The suffering self leaves the driving seat


The eye was very painful the whole night until ca 5am. There were coagulated  morsels and strings of something that looked like resin around the eye.
“Infection”  said intuition.

I asked myself what I wanted with this creation.*** There were many layers: there were definitely perks with going through pain and being a good girl, i decided that it certainly  justified wine etc. afterwards.

And this identity is, as most of my readers here will have noticed, A HUGE part of  my identity – what I call ME.

I looked at the wine bottle on the kitchen sink and realized that choosing wine and “comfort” I had completely identified with that wrong-minded identity. “My” justification was ” But I DESERVE it.”

Which I is that? The separated one. The suffering one. The small self. And I was radiantly aware of myself as a role – beliefs I have taken on through parents, teachers, ancestors, society – in short, the world.

I had taken her on, like an old costume -I had NOT acknowledged the Self in me who had experienced the great realizations under the knife. By choosing to tell myself “I DESERVE this now” I had failed to see  that this suffering-me believes that suffering MAY at least justify being comforted. That is her perk

Which is really a cost!

And of course, that victim -identity can have infections.
I know that my true I cannot.

As long as I mainly identify with this girl, I will never wake up.

I realize that I chose that suffering identity last evening who took her comfort from wine and food. And that is why the eye hurt so much and looked so infected.

It was my thinking that was infected. The thoughts themselves are neutral – but the moment I attach an I am to the thoughts, I have declared it to be my identity.

I reached out to my Way of Knowing-group on Facebook and asked for prayers –  for affirmation of my true Self, my true I/eye.

Within 1/2  hour my eye healed. ♥ Pains gone. Slightly red, but no more gunk oozing out. What an enormously important lesson I gave myself: you HAVE inner parts/patterns – meaning, they are in your soul as memories – but I AM the One Who chooses what I will identify with. To be aware of the little one and comforting her is so very different from believing I AM her.

 

*** In “the Way of Knowing” by Jeshua, channeled by Jayem, Jeshua teaches us that as sovereign souls we create our response to everything that happens to us. When we make choices out from the separated self, we choose out of fear and anger and confusion, and we may choose to “suffer to atone for sins.” Choosing from Self is always choosing to see with Christ’s vision – looking for the eternal Love within the perpetrator.

 

 

 

comfort

 

 

 

Big shift

Recently, I had 3 whole days and nights where everything was noticed, accepted and letting go of – and everything simultaneously. There were no identification, no struggle or stress, no resistance – just being aware that this came through me to be surrendered. Then – after having trusted God/Self to take care of it, it felt like sinking back into all-loving arms, just noticing what went on in the body. And since there were no stories at all, there were no pain or suffering – just sensations, neutral, non-judged. The old suffering identity had disappeared.Then the old patterns sneaked back – and I remembered that these golden days HAD happened, and I was not willing to give up or fall back into old tracks. Today, it is much easier again. It is simply my trust that has grown. It seems like a big shift, but it might really have been a gradual process.

Then, this morning,I asked H.S how it would feel like if I truly let go of all tensions in the body – what would happen? What I experienced was many pains and sensations, some only a millisecond long- and after a while i feel asleep, and met David Bowie. He was dismantling a sort of time-machine,and I watched as he became younger, it was fun and we had a great time. Then he kissed me brotherly on the lips and took his machine, and I told him “Now I can tell people that David Bowie kissed me!”I felt very special and “chosen”, and he grinned and disappeared.

Lingering in my mind when i got up was an old feeling that I have explored lately – and I see is a collective one: a feeling of deep hopelessness and powerlessness. It had its center in my navel, and that gave me the idea that it was inherited by birth. The essence of it was “being taken for granted.” I wanted to practice The Emotion Code – a way to find trapped emotions in the bodymind -and many of those turn out to be inherited. Working with dowsing / a pendulum/ I found that it was from my mother’s ancestral line,  in 1941 – and it had to do with a shock that sent waves down in about 90 generations further down the line to me now, in 2016, now explored in this bodymind. I did the procedure with the magnet – the theory is that all traumas that are not solved and forgiven – or, as i found out, not DIGESTED fully – sit in our electromagnetic field/aura. Using the magnet I felt a good rush and release.

