The Cosmic Dance

Yesterday: completely sleepless night – and the whole day was pure hell – prop full with feelings of meaninglessness, non-worth,death wishes. I ate a lot of ice cream

Somehow deeply I knew this was something coming up to be released. So- after ca 20 hellish hours , at about 10 pm, I could sense the whole “cloud” of it seeping away – just as the daylight also abated in Norway. I slept and I dreamed and the dream was wonderful.

I asked my self this morning – “what was the one act I could have done yesterday, that would have helped me?
And I saw myself embracing myself, saying ” You are not alone. I am here with you all the time, I am not going anywhere.”

Then, Facebook presented me with this painting I posted one year ago – the Dancer. She sits on a shaman drum I made 30 years ago – this is the innermost life eternally dancing us all, whether we are aware of it or not. And grim as it seems, the whole 20 hours were part of that dance.

The Cosmic Dancer

This tremendous force of Life and Joy and Is-ness represents the transformation of the ten archetypes I describe in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – you can find it in the right menu. The archetypes exist in every person on the planet who in any way has been subjected to abuse – children and adults – mental,emotional,physical and sexual abuse in any form. The book shows ways to be free, in case stories, poems, paintings and autobiography. If you click on the image in the right menu, you will be taken to a page where you can read reviews.


In this old pattern of agony coming up – there seems to be a change of perception here.

This morning a clear voice suggested ,” Instead of going into the heavy stuff why not expect the Joy underneath it to come up?” And a soft warmth started to embrace me from inside.

It would seem that the Love and Joy I am looking for, and consciously expecting, is much more valuable to focus on for now -so, not to judge the dark stuff in any way – acknowledging it, but choosing to focus on allowing JOY to merge with me.

The photo below is me and my two must influential teachers this life – Paolo Knill and his wife, Margo Fuchs.They started the Expressive Arts Therapy education, and I started in 1988, the first group in Norway.Their work helped me find my soul –


This is a post about joy -and how joy and sorrow may be two sides of a coin and PAINTED may create huge power.

End of 1990 I was ending my training as Expressive Arts Therapist in the small mountain village of Gwatt, Switzerland. Our professor Paolo Knill had asked us to go outside and fins an object that spoke to us – and this bent staff talked to me.I had also fallen in love with a man in my group – and he fell in love with me too. Now our class were having a painting session in our sun-filled studio with a little garden outside, we were about to paint and adorn our object.

And it so happened that when I dipped the brush and did some color-tryouts on a scetch paper, a huge energy flowed through me – and “something” painted through me. The joy I felt lifted me, and painted my staff with the colors of Joy.

It so also happened that Aron, my love, came to my easel and lay down by my feet, and was taken by a huge grief.

So now his grief and my joy co-existed in the painting of my staff. I am convinced of that – that both polarities were adamant for giving life and power to the staff.

Here I am with the staff – the photo is almost 30 years old, and the colors are all wrong. I want to share it – since the power is still in it.

On my re-tour to Norway I was not looking forward to the  Swizz security control – they had behaved like Nazis when I arrived. Huge was my surprise now when I returned. I had to carry my staff with me, far to big for my luggage – and they went bananas – like little children. They wanted to know what it was – I told them it was my friend. The told me that they wanted to keep it, I said no, it’s mine – they told me to go home and make another one like it and give it to them.  !!

 I started to see its magic power. Later, the usually formal and stiff Swizz passengers on the plane came alive to it too – transformed from adults to starry eyed children. Many of them asked to touch it, I said yes. The photo below show the scetch paper for the staff .

I needed to take a train, and on my way there a immaculately dressed Swizz gentleman with mustache and golden rimmed glasses stopped me very politely, bowed and said ” Was ist das fur ein instrument?” (What kind of instrument is that?) “Das ist mein Kamerad” ( that is my friend) I answered, and he smiled the most wonderful smile, bowed lightly and walked on.

Somehow, after some years, that staff disappeared! I think it happened when I brought it to a workshop, and placed it in a cupboard over the night – but the memory is blurry. I found a naked trunk not far from my house and took it home and painted it with the staff’s color. And I made this Joy chair – still those colors

It reaches up to the roof.

