Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:

OFFERING –

As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡

OFFERING

I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏

OFFERING

The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼

OFFERING

Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰

OFFERING

I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

OFFERING
This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings

OFFERING

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!

OFFERING

A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺

OFFERING

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

OFFERING

This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.

OFFERING

Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.

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Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:

14) THE SAFE PLACE

Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013

 

 

 

 

What do you Want?

I took a course in Yoga for Lungs today! What do my lungs need to tell me? A partner danced it for me – I need to actually consciously, with will and choice, receive the Light from Above. Shivers when I write this.

Going home by bus afterwards was really complicated – the first snow had arrived, and there were mile long ques. I actually knocked on a car windows to ask if the person was driving in my direction. A woman said yes, and then drove in a different direction, which chocked me a bit – now I was even longer from home. I stood at a bus stop there to return to where I had come from – aaargggh – and a car stopped right at my bus stop. The woman inside did not see me, she was talking in her cellphone. I walked to the car and knocked at the window. She put the phone down and took me in. I said inside; “I am ready for a miracle now. Give me joy!”

The woman was gorgeous with many long rastabraids, and not from my country. After some minutes she told me she was going in another direction than me, and I said OK , I can walk from here – when she said, how many minutes to drive from here? “Five” I said, and she said “ I will drive you home.”

Shivers up my back. She told me how she had needed 5 minutes help from someone today, and nobody would help her – so she chose to help me instead.

My heart opened wide, I was touched that she reacted to others unhelpfulness with helpfulness and told her. We found out that we were both textile artists  – how about that! We shared or names –she was BEA –  and a huge light and warmth opened up between us.  I shared the joy I FELT and she nodded, YES I feel it too! When she stopped to drop me off, I said “ I will never forget you, Bea – and she said “ Leelah, I will never forget you!”

And I won’t. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

Bursting into JOY

I had the most astonishing breakthrough into joy this early morning – being strongly prompted to get up and listening to Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, 4th movement. I found an old recording with Simon Carrington as conductor – and the opening “Freunde, nich diese TÖne” felt like a shower from a spring waterfall.

I could not find any recordings with Carrington – but this one with Simon Rattle is accepted too

I sang this 50 years ago with Herbert Blomstedt as conductor – and not before now, truly SEE those words for what they express.

Oh friends, not these sounds!
Let us instead strike up more pleasing
and more joyful ones!

Joy!
Joy!

Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,
Daughter from Elysium,
We enter, burning with fervour,
heavenly being, your sanctuary!
Your magic brings together
what custom has sternly divided.
All men shall become brothers,
wherever your gentle wings hover.

Whoever has been lucky enough
to become a friend to a friend,
Whoever has found a beloved wife,
let him join our songs of praise!
Yes, and anyone who can call one soul
his own on this earth!
Any who cannot, let them slink away
from this gathering in tears!

Every creature drinks in joy
at nature’s breast;
Good and Evil alike
follow her trail of roses.
She gives us kisses and wine,
a true friend, even in death;
Even the worm was given desire,
and the cherub stands before God.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle
through the glorious universe,
So you, brothers, should run your course,
joyfully, like a conquering hero.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss is for the whole world!
Brothers, above the canopy of stars
must dwell a loving father.

Do you bow down before Him, you millions?
Do you sense your Creator, O world?
Seek Him above the canopy of stars!
He must dwell beyond the stars.

The place that opened me this morning ( and the start of the singing) comes at 26:34

 

Breaking the tooth/pattern

About a week ago I felt bad and wanted to give myself a treat – my own recipe of nut/seed/dates/cocoa-mix. They need to be frozen to keep, so I bit into one and broke my front teeth with a loud crack.

I found out that that tooth is connected to the stomach – and the stomach reacted with huge pains and fever. Something inside insisted that I had an opportunity to relate to this with something more energy medicine – like surrendering, like accepting that this was a gift. One whole night I communed with Holy Spirit, Who came through as never before: crystal clear channeling. I asked for help from the Comforter – His/her other name 🙂 very specifically: come into my lungs and the wound, fill it with Light. I felt it as a physically hot wave of light and healing, it lasted for hours.

I got an appointment with my dentist since 50 years – I love that guy! and he told me we need to get the tooth out and create a bridge. I was there this morning, and all went well  – except a tiny thread of root not coming out.