About it needing to be digested…I explored what we may have told ourselves ( WE meaning Jews at this point during the war – it was a massacre) – and there was a common strong belief saying “we must have deserved this” meaning we believed we were being punished, and that it was just. And this strong belief of not being worthy – a cornerstone of the ego thought-system – were being “explained” and justified to ourselves.It is this belied – HA, wonderful typo for belief – that I needed to sit with and sense in the body.

Before me on the table was The Way of The Servant by Jayem. I opened it randomly and read “the radiance of our union.” And I said out loud, ” I allow this old wound of being taken for granted with no value to be outshined by the radiance of our Union.”

Just as I had done for those three days – allowing
Christ to do it FOR me /through me / as me.

I suggest that a lot of stuff that is going on for people is inherited, and that we are the ones who have decided to allow it to be transformed through us.

If you are interested in The Emotion Code, you can find free charts on the web, and there are ways to learn muscle testing or dowsing at YouTube.

Edit/Delete Message

Spiritual ego

Sarita Premely offered this link recently on Facebook:

https://www.orindaben.com/pages/rooms/orin_meditation_room/
I remembered that I had all Orin’s books and read and practiced his meditations about 20 years ago. It faded out as A Course in Miracles came more in the foreground – and my spiritual ego – speego – judged ACIM to be more high-brow and Orin [I]so [/I]new-agey, so I let those books go

I hope the ones who have them  now truly will benefit from them, as I at last have

Two meditations above all have been powerful: “Clearing blockages” and “Opening to your true identity”. I was able to hold the situation I wanted cleared and allow light to come into it – and it worked!The situations were “deep depressions and suicidal thoughts in the morning” and “disaster-thoughts” – meaning the Amygdala going overboard.

No depression this morning – no disaster thoughts – and a dream where what can be called “vulnerability” – the complete exposedness of private functions like peeing and pooping, was done in a dream room with men. They were completely neutral about it – this was obviously a public toilet room (with only one toilet) and all were cool about it – like it was the most natural in the world. Which it of course is – we all do it:)

The clou came when “my” toilet appeared to be clogged up and poop was everywhere – and another man came and fixed the drain.

Oh my god there was no “me” anywhere – just witnessing that the shit was taken care of by someone who knew the drill to make it disappear in the way it was supposed to – through drains that were not clogged up – nay, open

At no time, there were judgments about this –  and no shame whatsoever
What a healing process I am in

Thanks to Rosie Maria who laid herself open recently in another thread -it was the way she described it that made the impact on me – the neutrality and shame-less-ness

In the meditations, we were asked to hold the situation we wanted healed in a certain way ( you gotta listen to the med. to see how that is :)) While it lasted, there were wild pains in the body, and so much tenderness  and innocence around it all –  I did them several times: most of them are short. And then came a biggy – so relevant for all of us here: the old memory of being abused and tricked by spiritual teachers. Oh yes that ugly one

– and oh yes, it is not entirely unthinkable that i have not been one of those teachers – I remembered being told in a reading that once I had used that position to have sex from the beautiful women who adored me –
oy vey

And then this thought quick as a lightening presented itself:
What about the teachers on the Jewel – promising to do the lessons and posting, like you all – DID THEY DO THAT, EH? EH? DID THEY? They did NOT, liars they are  hhrrmpphhs

So I sat with that theme – that situation -allowing the full impacts of believing in the thought that I can be tricked,abused,attacked – embracing it in Love – and the visuals were just perfect for me.  I sensed the whole of it being filled with light. And of course, in the middle of it it dawned on me – “Leelah – did you really go to their personal sites and look?”