You can see the colors are the same. Here is another detail of the seat:

A strange and magical thing with this chair is that everybody I have invited to sit on it, close their eyes and tell me what they see – they all see a flowering meadow.

I hope the person who found/took the staff has had their life changed for the better in some way. I would love to hear their story.

Next chair out will be the TROLL CHAIR

To Bee or Not to Bee – and a shameless plug

Some years ago I was wondering which way to take my art. I had worked as an Expressive Arts Therapist since 1988, and suddenly I had lots of time just for me. My muse told me that I should make “soul-chairs.” She pointed out that I already had worked with clay figures, finding a “character” or “soul” wanting to come through – so now I could go bigger. Two chairs into this process I was asked to create a Bee-chair – this was the time when humanity was starting to notice that bees were becoming fewer.

This is my bee-chair – in many details. She stands in my studio.


It grew slowly forth – through many metamorphoses – this is how it ended up. The painted bees were crawling up from a golden ground/ the legs – and it soon became clear that I had to create Queen bees.These turned out to have distinct characteristics and “souls” – like this one above.I sculpted the striped body from doll-clay and painted them, and all the rest of adornments are taken from Nature.Each bee is 5-7 cm. The head ornament here – I have no idea what it is, but i found it and sprayed gold on it.Her wing are dry leaves, prepared with glue.

The Ermine Queen

She sits on the back of the chair – on her way up to watch the Nature Beings on the top

This has silvery wings and a tulle shirt – and a bit of ermine, too. They are queens and truly like to dress up. And here you can see the tallest tree spirit with his pink hat – maybe you see that one eye, and his long snout pointing right
The Golden Mysterious one

Seeds and “skeletons-leaves” where only the the fine veins are left

Bee chair back -with tree-spirits at the top

This chair took four years to come into Beeing (couldn’t resist. ) I was blocked – something was missing. Then I discovered that of course Tree-spirits had be included. I found this sweet root and mounted it on the chair, which breathed happily out.All the branches are adorned with Spirits.


Here you see the black leather punk Queen -and also a Temple Knight that I found close to my house and wound up with red yearn. A Tree Spirit with a white flower as hat stands right behind him.
This one wanted another photo. She wants you to see how very flattering that golden transparent shield is, and she enjoys the red seeds too.

You can spot two other chairs in the left corner back in the room – the dark Troll chair and the Joy chair. More about those later.

And here comes the shameless plug: Some years after the chairs were finished, they all found their way into my first and maybe only novel – Hilaryon Stories. It turned out that they played  an important role in some people’s lives. Johann Sebastian Bach is there too – he incarnated on to the Planet Hilaryon to be with his old friend Croc – (you may not know this, but they were old friends in old Khem/Egypt, and they sang the Pyramid Sakkara into being.) Which is not strange when we consider that everything has a frequency, and  with sacred intent wonderful things may be possible.

You’ll find Hilaryon stories in the right menu – and there are some reviews to read on my Amazon Author Page


Newest review Hilaryon Stories

This is the first reader who has caught up on a main theme of the book:

“An in-depth trip into the possibilities of joy. “

Thank you from my heart, Mona Gustafson!

” A multifaceted artist, teacher, and therapist takes us on a trip deep into our archetypal past

When I have recommended Jungian books to clients and students, I have always suggested reading them as if one is a rock in a river. Don’t try the American way of grasping for reality and details. Just let it pass over you and be enriched by the parts that stick. Leelah Saachi has applied her manifold artistic, theatrical, and therapeutic skills to an in-depth trip into the possibilities of joy. Turning warts into loveliness, ugliness into beauty, symbols into meaning, stench into sweetness, fear into courage, all with a childlike sense of play and enhanced by reference to beautiful music — JB’s. Unfortunately my attempts to access the links to the relevant works didn’t work. My kindle went into panic mode trying to figure out where to go once Wi-Fi had been accessed, but the concept is delightful. The less than five star rating reflects the observation that this is not a book for everyone. Sometimes it reminded me of reading T.S. Eliot, greatly enhanced by recognizing her implied references. “

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2020

A Path through the Jungle

When the mind tries to understand d things – to feel safe and have control – it cannot open to the beauty of life in all its nuances. Those of us with big trauma in our luggage has actually survived by controlling, pushing the traumas deep down- and because of all of that underground activity, Illnesses arrive, physical and psychic. All the avoiding systems, carefully architected, grow like a jungle, slinging their lianas criss – crossing through our nervous system. It saved us then, and now it produces strange fruit.