Asking the Holy Spirit about this – and hearing that what I need to focus on, is JOY. When fear of pain or anxieties of what could happen, appears – choose in that very moment to feel joy instead. And that little root remnant is there for you to occupy you mind to choose JOY EACH TIME you think about that root.

This was clearly not a mental exercize – I was meant to SIT there and do nothing else.

After the operation I went to the Mall nearby. Right outside of Finn’s office, a big car had parked: x cleaning. PURE JOY.

In the mall, a poster of a small boy , smiling to me: he had lost the same tooth in the upper mouth 🙂

A third poster in the Mall praised the JOY of Autumn.

I called my daughter and shared, a little later this joy of autumn flowers arrived.

I felt warm joy – and very fast I thought about doing my favorite  Friday crossword puzzle. One minute – and my doorbell sounded  – no one physical was there. Aha – could I maybe use  some time on joy?

Well, at least a minute…hm, more crosswording – and the doorbell rang for the second time.

No more dawdling

Sitting down, resting in Peace, resting in JOY

Holt Spirit, THANK YOU

 

 

ARIEL

I dreamt that I was in the city and met a neighbor to my child house home -he was now my age, and with him I was in my SELF -*** It was indescribably beautiful – this is how it feels to live in JOY, I know it now – unlimited all peaceful and joyful – all accepting – overflowing love – BEAUTY! -grace – smiling with all the cells in my body – and he gave me a ring – it was placed on my left middle finger – where now is the ANCH-cross since 30 years ago – OH! – it was like a 2 inch high cylindrical  container of glass/crystal  -with something alive  and sacred inside –

Breathing deeply writing this

Then after a long while, the energy changed and my ring mirrored it – the content inside got muddled

I woke up, felt cold and stiff and horrible, and completely dried out. . I asked for help from the angel of Water, and It did not answer – so I knew there was something more for me to look at.I recognized this frequency as ***something that I do not want any longer,*** that it is a CHOICE I must take. I took it 🙂 Then the water flowed back into my cells.

Then, the test: as soon as I logged on my PC, there was a request from SKYPE – which deals with connections and relations 🙂 would I get the newest version from Microsoft? i clicked yes, and at the same time there was a big reaction of NO! from the nervous system.

All my contacts had disappeared.
At first I clicked around frantically and them i remembered to connect to Source. Then a chat-opportunity showed up. The helper was named ARIEL :

This is from internet:

Ariel is a Celestial Angelic Being within the Angelic Order known as the Archangels. Archangels are responsible for ministering to humans, considered somewhat like “manager angels”, Archangels oversee the responsibilities of Guardian Angels and the other Celestial Light Beings that act as our guardians and guides.
The patron saint of animals and the environment, Archangel Ariel’s name means ‘lion or lioness of God’. Her role is to protect the earth, its natural resources, ecosystems and all wild life and is always available with support and guidance for any activities that involve environmentalism and protecting, healing, rejuvenating, …

“Ministering angel” LOL – of Blue has so much fun me with me! ( Digression: In “When Fear Comes Hone to Love” I have collected a multitude of these sweet synchronicities from Spirit that i experienced, going through the explorations of the dark archetypes those 25 years.(still doing 🙂)

One more pointer to me: When i went through Primal Therapy in the 80-ies, I had ONE antagonist: his name was ARIEL. Now is that name redeemed to me, through THIS Skype-Ariel – who told me: my game is to help you:)

I shared my terror with him, to HAVE TO click on the correct places NOW and he told me again and again that he was there, take your time.

And so comes the beauty and wonder symbolism – he asked if i was willing to give him control of my computer so he could install the new program –

Of course I gave him that, and he thanked me for my trust 🙂

And voila, all my contacts are back
and i have the link to the contact/chat/page of Skype

I have that link! ( And i wrote “I have that THINK:))

Thank you beloved SELF for hammering it in with so much joy

*** This symbolizes to me that only in connection to “my neighbor” ( anyone) am I in my SELF – we cannot reach Heaven on our “own.”

The Left Eye

Lesson 9, Way of Mastery

It is not possible for you to taste death

This night, I  dreamt about my childhood house – it seemed that my parents were preparing to move out of there. There was a young boy I had never seen there – instead of a normal left eye, he had a bloodshot intestine there – awake, I saw that I somehow have instructed my intestine to SEE for me – the left part, the woman. Makes great sense for me . The boy’s name was one in my early school-classes – his last name resembles the word laborious ( Laboreaux, French.) So I honored those intestines, laboring for me, truly digesting what that little girl could not see if she would keep her sanity.