Hm nooo…I thought I would get a message in my mail when they did – but – that will happen only with the threads I post in

Oh cringe

So I did go to Jayem  and John Mark – and will go the others too
and I read and cried of reading their thought and experiences that were my own thoughts and experiences, and was restored to alignement

There are no mistakes

LOVE TO ALL

The fear of receiving

In my last post  I wrote about my old neighbor yelling “Murderer” at me when I told her it is better to accept help where she lives than being sent to an institution.

I have prayed for insight in how this mirrors a place in me that thinks it is murdered when it received help = Light, Love.

First answer was the insight that my left eye -“the feminine part” – simply will not receive sunlight: all forms dissolve in a mesh. As soon as I block the light with my hand, I see just fine.

So I went into the right brain which governs the left side of the body, searching for the non-accepting part, and found it right away. It told me it is hopeless to heal this, and I listen and offer a hug.

Then I remember another sign I have received since I asked: our main newspaper offer a special discount-card to its subscribers for cultural events. I have tried via both Internet and phone to the paper to get this card. The helpful person told me that they had no idea why my cellphone-link to the paper did not work. Aha- cell phone – the automatic answer via Internet said the same: it was not accepted. And lately my cellphone just turns itself off – which is not possible – and it has to be reloaded about 5 times as often, just lying there.

So this is all about some cells in my right brain that somehow have received the command to not receive nourishment, love, light, God – but it’s perfectly fine to give all this to others.It also gives me a clear message: you need to just SIT my friend, and upload your batteries. Sit AS Christ, as your new practice. You need do nothing but SIT.

The fear of this belongs to the innermost essence of the false savior-archetype, Bird *- who takes its identity from being the helper in all ways possible and impossible – and so it must follow that it is terrified of receiving.

I hear that, and have lately, following lesson 9 in John Mark Stroud’s deepening of the Way of Mastery – Jeshua’s channellings to Jayem. His -Jeshua’s – latest suggestion to us is to sit 5 minutes each day AS the Christ. Not with, as. It has astonishingly strong effect on me and my body and my cells – and I think the late “outer” experiences are phenomenal metaphors for this old archetypal resistance to Love and receiving that our old brain is holding.

So I decided that today I am going to town, to the Newspaper, to get my card physically J When I write this, I hear a relieved “Oh thank God” from my brain, and the lower back starts hurting instead LOL

The pain can move how much it wants – it still can’t stop the eternal flow of Love that is my essence – but I CAN hold it, tenderly, listening to its story and forgiving myself for believing that this ever was valuable to believe was valuable 🙂

* Please see “When fear comes home to Love”-book. You can read more about this book here

 

The Aramaic Lord’s Prayer

I am listening to the Way of Mastery – deepenings at the One Who Wakes-website – and have lately sensed a huge resistance to BE with God, and especially the Aramaic version of Our Father. So I prayed to see what I have allowed to possess me – and I found one of the 10 archetypes I have found  and described in my book:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1491219904#

I have called it The Fascist

I have lately got a new student – she was born in a family with both communists and fascists, and I have helped her find the archetype so she can relate TO it and not FROM it

and this morning I realized that it was this archetype that – of course – detests Jeshua’s prayer

As soon as I realized this, I was free from merging and identifying with it, and I was filled with an intense desire to learn the prayer.
Here it is, i n English version:

The Aramaic Lord’s Prayer –

Pathway to the Christ Mind

Father-Mother of the Cosmos, Shimmering Light of All.

Focus your light within us as we breathe your Holy Breath.

Enter the sanctuary of our hearts,

uniting within us the sacred rays of your Power and Beauty.

Let your heart’s desire unite heaven and earth

through our sacred union.

Help us fulfill what lies within the circle of our lives today.

Forgive our secret fears as we freely choose

to forgive the secret fears of others.

Let us not enter forgetfulness, tempted by false appearances.

For from your astonishing Fire comes the Eternal Song

which sanctifies all, renewed eternally in our lives,

and throughout Creation.

We Seal these words in our hearts,

committed in trust and faith. Amen.

