. I dove into the familiar“this is hopeless” landscape, but corrected it. Opened my Mystical Shaman Oracle – and the card was WATER.

It talked about the importance of stamina and determination of hanging in there. It said the journey would be messy, but it would be worth it. So I committed myself at last to truly allow myself to be where I seem to be – and even put some gratefulness into it: this is what will set me free for good.

The night was different – less mouth dryness – and in the morning I had a long dream about Egypt and the grand Kheops pyramid.*** I have been inside it in this life and in many dreams, it always feels indescribably wonderful and FREE. I cherish the energy of being inside it – the familiarity, the smell, the color of the stones – light orange brown. This dreamtime there were lots of tourists – and at the entrance, there was now a shop. All hand-crafted things – knitted and crocheted light caps caught my eye, they were light blue and so delicate.

I woke up from this dream many times – and in between talked with a guide who told me that what I am required to look at has to do with lives in Egypt where power was misused and for which I still unconsciously still carry deep guilt. How vital it is in this life to forgive ourselves anything that is not loving – it happened, it is over, my soul got its experience. I remember that nothing REAL happened – nothing that can harm our essential essence / Self. It happened within a dream of separation, and Reality is not touched. And when I endeavor to SEE the essence of my victims – there is no doubt that there IS only ONE pure and loving essence, and we are all IT.

It is always myself I forgive – for allowing any energy of illusion to temporarily rent a space in my mind.

The quality of connection between me and the masters feel crystal clear and loving.

***I placed my favorite Pyramid – the Sakkara – in my novel “Hilaryon Stories.” I discovered, when I visited Her in Egypt for the first time in this life, that she was truly alive with feminine spirit. In my book, she plays a main role – and Johann Sebastian Bach who turns up there, even has a Grand Organ in the apex chamber. ( Since that chamber is small, I solved it by shrinking by magic anyone and anything that I put into it. )

I don’t dare to post images of the Pyramids – there are rights to be considered 😦 But I will indulge in posting a review of Hilaryon Stories by Mona Gustafson Affinito:

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2020

When I have recommended Jungian books to clients and students, I have always suggested reading them as if one is a rock in a river. Don’t try the American way of grasping for reality and details. Just let it pass over you and be enriched by the parts that stick. Leelah Saachi has applied her manifold artistic, theatrical, and therapeutic skills to an in-depth trip into the possibilities of joy. Turning warts into loveliness, ugliness into beauty, symbols into meaning, stench into sweetness, fear into courage, all with a childlike sense of play and enhanced by reference to beautiful music — JB’s. Unfortunately my attempts to access the links to the relevant works didn’t work. My kindle went into panic mode trying to figure out where to go once Wi-Fi had been accessed, but the concept is delightful. The less than five star rating reflects the observation that this is not a book for everyone. Sometimes it reminded me of reading T.S. Eliot, greatly enhanced by recognizing her implied references.

Turnaround

The more symptoms I have got the last weeks – and the more I have focused on the symptoms and worried and moaned and tried to think what to  DO – the more frequent the symptoms have become, the more vicious and serious-looking. Law of energy:whatever I give my focus to, grows.

Last day I was in town. When I left the bus,  a feeling of being in mortal danger was thrown on me – my whole lung area ached in a way that made me believe I was having an heart attack. I was passing through a crowd of people, when a young and beautiful man looked at me and smiled: ” I am a monk and a yoga teacher. ” I did not hear the rest, since I had left my hearing aids at home – I just smiled behind the darn mask ( he wore none) and continued to walk – suddenly noticing that the chest was perfectly OK.

His Presence and radiance had reminded me Who I am am / Who we are

This night when new symptoms were coming up I went to the Course who told me not to focus on symptoms on illness – and instead rest in my Self -remembering my true identity. So I did – and in 20 minutes or so deep pains, itchings and symptoms melted away. I could clearly feel the shift in thinking and frequency, and knew: “I will let let God / Self/ take care of this.”

From this level of consciousness I started to bless and honor all beauty in my life, and a supreme peace of mind spread. I found it did not mattered if I lived or died, as long as I embraced this Self – since here was Peace.