I realized that a deep default fear of mine was “ always be accommodating towards men, never show disrespect – and this morning it was clear to me that it was a BELIEF, not a fact.

Today was also The World Biggest Eye-contact Experiment. More than 58 countries participated.

On the bus to town, that fear of death made it very hard to breathe, I tapped on it, and also did the lesson 9 exercise – “it is not possible for you to taste death. I was one of the participants in Oslo, sitting there waiting for people to come and do a one minute eye contact. I asked them to look into my left eye ( soul eye.)  So 30-40 people have looked deeply into my left eye today. One cried deeply, ca 98% I felt a deep gratitude and love for – we connected deeply – and the last guy and I opened to such an ocean of pure joy that I will never forget it.

The first who came over, was a whole gang of black dressed youths,  maybe from Cambodia.One of them had a long yellow costume oer his black dress, with a black tip on his yellow hooded head. He was cocky, and I asked him if he was  a pencil…I am a banana! he insisted, and then he sat down. The boys were looking. The banana did a lot of shenanigans: he opened his eyes wide, blinked fast and spastically, it seemed he did it on purpose – it felt like a power exhibition. The more he did that, the more I adored him – the way his position was in that group, he probably was supposed to do that. But since I did not react, just felt more and more soft toward him for every second, suddenly he surrendered. There was a big shift, and he looked surprised. “Did you notice that? I asked, and he said yes, stood up quietly and they walked away.

So I may have changed a banana’s life today

Another guy started to talk and talk. I talked for a while, then listened, and then I saw myself in the old pattern – not daring to tell him that I wanted to NOT talk, because he would kill me. I allowed myself to tell him that I wanted to not talk. I hated it. He took it personally, I asked him not to take it personally . he told me he didn’t…and then he got his rucksack and wanted to leave, and I got up and hugged him and meant it – but still so convinced that my job was to make him feel good.

Now I think about it a LOT, and allow myself to feel the fear and knowing it is a part of death that I simply cannot taste for real, but I can embrace myself each time the paranoid thoughts come. I simply have to allow ME to wake away….big lesson, this. Sickening full of fear.

The third guy sat down and looked hard at me and told me “I am paranoid.” There was quite a lot of resistance there in the beginning, and then I told him “you choose to sit or leave whenever you feel like it. You’re in charge.” Very good impulse – there was a big shift, and then we both sat in that delicious ripple.

And only now, writing this, did I notice that that left eye that had giver her power over to her intestines to digest stuff, was today met by a whole bunch of people.

So only 1 guy was challenging – the other two “strange ones” I enjoyed – and the rest was pure Heaven.

It felt – indescribably beautiful

https://www.theeyegazingexperience.com/ https://facebook.com/theliberatorsinternational/videos/870998736396284/

HUNGER

This post has been edited, due to a missing link – the iceberg, see below.

The human baby/child must be mirrored back from its caretakers in order for it to grow into a separated being with a “me” identity separated from others. This idea – that humanity has unconsciously and collectively agreed upon, and therefore has anchored in our soul, is one of separation’s cornerstones: I am alone. I MUST be loved. Lets’ call it The Deal.

Some example of world-laws/separation laws:

Time exists and makes us grow old and die. Sickness is a nature law. Fear helps us be safe.

In non-duality and A Course in Miracles, we are trained to realize the truth that is eternal and non-changing – and therefore becoming able to see the two thought systems “love/fear, and choose which one we want to listen to.

It has been my strange and wonderful experience many times to change a fear thought underlying a sickness-symptom, and as a result, having that illness and symptoms disappear in a moment.

(My cancer disappeared in one such moment: see “When I am healed I am not healed alone.” Link below. *

https://ninotchka44.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/lesson-137-when-i-am-healed-i-am-not-healed-alone/)

Born into a body and separation, we are dependent on other bodies: – again unconsciously collectively agreed on by humanity * We need our caretakers to mirror us ,to see us, to give us names for all we see: tree. Hand. Milk. And later: now you are angry. You are afraid. Healthy upbringing: and it’s all OK that you feel what you feel: I am here for you. Destructive upbringing: You shouldn’t feel like that, it’s something wrong with you.1.example: LOVE. 2. example: FEAR

I know beyond all doubt that I have chosen my lives down to the most minute detail – and that without them, I could never be where I am now – seeing through my creations, being willing to be willing to drop my interest in their drama (  still a working project ;)) and allow myself to rest in my true identity as Christ/The Son of God – which I share with everybody.