I wanted to know – how can I be of help? How can I use my jungle-knowledge to serve in this world with so much putrefying agony, where frequently the trees grow so dense that the light cannot reach us down here?

I have been given a muse – I write stories and poems that may heal and give hope. The muse is full of strength and outrageousness and laughter; it is a pleasure to allow her to use me.

In my practice as an Expressive Arts Therapist, the healing story arises in the sacred space between the student and me. One of us start with a sentence or more, the other continues when it feels right. The story grows and we follow, often fantastic and outrageous, and there use to be a place where we both have no idea where – and IF – it will find an end. It ends when we stick with it- trusting the spirit that plays with us, knowing precisely what we both need to heal and grow. When we get there, there is relief, gratitude, deep breathing. And it turns out that this particular story precisely addressed the student’s predicament at that moment in time.

Hilaryon Stories is created in this way. If you “try to understand” you will hurt. I invite you to you read by just going for the ride –  trusting that the path through it will lead to a clear and beautiful space within you ( and the jungle.) No need to try to understand – the story, as it was given me through 5 years and two years pause – has ability to heal deep collective unconscious patterns. I know that from experience. If you are one of those travelers who would like to clear a bit of jungle, your soul will thank you for it. In these Corona times with tremendous uncertainty about most anything, Hilaryon Stories is a bona fide path back Home – it teaches you to let go and trust – just like it did me.

My muse presented me with the chapters in a seemingly chaotic pattern – precisely to give the readers the experience of having lost the path in the jungle –  and then, if you hang in there, joining the characters in their experiences of loss, longing and playfulness, I trust that you will find your  own joy – the point of it all.

Here is a review:

I finished the book – and miss it dearly! I wish I could read on every night from now on!
The sense of it all still escapes my mind, yet it left me feeling uplifted and joyful, playful and very grateful!
When I did a little grounding meditation yesterday, I decided to visit my belly from the inside. ( My belly has been like seven months pregnant for years, feeling uncomfortable. I believe, I shut it down in many ways.) So I let my awareness travel down there and found only darkness and barren land. Then, suddenly it started to transform! I saw grass growing, and streams meandering – looked like Ireland. A change again and it was a kind of Hobbiton ! Flowers, little houses and JOY! Abundance everywhere! Little people dancing, singing, eating, creating! Perhaps not so dissimilar to Hilaryon…
My life force energy was moving as a strong tingling in my lower belly! I just loved it!


Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:


As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡


I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏


The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼


Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰


I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings


I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!


A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺


I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.


This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.


Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.


Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:


Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013





What do you Want?

I took a course in Yoga for Lungs today! What do my lungs need to tell me? A partner danced it for me – I need to actually consciously, with will and choice, receive the Light from Above. Shivers when I write this.

Going home by bus afterwards was really complicated – the first snow had arrived, and there were mile long ques. I actually knocked on a car windows to ask if the person was driving in my direction. A woman said yes, and then drove in a different direction, which chocked me a bit – now I was even longer from home. I stood at a bus stop there to return to where I had come from – aaargggh – and a car stopped right at my bus stop. The woman inside did not see me, she was talking in her cellphone. I walked to the car and knocked at the window. She put the phone down and took me in. I said inside; “I am ready for a miracle now. Give me joy!”

The woman was gorgeous with many long rastabraids, and not from my country. After some minutes she told me she was going in another direction than me, and I said OK , I can walk from here – when she said, how many minutes to drive from here? “Five” I said, and she said “ I will drive you home.”