And it had taken all these illnesses lately to bring me here.

lonely girl in the Heart

30 years ago, when writing “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, I painted this image as an expression of a state of mind of the inner child, lost in confusion and states of deep loneliness and isolation ( ICEolation) and wrote this text to it:

In the middle of the Heart

there is a fog of woe and wonder –

so little known to itself,

so dreamingly absorbed in the

layers of illusion.

But look:

it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!

I am so lonely so lonely

and I do not know of my fears –

I sense them only when I am held

but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces

someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?

A great light and soft love surrounds me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

*

I doubted that Aurora was real, and prayed: Blue, please, give me a sign – let me see this name within three days.

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

Lonely Girl in the Heart Comes Alive

In the usual night agony, I heard a clear and no-nonsense voice: sit up right now!

I did, and in a king of whoosh I saw that the carrier of the agony energy was my spiritual ego – the one who has followed 10 Mystery schools  and  a zillion of trainings and and and and still feels this agony/rage/anxiety/death wish/killing lust.

It’s simply the whole “false” identity, the perceived “separate one” – the one who sees herself as NOT healed and worthy and a failure – she is ALL OF THAT.

And after reading Carrie Triffet’s last book – about the importance to completely utterly love the “subterranean self” – or those parts of us we have kept as a secret…that I fully acknowledge her presence, and realize how unavoidable it is to continue AS her. From now on relating TO her – is my intention.

Now, this night, I saw that I was asked to intend to LOVE ALL OF THAT – the whole old package of “the ego though system” as the Course calls it – all those parts of me that I had attached to those thoughts and called MINE and ME.

IT was strange to get up in the morning – it felt different. I could neutrally watch “her” and all her thought patterns – but they did not attach to me. That much. I witnessed her go bananas when she lost something on the floor – for the first time did I allow her to yell and curse and it felt just fine and NEUTRAL. No judgment.

She like very much to be praised for having been such a good girl – and I enjoy doing that, loving her, truly loving her, embracing her with what Carrie calls “the rose-golden Light.”

Bow this is weird and wonderful: the above in blue attached itself here ABOVE the text that I had composed on Word and copied. When I clicked glue in, it came too – helping me realize that what I wrote today was the continuation of the blue text.  Clearly  this is archetypal matter.

Lonely Girl in the Heart

 

In the middle of the Heart

there is a fog of woe and wonder –

so little known to itself,

so dreamingly absorbed in the

layers of illusion.

But look:

it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!

I am so lonely so lonely

and I do not know of my fears –

I sense them only when I am held

but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces

someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?

A great light and soft love surround me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

 

The inner Child is doubting that Aurora is real: “Please give me a sign, Blue – let me see this name within three days!”

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

*

Today is 23.March 2020 – 22 years after I wrote the above, as a part of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”  – and I found the child, the Heart -and -body connection was made, and my whole experience of life has changed.

Before that, earlier today,  I sensed with deep grief that I truly wanted to be grounded – but there has always been something that refuses to be inside the body. I have sensed there is a root connection through my feet and the perineum – but I wanted the feeling/energy of the dissociated child  to be fully incarnated. I prayed deeply for help with this, and suddenly I KNEW that she was HERE – inside me – and the mother of all griefs burst forth. I have never cried like THAT before – completely new quality – now embracing all that loneliness.

Do you know what more is present:

My creativity – and two years of crazy wolf hunger is GONE

JUST GONE

The constant inner strong bumping pulse in the midsection – gone

So now I knew how I feel – and how SHE felt – so I decided to play with her with words. It felt like an adorable little girl of 4 years was present, a separate being – and I communicated with her just as I would do with a girl of flesh and blood.

It was very helpful to have worked with “parts” most of my 30 years as a therapist 😊

She has been behind the wolf hunger – and the impossibility to do anything creative and playful. Now she composed an adorable story about a pig who had the moon inside her and spread moonlight all over her surroundings.

I am aware that this energy of her needs time to solidify and integrate. Of course! Bless her!

 

I feel tired in a healthy way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM ONE SELF

The last 6 months or so I have worked with a brilliant copyeditor  for my novel. “Hilaryon Stories – the Botany of Loss and Longing and White Hares.” During that process, the old pattern of confusion and distractions have played with both of us – the most silly and unthinkable digital pranks have shown up; there has been a lot for me to catch hold of and tend to inside.

I have prayed constantly to see all this differently – to see each other  as innocent and not stupid and wrong.