Right now, the healing has focused on a corner-stone of the collective delusion of humanity: I am ALONE and I MUST have love from OTHERS. As I see it, it truly upholds the separation. Nothing wrong with others’ love  – but that my sacred Self needs love from “others is false. Due to the Course and non-duality:” there are no “others” , only Love  – disguised as many and separate, mirroring back to us what we need to see, accept and forgive.

I am not trying to convince you or save you – I am sharing a way of thinking that is healing my mind and bringing me more and more frequently into the Peace of God, and the Joy that is eternally available there.

So this is a place where I  just share my wobblings 🙂

The latest theme is the underlying enormous urge to eat- to fill the perceived emptiness that we may have experienced when we first perceived ourselves as separate from Source. We sense the sucking void of the thought I have left Source, I am dependent on something other than meand this thought  we held to be an unavoidable sign of healthy upbringing: to be an autonomous ego/personality.

In this world that applies -and when this upbringing equals losing our faith in our spiritual being, we start taking fear’s hand and believe that it is safety.

So when I had the experience described in The Iceberg, I believed I was very close to death. I truly believe that if I had believed the thought “Now I will die” I would have allowed the heart attack in – but instead, my training into curiosity and wonder allowed me to choose to embrace the feeling experienced as dying: I MUST be held and seen and LOVED if I shall survive. It shook me to the core,and all through it the fear of death was there – but the longer i stayed with it, the less i believed the fear.

We cannot let go of what we first haven’t accepted and allowed = forgiveness. Choosing to allow the feeling, I did not accept the threat of dying – I did not believe in the thought, giving my power to it. And I truly believe that it saved my body from dying.

What has been demonstrated lately, today in a Skype session with Kit, is the inner hunger that arises when the small child is born into a family whose parents have not themselves had parents who felt safe and loved : I AM A VOID THAT MUST BE FILLED.

Immediately after this primal urge comes, THIS MUST BE HIDDEN – the child can not live with that feeling when it is clear that it can NOT be filled – so our own denial, just like our parents’ denial, creates this HUGE urge: I AM HUNGRY.

I remember a time where a boyfriend, my daughter and I visited a Christian retreat center for a weekend. The rooms where we should sleep were clearly belonging to children. So I asked the son in the house if this was his room – he said yes with a blank, far-away -look. I asked, ‘is that really OK with you?’ ‘This is how it is’ he said -‘ we always give away our rooms for the guests.’

We had driven the whole day without eating more than a little snack, I was ravenous – but what I was truly feeling, without being aware of it ( this was about 30 years ago) was that I was really picking up the collective “ I MUST  BE LOVED, I MUST BE NR.1 for my parents.” This belief at that center mirrored exactly mine( -and my boyfriend’s.)

So when the pizza came, I became nuts, and wolfed it in, knowing I must looked VERY ill behaved, but not being able to stop the primal feeling underlying in us all: I MUST FILL THIS VOID.

I was doubling the pizza pieces so I could eat them faster, since the underlying feeling of starvation was tremendous. All the time the thought: “I will die NOW if this need is not met.” I just did not see that this was not true NOW – it was an old feeling from a very early trauma.

The body does not know the difference: if it is triggered, it is triggered NOW

And underlying all my constant need to nibble and eat constantly lately,is that scream, wanting to be heard.

In the Skype sharing today Kit shared about her son behaving the way I did – to the degree of doubling the pizza and gulping it down. How wonderful to share that I had felt the same, and that his urge mirrors my urge and  her urge – and I guess, everybody’s urge, as long as we haven’t fully awakened from the dream

Let me close with this part of Ode 536 by William Wordsworth:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

*https://ninotchka44.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/lesson-137-when-i-am-healed-i-am-not-healed-alone/,

**You may read more in detail about this in “The Seth-material” by Jane Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hole in the Shitbag

The  teachings are so exquisite lined up for me. Not so pleasurable in the middle of it though-

At the writer-forum, I made a decision that spurred an unbelievable chaos and  confusion, and which was judged by many – and also supported by others, who messaged me: “I am with you to the end.” I used the toxic comments to see how they mirrored toxic beliefs in the mind – one about “passive aggression” struck a chord 🙂 I sure have judged my aggression – I saw that I had  even connected it to being killed, if I let it out. I decided that enough is enough – I would much rather be straight and real than “nice.” Making that decision gave a felt sense of peace and smiles.