Here you can listen to different versions.  The one I resonate most with is Sparo Vigil’s

 

Oh, the innocence and presence of it

 

 

A small gray messenger

This Sunday morning I had the most amazing satori in bed. ALL IS CLEAR, and I saw the beauty and perfection of absolutely everything in all of my lives – or more clear: in the human life – including massacres, abuse, the whole enchilada. Then I fell into sleep and had a REALLY bloody dream about jealousy – and when I woke up, the image of the Tarot card the Devil came up. Ooops! Well – Holy Spirit, thank you for letting me know that I still need to forgive this creation of mind – or maybe, stop reacting to it as if it is real. My nervous system now really did.

As I some minutes later sat beside the window and the image of “the Devil” came into my mind, the energy of this belief and image sprang forth inside, and also instantly the human fear and agony and resistance of this concept – the very essence of denial of Love inside us all. I immediately felt a judgment – “I shouldn’t feel this after the satori, I can’t trust the satori” and THERE is a little gray sparrow flying down from the roof and flying in one space right in front of my nose, as if it is trying to find an opening to get in to me.

It did 🙂

Thank you Holy Spirit

Thrice, as I remember it, I have experienced in this life the absolute denial of Love as energy inside me and seemingly around me – and each time, Love has taken care of it by saying YES to it. That YES certainly did NOT come from Leelah! There was a “Yes – also this can be included in Me” and the transformation from black horror to Heaven was instantaneous. Oh my God, THE LIGHT! – On the last occasion,in my mailbox next day, there was a child’s drawing of a big sun

 

This is described in my book “When fear comes home to Love”*

 

Now I can sit down with the energy and say: ( this is from “Way of the Heart” by Jeshua/Jayem)

I am the source of this

I judge it not

I extend forgiveness to myself for this creation

I love you – I embrace you – I set you free to be your Self

I bless you with the blessing of Christ

I allow Holy Spirit to replace my perception with Truth

And I realize – that transformation has already happened 3 times – I just PICKED THE IMAGE UP AGAIN

 

 

 

Massacre in the mind

The last three days I have had dreams about massacres, stalkers and such – dreams from the collective unconscious. The entrance-light helped me find the reason for the fear: it (the lamp) went out and I asked to find the root of the fear. Instantly I knew: massacres. And instantly the light went on.

What a help this was: now I was prepared for massacre-dreams.

This morning I was inside a massacre with machetes in Africa, saw, smelled, watched and listened. There was a huge naked African in front of me, his body was scarred, he was naked and hairless , and I felt and sensed both his energy and my fear of being discovered and hacked and slaughtered. We shared FEAR itself as energy.

I was also threated by the size of his erected penis. To me, who has a pattern of identifying with the (rape-)victim, it says only one thing: I WANT AND I TAKE WHAT I WANT

Later in the session Kit helps me see another vital aspect of this strong masculine limb and desire: I WANT TO CREATE AND EXPRESS!

How much I – and all rape victims – have denied that healthy masculine push within ourselves – seeing only the crushing dominating part. A great balance has happened within my mind.

Although I identified with the victim in the dream, when I woke up it was clear that this is far from personal. I might have participated in massacres – I think we all have, at some time – but what started the massacre is a thought in the mind that believes that the separation has happened and that we are on our own – without God.The Course metaphysics states that it in fact we /the Son of God as One -believed we had killed off God. Then, in the mind, an experience is created – kill and be killed – killer and victim – guilt and sin – duality. And since we are as God created us – pure creativity with unlimited power to create whatever we believe in – the massacres manifest in this world, where everything are projections of images in the One mind – believed in.

Jeshua – Jesus – and other masters constantly remind us that the world is illusion – and what we seem to see and experience is a hologram, powered by our belief and our wish to experience all kind of stuff.

So today, in a sharing session with Kit, I re-enter the machete-killing-dream – I sit with the energy of the massacre – knowing that there is nothing to fear, it is an image, and only in my mind can it be healed.