When my cover formatter joined us, there were impossible errors showing up in the text on the back cover – and pointing out these errors to him and calling him to  correct them called up tremendous fear. I sensed the Fuckeat archetype rising– and telling me if I did this to B, he would come after me and kill me.

It felt so very convincing – this is what lies under the common belief “ I am stupid. There must be something wrong with me.”

Until I remembered the energetic law – what I focus on, I empower.

So after a month with this constant fear and new errors each day, I decided to deal with fear differently. I found one of my small notebooks and opened it. It said ( bolding is mine: )

Lesson 95 I AM ONE SELF

  1. Begin the practice periods today with this assurance, offered to your mind with all the certainty that you can give:

I am one Self, united with my Creator, at one with every aspect of creation, and limitless in power and in peace.

Then close your eyes and tell yourself again, slowly and thoughtfully, attempting to allow the meaning of the words to sink into your mind, replacing false ideas:

I am one Self.

Repeat this several times, and then attempt to feel the meaning that the words convey.

  1. You are one Self, united and secure in light and joy and peace. You are God’s Son, one Self, with one Creator and one goal; to bring awareness of this oneness to all minds, that true creation may extend the allness and the unity of God. You are one Self, complete and healed and whole, with power to lift the veil of darkness from the world, and let the light in you come through to teach the world the truth about yourself.
  2. You are one Self, in perfect harmony with all there is, and all that there will be. You are one Self, the holy Son of God, united with your brothers in that Self; united with your Father in His Will. Feel this one Self in you, and let It shine away all your illusions and your doubts. This is your Self, the Son of God Himself, sinless as Its Creator, with His strength within you and His Love forever yours. You are one Self, and it is given you to feel this Self within you, and to cast all your illusions out of the one Mind that is this Self, the holy truth in you.

I have felt this Self each time I have sat down with it – so I have used the fear and distraction-occurrence to choose to rest in THIS instead.

When at last the cover was clear, I broke the trance of fear and chose to mail the formatter, addressing the underlying rage and revenge-energy, owning my part of it and telling him I wanted to see some of his beauty-images, not only the dark ones. He answered with love and humour and 3 images radiating truth.

After this, my sleep was filled with light and humorous dreams. I dreamed I had borrowed a heap of clothes from a store, I needed none of them – and a friend  told me she had returned them FOR me. What a sign – to give up the idea that I have to “do it all myself.”

And each time I have felt negative sensations this night I have said “I AM ONE SELF” and have felt how Its energy suffuses and melts the low frequency.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming for to carry me Home

I have very rarely had the connection to needs and feelings I have after I started to use the “Core Transformation” method. I don’t have to search mentally for answers any longer – they come directly FROM the inner parts of Self. And of course earlier methods and trainings and practices have built up and prepared my mind and soul for this too!

I love to share the last unbelievably sign or synchronicity, mirroring my inner journey.This morning i worked with a part that had a lot of defense -structures around it.* All* the defense – parts listened to my request for them to pull back and watch. So I was brought back to the innermost wish this part had – to be home with God, to truly feel the embodiment of this. I saw myself walking over a bridge from illusion to Truth – and in the same moment, a HUGE racket started outside my window. It was a helicopter – and the sound and vibrations were so overwhelming that it seemed to have landed right outside my window. My immediate association was “It’s come to carry me HOME “

Putting the Demons to the Sacred Bonfire

 

About 1 ½ month ago, I got a strong pain in the right knee. That was the time when I first posted about my vision of a seven week online course: Dragons and Princesses. About changing our relationship to our dragons – illnesses, problems – through play and creativity and sharing. Spirit showed me how the very dynamics of the illness would be changed, when we stop relating to them with resistance and judgments, and open to them with curiosity, wonder and play instead.

I told Spirit  a happy YES to lead such groups, and then of course the fears and resistance that have to do with “being creative” popped up. It took until this morning to understand: I had listened to fear, and fear said: You have to see to it that nobody sabotages the process.

And I believed that, I really did, and fear grew inside – and the knee hurt more. Until this morning, when I asked Spirit what this was about, and  was reminded what our marvelous leader Paolo Knill taught us in the beginning  of one of our long training periods in Switzerland. “ We will bring our demons to the fire.”