In the night, listening to John Mark Stroud’s “deepenings” of The Way of Mastery, lesson 11 a, Jeshua talked about the importance of finding the roots of our affliction, and I prayed to find the roots to the chaos, fear and toxicity I was experiencing. I was taken down to a decision to want to be punished for “my” guilt – it felt like I carried the world’s guilt on my shoulders, and it felt very convincing. I was shown that I had created a dark being to scare me and “punish” me – and was helped to see that this was my creation – so it was mine to uncreate. Not Leelah-mine – it was created by the One Mind behind time and space as a way to separate from God, to truly explore all the feelings that were a consequence of that decision. ” Do you still value exploring them?” asked Love, and no. I truly don’t. It felt like I had found the root of it, and allowed it to be uprooted.

There was also a clear insight of the unreality of this “me” – this Leelah. These feelings and experiences do not belong to personalities or “separate” beings – they come through us to be played out, to be experienced, and ultimately, to be released.We are not limited bodies, we are the Loving Space the bodies float in.

Just sharing this here brings a delicate release and joy

I then had a dream where a powerful wizard like man with a disgusting way of sexual innuendo made passes, and my anger erupted like a fire storm. I woke up, and decided I want to be real and not hide it behind nice: I now know who I am, and Who loves me and supports me – and that They come when I call on them.

And then Love gave me this hilarious sign and symbol on the bus-station:

The shit is out of the pretty-bag

This is a doggy bag. In pretty pink. It’s not inside the littler box, but on top of it – right in front of me, not to be overlooked. And there’s a big hole in it: the shit is out now:)

No more inside  pink sweetness

I giggled all the way to town

Miracle

Recently did a lot of traveling on trains, and practiced seeing the people that I came in contact with as Christ.

I discovered this thought as miraculous – again and again: “Holy Son of God, give me your blessing.”

A German family of 4 was settling in with me. A couple in their late thirties, with one little guy about 1,5 ,and an older brother, maybe 10-12. The mother looked paranoid, did not greet me, mumbled that these seats were impossible, they could NOT drive here. She looked like on the brink of falling apart.

The toddler was placed right across me, and started to kick my shin methodically and hard. It was easy to see that it was just nervous energy, but it hurt anyway so I asked kindly (while seething inside) if they could maybe move him. They looked like I spoke from a foreign planet.

Then I remembered: They are only mirroring what I have judged in my mind. A sweet calm came, and I heard myself thinking: “ Holy Son of God, give me your blessing” – becoming aware of their true nature.

It took maybe ½ a minute. Then the children stood up, the father removed the little hyperactive one and smiled at me. The mother stood up and walked to a window, her body radiated peace and great joy. She turned and looked at us – and me – and her smile came from Home. I sensed something old melting – the old paranoia maybe? And from that moment I thought this prayer, the 5 of us danced a perfectly choreographed dance: we were danced with. It was amazing to witness its beauty and the order of it.

My second seatpartner was a Japanese businesswoman with a travel-PC. She did not look at me, was frowning and busy, and outside the train was the most marvelous landscape. I prayed the same prayer. A seat beside us became free, she brought her PC over there, let her hair down, closed the PC and started to look out the window. What was so sweet was the feeling of connection between us – as we were really siblings and had known each other for always. We often looked across the aisle at the other and just smiled.

After coming home and having slept here 2 nights now, I wake up in the morning and notice the old familiar depression and gloom -and then, after just one second, it feels like a curtain is drawn away, and there is a field of calm and tremendous eternal JOY present.

There is no death. The Son of God is Free

Had a lot of resistance yesterday. Noticed it while it happened – judged it – yuck. Dreams with failing connection to taxis that should bring me home

Let me remember that I am Home, and that ego/me cannot come Home

Session with Kit yesterday:

We find out how vital it is to NOT come too late to our session: not let “anything else” prevent us from meeting up, fresh, rested, prepared. I notice that I often go to my mail right before we start – I think I have to deal with it before our session to save time, “I’ll only…” I tell myself – bullshit – oh the pain right under the Crown Chakra when I believe this stress-thought. I actually seem to believe it is VERY important to get that mail done right then.