I choose to use the forgiveness-structure that Jeshua taught Jayem in The Way of the Heart.

Where in myself can I find this lust for violence? Oh, no need to look far. I have wanted to mutilate and slaughter “the guilty ones” for sure.

“I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you, and I love you. And I free you to be yourself. And I bless you with the blessing of Christ.”

I forgive myself for wanting to murder and mutilate and kill. I forgive my judgment of myself, and for identifying with this terror-energy

“What is the attack masking? What are they really crying out for?”

Love – to embrace them and comfort them and make them feel safe and autonomous – free to live without hatred.

I ask to see the innocence of his soul. The light envelopes him. Now his eyes are alive with awareness.

*

In the next dream, I am being stalked by a western variation of a killer. I flee for a long while until I think about stopping and facing him and loving him. Instantly he turns into a child, who adores me.

 

Poop on the window and in the mind

When I walked into the kitchen today, there was a big human poop glued to my window, with toiletpaper hanging down from it.
January 1 2013 somebody threw a big stone through my entrance door. Much healing and insight came from that – and it feels like this is second chapter, one level deeper: what does this mirror inside me?
A deep deep feeling of unworthiness – I am only a shit –  Jesus tells me that the reason it comes to me from outside is that I have judged this feeling from inside, and therefore made it real.
I am currently following Jeshua’ channellings to Jayem – ” Way of Mastery” – you can find them here, on John Mark Stroud’s website where he, after an agreement with Jeshua/Jayem, help people deepen their experience with what Jesus says. I am using his forgiveness-instructions – and for the first time it FLOWS, it is easy.

So in this case with the poop-thrower, it was easy to sit down and do this exercise (I wrote it down myself when listening to the audio:)

“Observe what pushes your buttons. If you can stay with it, it will reveal to you the energies that are in need of your forgiveness.

The technique is quite simple. As you go through your day, observe when you are in contraction. Shallow breath, tight muscles…does your voice become faster and louder when you speak about someone else – that is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself. When you recognize that these kind of signs are going on – in other words life has presented you with an opportunity to be disturbed – that is a sign that there is something that requires healing. So therefore count it a blessing. Turn your awareness from what you think has caused you disturbance. Remember the first Axiom: “I am the Source of my experience.” I am feeling disturbed. What is it in me that needs to be healed?” Begin to breathe deeply with the body, and rhythmically . let the body soften and relax – and ask: “What is it in this person’s energy that is really pushing my buttons?”

Please replace “critical” with self-hating

Your memory will come back – distasteful memories if you are judging them. Let them come back. continue to breathe and relax, look upon that energy of being critical, honor, love it – it is a creation. It is your creations coming back to you, that you may embrace them and transform them. And in that example, just stay with it, look at it – “Ah, being critical, I know that energy very well.” Look upon a scene in the memory where you have been critical. Look upon it with deep honesty and sincerity. And say to yourself:

“I forgive myself for being critical. I forgive my judgment of myself. I choose to teach only Love.” Watch that energy disappear from your mind, dissolve from your mind, and bring yourself back to the present moment and that person who just pushed your button. Again, you don’t need to say anything at all, or you might – but within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being critical to temporarily make a home in the mind.

And merely ask the Holy Spirit to replace your perception with the Truth.

Ask to see the innocent light within them. As you cultivate this, you’ll become very very good at it. You’d be able to do it fast. And once you begin to see the light in them, you can ask the Holy Spirit, “what is this critical energy in me masking – what are they really crying out for?” And then you will feel compassion, and it will be revealed to you why they are hurting inside. And lo and behold – instead of being reactionary with them, you just might be compassionate. Your own words will turn out to be different. And through you will be channeled exactly what serves them.”
*
So he is just “me” – the Son who has forgiven his true Origin and believed he must be punished.
It is not serious:)
Oh yes,, that is something else John Mark has suggested which has been tremendously effective for me: Place an imaginary red clown nose on everyone you see.