He lighted a candle, and we all brought our demons/fears of creativity to it:

‘I must guess what she wants me to do and do it just perfectly like that, or else’

‘If I don’t do it “right”, I will screw everything up for the others and they will hate me. It will be MY fault. They will hate me!”

‘I am so scared that I won’t find out what the “right” thing to do this exercise is.  I MUST find it!’

‘I must find out exactly what she/ the leader/ means, or else’

‘This is my only chance to be free of my dragon’

‘I will let absolutely NO one know about what I think and feel.” (Under that sentence lies a bunch of demons.)

‘If I sabotage now – not doing it perfectly – it means that I simply don’t deserve to live’

Here is one of my strongest: “ I can’t show the others my own clumsy efforts! I am the group-leader, I must deliver great artistic stuff all the time forgossake!’

Here is a fascistic variety: ‘I can’t upload a photo of my little sculpture to the group – it is too perfect and fantastic, the others can’t deliver up to this standard and so they will lose hope, poor amateurs.’ 

( I know! Ohmygohd!)

So I realized that I wanted to relate to the part that had created this painful knee, and told it “I am here for  you, I  am not going anywhere, I am here to support you to feel whatever you need to feel.” There was an instant visceral connection. I “saw” her as a “little one”, and I allowed her to have her feelings – I was the observer of HER having the feelings. She was thrashing around, like drowning under all these demon-demands, believing they were real, believing they were important to follow and obey for her to be safe. She was also angry and deeply sad

I acknowledged that all of this were perfectly reasonable feelings to have, believing what she did ( and what we all have learned at some point  by parents who themselves had learned the same.)  I saw myself with her, placing my hand on her heart, asking her to feel the love and support from it, encouraging her to allow and express whatever she needed.

(Demon: Nina!! You have to express this PERFECTLY! Or else!!! ( fill in your own ‘or else.’ J)

Nina ( putting him to the sacred fire) I am satisfied with it, sweetie.

The little one felt the love, and knew that the love and support was greater than the first pain. The beliefs unwound, and there was a beautiful release.

The pain in the knee has done its job – I saw what it needed me to see: – how vital it is for us on this course to bring our judgments/demons freely to the sacred bonfire in the Garden – not hiding or suppressing our fear of performance in any way. What if the illnesses can really grow because of our resistance to Love, in form of these judgements? What if judging judgments truly IS demonizing them – what if that were true?

If so, play is the very antidote to illness.

Next post I will share the story about how I created a healing ritual of demons during a workshop of Pottery and Meditation at Ennismore in Cork, Ireland – earlier a Monastery, now a retreat and conference center. It was led by the outstanding Father Donagh O’Shea  OP  – potter and Dominican Father. This story is also a chapter in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love – the healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness.” in the right menu. It is possible to “look inside” at the Amazon page.

(When posting this to my Facebook wall just now, the application crashed – it said” this is an unknown application.” I knew it was a message from Spirit, who wanted me to look out the window. On the great green field outside my window are two black figures. One of them falls to his knees, like praying for his life.Two kids are playing a game with a gun that spews arrows. They enjoy changing roles from killer to victim. They have costumes and all 🙂

And when I posted it here, this site crashed too 🙂

I acknowledged the big unconscious collective fear we all have on “creating” – I told myself, OF COURSE you are afraid of posting this -and Firefox found it and let me re post it 🙂

In A Course in Miracles, the world is an illusion – a play

It says we all have played all the roles, to explore separation

I don’t judge it anymore – and I also want to wake up fully

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rearranging the furniture – or moving out

from Chapter 2,Child,”Greater reality:.”

Night. Excruciating pain in my mind and body. I am surely dying! I pray and pray:

“Help me! Give me a miracle! I can’t take it any longer!”

No answer. Years after this, I see that Love is there, available as always – but my struggle and resistance prevented me from being aware of It.

I try several different approaches to the crazy energy – but it is plainly too much for me to integrate. Then – it is almost morning – I at last hear Blue’s voice:

THERE IS A GREATER POWER THAN THIS. THERE IS A GREATER REALITY.

In a flash, I believe the words. I recognize that the tensions came from identifying with a lesser reality.

All the tensions and pains are immediately released, and The Voice says, tenderly and with humor:

-And there you are – HOME – shot-free.