It is not important AT ALL. It is absurd

NO: I need to sit and breathe and be present, to honor my connection with glorious Kit and the glorious work we do together – and I prepare for it by just sitting and being.

Now ego is telling me that I use up too much space here with all these spaces and line-shifts – let me just realize that I have boundless space at my disposal.

I want to share with Peter how important for me it is to speak out – and how strong brakes there are on that. This is what I am going to do, Peter – that gives me grounding.

We are sharing stressed situations with clients – and exploring what happens when instead of sitting with it as it is NOW, we try to “deal” with it: it creates guilt, shame and judgments. We feel we are being painted into a corner when we do not have a solution. It creates desperation. “I don’t know any way out of this stuck place!” we say and try to DO something – but just recognizing the blind alley IS the way out – to stay there and WATCH IT. Kit sees an image now: some “green doors that seem to be good ones to go through – but they are pitfalls – you go through and you lose your footings.Then there is a feeling of burning under my feet if I stay – but that is a purification.I see how meaningful it is to just BE with the unsolved situation.”

Allow the “push to fix” to rest – allow the solution to come organically. It will come, when we don’t judge

Kit says: It is Heaven to BE with it – and Hell to try to fix it and be the one who fixes it.

I take a quick trip out of the room to tape a radio program. The first words I hear the announcer say, is: “ A journey through the Heavens – but also through pitch-black Hell.”

 

Today, 5.July -2014

I am working with this lesson 163 in the Course: Death is a thought which takes on many forms, often unrecognized. It may appear as sadness, fear, anxiety or doubt; as anger, faithlessness and lack of trust; concern for bodies, envy, and all forms in which the wish to be as you are not may come to tempt you. All such thoughts are but reflections of the worshipping of death as savior and as giver of release. A Course in Miracles; Lesson 163 – There is no death. The Son of God is Free

Death is the separation thought: that I CAN be without God.

I was listening to Lisa’s audio this morning on week 17 in our training program. I had strong pains in the left side of the body, realized that they were an impossibility in reality, that they were my creation from an identification with ego – and suddenly the mp3 player stopped transmitting sounds. I fiddled with it for a minute and remembered that this means that right now I need to do nothing: just BE with the resistance that is manifesting as this electronic block to listening. I recalled two days ago when both lawn movers died on me- the electricity worked, but not the machines. I realized the sign and just stopped trying to fix it.

Then I fell asleep and dreamed, and when I woke up, it felt important to remember it. I asked for help, relaxed and got nothing. I then listened to the now functioning mp3 player, and came to the place where it had zonked out: Lisa said “ the only appropriate reaction to a Son of God is appreciation.”

AH! Lightening! I realized that I had judged myself when it stopped – just as I had judged myself and the situation when my lawnmowers had stopped working.

Now I instantly approved of myself  -patted my shoulders, stroke my cheeks, talked loving to myself. And NOW I remembered the dream! I could not hear BLUE as long as I was angry at myself and judged myself – as long as I chose fear, Love is not available. The anger was invisible – as long as I identified with it.

The dream showed me in the common state of returning Home – and once again I had too much luggage, and I could not find it. I found only one small rucksack – WHITE – it contained a water bottle and another essential items on the journey: a small journal and pen. All was shining new.

(My old red rucksack is 55 years old, people – time for a new white one!)

Dream-Leelah did not understand that the new white rucksack IS hers. But I do. And there are delicate drawings in it: It points  me to do drawing again each day. I just finished yesterday a big art-project that has taken ½ year, and yesterday I received in my mailbox a book I ordered some months ago:

The awakened eye: A companion volume to The Zen of seeing, seeing/drawing as meditationby Frederick Franck(1979)

Excellent timing once again.

I will draw small things – details: snails. Straw. Grass. Flowers. Twigs. Seeds!

And now – connected to the Self with Joy and gratitude – does the pain seep out, seen as an impossible idea.

And it came back – and I know it is an impossibility from the Place I rest in – so it goes again. And then there is the thought “but what if -“and it returns – could it be clearer? It comes back because I just gave power to the belief of the possibility of “what if -.”

I created it by believing in its possibility.

ALL the power rest in me – what do I choose? What do I WANT TO choose?

The mind cannot oppose Truth and God, but it CAN pretend it is sleeping. Today I will observe where I go asleep – and chose again

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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