It is simply impossible to avoid seeing that this is a dream

Jeshua’s Forgiveness processes

I  have listened to Jeshua – channeled by Jayem –  on this free down-loadable audio yesterday, and find it illuminating. : One Who Wakes – WOM Lesson 03 – “The Power of Forgiveness.”)

http://www.onewhowakes.org/wom-mp3/

Suddenly forgiveness was simple♥

Here is Jeshua speaking on Forgiveness. I have written it down as well as I can – but my main language is not English, so please forgive any glitches.

“The judgment is in the memory – here – now. To be undone. I am going to choose again. Look upon a scene where you judged another person or yourself. This is coming as a gift – to be undone by forgiveness -to undo the effect of your previous choices. Now, make a new choice.

Look at it. Stay with it. Recognize how judgment worked at that time. And then, say to that person or that event:

“I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you and I love you and free you to be yourself. And I bless you with the blessing of Christ.” Then see that image or memory gently dissolve into Light until there is no trace of it left – and be done with it.

If I hurt somebody when I was small and they were small – they are still here in my mind. All minds are joined. It means that whenever you extend forgiveness inside your consciousness, your emotional field, to another – whether they be physical present or not – you are extending to them as if they were physical present in front of you. Even if they were – they still have to receive it, don’t they. They still have their choice to make – whether to accept it or to remain in judgment of you, and that is their issue. Not yours.

Understand then that you are dealing with consciousness. You are not a physical being. You are Spirit. And you are intimately linked with all minds at all time. Therefore forgiveness can occur any time you decide that it can occur. Anybody you think that has wronged you can be forgiven by you this very moment. Any judgment in this or other moments – you can undo them by simply making another choice.
Rest assured you will proceed to project on others what remains unforgiven within yourself. Each time you react to another, you have been given a sign that there is some kind of energy within you that is presented to your awareness that you have not forgiven within yourself.
If someone is critical and it pushes your buttons, every time they are critical, rest assured you have not healed that part of your own beingness, that part of being critical of others. You have still not forgiven yourself, whether this is just now or a returning pattern for having identified with that energy.

Observe what pushes your buttons. If you can stay with it, it will reveal to you the energies that are in need of your forgiveness.

The technique is quite simple. As you go through your day, observe when you are in contraction. Shallow breath, tight muscles…does your voice become faster and louder when you speak about someone else – that is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself. When you recognize that these kind of signs are going on – in other words life has presented you with an opportunity to be disturbed – that is a sign that there is something that requires healing. So therefore count it a blessing. Turn your awareness from what you think has caused you disturbance. Remember the first Axiom: “I am the Source of my experience.” I am feeling disturbed. What is it in me that needs to be healed?” Begin to breathe deeply with the body, and rhythmically . let the body soften and relax – and ask: “What is it in this person’s energy that is really pushing my buttons?”

Your memory will come back – distasteful memories if you are judging them. Let them come back. continue to breathe and relax, look upon that energy of being critical, honor, love it – it is a creation. It is your creations coming back to you, that you may embrace them and transform them. And in that example, just stay with it, look at it – “Ah, being critical, I know that energy very well.” Look upon a scene in the memory where you have been critical. Look upon it with deep honesty and sincerity. And say to yourself:
“I forgive myself for being critical. I forgive my judgment of myself. I choose to teach only Love.” Watch that energy disappear from your mind, dissolve from your mind, and bring yourself back to the present moment and that person who just pushed your button. Again, you don’t need to say anything at all, or you might – but within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being critical to temporarily make a home in the mind.

And merely ask the Holy Spirit to replace your perception with the Truth. Ask to see the innocent light within them. As you cultivate this, you’ll become very very good at it. You’d be able to do it fast. And once you begin to see the light in them, you can ask the Holy Spirit, “what is this critical energy in me masking – what are they really crying out for?” And then you will feel compassion, and it will be revealed to you why they are hurting inside. And lo and behold – instead of being reactionary with them, you just might be compassionate. Your own words will turn out to be different. And through you will be channeled exactly what serves them.”