OH! Let me hold on to this understanding now!

Same morning, at the breakfast-table, I am reading my favorite cartoon, “The Lagoon.” [1] The crab Hawthorne is inviting Sherman the Shark to peek into his cave. “I want your honest opinion about what you see around here. I want you to take into consideration the fact that I spend almost my entire life in this dark cave. Think about that while you peep around. – Well now! Do you think that that stone would look nicer over there, in the corner?”

And old Sherman throws a glance at the stone and says:

“I don’t know…I think you are really challenging fate here, Hawthorne.”

This is a shark’s view, and probably speaks for a lot of humans, too. Better to let things stay as they are, change may be unsettling to us.

But OH! How I recognize the futility of moving the furniture around, in a meaningless effort of changing and fixing things – trying to feel more at ease with this old stuff of mine.

Therapy might often end up in moving stones: there is this really yucky smelling slimy stone in the corner there, and now we clean them up – and the other stuff in the cave, we dust, paint rosy or give a new cover … or we might, if we are courageous, smash them to dust and bury them.

What we very seldom do, is leave the cave and swim out into the waters of Greater Reality.

Yes, there is a worry in me when I think of leaving my old cave, where things are painful and overstuffed but familiar – and swim out in the clear water of freedom – I / my ego fears that I will be so happy and content that I will forget to identify with Child…ego tells me that I will be fat and self-content and lazy, and will not bother to feel responsible for the other cave-dwellers’ pain any longer. And there is this other fact: there is a benefit by living in fear all the time: you are very close to death, and death is, when all is said, very dependable and safe.

And perhaps that is all I deserve?

The Voice says:

In GREATER REALITY, you will radiate your essence, your compassion, your depth, your love – and that will help others to find Greater Reality. When they feel safe and loved, they will no longer alienate themselves from their truth. This is the only way you can contain pain that is split off: by living from your Greater Reality – by being and radiating your essence.

Your Child is not lost in the cave – she will be saved and safe only when you can contain her.

Stop moving stones and come out into the Light! This is the choice you all will have to make, again and again. And the choice will be easy and clear, my friend, when you realize that within the cave there is nothing else to do but to move the furniture around. – COME OUT! and help the cave-dwellers see that they have a choice: they can come out – and they can go back again. And in the end it will not matter where you are – inside or outside – because you now know Who you are. The choice and responsibility are yours.

The reality now is that when you stay within the cave, you are not aware that you have a choice, and the power, to leave it. Then the cave becomes a prison. This is the whole difference: it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you know you have the freedom to move out of it and into your true identity.

You don’t have to rush – “I MUST do this NOW!” Your essence is waiting, safe and unharmed, to be acknowledged and recognized. It is your true Home. It is impossible NOT to find it.

I will do it now. In the name of all that is holy, help me to recognize the cave, so I can move out of it.

Oh! There I go again. The thoughts run away with me. I worry so much!

My dearest. Don’t blame yourself. Learn: this is exactly the way the ego moves stones in the cave. This is one of fear’s most cherished procedures: grabbing thoughts and make you worry over them. It makes you feel that you are in control as long as you do this and that and make plans for how to avoid that and worry worry worry. You see- the issue here is f e a r . Use it constructively now: as soon as you recognize fear and worry occupying your mind, recognize their sneaky ways in trapping you in the furniture-moving-business. Then you will remember:

1) I am in the cave

2) I have a choice

3) I choose freedom, light, truth – I don’t want the moving stone-business any longer. I have grown past it.

And by seeing the illusion as empty lies, dressing up as reality within the cave, you transcend it – and you are contributing to the lightening of the collective darkness.

All is well.

Let me give you some pointers about realities.

In the cave, you try to meditate. You exercise to make yourself “a better person.” All you do comes from a space in you who believes yourselves not good enough, need improvement to earn acceptance and feel safe. In Greater Reality, you allow meditation to just happen. You exercise yourself because it is a way to love yourself and respect the body – it is a way to care for the vehicle of the soul.

In the cave, all your efforts are geared toward making you safe. Fear is saying: “If you do this and act like this, I will make you safe.” Outside the cave, Love is saying: “you are safe. This is the true reality – nothing can harm the Real You.”

In the cave, you try to be loving. Outside of it, you recognize that Love is not what you perform, it is what you are.