Shivers up my back. She told me how she had needed 5 minutes help from someone today, and nobody would help her – so she chose to help me instead.

My heart opened wide, I was touched that she reacted to others unhelpfulness with helpfulness and told her. We found out that we were both textile artists  – how about that! We shared or names –she was BEA –  and a huge light and warmth opened up between us.  I shared the joy I FELT and she nodded, YES I feel it too! When she stopped to drop me off, I said “ I will never forget you, Bea – and she said “ Leelah, I will never forget you!”

And I won’t. Never.






Bursting into JOY

I had the most astonishing breakthrough into joy this early morning – being strongly prompted to get up and listening to Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, 4th movement. I found an old recording with Simon Carrington as conductor – and the opening “Freunde, nich diese TÖne” felt like a shower from a spring waterfall.

I could not find any recordings with Carrington – but this one with Simon Rattle is accepted too

I sang this 50 years ago with Herbert Blomstedt as conductor – and not before now, truly SEE those words for what they express.

Oh friends, not these sounds!
Let us instead strike up more pleasing
and more joyful ones!


Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,
Daughter from Elysium,
We enter, burning with fervour,
heavenly being, your sanctuary!
Your magic brings together
what custom has sternly divided.
All men shall become brothers,
wherever your gentle wings hover.

Whoever has been lucky enough
to become a friend to a friend,
Whoever has found a beloved wife,
let him join our songs of praise!
Yes, and anyone who can call one soul
his own on this earth!
Any who cannot, let them slink away
from this gathering in tears!

Every creature drinks in joy
at nature’s breast;
Good and Evil alike
follow her trail of roses.
She gives us kisses and wine,
a true friend, even in death;
Even the worm was given desire,
and the cherub stands before God.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle
through the glorious universe,
So you, brothers, should run your course,
joyfully, like a conquering hero.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss is for the whole world!
Brothers, above the canopy of stars
must dwell a loving father.

Do you bow down before Him, you millions?
Do you sense your Creator, O world?
Seek Him above the canopy of stars!
He must dwell beyond the stars.

The place that opened me this morning ( and the start of the singing) comes at 26:34


Breaking the tooth/pattern

About a week ago I felt bad and wanted to give myself a treat – my own recipe of nut/seed/dates/cocoa-mix. They need to be frozen to keep, so I bit into one and broke my front teeth with a loud crack.

I found out that that tooth is connected to the stomach – and the stomach reacted with huge pains and fever. Something inside insisted that I had an opportunity to relate to this with something more energy medicine – like surrendering, like accepting that this was a gift. One whole night I communed with Holy Spirit, Who came through as never before: crystal clear channeling. I asked for help from the Comforter – His/her other name 🙂 very specifically: come into my lungs and the wound, fill it with Light. I felt it as a physically hot wave of light and healing, it lasted for hours.

I got an appointment with my dentist since 50 years – I love that guy! and he told me we need to get the tooth out and create a bridge. I was there this morning, and all went well  – except a tiny thread of root not coming out.

Asking the Holy Spirit about this – and hearing that what I need to focus on, is JOY. When fear of pain or anxieties of what could happen, appears – choose in that very moment to feel joy instead. And that little root remnant is there for you to occupy you mind to choose JOY EACH TIME you think about that root.

This was clearly not a mental exercize – I was meant to SIT there and do nothing else.

After the operation I went to the Mall nearby. Right outside of Finn’s office, a big car had parked: x cleaning. PURE JOY.

In the mall, a poster of a small boy , smiling to me: he had lost the same tooth in the upper mouth 🙂

A third poster in the Mall praised the JOY of Autumn.

I called my daughter and shared, a little later this joy of autumn flowers arrived.

I felt warm joy – and very fast I thought about doing my favorite  Friday crossword puzzle. One minute – and my doorbell sounded  – no one physical was there. Aha – could I maybe use  some time on joy?

Well, at least a minute…hm, more crosswording – and the doorbell rang for the second time.

No more dawdling

Sitting down, resting in Peace, resting in JOY

Holt Spirit, THANK YOU



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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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