( Comment from Leelah: here is the link to the audio: One Who Wakes –

WOM Lesson 03 – “The Power of Forgiveness.”)

http://www.onewhowakes.org/wom-mp3/

What I have written down is from ca 68:00. Do yourself a favor, please listen to the very end – Jesus shares his instant forgiveness process with the man who was about to drive the nail through his hand. You will not want to miss it.

Resistance – a door to Heaven

Had a great regression session yesterday with a friend. The guidance coming through me was so loving and light-filled, and my friend released guilt and false beliefs.

The night was filled with tremendous cramps, and the morning after it felt like I was manipulated by pure hatred and contempt. I was well aware that I am not a victim of this – somehow I must believe that “this” is valuable and to be preferred over God’s Love. Amazing, but there it is: What we believe to be true, we create – and we create it WITH God’s immense power.

What is the gift in this? What is the opportunity to see here?

I go to Jayem’s website and there’s the answer:

Take a breath or several, and say out loud… ‘this obstacle is coming up for healing now.  Thank God!  It will hinder me no longer!’  Take a breath, observe what you feel, and repeat, until you notice the nervous system feels ‘complete’, as it settles in as truth. And healing is a release from the trapped energy that “holds” us away from the Self/Christ Mind. Stay with the terms exactly as they are given, and ALLOW these stuck places to emerge, breathe, and feel.  This alone will carry you into new illuminations about what these terms signify.  In short, Jeshua is a masterful teacher, and NOTHING he says, or terms chosen, is ever by accident.  Trust the teacher to carry the student into and through what the student has not found his or her way through as yet. You will recall from ACIM that He accomplished the Atonement, and thus it is done for us already.... now it’s just our willingness to accept or melt away into the truth He manifested

I had a session with Kit, and we talked about what happens when we “quarrel with reality.” Pain and discomfort, unexpected glitches, sickness and so on – as long as I believe it should not have happened, I am stuck in my endless stories about it and cannot see it with Christ’s loving vision. I realize that as long as I seem to be inside that maelstrom of cramps and pain, there is no trust at all in a Love that can embrace me AND the pain.

It is also clear that this pain – and whatever fuels it in my mind – must be allowed to have a space, without condemning it – or me.

So I have to know: there is a time to just BE WITH “hell” – and there is a time when to do the work I do in my work with regressions: supporting people to find out, with their own guide and Master at their side, what they are believing about themselves, and therefor are imbuing with guilt and self hatred. It is THIS that fuels ANY pain we have: what we tell ourselves about what we experience. The experience itself is always neutral – and only when we start our stories about it, with “me” as the main role, the tremendous power that God has given his Holy Son = US – flows through the story we have made: because we tell ourselves that we are right, and our perception is true.

NOT.

If pain is involved, it simply isn’t.

For healing to happen in our mind, it is not enough to “know” what happened mentally – we need to experience forgiveness go through us.

What I see myself telling myself – constantly, like a stuck tape – is: “I CANT MAKE IT through this pain. I simply cannot “get there” – “there” being where freedom and forgiveness and Love is.

There is an abysmal grief inside this – and THIS is what I want to BE with.

As I stated in the start of this blog – I write this mainly for myself – and you will see me visiting the same places until I get it.

If somebody else can benefit, I am happy.

Nice PC-magic:Right now “Systems mechanics” gave a message that an important installation is up for downloading. I clicked the download-button, and an ugly sound and sign told me that this was impossible to do. I recognized the mirror of the big resistance I am writing about here, and instantly allowed it to be here, forgiving myself and embracing myself for being right here, now. 5 seconds later a new sign – as if nothing had happened: “ Are you willing to install the new download now?”

These electronic signs from Jesus are such gifts. Humoristic, and SO elegantly timed. The minute I accepted being with the resistance, without listening to the threatening stories about being stuck in hell, hell melted and the new download happened.

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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