[1]This dialog is presented by Jim Toomey, in one of his Sherman’s Lagoon comic strips.

 

On time and attack and puppets

A friend in  Facebook-group posted yesterday a guidance he received from inside about time:

“Time is but your fantasy. It is of your making. It is your monster. Yet, it is not real. For, just like love has no opposite, neither does eternity. Place your belief, your treasure in that which is Truth and the miscreation of time will simply cease to seem to be. For, in Truth, reality does not rest in time. It but rests in the eternal. Time is a child’s toy. That is all. Forgive that toy for the dreams you gave it. Yet, love it. You made it. Find the joy in your creation. To do otherwise is but to blame it, thus giving it the appearance of control. Simply love your creation. Say then, ‘This is good. This is perfect.’ And, have gratitude for your makings. For without them, the function of forgiveness would be incomplete. Time, therefore, is not a monster or ‘evil’ creation. When chosen to view it through the lens of love, you will but see it is merely a device for awakening the Christ. Truly, look upon it with love. Breathe into it. Play with it. It is but a toy.”*

It had a tremendous impact on me – it felt like I was de-structured, and I asked Jesus for help to explore this further.

Dream:

I see my daughter within a time-line – I see the time stretching out from her to me, and before and after – she is about ten-eleven, and I am my age now – 71 – she screams for help and is in panic – I pick up the total fear, I wake up. I sense the fear it in a lot of body parts and start to breathe LovesBreath, just being with the strong fear – sensations filling up the body. I ask for help to see what kind of fear this is, and fall asleep again.

Now I am in a wood. There is a black animal beside me,as high as my leg when it stands on its back legs. It is frantic, jumping at me, and i stretch a hand toward it to help it and it snaps at my hand, thinking it is being attacked and must protect itself by attacking back. It is locked into the belief that it is under deadly attack. I look at it and see that its whole black skin on its back is in cramps,and recognize in the dream that these are my cramps( I have a lot of those.)

My hand is now holding its skin on the neck, and its cramps are cramping the very neck-skin. I try to fight it, shake it away, bad choice – this can’t be shaken off.

I realize I must not fight, but love, and at this thought my hand is looser. I just stroke  the animal lovingly. I sense the tremendous cramps it is in, in the state of panic of being under a mortal attack.
As I stroke it a speak lovingly to it, it eases up a little – and then i see it.
It is a puppet

I animate it

it is my creation

I know that this animal is the same as what I saw dominating my daughter ,screaming out in fear

It is the very cry from the soul in its creation of attack and defense
It is locked in the cramp of these beliefs

I wake up, and immediately try to figure out what to do with this – that I MUST heal this – but HOW – and realize with a great smile that this struggle energy is upholding the puppet/false attack/defense-pattern.

I am trying to heal the cramp by cramping 🙂

How wonderful information: this is seemingly locked in TIME, and what is locked is a false identity, stuck in panic of believing it is under attack.
My puppet.

The comedy of it is also that I this life has worked in prof.Theater for 20 years, with stage and costume design – AND I have made LOTS of puppets.
so I am thoroughly trained in working with illusions -and also of seeing how excellent puppeteers always “become” the puppet they are talking for and animating –

*Posted with Eddie’s consent

The Conveyor belt

Kit and I, both as therapists and “persons”, experience that just being with whatever in the body – bringing clear awareness to it – is transformational. When we Skype, we take 20 minutes each to be either the “explorer” or “witness.” We can talk about it, or just go directly to the body and ask “what is most alive right now for me, what needs attention inside? “ And examine, with innocence and curiosity, how this feels in our muscles, tissues, bones, intestines. Any images coming up are welcome – and saying YES to it, as it is, and just allowing ourselves to have that sensation – and emotion – will set it free, as long as it is done with wonder and curiosity and wonder – that is, no judgment.

And no judgment means LOVE

When we primarily talk about, we can compare it with being in a field of flowers – the sight and smell may be so overwhelming that we become sedated. The mind simply lures us into talking, discussing, analyzing – but what brings healing is to just sink into the sensation/emotion and BE with it – without all those me-identifying stories.

*

The session put me right into the place where I could see how vehemently I had refused my child-eyes to see something obnoxious and scary brutal. As I stated my willingness to see, I was shown four wolves who served as guardians of the wound – placed there by my wish and decision of course, to protect me when I was small. And now something wonderful happened: I saw those wolves’ faithfulness and absolute loyalty to me, their creator – there was nothing they wouldn’t have done for me. So instead of being angry at the defense-system, my heart melted and I went to them and told them to “lay down.” They obeyed immediately. Then I sat down and opened my arms to them, and they came, all four of them, to receive cuddles. It felt completely real – smell and sounds and all.

It is vital for us to recognize that we all have chosen our defense-systems – only then will it be possible to let go of them, or rather, to have them let go of us – and they will, if we see no value in them any longer, since our perception has been healed.

Blue then told me that there is no point in me continuing seeing details from trauma – “re-living things” – but to allow H.S to show me just the essence of the wound, which in this case is an archetypal wound – the one with perpetrators violating babies and even killing them for their own relief. The relief consists of projecting their own vulnerability outside and attacking it there – now seemingly having killed it off. What a kick that becomes for them – but then it has to be repeated, and becomes an addiction. Blue reminded me that now, that I truly saw this without identifying the perpetrators with their acts –  and seeing how severely their minds were disturbed, for them to be able to act like this –  that now, when images like that comes up for me, i.e. in the media, I can and choose to immediately look beyond the acts to the light behind – or also, look for the light space that the acts are floating in – or, look at the screen the acts are projected on. Remember Plato’s Cave? In all cases will I remember that I am within a dream that the One Son of God(we all) made when we choose to experiment with separating or Self from Source/God – and when I recognize the complete impossibility of that, I am joined with my Self again and all is well.

I find that when I have that intention to notice the “invisible” screen we project on unconscious guilt on, the seemingly constant iron-band around my lungs/chest immediately lightens, and a deep relaxation entering the heart.

What we do when we do this work, is to diffuse the appearances, the illusions. And since we truly are One mind, “the perpetrator’s” soul and the “baby’s” soul will somehow pick up that evil is not almighty: there is a light surrounding it. When just one person is willing to look for the light and truth, therefore the One mind is affected- and then, it is of course each and every one’s choice to notice this- or wait.

But it is unavoidable that we get there – since it is Who we are. And of course Blue reminds me that since time is also just a joint construct in our mind, we already ARE Home – looking back and believing the dream is real.

I remember many stories where people report about being the “victim” in a rape-situation – and that something in them shifted, and suddenly they stopped resisting and looked at their rapist with Christ’s vision – and that the “rapist” recoiled with a look of terror on their face and ran away.

These persons saw right through the illusion of “assailant” to their true Self.

Next step – to truly recognize, as the One mind, that I/we have collective invited this darkness into existence when we decided to believe in a world without God as our One and ONLY Source of life and love.

And then we became mesmerized by what we had created, and forgot that it was just a big show of projections in a holographic universe – and Our very decision to separate became the projector.

I talked to my inner child with Kit as a witness on Skype – telling her that it was safe now, and something deep inside abated, as I just sat with all the strong sensations in the body, without making stories about them. I saw that it was important for the baby that both Kit and I were there – Kit’s kind voice supporting what I told happened in the body, and helping me to stay with it instead of talking about it.

And in the last minute of the session, Kit laughed out loud and told me: “Just now, right outside my window, two ladies stopped. One of them has a baby in a harness on her chest – and right now, they both stopped walking and looked at the baby.

*

Two days after this, I was sitting on the sofa and watching a movie about a young man with Asperger’s syndrome – when, suddenly, I was aware that I was completely inside my body.

OH Simplicity.

Complete absence of drama

Just HERE, with all of me, no “parts” outside, not me outside body either.

It lasted ca an hour. And in the night, when  some heavy stuff came to the surface, I was given a perfect image for me to just let it go:

I am at a conveyor-belt on an airport – there are two tracks of belts, I am in the middle. I place the two bundles of heavy-murkiness on the belts, and watch them travel toward the little door in the wall – and instead of a door, there is only LIGHT that receives the released stuff.

Feel free to try it out – and please comment here if it works well for you

 

 

 

 

 

The Cage

Cartoon by Michael Leunig

Could there be a more wonderful and truthful illustration of what the Course names the world?

And fun too – the door is open –

Please visit

http://www.leunig.com.au/ for more enjoyment

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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